Is a little jealousy normal after the first time?

[MoonLightKiss]

Well, hubby and I had our first encounter with another couple. We all met up for dinner, drinks, (no one got drunk btw) and a nice room at a quiet hotel. Everyone is relaxed, having a great time playing poker for favors like kiss the spouse of the other couple instead of chips. MUCH FUN BTW. We all had a great time. Hubby enjoyed being with her and I enjoyed being with him. But most of all we enjoyed watching each other have fun. Everything went well, and we decided that this lifestyle is something we would love to continue.

Enter the problem. When we get home the next day, things are normal. Later that night I am in the tub taking a bath, working out some of the soreness (hehe) and I get to thinking. Stupid stuff, like "I wonder if he enjoyed her more than me" and "Did she feel better" and all. Crazy thoughts basically. I keep telling myself its no big deal, that it was a good time fun had by all and to let it go. Now don't get me wrong, I am not so jealous that its damaging our marraige or anything. I sat down with hubby that night and shared my concerns with him. He quickly tried to put me at ease and tell me that no one could compare to me. I appreciated him saying that, but sometimes I wonder if he just said that to make me feel better.

I am not obsessed with this. I have probably only thought about it two or three times since the 12th. It just creeps up when I am not doing anything at all, and have nothing better to think about. I suppose a better word for it than jealousy would be I am a tad umcomfortable. Well maybe uncomfortable isn't the right word either. I am not sure what word it is I am searching for, perhaps those of you with more experience know LOL. My question is, Is this normal? Like first time out of the gate jitters. I really did have a good time and want to do it again. So did he. I guess I just need some reassurance that this is normal, or if it isn't what to do then. Any advice would sure be appreciated.

[AZ Dreaming]

Not sure what others will say, but I can tell you from my experience this was one of those things I had to work through.
I think the thread about how everyones relationships have evolved over time is a good judge that this is "normal"

Yes, I had jealousy issues.... mostly mine came from thinking that I was replaceable ( is that a word? ). I now know that no matter what, we are going home together and I am his EVERYTHING!

I think that for some women it comes with age. For me I was "conditioned" by my upbringing to thing that sex was not something you talked about and if you were a "good" girl did not do before you got married. And you only did it with your husband... I had to "uncondition" myself with the help of my hubby ( and lots of reading on this board)

Don't drive your self nuts by thinking about it all the time. I know that is something I would do. I tend to over analyze things that bother me... trying to work on that one too.
Just get on here and start doing searches for old threads on jealousy ( haven't learned out to do that neat link thing yet)

Good luck!!

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by AZ Dreaming

Yes, I had jealousy issues.... mostly mine came from thinking that I was replaceable ( is that a word? ). I now know that no matter what, we are going home together and I am his EVERYTHING!

I went through a phase of feeling jealousy for those exact reasons before I realized that in reality swinging is teaching me that I am NOT replaceable.

I see my wife get with other guys, and the old feeling that I used to have that she would be just as happy with him isn't there any more because she keeps coming back to me afterward over and over and over.

[CandPinSA]

WOW, I'm glad someone asked this question. Mrs P and I haven't had the oportunity yet to find out what our feelings will be afterward, but jealousy, insecurity, discomfort are just a few of the less than desireable ones we expect. We wait with bated breath to see the answers posted in this thread.

Mr C and Mrs P

[NewAndScared]

This is La's (My Wife) biggest fear. That since she still has baby weight that I will find someone like I used to date and forget about her. As I think having awesome animal sex with a very skinny beautiful woman is going to be very fun, she will not replace my wife. We have been through too much to let someone else destroy that. The site of her and my son rocking in the morning before I go to work still brings me to tears sometimes.

Now my jealousy issues will be a whole other ballgame.....

[NandTfromCA]

Jealousy is a form of insecurity, and most everyone has it to one degree or another. It sounds like you are keeping things in perspective well. You just need to trust your man, as long as he is a man worth trusting.

Do you believe that your husband truly loves you? If so, then believe him when he says nobody could compare to you.

Are you in this to find people that you can have mediocre sex with? I hope not. You may find some people that blow your mind in bed, but what matters is that you come home to each other.

Love (what you have with your husband) and sex (what you can get from anyone) are two different things.

I have been with women who have better _______ (plug in whatever feature, body part, or sexual prowess you like) than N AND she has certainly been with men who have bigger tools, more experience, more smarts, less fat, bigger muscles, etc...than me. But I realized that what we have together is irreplaceable. It was so cool to come to that realization.

T

[DBL D]

I'd say it is probably normal, in the beginning of your affair with swinging. I'd say that after some time has passed and your experiences have grown, that most people would expect that you have gotten that under control (something I don't like the sound of.) See, you should not have to control anything except when you want to go home. Even if you are the type that just sees a couple one time only you should be prepared to enjoy things to the fullest, and you surely can't if you are worried about something that has no basis.

Not saying we have it down...we don't, but it seems to be getting easier for us.

