Planning BIG birthday surprise for hubby

[bsu_Ali]

My husband and I have been swinging for about 2 1/2 years now. I have to admit, I wasn't always receptive to the fact, but I have really come around in the past 6 months or so. I do have a bit of a problem with jealousy at times, but that is getting much better too. Anyway, my husband's birthday is next month so I wanted to do something very special and sexy for him. Well, he has been in college for a while now and is graduating in April. He rarely expresses an attraction to people he works or goes to school with. He has learned from experience that this isn't always a wise choice for a swinging partner. But, there is someone who he is very, very attracted to at school and he always has been. Well, I contacted her and asked her if maybe for his birthday, the 2 of them would like to do something. I made it clear that I was talking about sex, I even said so. I was very nervous about asking her this because I don't even know her. Imagine my surprise when she got back with me and told me what fun I am!! She also said she was very interested, but that she thought maybe it would be the 3 of us. But that at any rate, she was attracted to him and would love to hear my ideas (I am the planner lol). (That isn't really an issue because I have been with women before and don't really want to again (to each his own, but I prefer men)). I am so excited....I think. I have all these strange feelings right now. I love the thought of him going out without me and having sex with someone he knows and trusts. Then at the same time, I am afraid of how I will feel when the time actually comes. I think I am mostly afraid of feeling alone or wondering what is going on (I am a bit nosy). I know you are all thinking, "Well you big goofball, it was your idea!" And that is a good point!! lol I LOVE the idea. I guess I am just a bit confused at my whishy-washyness. Does anyone have any thoughts on why I feel this way or how I can STOP feeling this way (that would be even better)? By the way, we usually swing together, but we thought sometimes it would be nice for us to do it apart. Like I said, it totally turns me on (and him). Maybe I am less open than I thought, who knows. Any feedback would be great!!

Ali

[AtlantaCouple]

Ali,

I must say you have a very lucky husband and it sounds like a great birthday present.

As for your jealousy, I think the best way to help quill your jealousy is to be there. If you are worried about being jealous now, then you will be very jealous and worried while he is gone swinging with this woman and you are sitting at home wondering what is happening. Being present, will help realive some of your jealousy because you will actually see what is going on instead of having to imagine it.

Being present means that you can participate if you want or just watch if you prefer, but regardless you have some control and input in the situation if you are there.

That is my take on the situation.

[bsu_Ali]

You do bring up a very good point Atlantacouple. I think part of the reason I am trying to let this happen without me present is because I want so bad to swing on my own as well. It has a lot to do with the fact that my husband is an exhibitionist (a big one ) and I'm not. I am much more comfortable and can have a much better time with another man, and my husband as well, if I know no one is watching. I hope I'm not coming across as having a double standard.

[SagaCapt]

Ali,

It sounds like you are approaching things from a great angle. Sure there's also some worry when you first try these things and that's probably behind some or your wishy washiness. It sounds like your "present" has a great attitude too which is extremely important.

Swinging separately is a big step for many people. LOTS and LOTS of worries get associated when you can't see what's going on. But if you are brave and can hold your breath while they're playing without you, the rewards can be great. Wondering what they're doing while you wait can be tough or fun. If you fantasize about the fun they are having and the fun you'll have later it should be OK. I can just imagine you and your husband as he related to you how much fun he had.

Why do you feel wishy-washy? Worries on one side and fantasies on the other. Part of you may be scared that if it does NOT work out that everything from future swinging to your relationship might be a stake. That's the big scare for most people I think. But that's outset by the wonderful fantasies both of what your husband is doing and of future swinging separately. Sounds like normal pre-special big event jitters to me.

The option offered by the wonderful woman who's to be the "present" of you being present is a fun one with less risk but also less stretching of your current boundries. If you want to try swinging separately this sounds like a wonderful start.

Your husband is a very lucky guy and clearly you love him a lot. Let that love take over and go for the gusto!

Hugs,

Alan

[JustAskJulie]

Sounds like you are well on your way to a great night. The fact that the other woman thought you should join in is a good sign. Even if you don't want ot play with her there is no reason you can't have a 3-some, just make it clear up front that you are both there to pleasure him and give him "double the fun".

I agree with the others that being there will most likely quell a lot of your jealousy. Also, providing him such a treat may make it easier for you to bring up your desires to swing along occasionally.

