Parties, couples, jealousy

[Stratecpl]

I have a question about couples interacting at parties. No reason...it just popped into my head this morning..haha. Is there sometimes situations at parties where one couple may become jealous if the couple they were interested in, seemed more interested in another couple? We hear all the time that there is no pressure and no means no and all that at parties..but we also are dealing with human nature and feelings too..just the same as if it were single people meeting at a party only it happening in twos at a swingers party so I guess the possibilty is there for this to happen and with most people drinking at paties, the situation could get ugly right? Hope this isn't a stupid question..we're pretty partry ignorant cause we've never been to one yet..haha

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
we also are dealing with human nature and feelings

That's so true and with that comes fear of rejection. After all hurt is hurt no matter what form it arrives in. That is one of the reasons it is so hard for us to approach another couple. I try to remember that it is their loss and not mine.
By the way great question. :> )

Wife of CanadianCouple

[CanadianCouple]

Hi Stratecpl -

Good question. First, anyone who says they don't experience the feelings of jealousy in this, even the tiniest amount, is either being less that truthful or they've got a personality disorder. (just kidding on the last one)

Seriously, jealousy is an ever present companion, lurking in the wings. There are many different aspects and scenarios that can set it off. The obvious one is seeing your significant other in the throes of passion with someone other than yourself. But there are other things, such as seeing a couple you're attracted to getting chummy with a third couple. Let's face it, this is an activity where hurt feelings can and do occur. It never feels good to be passed up.
Let me tell you something that's happened to us. As we mentioned before, we've gone to many meet and greets in a neighboring city. It was at one of these we met a couple who became a long term relationship for us. It ended amicably enough six or seven months later, but we're a little nervous about seeing them in a future m & g. Why? Well, they'll probably be with another couple, or on the hunt for one. Even though we're pretty certain they've swung with others since the last time we saw them, it's still difficult not feeling we were somehow "replaced". We'll probably say hello politely, and that's that.
Love is love, and sex is sex, and while they're both separate, it's hard to forget you DID engage in a very intimate act with this other person.

Dan of CanadianCouple

Love is love and sex is sex and we are all adults. I can truly understand having some jealous feelings involving my wife but others I'm not so sure about. In the erotic story I told under a different topic, this may come to bear. I may be a man and my cock my get big, but I develop relationships slowly. When this sexy couple entered the club last Saturday night and I was getting friendly with them, I was certainly going slowly. This other very young couple entered the club, started getting more friendly with this other couple, started getting real sexy with each other, and there I stood watching. While I really enjoyed the watching, I was the kid outside looking into the candy shop watching this other couple eating all the treats. Did I feel jealousy. No! Not at all. I felt disappointed. Did it bother me that this other couple snatched the attention of this other also young and attractive couple. No! (But they could have invited us in to watch. I am an incurable voyeur. I almost asked) Se la vie (sp?)

[This message has been edited by soppo (edited 05-25-2001).]

[Stratecpl]

I know exactly what you are all saying here. Sometimes one of our friends will discuss his pursuits of other women, and of his either success or failure. Although we are playing friends and we certainly wish him well in these endeavors, we also may feel a momentary twinge of jealousy. We are not married to this person, and we understand the differences between love, lust, sex, and some other choice emotions... LOL

Really, we are happy that this person has found others to play with, AND he might ALSO bring her over sometime to play!! So I should really be cheering him on, you know!

I think these things are all natural feelings for anyone to have or experience. But, we KNOW that they are not cheating on us or anything. We like to think that we're fairly contemporary adults with great attitudes toward swinging. We discuss our feelings among ourselves, have a few laughs at our own notions, and proceed with our lives.

Last but not least, we never throw away a friendship. If we meet someone and we are compatible as either friends or lovers, we never discount what we've found. We feel that these relationships are all special, and these people are good friends, now and always.

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
I know exactly what you are all saying here. Sometimes one of our friends will discuss his pursuits of other women, and of his either success or failure. Although we are playing friends and we certainly wish him well in these endeavors, we also may feel a momentary twinge of jealousy. We are not married to this person, and we understand the differences between love, lust, sex, and some other choice emotions... LOL

I think that in the case of couples/singles that we play with.. the jealousy comes from a fear of losing them, perhaps?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:
I think that in the case of couples/singles that we play with.. the jealousy comes from a fear of losing them, perhaps?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Julie, forgot to add my comments.

That's possible, but it can go beyond that, IMO. Even if you're 110% certain your mate isn't going to dump you for the sex machine he/she was with last weekend, one can still fear their mate will find more physical satisfaction with another without them actually jumping ship. I would hope sex isn't the main criteria for finding another soul mate.

If it is, then perhaps the relationship was doomed anyway, and the swinging just hastened it's demise.

Jealousy goes far beyond fearing the loss of one's significant other. Couples, as a single entity, can indeed feel jealousy when seeing former swing mates hook up with new partners. I think it has a lot to do with how the relationship with them ended, and why.

