is Kissing Required

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by rosybear

i have been reading this with a lot of intrests now comes my problem on this, we have played off and on for a few years, mostly mfm, there was a female some years ago that he got started, heck he talked to her about it and then asked me to join them! so we played and it whent ok, he got a lot more out of it then me.. but now about a year ago we tired the cpl thing again with a cpl that was only a cpl in swinging, anyways i had to potty and do a little clean first so in the bathroom i when and when i came out he was down to just his pants, she was in underware and locked in a very passinate kiss, and from there they kept it up, i never looked, it was sending me over the moon-- i left there very hurt and in tears,, you see hubby has been a more wam-bam with me for a few years, very little forplay, and maybe just a peck or 2. so i set the rule, no kissing, now comes a new problem, he is having proformace problems, he missies the kissing! so how can this be? it truns him on very much with other women but with me its a no go. now we have a very high sex life, nigthy that is but no kissing. so what do i do? alow this for him?

No, if it's going to cause hurt feelings, don't say that it's ok. Because it's just not. I get the feeling that there is something that isn't being communicated here. Obviously, for him, deep passionate kissing is not indicative of deep love. Otherwise he'd be doing it with you and not with a person he barely knows. Seems like it's very much a sexual thing for him, pure and simple. If passionate kissing is something that you associate with your deepest feelings for him, he needs to know that. And if he doesn't already, he should know that it hurts you to see him sharing something with a stranger that he will not share with his wife. It doesn't particularly matter at this juncture who is going to do the changing; what matters is that he recognizes this as a real problem for you.

I can think of two possible explainations.
1) There is something in your relationship that is causing him to feel awkward about kissing you in such a way. Find out how he really feels about this kind of sexual contact and what it means to him.

2) Perhaps it's a matter of physical attraction. I hate to say it, but it's a factor. Do you get regular checkups and cleanings at the dentist? Floss? Brush every day? Poor oral health can be a REAL turn-off. It sure won't hurt to pay some extra attention to it. Not flossing for a week does to the teeth what not showering for a week does to the body. Ick. Breath mints, sprays or gum can help, but there's really no substitute for good oral hygiene.
(Bonus points for anyone who guesses what I was in a former life?)

Just a thought.

[WantingU4Us]

I/we think the no kissing thing is a personal preference... I (Mrs) tried to kiss another male and it was not the same as with (Mr) but that was because it wasnt him..I have to agree though kissing to us is part of getting the party started...For me (Mrs) it is was sparks the match to lead to the fire.

[Sweet_Candy]

Tell him what you've told us. The journey for us is learning new things together. Perhaps you two are in a set ritual of familiarity. Tell him what you want...I know it's hard ...but we can't read each other's minds yet.

[HotMoCpl]

I have to agree with Sweet Candy. Tell hubby you want kissess before, during and after. My wife and I have been together over fifteen years and only recently did I realize what kissess meant to her. We kiss a LOT now.

[SwingHile]

Hi. Just figured I'd add my 2 cents worth.
My wife and I are new to swingin as well, and I had the same thought as you did. I didnt want there to be any kissing either. That was until I mentioned this to my wife. She got this funny look on her face and slowly said "ok?". I, at that moment came to the conclusion that if we where to be intimate with others that leaving out the most intimate act would seem odd. I then thought how I'd feel kissing another woman and also came to the conlusion that it wouldnt ever be the same as kissing my wife. So with that said I relized that she feels the same way which ultimatly made me feel ok about it. Personaly I dont think it matters much what others want from you when you swing, If it does'nt make you two feel comfortable theres a saying I have "When in doubt, Dont.".

[rosybear]

thanks so much guys you have helped more then you know. as for cleaning teeth, that im very much aware of brush every day new tooth brush every mouth! and flow, and i go thur a lot of "sugar free" gum.. so that leaves me to the talking part, im working on that and letting him read this, some times writing works better then speaking, when on speaks they tend to speak then think, when one writes you put a lot of though into it so im prying this helps once again thanks so much to evey one who replyed.

[montresor]

When Ms P and I do MMF 3somes, she always kisses the guy. Think about it from his point of view: isn't it a nice thing to be kissed by a smoldering brunette? Besides, it's a great icebreaker if things get a little stuck at that moment when conversation dies down and everyone's waiting for someone to make the first move....

[KandMinGR]

Amen!!!

[FunCoupleCnS]

Seems to me if you're going to go as far as to fuck someone, why not kiss them too? Kissing, to me, while it is a huge turn on & intimate, just doesn't seem no where near as intimate as getting naked and working up a sweat together . Of course, I'll be able to tell you more about it after I see C kissing another guy for the first time (& hopefully doing more than that, too ).

[PlusSizedMama]

Both of us are in the majority here as well....

not to mention that it is a huge huge huge turn on for him

[curiousduo30]

Mr. CD30 and I have had many a discussion on this very topic. During the first, we were both dead set against kissing while swinging..then after we thought about it for a while we figured that it would depend on the other couple and our comfort levels with them. But as time goes on and I see this issue more and more (here, during online chat and in some profiles) I feel a bit silly about the fact that we even considered a no kissing rule. That said, maybe I HAVE seen Pretty Woman a time or two but you really do not think about that when you are making up your boundries (at least I didn't. lol) I think I would still play with a couple that have this rule, again, to each his own as I am sure some of my rules seem crazy to others but they are still mine and all should be respected.

[dave1234]

Here are some of my thoughts...

Hug and cheek kiss when greeting people: Fine, polite and very European.
Deep mouth kiss when greeting: Pushy, disrespectful and low class.

Kissing in the heat of the moment MF: OK but a little uncomfortable.
Kissing in the heat of the moment FF: Cool!
Kissing in the heat of the moment MM: The thought makes me nauseous.

Cuddling in bed - MF: OK during the cool down period.
Cuddling in bed - FF: Cool!
Cuddling in bed - MM: Yuck!

Cuddling, hand holding out of bed: No way.

On the last point, a few comments.... I think hand holding or cuddling in public is a territorial declaration in western culture. The statement is: "we are mates and this is our territory". If a guy was to try to hold Anne's hand in public I would feel that he is declaring her as "his property". Oddly this is not the case in eastern cultures where hand holding is casual and common among people of the same sex, even grown men (maybe a Buddhist thing?).

[letsplay33]

Kissing has always been apart of it for us. We both love kissing and foreplay and I could not see it anyother way.

[Bedmates]

For us, it's her rule - no kissing. She feels it's too intimate. I respect her position but hope that it changes!

We've only done one MFM then took a 3-year break to have a kid. We're ready to really get started and hope to learn tips from the pros here!

Maybe I'll show her this thread and let her think about her no-kissing rule!

[DltaCpl11]

I agree with most of the posts here. Kissing is a must!! Before we had our first experience I wasn't sure about kissing, but as soon as everything started I knew how this was different than what my husband and I share just between us.

T in Cali~