Vanilla Jealousy

[northindycpl]

Vanilla women seem to be throwing themselves at my husband! It is driving me crazy! Not only are they Vanilla Women, they are all under 30!!!!!

I have not really had any jealousy issues in swinging with Mr. Indy. I can honestly say, that with the exception of a single gal who made some really inappropriate moves towards him ALONE to play alone once, I have never given it a second thought. Even then, it was merely a twinge of jealousy, not even cat-fight-in-the-parking-lot-unless-you-break-a-nail jealousy.

But now things are a bit different. I have to admit that I have always been the protective type in the vanilla world. I mean let's face it, Mr. Indy is a great catch. But he has been caught, and therefore he is out of the sea. Why can't these girls just leave him alone? I do not think he does anything knowingly to entice them. I don't think that he does anything to solicit them or to dishonor me at all. I think that he is one helluva nice guy, and these young girls like him. Not to mention, that he has reached the age where he is now somewhat distinguished. And he is at the age where most vanilla men start "the mid-life" and I think these girls know that and think they are in the Trophy Wife running. I am certain that Mr. Indy likes the attention, who wouldn't, but I cannot seem to find a happy medium with this issue.

The issue lies with these girls, really. Although I have lashed out at him a few times over this. (which may not have been reasonable) My anger really lies with these girls. And it seems like it is a new one all the time. They are all girls that work for him, they are all early 20's and honestly just idiots. I mean I couldn't even write a magazine ad with the amount of knowledge between them.

I have no issue in sharing him with those that know the rules, but these girls are looking at him as husband and provider material, and that is just sending me through the roof.

Everytime he goes to work, I literally sit and worry about this.

I am having a terrible time dealing with this. I need to work through my thoughts on it, and I need your advice on ways you deal with it.

Vanilla girls suck!

[intuition897]

Mrs. Indy, these girls need a spanking

I have run into the same situation myself. Mr. intuition is very attractive and has a lot of charisma. He's well respected in his workplace and is ambitious which seems to be an aphrodisiac of sorts. Often times he won't mention it, because it wasn't worth mentioning, but he's had lots of vanilla women hitting on him. Some in their 30's, some in their 40's and yeah, some in their 20's. Particularly it's the 22 year old tarts who endeavour to make it obvious to him that they wore a special hot pink thong for him that day, or the married 30's women who actually sit on his lap straddling him that kinda piss me off. It's more of an annoyance though, because I know exactly how Mr. feels about other women who disrespect my place in his life. It just serves to remind me why we love swinging. Who needs this kind of bullshit, anyway??

Talk to Mr. Indy. He's trying to reassure you. He's probably flattered by all the attention he's getting...and you should be too; after all, as you said, he's off the market. Is there any reason to think that he would actually take these kiddies seriously? He probably feels as contemptuous of their behaviour as my husband does...even if he does want to f**k them. I know he wouldn't because a) it's the workplace and NOT the place for finding new sexual prospects, b) they're being disrespectful of me, and c) it goes against his moral fiber to get involved with people who don't understand what we're all about. Vanilla people just don't get it. Literally. Whatever you do, don't make it difficult for Mr. Indy to talk to you about this. The last thing you need is to wonder if he's keeping some encounter to himself for fear of upsetting you. From getting to know you two through previous posts, you both sound like you've got a great relationship with each other, so I doubt there is any withholding of info going on. I'm sure he wants to help you through this, so try and get to the bottom of exactly what is making you so uncomfortable.

Hope you feel better soon

[Vantabulous]

Mrs. Indy,

This strikes me as a lack-of-respect issue more than a jealousy issue and, by that, I mean a lack of respect for you and for Mr. Indy. Since Mr. Indy isn't leading these ladies on other than by being his naturally charming, good-looking self, I don't think "jealousy" really comes into play here, do you?

Now, you've seen this advice with others so you're no stranger to it. Relax and trust your husband because, as you know very well, he's your best defense against these little tarts. They'll get the message soon enough that he's not available for anything that they might have in mind.

Actually, if you "distance yourself" a wee bit, you might see this as being - almost - amusing given your involvement in the lifestyle. Imagine the chagrin if they were to find out that Mr. Indy isn't being "offered" anything that he can't have anyway...given the proper circumstances, obviously.

I'm sorry you're going through this right now, but everything will be fine, I'm sure.