Having never participated in an orgy, I suspect that might be different, with people exchanging partners several times during one session. A different scenario than two couples engaged with each other mutually. When we were involved with such a couple over a year ago, they told us they never got involved with more than one couple at a time, and asked us several times over the course of the relationship if we were seeing anyone else, or even pursuing anyone. We thought that last one was a bit intrusive on their part, but we kept our mouths shut.

Dan of CanadianCouple

[Stratecpl]

Julie,

You're right, there has to be that fear of losing someone as friends and/or players. With the two that I'm referring to, I really don't think there could EVER be a loss of friendship, no matter what. They are such dear folks and dear friends they are our best friends on earth. In joking, we offered to adopt them as our children!! LOL

But you are correct, there has to be that innate fear of losing something great to someone else. I think my wife and I are mainly laughing when we say these things but we sure would hate losing their friendships!! After all, good friends are very hard to come by. It's true, it's true!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple]

Julie --

Ron's post made me realize I misinterpreted what you meant. I thought you were referring to someone losing their mate to a swinging partner. My apologizes, I'll strive to read closer next time.

Dan of CanadianCouple

[Stratecpl]

CanadianCouple,

Dan, you are right, losing your significant other would be devastating. And using sex as the only criteria for the friendship would also be very shallow.

We are careful enough to swing with people that we consider as really nice, friendly folks AND as real friends. Having the bonds of similar thoughts, ideas, hobbies, pets, etc.... all these combine to help make the friendships work better.

Having similar interests makes conversation so much easier. And if the conversation flows smoothly, so does the level of ease among everyone, like laughter, jokes, etc.... All that spells F U N to us....

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple]

Hey Ron!!
We've swung with three couples so far, and although I've enjoyed the company of all three women, none of them would interest me as far as a life long mate. Not to disparage them at all, just not my type. Janette and I really believe that the ideal sex partner is different than your ideal mate - at least that's how we read it. Sex and love go together great, but are entirely different.

And that's one of the reasons, we think, that engaging in swinging with the one you love makes it so special.

Sigh... back to mowing that *#^@&* grass.



Dan of CanadianCouple

[Stratecpl]

CanadianCouple,

Dan, we have had two couples that we've swung with. Several others are trying to get together with us, but as of yet, a "no-go" so far. I wouldn't consider either of the ladies as a life mate either, but they definitely were fun to play with!!! LOL

We have also enjoyed a few MFM threesomes. Verrrry hot!!!

We have talked with various people who were contacted by other couples for swinging purposes, and then discarded like old fish afterwards. It seems that the couples used them to fulfill their fantasies, then asked them to leave.... no explanations offered, no apologies, and no follow-up e-mails or IM's. Nothing.

I know that "no-strings" is the way it's supposed to be, but isn't that a bit cold-blooded? Here, you have fabulous, mind-blowing sex for hours. You fulfill your greatest, wildest desires.... your spouse likewise..... Maybe you have travelled a great distance to be with these people, too. They take the very best that you have to offer, then kick you out unceremoniously with no explanations, no handshake rather than a kiss, no offer of future events, nothing!!!!!!

I'm sorry, but this is wrong. I know you wouldn't do anyone that way, and I'm certain that you wouldn't appreciate being done that way, either!!

That's why we try to know as much about someone as we can prior to a get-together. We had one man that travelled over 2000 miles just to visit for a day. We knew a lot about him first-hand, so it was a memorable visit. Otherwise, he would have had a long, miserable, and expensive trip back home.... unfulfilled!!

I think it's wrong to do anyone that way. Sorry for being repetitive!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[LIZA]

I have a husband, he's my best friend, my lover, EVERYTHING to me. If we go to a club or party and play with another couple that night, to be honest, those people are really no more signifigant to me than anyone else I casually interact with at a nonswinging party.
We are not in this for life long friends, romantic fantasy or subsititute mates..........My opinion is when you become emotionally and romantically attached to people outside your marriage, you are headed for trouble!

[Stratecpl]

Liza,

I have a wife who is absolutely the best thing on this earth. There's no way that I would ever even consider trying to replace her. I'm not advocating getting romantically involved with anyone, and it's true that if you do, then trouble is headed your way. You certainly don't have to fall in love with them!

Besides, we don't swing to replace each other, or because we are not capable of satisfying each other's needs.

However, I have to differ with you concerning friends. This is one of those things that we want to discuss before ever trying to get together with anyone. If you like the one-night stands, that's fine, but we don't, though. It's a matter of choice after all, isn't it?

If you tell someone up front that you're looking for friendship, don't kick them out with no explanations or regrets. If you plan to do them the other way, then at least be honest up front. We've been done both ways. I'll never get together with anyone else who plans on severing all ties with us after a hot fling where we all had a great time, especially after they lied about their intentions. That's all I'm saying.

To each their own. Communicate your intentions clearly.

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl