How to deal with jealousy?

JnK · 10-01-2001, 04:23 PM

My bf and I are having our first dilema in swinging as a couple. We have both been involved in swinging in the past as singles but this couple thing is brand new to us.

His experience is much more than mine. The problem is that now that we have decided to get back into it, this time together as a couple we're facing jealousy and insecurity problems. His, not mine. :-)

He is having problems with the men I am finding interesting and attractive. HE wants to pick for me! HE picks the nerdy looking losers. lol

I met a really nice, attractive guy on a swingers website that I really would like to get to know better, and possibly have a threesome with him sometime in the future, but K instantly disliked him. It has turned into a difficult situation. We had a big fight this weekend over it.

We had planned to do MFM, FMF, and foursomes or moresomes.I thought we were both ready to do this as a couple but I guess we're not. :-( I really do want to do this, but I'm not sure if he will be able to handle it now or not.

J

lycioos · 10-01-2001, 04:55 PM

Seems to me that you two are not ready for this. If you choose to follow through, you hold the risk of loosing your relationship. Is that a chance you are willing to take??

There is a big difference between swaping partners in a noncommitted relationship and swaping in a committed relationship and with someone you love. You two need to evaluate WHY you want to do this and IS it worth it. Communication will need to be your best friend. Are you totally sure he even wants to do this? My advice, Don't do it.

[This message has been edited by lycioos (edited 10-01-2001).]

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-02-2001, 11:57 AM

J,
You hit the nail on the head, it is an insecurity issue. And as Lycious said, there is a big difference between swinging alone and swinging in a committed relationship.

Sounds like maybe you guys need to take some more time to solidify your relationship together so that he knows 100% that this is about the two of you having fun and not about you looking for guys who are better than him in any way.

I'm assuming that you allow him to pick women for himself, so remind him of this, and of the fact that you trust him enough to allow him to do so.

Once you do get to the point that you are BOTH ready to swing, you should both agree on the partners (keep in mind that just as we women can see things in other women that guys don't pick up they are the same way with other guys). But if looks are the only thing he is looking at, then there is definately an issue with insecurity.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

JnK · 10-02-2001, 03:20 PM

Thanks, for the advice. We tried to talk about it last night.For whoever asked, if he really wants to do this, it was originally HIS idea. After we had a impromptu MFM threesome with his cousin, he asked me if I'd be interested in trying it as a couple. He has told me about some of his past experiences in swinging and I have shared stories of mine with him. Some very good friends of mine were into swinging and the more we talked the more excited he seemed to be about getting back into it.in fact it was HIM that first started surfing the swingers sites and put up our profile on one.

He was giving me the impression that he was all for it. I don't have a problem with any of the women he finds attractive at all.

I definantly think he's insecure and I have tried to assure him that I'm not looking for anybody else.He's ok with the idea of foursomes with other couples and if the man is exceptionally nice looking it hasn't bothered him. it's just the single men he's having issues with.lol

You're absolutly right,communication is what we need to do alot of.We're talking and will keep talking until we work this all out.

J

JnK · 10-03-2001, 02:06 PM

I found something better than talking!lol SHOWING is much better! I think K is going to be alright with this afterall. His brief bout with insecurity may be getting better after last night.

We went out to eat with his cousin (the same one we had the threesome with) and his cousin's lady friend.

After dinner we went back to our condo and things just progressed naturally from there. K and I had our first foursome last night!

We started out together K and I, and the cousin and his date. Connie, if you read this, I thought about your thing that you and Ron do of swapping partners back and forth. Thats what we did. After K and I did our thing and the cousin and his date did their's I asked K if he wanted to change partners.He was ok with it and everything went great after that. So great that when a male friend of mine showed up unexpectedly, K asked him if he wanted to join the party! Believe it or not! lol so we ended up having a fivesome! No jealousy at all from K either!

