is Kissing Required

[parcarcaliente]

I think most people have already said so, so I just would like to add that we also started with the no kissing rule, and found out, there's no way we could kiss other people like we kiss between us, so it's normal to feel nervous when you start, as you are, but with practice you both will get better and pass that feeling. Keep it up.

Take care

[destin-ez]

My experience only.....We weren't "smart" enough to set up rules that were all that in depth. The 1st swing experience we had was spur of the moment, so to speak. When she kissed him it stung pretty good for about 10 seconds. Their kissing really got things heated up and the night was amazing.

To this day, I enjoy seeing her/him kissing, that lets me know she's ready, hot and set for a good time. Kissing between them has NEVER changed my "partership" feelings toward her.

NOW, as for the cuddling and hand holding.....I hadn't thought of those issues, but hey, that's why we're here on the Swingers Board, right?

Mr. D

[WildMiCouple]

Kissing is also important with us during our playing . It's funny though......we never really go over any rules or boundaries with the couples we meet at dances. Guess we've gotten lucky in that most of the couples we've played haven't had any rules.....other than the obvious safe sex one we have. If we found out that they had a "no kissing" rule after we got back to our room, we'd probably still play.....but just keep it that one time .

I'd be willing to bet that if a couple has a "no kissing" rule, along with others....that it is by far the one broken first.

Brett (and Tammy)

[AlanCatherine]

So the no-kissing rule has been superseded by the no-holding-hands rule?

Doesn't the "love and commitment" that could handle a deep passionate kiss also handle hand-holding? Or do we really have some physical limits after all?

[DBL D]

I know what you mean AlanCatherine. I think for many, it just gets too close to poly. Fem D and I haven't talked about it that much probably because we haven't seen a problem from it. Well, on the other hand, there may have been a problem with it from the other couples view. We met a couple once and on the way back to our cars I walked with the other lady and Fem D walked with him. She grabbed my hand. We ended up playing with them but haven't been with them since. Maybe her hubby had a problem with it, or even thought that I'd initiated the maneuver. Some things will always remain unknown in the swinging world.

We both feel that if our relationship is strong then these things shouldn't be a problem. We know how we feel about each other and actually look forward to being with couple who can feel secure enough in their relationship to be able to do that. It helps us know that they really want to be with us. We all know that we have to split up and won't see each other (the other couple) for as long as several months. I'm not saying that people who have this rule aren't secure, but I think we place road blocks to really being fulfilled.

We always want to be left satisfied.

Male D

[EvilMJ]

For us kissing is part of sex, it helps get things going, makes thing hot. However cuddling, hand holding..etc, these things are part of a relationship they are expressions of affection and that is something that is for me and hubby alone.

Not everyone is going to have the same rules...all i know is watching hubby have sex with another woman is hot, watching him cuddle another woman would hurt me. so that's why we just don't allow it.

[DBL D]

I understand. We don't rule out people who have other rules, believe me.

Male D

[CharmCityCpl]

To Kiss or Not To Kiss...everybody is different in their comfort level. What works for one couple may not work for another. Rules can be changed. A couple can try new things. If you don't like it you can always make it a rule not to kiss again. Find your comfort level as a couple and go with it.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by AlanCatherine

So the no-kissing rule has been superseded by the no-holding-hands rule?

Doesn't the "love and commitment" that could handle a deep passionate kiss also handle hand-holding? Or do we really have some physical limits after all?

I think it's not the act, but what it implies. Why do we kiss? Because it gets us hot and it's fun. Why do we hold hands? Usually not to get us hot. I think maybe there's a connection in the mind, not about the sexual intimacy, but the emotional intimacy of hand-holding. It's something we've done with each other while I was in labour, while walking downtown eating ice cream on our anniversary date, while watching TV together, while driving in the car, while watching our kids play at the beach. It's such a simple thing. As familiar as your favorite old sweater. Maybe that's why it would seem so loaded with symbolism. Mr. intuition is the only person I'm interested in walking through life with, hand in hand. If it seems to me that he wants to do this with someone else, it raises some concerns for me. I'm fine with it as long as I know what's going on with it. If it's just part of foreplay, or a friendly hand squeeze as everyone basks in the afterglow, or if it's something that sexually turns someone on...I'm fine with that. But if it seems to me that there's some emotional "drifting" going on, I just think it needs to be dealt with. If we were looking to expand our emotional relationship into a triad (or whatever), then hand-holding would be ok.

[DBL D]

I'm not sure who's hand you've been holding, Intuition, but when I hold hands with Fem D ...I get hot. flamethrow

I think it's just like one of those boundaries that you can go back and forth on. With some couples it might be okay, and with others ...no way. It's about the level of intimacy, I Think!!!

Male D

[Lustman]

Guess it is a matter of personal preference. I have been with as others have said above, those who won't kiss cause they say it is too personal. So exploring and venturing into your other private parts is not personal? Please help me understand. Is this and emotional feeling or something? I really, really, really enjoy kissing especially deep kissing. It really gets me excited and hard.

[WesternSwing]

For us kissing is a neccessity. I like kissing, flirting and lots of foreplay. In fact, "making out" is a huge part of foreplay for me. We couldn't think of having sex with someone if we didn't kiss them. But to us, kissing isn't as intimate with others as it seems you and your wife feels it may be. Kissing between my wife and I is as intimate as sex between us is, and kissing between us and others just isn't the same. To us it's probably the least intimate act in swinging.

Mr. WS

[nicecpl89511]

For us kissing is an integral part of foreplay. We really would not want to swing with a couple that does not want to kiss. Like kissing gets it going

[rosybear]

i have been reading this with a lot of intrests now comes my problem on this, we have played off and on for a few years, mostly mfm, there was a female some years ago that he got started, heck he talked to her about it and then asked me to join them! so we played and it whent ok, he got a lot more out of it then me.. but now about a year ago we tired the cpl thing again with a cpl that was only a cpl in swinging, anyways i had to potty and do a little clean first so in the bathroom i when and when i came out he was down to just his pants, she was in underware and locked in a very passinate kiss, and from there they kept it up, i never looked, it was sending me over the moon-- i left there very hurt and in tears,, you see hubby has been a more wam-bam with me for a few years, very little forplay, and maybe just a peck or 2. so i set the rule, no kissing, now comes a new problem, he is having proformace problems, he missies the kissing! so how can this be? it truns him on very much with other women but with me its a no go. now we have a very high sex life, nigthy that is but no kissing. so what do i do? alow this for him ?

[rosybear]

we have played off and on for a few years, mostly mfm, there was a female some years ago that he got started, heck he talked to her about it and then asked me to join them! so we played and it whent ok,he never kissed her, he got a lot more out of it then me.. but now about a year ago we tired the cpl thing again with a cpl that was only a cpl in swinging, anyways i had to potty and do a little clean first so in the bathroom i when and when i came out he was down to just his pants, she was in underware and locked in a very passinate kiss, and from there they kept it up, i never looked, it was sending me over the moon-- i left there very hurt and in tears,, you see hubby has been a more wam-bam with me for a few years, very little forplay, and maybe just a peck or 2. so i set the rule, no kissing, now comes a new problem, he is having proformace problems, he missies the kissing! so how can this be? it truns him on very much with other women but with me its a no go. now we have a very high sex life, nigthy that is but no kissing. so what do i do? alow this for him ? let me add that in the play with the mfm, kissing has never been a problem as i dont start it and the male never seems to eather, thou i have gotten a few kisses on the neck or shouldre, they just never seemed to bother with it.