Husband wants threesome but has jealousy issues

[Bambi]

My husband would like to see me with another man and him in a 3 way. The reason I am confused is that he has a jealousy factor. I do not understand why he wants to do this considering he gets jealous when I talk to other men? Can he change his jealousy factor with in a week just like that?
I think it would be cool to have two men. My problem is how do I know he will not get jealous if we tried it.
We got into a big fight over this yesterday.
Should I wait and see how is when it comes to me talking to men to see if he gets jealous? Any suggestions on how I can test him?

[danc694u]

Bambi,

Run!!!! Run far away!!!

Something doesn't sound right here, I'm sorry. But, I'm the really paranoid part of this couple. And for the life of me (I'm male) I can't understand this behavior.

While I can't give advice on this Bambi. I will state that I would be very concerned, if it were me.

[SexhoundDog]

Bambi,
Since I'm only living vicariouly off these stories so far,my opinion may not be worth much in the eyes of the old pros. I'd almost suggest that you approach cautiously so as to get how the old man really feels. For instance, maybe do some heavy passionate kissing with the introduced person and maybe let them feel your tits. Then try to catch eye contact with him to see how he's reacting. Your question also begets another question. Does he have an individual in mind for the 3 way? If so, is this a friend of his or total stranger? If he's wanting to see you in a 3 way but you say he's the jealous type, I've got to believe he would want it to be with him and someone he knows and likes. I've had visions of my wife doing oral sex with a few friends of mine (which she likes as well), but for some reason the fantasy is a bit foggier imagining men I don't know. Anyway, if it looks like he's gettin a rise in his levis, go another step further and start rubbing the other guys crotch outside his pants. If he still appears cool, you be da' judge from there!

[Alura]

Wow, Bambi! This sounds scary as hell to me. It's true we need to know a lot more about the situation to make valid suggestions.

You said you got in a big fight over this... Was it a violent fight? Does he ever hit you in any way? When he shows his jealousy, does he sometimes get violent? Does he own a gun?

If any of these are true, you should not even consider playing, even if it's his idea. I have a female friend (non physical) who used to be married to a jealous man. He'd accuse her of the most innane impossible things and rant and rave for hours. He never laid a hand on her until the evening he damn near beat her to death. She ran to an abused women's shelter that night and never returned. They're divorced but she still worries about him sneaking in in the middle of the night and killing her.

If he ever gets violent, you need to get the hell out of there NOW. It won't get better. If you are not ready for that, pack a small bag with a few days supply of clothes and a couple of hundred dollars, if you can, and leave it at a friend's house, just in case.

If you're absolutely sure he won't get violent, the answer, it seems to me, is the same one we see so much on this board. You need to learn to communicate with him.

You say you don't understand why he wants to have a threesome when he's so jealous. Tell HIM you don't understand that and find out! Tell him you won't consider it unless he proves to you that the jealousy us a thing of the past.

Please keep in touch through this forum. I think several folks who contribute here are seriously concerned about you.

Cheers,
Husband of Alura

[LIZA]

Well it is possible he is just bringing up the idea of another man to see what your answer will be if he is truly so jealous.

This is a trick women usually use but I guess men probably do too!

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by Alura:
I have a female friend (non physical) who used to be married to a jealous man. He'd accuse her of the most innane impossible things and rant and rave for hours. He never laid a hand on her until the evening he damn near beat her to death. She ran to an abused women's shelter that night and never returned. They're divorced but she still worries about him sneaking in in the middle of the night and killing her.

Wow, isn't this a bit of a stretch putting all that in, since the original post only mentioned they "had a big fight"? How many people in here who are one half of a committed couple can claim they've never had a "big fight"?

I know you mean well, but the next time you and your wife have an argument I doubt you'd appreciate a third party warning your wife about your possible violent/homicidal tendencies, simply because you're a man.

Dan

[Stratecpl]

Bambi,

I would truly be concerned about the jealousy. Maybe he's not the violent type at all, but he is STILL jealous. Proceed very cautiously, and discuss it in detail with him. Make sure you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's into this. And make sure that you do only what you're comfortable with doing! Far too many spouses get pushed into things they really don't want to do, just so the other can get their jollies. I agree, a threesome would be great, but make sure it doesn't cost you a marriage!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[Alura]

I think you're right, Ron, there is a lot for Bambi and her husband to explore and discuss, IF he's not violent. If he is, I agree with Danc: She needs to run like hell. She does NOT need to join in a threesome at this stage of her relationship, whether he has been violent or not!

Sorry, Dan. I'm standing pat on this. It is not a "reach" if the guy's violent which, of course, we don't know. I didn't say he's violent, I asked. If you had visited our friend in the hospital and had seen the damage done the first time her husband "got physical..." Well, I don't know you so I don't know what you'd think...

Incidentally, in 22 years my wife and I have not shouted at each other nor called each other names. We've often said, "I don't agree..." and sat down and talked it out, but we've NEVER had a "fight."

Cheers,
Proud Husband of Alura

[Bambi]

The argument was over the 3 sum with one of the employees at work.. I told my husband serveral times no one from work. They all have big mouths and I do not want to have to face them after donig the 3 sum.
Seee my husband and I work together in the same place but different departments.

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by Bambi:
The argument was over the 3 sum with one of the employees at work.