Connie, I had my 3 guys at once last night.lol you jealous? lol

It was the hottest night of my life! K is still walking around with a stupid little grin this morning! lol So am I. :-)

Kisses,
J

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-03-2001, 03:21 PM

Glad to hear everything worked out so well.

Sounds like maybe he just needs regular reminders that "he's the man" (so to speak) and once he gets that he's ok. You may still have to work him through those insecurities as you go...but I'm sure you'll be ok.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

Stratecpl · 10-03-2001, 03:54 PM

Well HELL YEAH I'm Jealous!!!

But Ok....thumbs up at ya for a job well done! That's great...I had a feeling you'd get K to see things your way...

He'll be fine, I think...Julie's right though you may have to coddle him from time to time if his insecurity rears it's head again. Just keep reminding him that nobody can replace him.

NOW for the REAL issue here...You'd don't actually believe that Ron is going to read this and settle for these sketchy, matter of fact details do you!?? Nooooo...you'll be getting an e-mail from him I guaran-damn- tee it... demanding...blow by blow...grope by grope...stroke by stroke intricate..intimate..FULL DETAILS! You know he thrives on that J!!!...LOL

3 guys at once...humph...Show Off!!!

Connie (getting out her little black book and trying to scrounge up FOUR guys for this weekend...hehe)

Stratecpl · 10-03-2001, 06:25 PM

J,

OK, now I've heard of the fabled "Spirit of Competition" before but this is ridiculous!!!

Hey, if you remember what I told you once, that if you tried it, you'd LIKE it... LOL Well, old Ron seemingly knew what he wuz talking about.........

Yes, K will be just fine. All you guys need to do is reassure each other, and always communicate. We're counting on you!!

Oh, BTW...... DETAILS... DETAILS.... DETAILS.... you know my e-mail address!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 10-03-2001).]

***JustAskJulie*** · 10-04-2001, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Stratecpl:

NOW for the REAL issue here...You'd don't actually believe that Ron is going to read this and settle for these sketchy, matter of fact details do you!?? Nooooo...you'll be getting an e-mail from him I guaran-damn- tee it... demanding...blow by blow...grope by grope...stroke by stroke intricate..intimate..FULL DETAILS! You know he thrives on that J!!!...LOL

And since you are writing out all those blow by blow details for Ron anyway.. you may as well submit them as a story for the Swingers Board....

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

lycioos · 10-04-2001, 02:26 PM

O.k. now I have a question. How, I mean just how on earth did you approach the 5th person? And why did K answer the door in the middle of all the action??? I've been scratching my head trying to figure this one out and I'm just dumb founded. So I guess details would be warrented. I am just sooo curious. Did K just open the door butt naked and say "hey cum on in and join the party?" Or what? Details my friend, details.

JnK · 10-04-2001, 03:53 PM

lol, ok I guess it is a little confusing. K and I were in the middle of a break in the action. Just lying there cuddling and resting when the doorbell rang.He got up slipped on his pants and went to answer it. The friend was there to pickup a CD I'd borrowed because he had promised it to someone else. I didn't know he was still there talking to K and I walked naked into the room on my way to the kitchen.lol He got an eye full and also about that time the other lady was in the middle of an orgasm in the other room screaming her head off.lol He sort of put two and two together about what was going on. We all just looked at each other and laughed and Kevin just asked him point blank if he wanted to play too. Well being a single guy who had not been layed in a month, his answer was easy.lol It was all an ok thing among friends. Everybody was cool with it and Yes safe sex was practiced. :-)

A story? lol I don't know about that. I may have to get Ron's help on that. He's the porn story writer.lol He writes really HOT ones! Maybe he will take the details I sent him and make a story from them.:-)

J

CanadianCouple · 10-04-2001, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JnK:
Just lying there cuddling and resting when the doorbell rang.

I think I'm going to get a job delivering pizza in your neighborhood.

