Oogling and Being Compared to Other Women

[Scarred]

First of all, thank you all for your compassion, obviously, I could not talk to anyone about my experience, and just being able to say the words to SOMEONE felt really nice! Also...the suggestions were great. Before I address those though...I was thinking...how do you ladies, and guys, your opinions are valuable too, (given that you are actually in the situation where Hubby would have the opportunity to have someone else.) handle the situation where there is an attractive, younger, thinner, sexy woman your husband is obviously interested in. And she is far more lovely than you are? I KNOW that you have the emotional connection with your spouse, but do you feel as though you are being compared? I am considered very attractive, not heavy by any means (although I would love to lose some weight, wouldn't we all?), but I mean the playboy, video, the Oh my God...look at her type woman.But it's hard to have your self esteem not drop to ground zero when that happens. I also realize that there will always be someone who would make us all look like a dishrag in comparison, and for US to compare ourselves is a useless endeavor. However..when my husband does that, (he's stopped saying anything to me thank goodness), the feeling of invalidation is just overwhelming. Guys...how do you express admiration, lust..whatever you want to call it, without making your lady feel compared,or less for your lust and ladies,how do you handle knowing your spouse finds someone else (at least for the moment) more interesting, or whatever, than YOU? Thanks for indulging my question!

[MiCpl]

Personally, we look at women together, and I've never really felt bad about him looking at other women. I know they may be hotter or younger than me, but I know that 1)he doesn't have the guts to go walking up to them and try to talk to them anyway, 2) even if he did so what, I know he's not going anywhere.

I think it's important to look at it from the perspective of he's not comparing you, just admiring the beaty around him. There's nothing wrong with that. I assume you (like myself and most women) also look at attractive men. Don't you think that affects the guys the same way?

Wife of S&J

There is no such thing as a woman that is better looking in any way, shape or form than my wife. And hopefully I tell her that often enough that she knows I mean it.

Having said that, I feel free to look and comment on what I consider a fine looking woman to my wife. After all, if I can't share my thoughts and feelings with her, then who?

CyberHusband

Originally posted by Scarred:
.....I also realize that there will always be someone who would make us all look like a dishrag in comparison, and for US to compare ourselves is a useless endeavor.

You're right! So why do we do this? Low self-esteem and insecurities in ones relationship. Communicate, and work on building UP both your self-esteem, always reassuring each other physically & mentally of how much you both mean to each other. The way you smell, your taste, your feel, etc., and comparing to NO other!

I get reminded of this all the time (from hubby and other male playmates), "feeling & looking" sexy is all in the "attitude", not just the "looks". Again, building UP on self-esteem.

Like Hubby said, if you can't share the beauty around you with the one you love, then who can you share them with?

Hubby is always reassuring his love for me (physically & mentally/emotionally), comparing to NO other. So we're both comfortable enough to share our feelings with each other when we see an attractive person TOgether. It's SO cool that we can do this! And the FANTAsies a couple can have together while "sharing" this....OMG!


Good luck & HAVE FUN!
CyberWife

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 07-11-2001).]

My 1/2 cent worth,

From the time my wife and I first started dating I made it clear to her that I would not pretend to not notice and appreciate an attractive woman when the situation presented itself. I don't think she liked it at first but she's grown accustomed to it and now will point out a nice looking woman so that I won't miss it. Mind you I don't make a big deal out of it and drool on myself or anything either. Frankly, IMO I think it's impossible not to notice attractive women. It's what we men are programmed to do. We'd all be deluding ourselves if we didn't admit this. Also, I try everyday to make it abundantly clear to my wife that I find her beautiful, sexy , intelligent, funny, desirable , hot, sexy, and especially hot and sexy. She is and always will be #1. Good luck.

D of D&J

[Stratecpl]

I like the things you guys are saying here! I tell my wife all the time how alluring she is to me. She says I'm a "crock artist"... LOL But I really and truly mean what I say to her. And as you have all said, no one could look of be better than your wife. I think we all need to share our heart-felt feelings with our spouses OFTEN. This is a vital part of a strong and loving marriage.