[hotcpl4unfla]

Okay, I am new to all this, I admit. But "swinging" to me means doing it AS A COUPLE. This may seem off base, but if you let your husband go off with this woman (just the two of them), you are letting him cheat! I would never want to go and have sex with another woman even if my wife gave me permission. I think I wouldn't be able to perform just out of GUILT! Granted, I may be a special case! But I always felt that if we would swing it would be done as a couple. Now, let me qualify my response by saying my wife and I are only intersted in softswing, not full swap, so maybe we don't see eye to eye with your situation. I tend to agree with previous posters, though. Join in on the fun so you're not left out (how jealous feelings sometimes arise). She sounds like she is daring...maybe things may turn out to your liking!

[MattLisa]

Hey hotcpl4unfla, I just wanted to let you know that my (and I believe most of the other people on this site) believe cheating is doing something sexual with someone else without your partner knowing or approving of it. Your comment just sounded to close to people who stand firm on the believe that any sort of swinging is cheating.
It is totally cool that you two only play together, but try to be understanding that not everyone does everything the same and don't try to force anyone else to meet your standards (unless of course you're playing with them! ).

Now bsu_Ali, what an AWESOME birthday present! Maybe to help your nerves and jealosy you could do one (or more) of a few things... You could be there to watch... You could make him promise to fill you in on the details afterwards (and get more fun for yourself later I'm sure)... You could go out with a girlfriend or maybe have a playtime with a guy? to get your mind off the situation... You could ask your hubby to call you once or twice (during breaks or something) and just tell you a bit about what he'd doing, to thank you, to say I love you, etc...

I'd really make sure you tell your husband about your feelings as well. Not in a negitive way or anything, but let him know "Hey Honey, I'm really happy you're going to do this, but I do want to let you know I've got butterflies in my tummy and am nervous, so I'm going to need some extra special attention from you beforehand/afterwards just because" (and if its a surprise until afterwards and he comes home then let him know then...)

Good luck!

[youngswingers]

You know... the hottest version of this surprise for the husband fantasy is when the husband is tied up in bed and blindfolded- not knowing what is instore for him. If you could pull it off, this could solve your whole participation dilema. You could start out with your husband and then go to the bullpen and bring out your closer. After that, it is up to you whether you choose to participate or sit back in comfy chair with your favorite toy. We don't know what your relationship is like but we are firm believers that seperate room swinging is a BIG step that should be worked up to (if done at all). The human mind is so powerful don't take chances that could push you out of the lifestyle.

[lycioos]

If you are concerned about jealousy on your part, but want to try swinging seperately, maybe you should try having his first time with someone you know he won't be seeing every day afterwards. It would still be a big surprise, but afterwards she disapears out of his life, she just gone, passing in the wind, but if he sees her every day at work you may become concerned about him playing with out permission. Thus your concern.
Just a thought

[invictus]

Lycoos has a great idea about doing this with someone "uninvolved". We are personnally like hotcupl and would only consider doing this together, that does not mean we see a problem with a couple who does like to swing alone (seperate). Everyone has different tastes and interests.

In your case, a first time swap with you not being with him and with someone he sees on a regular basis and you know he is attracted to this girl???

If you are having jealosy problems now, this sounds like a setup for real problems later. If you like the idea of swinging on your own this sounds like a potential way to get there on a permanent basis!!!

Just our thoughts but I would be very careful about this particular way to try and please hubby.

[ 02-26-2002: Message edited by: invictus ]

[perfectcouple]

Wow,,,,How different everyone looks at it when the guy is going out "alone" as opposed to when the woman is going out alone to meet someone she trusts. Just a very funny observation. And yes I have said that a few times before.. .. ..
I mean I remember posting on here, well never mind that.
Anyways,,,,when was the last time any of the women on here or any where else as far as that goes, wrote someone and then said "Imagine my surprise when she got back with me and told me what fun I am!! She also said she was very interested, but that she thought maybe it would be the 3 of us."
Is it me or are we all loosing our minds in a fantasy world????? I mean my girlfriend is extremly hot and yes can get pretty much anyone she wants, but even if she did call a girl up "she didnt know" about doing her husband or extremly hot boyfriend (that would be me) Im pretty sure the girl would say "WHAT",,,,,,,,so whats up with everyone just assuming this is an honest post? Im sure Im gonna get slack for this post,, but be able to deal with slack back, but if your gonna reply be honest and try not to trash..
This message board seems to get into the people who reply back more than the people who are asking the questions.. .. ..

