Jump to content
cplnluv1

New for us but I am sure others have had this. Kissing

Recommended Posts

We met our second couple and we think we have found great people. We have already been with them twice. I am sure we aren't the first to have this problem.

First let me say that my wife and I have never been really into kissing. I mean we even kid about it all the time. It's not a problem but we don't spend hours kissing in bed. With that being said it seems the couple we have been with are big kissers. To be open, I am fine with it. Watching my wife kissing another woman is a turn on for me and I didn't pay much attention to whether she was kissing the other guy. I did enjoy watching her enjoy him though.

The problem is I guess I was kissing too much. I don't think I initiated the kissing, but my wife thinks that sex is one thing and kissing is another. I hate to say it is silly because that gets her angry.

The couple is a great match for us. We have a lot in common and both of us admit the time we have with them is satisfying.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm on board with you, and would share your concerns as well.

I love kissing, and don't have any problem with kissing during play. I am, however, aware that kissing is a level of intimacy that many women don't want to share.

I'd never tell someone else where there boundaries should be, but I know that anything that hurt my relationship wouldn't be worth it. Period.

 

Yes, I would be a bit disappointed to have to be aware of such a boundary. At the same time though, if the relationship wasn't worth protecting...

 

I'm not sure if that helped anything. Maybe it just validates some of your feelings... Hope you both all the best.

Share this post


Link to post

We were very intimate with them in every other way. I really didn't pay much attention to whether I was kissing or not and surly didn't notice if she was kissing him. I don't want to jeopardize my home relationship. I just didn't think it was a big deal until she brought it up. When I bought up the 2 women kissing, she said that's different.

Share this post


Link to post
When I bought up the 2 women kissing, she said that's different.

 

Then it's probably not the kissing that's bothering her. Although I can see where intimacy expressed in kissing could be the problem, it's not the same thing, if that makes any sense. Any chance your wife would be interested in reading this thread and then others about jealousy, insecurity and communication?

Share this post


Link to post
Then it's probably not the kissing that's bothering her. Although I can see where intimacy expressed in kissing could be the problem, it's not the same thing, if that makes any sense. Any chance your wife would be interested in reading this thread and then others about jealousy, insecurity and communication?

 

This is the wife answering after reading this and other posts and of course talking about all of this last night. I am more than willing to share my thoughts. First let me say the couple we have now met twice are great people and if I had any fear of jealousy I would not have agreed to meet them again the second time. (the first couple we met were nice but we won't be meeting them again for other reasons) Let me also say that this is new for us as a couple, but I was let's say more adventurous in college than he was.

I have nothing against kissing! Our playing and meeting others is about fun and exploration. To me it is and I hope for my husband it is an exciting way to share what we enjoy at home. It is sex, and intimacy but not love we are looking for. We have plenty of love at home. If we had any doubts of our love, we would never have taken this step. Part of the fun of doing this for us is to see the other one having pleasure and fun and the going home and discussing it and being open. It is because of this openness we didn't meet the first couple again. We discussed that it wasn't that great for me and we moved on. We also discussed that everything would be in the same room and the possibilities of jealousy. I knew how he would react to watching me with another woman. Yes there was plenty of kissing with us and I am thinking it was the way we started things. In going over what we did that first night and how things progressed we both agreed I didn't really do much kissing with her husband.

As I am typing this, maybe I am over reacting. Maybe I was jealous about the kissing. I can say I was not jealous watching them do anything else and they did plenty of that as well as I did. So maybe thinking about it is good.

Share this post


Link to post

It's perfectly OK to be jealous about seeing your partner with someone else, whether kissing or anything else.

 

It's impossible to predict how we are going to feel about sharing our partner until we are there, what used to make me jealous about seeing my wife with another guy now turns me on. :)

Share this post


Link to post
As I am typing this, maybe I am over reacting. Maybe I was jealous about the kissing. I can say I was not jealous watching them do anything else and they did plenty of that as well as I did. So maybe thinking about it is good.