Male D

[Edison Carter]

Susan here--First, it is very normal and just part of
instinct and brain chemistry. As I often realize about
emotions, I'm going to have them, but it's my choice
what to do with them.

I had foursome group of friends that would play together
and we invited a married couple to join us who were
mutual friends and very interested. We had a few dinners
and educated them and talked a great deal. Despite that,
there was a moment when his wife was willingly being
double teamed that overwhelmed him with jealousy. He
didn't act on it, but he felt it strongly. But did not interfere
in his wife's great time.

Now, he did tell me about it and I knew what to do. I
put the two of them into a bedroom and said, "Now you
two need to fuck this out of your system." Which they did
and he never had a concern again.

In some ways this is why the post-swinging sex is great for
many swingers as they re-establish your bonds with each other.

[intuition897]

Everything's fine! Yes, these fears do crop up now and then...even after you've been swinging a while. Perfectly normal. You just need to recognize them as a symptom. Drink too much coffee and you get jittery. Don't drink enough water and you get a headache and start retaining water. Go swinging without getting properly connected (or without connecting properly after the fact), and you feel jealous and worried.

Your husband tried to reassure you that all was well. You can still ask him to further reassure you (and I'm sure he'll oblige because he's telling the truth - no one ever compares to your own spouse!), but in the end, you'll have to trust him enough to believe him. Keep talking about it for as long as it takes. And really try to be brave and accept what he says as the truth.

[Additude]

This is normal and just about everyone goes through it.

It will work out though as you meet new partners and become more comfortable with your husband after the encounters.

It doesn't matter if your husband is just telling you a "White Lie" about his enjoyment of the other woman. What matters is that he cares to tell you what you need to hear from him because he loves you, not her. You are his wife, not her.

If you said to him, "Honey, I have this problem thinking you enjoyed the other woman more than you do me, is that true"? and he said, "You betcha"....well then there might be some some issues to deal with, but if he said, "Sure, I had a great time, but I was more happy to come home with you", then he speaks from the heart and cares about your feelings.

Your jealousy and fear of loss is normal at this stage of your swinging and it will pass with time and it will also creep back into your life from time to time. Stick with your re-assurances from hubby and when you have these feelings let him know so he knows where you are at with it.

[MoonLightKiss]

Thank you thank you thank you. I got on here last night and let my husband see what I had posted. He grabbed me and hugged me for the longest minute and told me and I can quote him cause I don't think I will ever forget what he said "Honey, you are my wife, the only woman who truly matters. If you are feeling insecure, we can stop swinging. I will do nothing to intentionally hurt you, no matter how fun or how boring it is." I cried. I told him I now realize I was just overthinking it and told him I was going to be okay, that was exactly what I needed to hear.

Not saying I won't overthink anymore LOL, but at least now when I think about it, I am going to be thinking, "He came home with me, not her, he really does love me and me only."

So now we are both looking forward to our next encounter. This is going to be so much fun

[NandTfromCA]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

...He grabbed me and hugged me for the longest minute..."Honey, you are my wife, the only woman who truly matters...that was exactly what I needed to hear...

That is sooooooo great!!! Makes us want to hug you both.
Swinging is fun. Love is life.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

...He grabbed me and hugged me for the longest minute and told me and I can quote him cause I don't think I will ever forget what he said "Honey, you are my wife, the only woman who truly matters. If you are feeling insecure, we can stop swinging. I will do nothing to intentionally hurt you, no matter how fun or how boring it is." I cried. I told him I now realize I was just overthinking it and told him I was going to be okay, that was exactly what I needed to hear.

God, I love this board!

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by intuition897

God, I love this board!

Hey...Me Too! This is what makes swinging so special...knowing that you are sharing intimately with another and still know that you are loved AND wanted at home.

I'm proud of you two.

Male D

[pinquita]

Originally Posted by MoonLightKiss

I am not obsessed with this. I have probably only thought about it two or three times since the 12th. It just creeps up when I am not doing anything at all, and have nothing better to think about. I suppose a better word for it than jealousy would be I am a tad umcomfortable. Well maybe uncomfortable isn't the right word either. I am not sure what word it is I am searching for, perhaps those of you with more experience know LOL. My question is, Is this normal? Like first time out of the gate jitters. I really did have a good time and want to do it again. So did he. I guess I just need some reassurance that this is normal, or if it isn't what to do then. Any advice would sure be appreciated.

If you are not confortable w it, I sugest you stop doing it. There is no worse situation that one in which one spouse swings just to satisfy the other. Or you could be in agreement, soon to find out it is unconfortable.
I have a GF, so, I am not in such a situation, but, to share my wife, that would be a different ball game. Never do anything for pleasuring your SO, what you will end up is w a situation in which you will be allowing your SO to enjoy, but you will be secretly sinking in anxiety.
I am not advocating against swinging, I practice it, but you have to make sure you want it. We are not 16 year old kids looking to be "cool" and following the crowd......please, talk w your SO, and, set the record straight. Perhaps boundaries have to be establish.