And one of you asked if the women looking at good-looking men was like us men, looking at attractive ladies?? Of course, it's the same thing. Looking is one thing, but when she gets to also PLAY with a verrry attractive, younger, stronger guy.... how do you guys feel then? You know, it works both ways.

As for me, I've already been there. (SEVERAL times) It's just as easy for a woman to play with a young, handsome guy as any other, so they can do this.... My wife is a pretty good picker, too... But I'm not intimidated or feeling left-out. You just make your way and do your best. Love takes up all the slack!! LOL

As D&J stated, she will always be #1....

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CindyB]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:

As for me, I've already been there. (SEVERAL times) It's just as easy for a woman to play with a young, handsome guy as any other, so they can do this.... My wife is a pretty good picker, too... But I'm not intimidated or feeling left-out. You just make your way and do your best. Love takes up all the slack!! LOL
Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

My brother-in-law, whom we play with, is a total stud. He looks very much like my husband but is 5 years younger. I thought that my hubby might only THINK he wants us to do a 3some and that when he actually watched us he might realize that he was wrong. His brother likes to lift weights and he can (and has) picked me up with one hand and lifted me over his head (don't try this at home!) Hubby could probably do that but would require surgery later! In our second 3some he held me UPSIDE DOWN as we 69'd! I'm thinking about joining the circus now... But anyway, thus far, no jealousy! He seems to enjoy watching as much as he thought he would.

[Stratecpl]

Originally posted by CindyB:
In our second 3some he held me UPSIDE DOWN as we 69'd! I'm thinking about joining the circus now...

LOL...oohhh I wanna try that!!!! Ron!!!!! come here!!!!

Connie

[CindyB]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:

LOL...oohhh I wanna try that!!!! Ron!!!!! come here!!!!

Connie

WARNING!!! If he comes in your mouth during this activity it is almost impossible to swallow! Actually... it tends to flow up your nose...

Originally posted by CindyB:
WARNING!!! If he comes in your mouth during this activity it is almost impossible to swallow! Actually... it tends to flow up your nose...

And this is not a good thing, right?! *LOL*


CyberWife

[CindyB]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
And this is not a good thing, right?! *LOL*


CyberWife

I suppose sperm flowing out your nose might be erotic to some people. I prefer it in my pussy where it belongs. Call me old fashioned!

[Stratecpl]

Now, you two.... LOL I consider it proper wherever it may be.... LOL After all, it's organic!! Oh, and I survived the vertical 69 ordeal, too...(just in case any of you wondered...) (LOL)

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CindyB]

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
Now, you two.... LOL I consider it proper wherever it may be.... LOL After all, it's organic
Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

Well, it might be organic, and I might be willing to swallow it (I am) but I think it was your Connie that recently said "lick and dick..." Next time we are together I am taking her advice and pointing my husband's tongue to my boobs and Jim's (my bro-in-law)dick to the place dicks fit the very best. And I'll be thanking Connie for the fine idea!

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
Now, you two.... LOL I consider it proper wherever it may be.... LOL After all, it's organic!! Oh, and I survived the vertical 69 ordeal, too...(just in case any of you wondered...) (LOL)

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

Ron....Yeah, and sperm has calories too....ANother thing we have to worry about with our feminine figures! *lol*

CindyB....I can't believe you 3 haven't tried all them MFM 3some "moves" yet! You poor "deprived" child....*Comforting girly hugz giggling* And don't forget to keep us posted too!


CyberWife

[CindyB]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
CindyB....I can't believe you 3 haven't tried all them MFM 3some "moves" yet! You poor "deprived" child....*Comforting girly hugz giggling* And don't forget to keep us posted too!


CyberWife

Well, it certainly isn't a lack of willingness on MY part. It took the guys a couple of years to talk me into this in the first place. And now that they have suddenly they seem afraid that they'll overwhelm me or something. Well, my reply to that is that if screwing him in front of my husband didn't freak me out then taking them both on at once won't either! Jim's coming down tomorrow night and I'll be getting MY way this time! And NO MORE of that upside down stuff... Or simply taking turns climbing on, as nice as that is. I WANT 2 DICKS AT ONCE AND I WANT THEM NOW DAMMIT! :-)