Van

P.S. Mrs. Van is a "vanilla girl" so I must speak with her about what you said at the end of your post. Perhaps I'll get lucky!

P.P.S. intuition used the term "tart" while I was still typing. I thought I was the only one who'd come up with that one!

[Just_us49]

I agree that you two have always sounded like you have a great relationship. It also seems like MrIndy adores you from what I've seen him write. I agree with Van (I just agreed with him in another post! ) that this should almost seem amusing. If these girls only knew! These girls are young and immature and VERY disrespectful. They are not even deserving of the time it takes you to think about them. Not all girls that age are like that, When I was early 20's I was VERY aware that a guy was married. Cheating and stealing are major turn offs, and I am sure MrIndy thinks so too.

It doesn't bother me when Vanilla girls flirt with D. (He's pushing 40, very confident, well spoken and "strong", the kind of man young, scared, fatherless little girls are drawn to). I know where his heart belongs. I actually start to talk about how I know they want him and want to "do" him and it starts to turn me on and we have great sex.

I wouldn't fret so. Have fun with it and flaunt him in front of them when ever you're around them!

-M

[northindycpl]

LOL... I guess I never thought of what these little girls are missing out on! I mean, if they only knew that his "boring OLD wife" and he were up to on Saturday Nights, they would actually blush, I am sure!

I think my issue is that his work environment is one where there is so many little girls working for so many old men. It seems that dishonesty, cheating, workplace sex/relationships is commonplace. Everyone is dating and doing everyone else. I have never seen anything like it in all my life!

One of the little tarts emailed naked pictures of herself to him! How brazen is that!

With my birthday next week coupled with the fact these tarts are all under 25 it really has been bothering me.

It was also a good point made to not get to the point where Mr. Indy afraid to discuss things with me. That was something I hadn't considered before. I am the type of gal that needs all the details, and without them I am on edge. It is better for me to hear him tell me so and so sent me this picture- hahaha, then to find out she did and he didn't tell me.

I think that by nature, men sometimes hide (non-intentionally) details they think are insignificant when women, or atleast me, find comfort in them.

Intuition and the others, do you have ways you adress this type of thing with the tarts? Have you ever said anything to them ot exactly how do you behave with your husbands when they are around, is it any different?

[DaveNSheila]

With us the tables are turned. S had a couple of guys chat her up and are trying to get to know her. They know she is married and one of the guys is married and has been part of one of the clubs here. They have chats that are not over boundaries. The thing is when we both get "hit on" from the vanilla world we tell each other and talk about the whole situation and give as much detail as possible. We usually tease each other and then have some real incredible sex. With us being in our 30's at this time the young ones that do hit on us make both of us feel good. When she had first brought it up to me that some guy hit on her and he was as she put it "just a baby" probably under 23 I asked her if it felt good to be wanted by a younger guy? She did say yes it did but she wouldn't go there, as she put it " I dont want to train him" Step back and look at the whole picture realize that yes they are stroking his ego but obviously he wants nothing to do with them. Sorry that you are going through the roller coaster ride. Sit down with Mr. and tell him that you need reassurance and that you also need him to tell you all the details and that you rather have him tell you than you find out on your own what is happening. D

[BiDrywallChick]

Ahhhh I can soo relate. Mr drywall works in an office with an even balance of men and women. However, quite a few of the women are younger. He is also one of the youngest guys in the office at 34 yrs old. Some of these women are just shameless. I dropped by the office one day and got to see a little chippy bending over in point something out on his clients records and just so happened that one of her buttons accidently on purpose popped open. Would you like to talk about livid! I heard him tell her to have some respect and button up. I just had enough. I let loose my cajun temper and mentioned to her that I would shove my foot sideways up her bum if she didnt back off and regroup. Of course, I used much smaller words for her. I had to apologize to my husband because I am sure it embarrassed him for me to act like the shrew wife. But it just was the last button. It does eat at me that he is basically like a pork chop in a back of bitch dogs. he is great looking.. distiguished.. southern manners and easy spoken. Women just seem to fall over themselves for his attentions.. vanilla women that is. I am sure that quite a few would blush if they only knew the half of it.

[fun_pairTX]

Mrs. Indy don't lose any sleep over it. If you two hadn't earned the implicit trust of the other you never could have gotten this far in our world. I get the same thing sometimes and for a 51 yr old it is a big ego stroke, Mrs Fun finds it hilarious. Some have been SO blatant I have been known to flag down Mrs Fun to get her over to where I am and assist me in extricating myself from the talons of the little wenches (we refer to them as spinners). See the humorous side please. Mrs Fun has walked up and gotten me out of a spot by saying something like "some of the things he does would probably kill someone your age" LOL.