 

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Thinking about it is great. Not because there's a particular answer, but because it's a lot more comfortable once you (and I mean the general you, which includes me ;)) know what the problem is. I love seeing my partner with others, but I recently experienced some discomfort. After thinking about it overnight, I dug out that I was fine with whatever they'd shared (and thought some of it was really hot), but what was causing the difficulty was a particular way of interacting that I actually wanted and which had been lacking between us.

Share this post


Link to post

I think MJD hit on something really big there... I'd be a lot more threatened if I felt like the other guy was getting something that I wasn't getting, even moreso if I felt it was being kept from me.

It wouldn't matter so much what The Thing was. What would matter is how it made me feel. Speaking in generalities, if I am feeling any lacking in the connection to my partner and then I see something that seems symbolic of that connection with another guy, I'd become jealous.

 

So it seems that the cure for the situation isn't so much a modification of a single behavior, as some soul searching about what exactly is being threatened and how that can be reassured in a healthy way.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Just an update. Being open we share this site and posts. After the kids were in bed we talked about the posts and general part of kissing. We have no jealousies of what we did or of anything else we do. We decided to spend the time we normally spend together kissing last night. I can say there was a so much giggling and laughing and fun. We had said before we got to bed that NO SEX tonight, just kissing. Yeah that lasted ....not. All is good and all is great.

Share this post


Link to post

So glad to hear that. Maybe it was the kissing. Maybe it was simply the fact that you guys care enough about each other to take the time.

Whatever the cause/solution, I'm glad you're there and onto more good time. :-)

Share this post


Link to post

What we talked about is what people like to do. Part of the fun of this is to enjoy and experience new things. Every couple have their favorite sex act or position. Though we kiss it has never been something we spend that much time doing. Yes we cuddle and do more than just sex acts to be intimate. When you meet a couple do we really know what is important to them? Over the years I know what turns my husband on, where to touch, how to touch and he I am sure has found my pleasure spots....yes he has lol. We only met 2 couples. The first was a bust for me. I know my husband enjoyed the "young" lady. The guy really didn't know what to do and well he didn't do it. The second couple we have found much more like us, more our age too. Part of the excitement is learning. We have talked about it and we are sure that kissing is much more part of their intimacy. It is not a "love" thing, it is just part of what they do. She is a kisser. We kissed and when she was with my husband they kissed. It was part of their intimacy.

Open discussion is always good. Bring on the kisser! I truly like being with them and they are fun.

Share this post


Link to post

I also think that anyone can have great sex without kissing. I think that most people know, that have experienced both, is that kissing and fucking brings out emotions on different levels.

Share this post


Link to post

Ahh.. the Kissing no kissing rule comes out again.

I totally get this. Or my wife totally does not get this. She said and I quote this weekend that kissing is off the table.. Again! We had the no kissing rule and now its back.. why.. I don't know. I just know that my wife decided that it is to intimate for her. I am ok with the change as I love her and cherish her. I will comply to her wishes just as I expect her to honor my limitations as well. I did not ask her as to why neither did I try to persuade her to change her mind. If she does change her mind I am sure we will discus the change.

 

I am telling you right now that rule gets broken very easily. I think I wrote about a kissing transgression that really blew my mind. A wonderful lady put a lip lock on me out of the blue while I was busy.. I just sort of went with... Had no way to really stop it. I did tell my wife right away and she understood. I have also seen some one put a lip lock on her out of the blue so please be aware.. Kisses are hard to avoid sometimes we are human and kisses can slip in time from time. We understand the no kissing rule and accept that sometimes a determined peck will find its mark. Just understand accidents happen.