Fine, but the husband of Alura wants to know if your husband has ever hit you, threatened to hit you, or if he owns a gun. He apparently inferred a great deal from your disclosure that you had an argument with your husband. Perhaps you can set his mind at ease.


Dan

[Stratecpl]

Bambi,

It would be wise to exercise caution when it involves anyone from the work place. We are in a similar predicament at our gym where my wife and I go regularly. There is a nice fellow there who we both know and like. He's big and handsome, and single. We'd love to have him in a threesome MFM, but he's a big talker. If we mentioned it to him and he didn't go for it or was offended, we'd never be able to show our faces again without knowing everyone there was knowledgeable of our "hobbies."

On the other hand, if this man was trustworthy, it would be very convenient. If, on a whim, you and your husband decided the night needed some warming up, you could ask him at work and then it would be very easy to arrange.

If problems ever arose, though, someone might have problems in the workplace, whether it was due to either love or jealousy. Employment is something to also consider.

I'm sorry for sounding negative here, but first PLEASE talk this out. CAREFULLY. If it works out you'll enjoy great times. If not, at least be able to end it with dignity.

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[danc694u]

Originally posted by Bambi:
The reason I am confused is that he has a jealousy factor. I do not understand why he wants to do this considering he gets jealous when I talk to other men?

Abuse aside. Let's get back to the facts of this post....The Big Green Eyed Monster that no one has addressed within this arguement.

[Alura]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
[QB]

Fine, but the husband of Alura wants to know if your husband has ever hit you, threatened to hit you, or if he owns a gun. He apparently inferred a great deal from your disclosure that you had an argument with your husband. Perhaps you can set his mind at ease.

Well put, Dan, although I wish I'd not included the gun. Guns don't kill people, people do, and anyone who wants to hurt someone will do it with a toothpick if that's all they have available.

I guess the problem here is that "a big fight" seems more serious than an argument to me. Maybe to Bambi, an argument is a big fight.

Assuming your husband is a teddy bear who has never scared you, Bambi, you might consider hooking up with another couple. That way each of the four people could sit out and watch a threesome, one of the many advantages of playing with couples.

A couple once told me that swinging solved all jealously problems for them. That's reason enough to do it, in my opinion, but I, too, would be really careful about playing with someone you can't easily stay away from, especially if they have a big mouth.

Cheers,
Husband of Alura

[CanadianCouple]

Husband of Alura --

I feel compelled to explain to you why I seem a bit touchy on this subject.

First of all, no man EVER has a justifiable reason for striking a woman, ever. I'm proud to say that during my 44 years on this earth, I never have. However, I feel the very real issue of domestic abuse has been bastardized and mis-used by certain groups who seek to capatalize on this subject by using it to push their own agendas.

As our handle implies, we live in Canada. In December of 1989, a terrible crime took place in the University of Montreal. A mentally deranged man named Marc Lepine, armed with a rifle, entered a classroom and after ordering all the male students to leave, proceeded to shoot 14 young women to death before taking his own life. As tragic as this was, it was further compounded by the outrageous smearing in the media of men in general. Men here were barred from attending candlelight vigils. U of M male students who attempted to express their shock and grief over the murders were shouted down by outraged women, many of whom accused the male students of passive complicity soley because of their gender. Feminist groups publically claimed this was typical behaviour of men in general. An all-out propaganda war was declared against men in Canada, and the press, fearful of being tarred with the same brush feminists used against men, cowtowed under the assault. Each year since, feminist groups have used the anniversary to again spew their hatred for men. And each year the same gutless media allows it.

A few years ago, it was proposed that doctors in Canada be required to ask all female patients who visited their offices for any reason if they're being abused by their partners. Not just suspected cases of such, but during ALL visits. If your wife Alura visted her MD for a breast exam, imagine her being quizzed by her doctor on whether or not you beat her, or she feels threatened by you in any way. The law didn't pass (thank God), but it illustrated to what extent hysteria can travel over a particular issue that's in vogue at the moment.

I love and cherish women as much as any man, but I have a problem with them being treated like retarded children. These are adults who have a wide spectrum of organizations available to them should they find themselves in a violent situation, or one they have reason to believe may become one. By the way, my wife Janette was incensed at the proposed law I mentioned, she found it personally insulting and condensending.

I mention all this to you so hopefully you can understand why I was a bit upset at what seemed an overreaction on your part to Bambi's first post.

Dan

[Alura]

Hey, Dan!

Thanks for the explanation. It brings the things you wrote previously into perspective.
It seems to me folks always overreact to any outrageous act. That's understandable, right or wrong. I don't understand why we keep electing fools who think the answer to every social problem is to pass another law, and there is no explaining the media...

I keyed immediately into the jealously issue in Bambi's letter. Perhaps that was a mistake in this case, but jealously makes people do ugly things.

We have a jealous ex-lover "on the lam" here in Oklahoma at this writing. His girlfriend excaped him to the home of a family friend who gave her shelter. Loverboy went there, killed the good samaritan and kidnapped the lady. She escaped after a couple of days and he ran off into the woods. Now there's a huge posse searching Cherokee County's back country and it isn't over yet...

It's not just men. There are women out there who are willing to ventilate their man's chest with a .38 if she thinks he's seeing another woman. We had one of those here not long ago...

Our favorite charity is DVIS (Domestic Violence Intervention Services). They do wonderful work, at the risk of their own lives. Domestic violence is a huge problem. Too often, jealously is the root cause.

Thanks again,
Husband of Alura