[Devil]

Vanila women make you jealous because they want to take your man away from you, or at least think they can. The former is a threat to you, the later is an insult.

The last time I ever beat the hell out of somebody was at a college party when some guy who knew was wife was married, but had no Idea we swing, kept trying to get her to leave with him. Within hours We channeled the left over adrenaline into and intense MMF marathon with a more respectul partner, and I thorougly enjoyed watching my little she devil getting screwed silly. Oh the irony!

[BiDrywallChick]

Still.. sometimes I would like to disembowel someone with a dull fruit spoon

[starlinn]

I have been in situations like this Mrs. Indy, and it is hard. It is hard not to blame your handsome, self made, great man!! LOL.
But I think that it is more then just the flirting. I think these young tarts want what you (Mrs. Indy) have. The house, kids, SUV, etc. How nice it would be to go to PTA meetings, sit at home and take care of their MAN (Yours, in this case) They are too stupid to think that there is a mortgage, car payments, Dr Bills, dirty laundry, dishes that need to be washed, screaming kids, dog do do on the floor, etc...Like they say...the grass is always greener..but is it??
I used to tell my husband when he would talk about some woman at work and all that she has accomplished, and what she does is so great, and she looks good even after having 4 kids...."We all wake up ugly" This pretty much shut him up....LOL

[Vantabulous]

BiD,

Mr. D is great looking, distinguished, has Southern manners and he's easy spoken.

When you consider that young women find those qualities attractive, it actually begins to restore my faith in young people. I sometimes find myself despairing that the qualities that Mr. D has, especially in regards to being well-mannered and easy spoken, have become out-dated and archaic.

Such a shame that attributes that they find attractive in a man don't "spill over" and affect how they behave as "ladies". It's almost a dynamic oxymoron that a gentleman with class would be drawn to a woman who exhibits very little of it, your threat of a completely justifiable, well-placed foot, notwithstanding.

fun_pair,

If the same thing happened to me, I'm extremely confident that Mrs. Van would find it hilarious, too. Um, wait a minute...

Devil,

"Some" vanilla women... I trust mine with my life.

Van

P.S. Starlinn, how true! Although, Mrs. Van looks darned good to me lying in bed when I kiss her good-bye in the morning.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

LOL... I guess I never thought of what these little girls are missing out on! I mean, if they only knew that his "boring OLD wife" and he were up to on Saturday Nights, they would actually blush, I am sure!

OLD?? Ha! Don't give that a second thought! These young bunnies might have tight little asses and gravity-defying boobs, but they haven't got enough neurons firing between the ears to cook a piece of toast. If I were going to feel threatened by ANYone it would probably be the more mature, older women who are dripping with class. A sexy woman in her 40's, clad in a business suit, driving a Lexus or a Mercedes because she knows how to make her own money, and is comfortable letting a man know that she wants to f**k his brains out... Catches Mr.'s eye every time. Class. That one word just about sums it all up.

Originally Posted by northindycpl

One of the little tarts emailed naked pictures of herself to him! How brazen is that!

Oh...my...God. You know, the more they behave like this the more they remind me of my 10-year-old; think they're the cat's ass and that they know all there is to know (yeah, she's 10 going on 18). Whatever. Furthermore, I have to say that I lose respect for a man who falls for that infantile crap because he's thinking with the little head, not the big one.
Print the damn picture out, make a whole lot of photocopies and staple them up everywhere. Like the men's room. "For a good time call 1-900-SLUTS-R-US"

Originally Posted by northindycpl

Intuition and the others, do you have ways you adress this type of thing with the tarts? Have you ever said anything to them ot exactly how do you behave with your husbands when they are around, is it any different?