Dan

Stratecpl · 10-04-2001, 08:14 PM

Bet that guy will be loaning you guys a lot of CD's......just so's he can drop by to pick them back up! LOL

OR you may have the doorbell ring and it'll be Dan The Pizza Man!

Sounds like a great spontanious evening for all of ya'll.....

Connie

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10-01-2001, 04:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
JnK Active Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 14 Location: burbank ca.	How to deal with jealousy? My bf and I are having our first dilema in swinging as a couple. We have both been involved in swinging in the past as singles but this couple thing is brand new to us. His experience is much more than mine. The problem is that now that we have decided to get back into it, this time together as a couple we're facing jealousy and insecurity problems. His, not mine. :-) He is having problems with the men I am finding interesting and attractive. HE wants to pick for me! HE picks the nerdy looking losers. lol I met a really nice, attractive guy on a swingers website that I really would like to get to know better, and possibly have a threesome with him sometime in the future, but K instantly disliked him. It has turned into a difficult situation. We had a big fight this weekend over it. We had planned to do MFM, FMF, and foursomes or moresomes.I thought we were both ready to do this as a couple but I guess we're not. :-( I really do want to do this, but I'm not sure if he will be able to handle it now or not. J

10-02-2001, 11:57 AM	#3 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	J, You hit the nail on the head, it is an insecurity issue. And as Lycious said, there is a big difference between swinging alone and swinging in a committed relationship. Sounds like maybe you guys need to take some more time to solidify your relationship together so that he knows 100% that this is about the two of you having fun and not about you looking for guys who are better than him in any way. I'm assuming that you allow him to pick women for himself, so remind him of this, and of the fact that you trust him enough to allow him to do so. Once you do get to the point that you are BOTH ready to swing, you should both agree on the partners (keep in mind that just as we women can see things in other women that guys don't pick up they are the same way with other guys). But if looks are the only thing he is looking at, then there is definately an issue with insecurity. Julie http://www.swingersboard.com
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

10-03-2001, 03:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,288 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Glad to hear everything worked out so well. Sounds like maybe he just needs regular reminders that "he's the man" (so to speak) and once he gets that he's ok. You may still have to work him through those insecurities as you go...but I'm sure you'll be ok. Julie http://www.swingersboard.com
	__________________ Julie - your hostess The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

10-03-2001, 03:54 PM	#7 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	Well HELL YEAH I'm Jealous!!! But Ok....thumbs up at ya for a job well done! That's great...I had a feeling you'd get K to see things your way... He'll be fine, I think...Julie's right though you may have to coddle him from time to time if his insecurity rears it's head again. Just keep reminding him that nobody can replace him. NOW for the REAL issue here...You'd don't actually believe that Ron is going to read this and settle for these sketchy, matter of fact details do you!?? Nooooo...you'll be getting an e-mail from him I guaran-damn- tee it... demanding...blow by blow...grope by grope...stroke by stroke intricate..intimate..FULL DETAILS! You know he thrives on that J!!!...LOL 3 guys at once...humph...Show Off!!! Connie (getting out her little black book and trying to scrounge up FOUR guys for this weekend...hehe)
	__________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

10-01-2001, 04:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
lycioos Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 123	Seems to me that you two are not ready for this. If you choose to follow through, you hold the risk of loosing your relationship. Is that a chance you are willing to take?? There is a big difference between swaping partners in a noncommitted relationship and swaping in a committed relationship and with someone you love. You two need to evaluate WHY you want to do this and IS it worth it. Communication will need to be your best friend. Are you totally sure he even wants to do this? My advice, Don't do it. [This message has been edited by lycioos (edited 10-01-2001).]