[invictus]

I still have not figured out these bold quotes and replies so please note, the caps are my response, but not YELLING.

"Wow,,,,How different everyone looks at it when the guy is going out "alone" as opposed to when the woman is going out alone to meet someone she trusts. Just a very funny observation."
SAME ANSWER I GAVE IN LAST POST. GENDER MAKES NO DIFFERENCE.

Anyways,,,,when was the last time any of the women on here or any where else as far as that goes, wrote someone and then said "Imagine my surprise when she got back with me and told me what fun I am!! She also said she was very interested, but that she thought maybe it would be the 3 of us."
NOT THAT UNBELIEVABLE. WE WITNESSED A SIMILAR SITUATION.

I mean my girlfriend is extremly hot and yes can get pretty much anyone she wants, but even if she did call a girl up "she didnt know" about doing her husband or extremly hot boyfriend (that would be me) Im pretty sure the girl would say "WHAT",,,,,,,,so whats up with everyone just assuming this is an honest post?
DEFINTIE POSSIBILITY OF A TROLL IN HINDSIGHT, BUT I STILL STAND BY MY PREVIOUS POST IF IT HELPS ANY LURKERS REALLY WONDERING.

Im sure Im gonna get slack for this post,, but be able to deal with slack back, but if your gonna reply be honest and try not to trash..
NO TRASH FROM ME

[bsu_Ali]

Thank you all for all of your thoughts and opinions, I have really had a lot to think about lately and it was very nice to see what others think. As for this being an "honest post", it is. I know it sounds like something out of Playboy advisor, but it isn't.

I finally met the woman I had set my husband up with. She is very pretty and very nice. I usually have a 6th sense about people and I didn't get any bad vibes about her. I have been wrong before, but I think its best to go with your first impression and this one was a good one.

Finally, I am not sure what I am feeling is jealousy or not. It is very hard to explain. I know my hubby loves me and would never leave me. We have a very deep connection. I think I am afraid of having to share him. Is that jealousy or something else? I just feel like I may have made a mistake by setting this whole thing up, but I don't know what to do about it. I'm not sure if I want to stop it or not. See what I mean about being wishy-washy???? It is very frustrating to have your feelings about something change hour by hour.

Anyway, sorry I have rambled on and on. It is just very nice to know that I can ramble here if I need to. Also nice to know that I am not completely crazy and that it is normal to feel whatever I am feeling (jealous or not). So thanks for that

bsu_Ali

[bsu_Ali]

ADD: I just read the reply immediately before this one and I need to clarify something. When I said I was afraid of having to share my husband, I didn't mean in a sexual nature. I meant I was afraid I might have to share his love or his true affections with someone else. Selfish?

bsu-ali I feel that this a wonderful thing for you
to consider as a present for your hubby. One reaches a time in life where experiences far outdistance any material gift you could give. I know that I have reached that point in my own life. I think back on the many magic moments which have become part of my past, and the memories of those special moments mean much more to me than gifts that I have recieved over the years. As to your mixed empotions about this potentially unsettling situation, I can certianly sympathize with you. It seems that one side of your psyche seems to want to go ahead with your plan, possibly in the hopes that he will later reciprocate and allow you a "date nite" of your own with your own fantasy guy, while the other half of your psyche feels jitters about being left all alone while he's out having a ball, and of course the idea that he's going to see this new sexual conquest of his every day at school, and how will this one night effect their relationship? This is all quite understandable but I think that if you concentrate on the love you two have for each other, you can work through this and it will be an enjoyable time for all. IMOHO I think it would be best if the present were delivered in your presence and would probably work out nicely were you to begin warming hubby up, getting his motor running, and then introduce his present to him an an opportune moment. That way, all the cards would be on the table, and you could then either join in on the fun or simply wish him a happy birthday and leave them alone for a while. Whatever you decide, remember to keep the communication going and remember the love the 2 of you share, and I think he will probably respond in kind on your next birthday. Good luck. SportyNC