I've never had the opportunity to. I've only rarely met or even spoken on the phone to anyone Mr. works with. If you ever get a chance to, make sure you let them know in no uncertain terms just where they stand in Mr. NorthIndy's book. No fear!! You can approach them with all the confidence of a queen looking down her nose at her inferior. Which they are, in fact, if they choose to disrespect you like that. Let Bimbette know that hubby showed you her picture...she has a nice ass. Ah, to be young again! Well, we all get old, and eventually less fresh-looking with age, but some people are ugly on the inside. And stupid to boot. Have no fear, ten-fifteen years from now, Bimbette's double-D's will be sagging around her knees and she'll be wondering why her husband (you know, one of the idiots that fell for her superficial charms) has run off with yet another 22 year old Bambi. Funny thing about these young-uns: more and more of them just keep coming along. They're never in short supply. I don't know if you two are concerned about discretion, but if you're open about your lifestyle, you could let her know that, if she was horny for Mr. Indy, she could've had him. But no...she had to go disrespecting you. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Anyway, however you choose to approach the bunnies about their faux pas (if at all - Some would argue that they aren't worth your time or consideration) make sure you don't let it dissolve into a cat-fight-in-the-parking-lot. And NO TEARS! They can't make you cry. They can only take something away from you if you let them. They are NOT all that.

[Salome]

You people are great. Are you sure that your relationships w/ each other aren't affecting these 'vanillas' to the extent of radiating the type of confidence that is making you or your SO somewhat irresistable? I mean apart
from all the pain in the backside nightmares that I've found vanilla relationships to be. Also this crazy thrill of the chase, have to have what is unavailable type thing going on. One problem I've always had is the stupid desirability contest. One man I had a few yrs ago, was definitely not considered immediately desirable, but I have the type of nature that looks inside the person first. If they aren't attractive there theres no hope of me ever desiring them sexually, no matter how goodlooking they are - it shows.
A consistent problem I've had not just w/ him, but in my other vanilla relationships is as soon as a man is w/ me he becomes immediately ultra desirable, even if he could barely attract a woman prior. Part of it is being in the 'arts' and all the insincerity that goes w/ that. I'd love to have had one girlfriend that I could trust not to disappoint me by going after my man behind
my back. To end maybe you should where appropriate let the ding dongs know about your lifestyle choice, then take a photo of them heading for the hills, as they realize they don't have the power they thought they had! Most won't be too crazy about the lifestyle either, (correct me if I'm wrong). The would be partner that thought he was trying to introduce me to this life, was a 'vanilla' trying to use me as a ticket, for his own grattification. Plus he'd be off as soon as he found someone worthy of him, 18-25s. I kept busting him of course, & 'cause I don't cheat full stop - no matter how sex crazed I am from being celibate for yrs, I was not willing to go against genuine swingers by letting this turkey in! Guess I'm only a swinger mentally thus far, but does that make me still a vanilla. Oh no! xxx.

[CuriousFemale40]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

But now things are a bit different. I have to admit that I have always been the protective type in the vanilla world. I mean let's face it, Mr. Indy is a great catch. But he has been caught, and therefore he is out of the sea. Why can't these girls just leave him alone? I do not think he does anything knowingly to entice them. I don't think that he does anything to solicit them or to dishonor me at all. I think that he is one helluva nice guy, and these young girls like him. Not to mention, that he has reached the age where he is now somewhat distinguished. And he is at the age where most vanilla men start "the mid-life" and I think these girls know that and think they are in the Trophy Wife running. I am certain that Mr. Indy likes the attention, who wouldn't, but I cannot seem to find a happy medium with this issue.

The issue lies with these girls, really. Although I have lashed out at him a few times over this. (which may not have been reasonable) My anger really lies with these girls. And it seems like it is a new one all the time. They are all girls that work for him, they are all early 20's and honestly just idiots. I mean I couldn't even write a magazine ad with the amount of knowledge between them.

I don’t know the whole situation, but I feel it lies with Mr. Indy to handle, not you. If you handle it for him, you’ll end up looking like the jealous wife. This could give these girls more fuel by saying ‘I’m not the jealous type like your wife is’.

I openly flirt with men. I don’t do anything behind my man’s back that I wouldn’t do in front of him. Because I engage in this behavior, ‘I’ve’ given the green light that it’s all right to flirt with me. Every action has a reaction. If I made it clear to these men that it wasn’t acceptable to flirt with me, through body language or verbal communication, I’m sure 99% of them wouldn’t.

As I say, I don’t know the whole situation, but is it possible that Mr. Indy has given the green light to these girls to flirt with him? I’m sure he enjoys it because I know that I love the attention. However, knowing my man as I do, ‘I’ would put a stop to anything that I know makes him feel uncomfortable, and, I wouldn’t put him a position where he felt that he had to intervene.

JMO, but I think that he may need to be a little more assertive, and tell these girls to stop!