 

What is cool about accidents that happen during swinging is you get to talk about what happened. My wife and I do not put to much into the drama of the offense but rather we talk about and see what happened. For us we started with the no kiss rule and amended it cause to many people were kissing us. We talked about it and how we felt. She feels differently about it than I. I stolen kiss during a passionate moment is ok. Barely ok. Rather a kiss from swinger in public on the lips as a lover would do is Totally out. And as we have discovered rules are best left to be negotiable.

 

Hugs and Kisses.. lol sorry I could not resist.

Share this post


Link to post

Maybe off the subject, but as a guy I can say that nothing gets me harder faster than kissing. It definitively heightens my excitement and honnestly I don't think sex would be as much fun without it. It is not a requirement, but it surely is icing on the cake.

Share this post


Link to post

We love kissing. We met and played with on several occasions a wonderful couple who had the "no kissing rule". There rule must have only been hers because as soon as he was alone with my wife he would give her a deep french kiss! My wife told me on the ride home and decided that he was breaking one there own rules and that ended our play times with him. We avoid drama. So, we play with couples who like to kiss and we find it oh so erotic. We keep fucking without a condom for us as a married couple! That's something we only do with each other that keeps something special between us. We respect other rules but sex without kissing we can't do!

Share this post


Link to post

We met the same couple now 3 times. I think I am ok with the kissing now. We have talked about it before meeting them again and what we decided is that kissing is part of their fun. It has nothing to do with "love" or "special" it is an act that is natural for them. They are a great couple and we have plenty of fun with them and that's what counts. We are finding that we can open up and be more ourselves. Mr C mentioned that he wanted to watch a full bj and let our friend finish. It seems our friend wanted me to do this last time but was afraid to say because he wasn't sure I like that. It is all communication and honesty.

Share this post


Link to post

Talking about our meetings are part of the fun. We have gotten over the kissing part. Like so many have said, it sometimes just happens.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest sandraandalex

I'm so happy for you two. I'd want to 'do' you two just for the way you handled this :)

Talking about our meetings are part of the fun. We have gotten over the kissing part. Like so many have said, it sometimes just happens.

Share this post


Link to post

I am seeing now that kissing can be an issue with some couples. I thought that would be the least of what can happen.

Share this post


Link to post

This is great stuff for newbies like us. Our only play so far has been with the wife of another couple playing with my wife, but we're taking the next step and going to a club in Chicago next month, and also Naughty in N'awlins later this year. What we thought was weird was the topic of kissing seems more challenging than, say, oral sex! We are planning to at least start soft swap, but my wife has no problem with the other woman giving me a BJ or me going down on her, and same with me with my wife with another man - her giving him a BJ or other play, I think I'll be good with. But when we picture each other kissing the other man or woman (though the G/G kissing I'm cool with - I'm such a man! LOL!) there is some unease. Perhaps once we're in the environment it won't seem like a big deal. Dunno, but glad to see we're not the only ones. And we don't want to put so many rules on that we narrow the potential playmates down so much that the odds are zero of meeting a fun couple!

Share this post


Link to post

We started this thread and for us it has become a non-issue but you will see it can be an issue. For us it was more of an issue for the Mrs than me. With our first couple I am not sure if there was any kissing. I am sure there was some between the women to start things off. I know there was plenty of other oral things going on. It was our second couple where it may have been an issue but once we talked about it the issue resolved.

I never thought it was more of an issue or more intimate to have a guy push his tongue in her mouth than a penis. Everyone has their own thoughts on this.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
We started this thread and for us it has become a non-issue but you will see it can be an issue. For us it was more of an issue for the Mrs than me. With our first couple I am not sure if there was any kissing. I am sure there was some between the women to start things off. I know there was plenty of other oral things going on. It was our second couple where it may have been an issue but once we talked about it the issue resolved.

I never thought it was more of an issue or more intimate to have a guy push his tongue in her mouth than a penis. Everyone has their own thoughts on this.

 

I just wanted to say "Thank you" for starting this thread. Getting the different points of view has been a real learning experience. It raised questions I had never thought of.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...