10-02-2001, 03:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
JnK Active Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 14 Location: burbank ca.	Thanks, for the advice. We tried to talk about it last night.For whoever asked, if he really wants to do this, it was originally HIS idea. After we had a impromptu MFM threesome with his cousin, he asked me if I'd be interested in trying it as a couple. He has told me about some of his past experiences in swinging and I have shared stories of mine with him. Some very good friends of mine were into swinging and the more we talked the more excited he seemed to be about getting back into it.in fact it was HIM that first started surfing the swingers sites and put up our profile on one. He was giving me the impression that he was all for it. I don't have a problem with any of the women he finds attractive at all. I definantly think he's insecure and I have tried to assure him that I'm not looking for anybody else.He's ok with the idea of foursomes with other couples and if the man is exceptionally nice looking it hasn't bothered him. it's just the single men he's having issues with.lol You're absolutly right,communication is what we need to do alot of.We're talking and will keep talking until we work this all out. J

10-03-2001, 02:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
JnK Active Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 14 Location: burbank ca.	I found something better than talking!lol SHOWING is much better! I think K is going to be alright with this afterall. His brief bout with insecurity may be getting better after last night. We went out to eat with his cousin (the same one we had the threesome with) and his cousin's lady friend. After dinner we went back to our condo and things just progressed naturally from there. K and I had our first foursome last night! We started out together K and I, and the cousin and his date. Connie, if you read this, I thought about your thing that you and Ron do of swapping partners back and forth. Thats what we did. After K and I did our thing and the cousin and his date did their's I asked K if he wanted to change partners.He was ok with it and everything went great after that. So great that when a male friend of mine showed up unexpectedly, K asked him if he wanted to join the party! Believe it or not! lol so we ended up having a fivesome! No jealousy at all from K either! Connie, I had my 3 guys at once last night.lol you jealous? lol It was the hottest night of my life! K is still walking around with a stupid little grin this morning! lol So am I. :-) Kisses, J

10-03-2001, 06:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	J, OK, now I've heard of the fabled "Spirit of Competition" before but this is ridiculous!!! Hey, if you remember what I told you once, that if you tried it, you'd LIKE it... LOL Well, old Ron seemingly knew what he wuz talking about......... Yes, K will be just fine. All you guys need to do is reassure each other, and always communicate. We're counting on you!! Oh, BTW...... DETAILS... DETAILS.... DETAILS.... you know my e-mail address!! Ron, Husband of Stratecpl [This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 10-03-2001).]
	__________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

10-04-2001, 02:26 PM	#10 (permalink)
lycioos Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 123	O.k. now I have a question. How, I mean just how on earth did you approach the 5th person? And why did K answer the door in the middle of all the action??? I've been scratching my head trying to figure this one out and I'm just dumb founded. So I guess details would be warrented. I am just sooo curious. Did K just open the door butt naked and say "hey cum on in and join the party?" Or what? Details my friend, details.

10-04-2001, 03:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
JnK Active Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 14 Location: burbank ca.	lol, ok I guess it is a little confusing. K and I were in the middle of a break in the action. Just lying there cuddling and resting when the doorbell rang.He got up slipped on his pants and went to answer it. The friend was there to pickup a CD I'd borrowed because he had promised it to someone else. I didn't know he was still there talking to K and I walked naked into the room on my way to the kitchen.lol He got an eye full and also about that time the other lady was in the middle of an orgasm in the other room screaming her head off.lol He sort of put two and two together about what was going on. We all just looked at each other and laughed and Kevin just asked him point blank if he wanted to play too. Well being a single guy who had not been layed in a month, his answer was easy.lol It was all an ok thing among friends. Everybody was cool with it and Yes safe sex was practiced. :-) A story? lol I don't know about that. I may have to get Ron's help on that. He's the porn story writer.lol He writes really HOT ones! Maybe he will take the details I sent him and make a story from them.:-) J

10-04-2001, 08:14 PM	#13 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	Bet that guy will be loaning you guys a lot of CD's......just so's he can drop by to pick them back up! LOL OR you may have the doorbell ring and it'll be Dan The Pizza Man! Sounds like a great spontanious evening for all of ya'll..... Connie
	__________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

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