Jealousy

ThumpMusic · 11-15-2004, 02:01 AM

So my gf and i had been together for 2 1/2 years and broke up about three months ago. We recently got back together, but while we were apart she went out with another guy and they were orally involved. I'm having a really hard time getting over it and i'm not quite sure what to do. I feel hurt and betrayed that she would go off and do something like that. I understand that we were apart(especially since a got drunk and had a fling of my own). But i feel that my event was meaningless as i was drunk. I'm hurt by the fact that she was emotionally and physically involved with someone else. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as this is proving to be a rather large block for me in this relationship. I guess i'm looking for some rational thought i can apply to this situation which as an insider i cant do. thanks!

kimnbob · 11-15-2004, 06:52 AM

Get over it. You cheated. I doesn't matter if you were drunk or not. She didn't cheat. You guys weren't together any more. BTW this is Bob, not Kim.

kimnbob · 11-15-2004, 06:56 AM

OK, maybe I read this wrong. If you're "fling" was during the break upp period, it's no different than hers. If it was before the break up, you cheated. Alcohol is never an excuse for anything.

curiousagain · 11-15-2004, 07:36 AM

Thump, I searched your other post including your introduction. Are you more worried about her emotional involvement with this person, or that you weren't there, or what? I think you're age is having a lot to do with it. I am really having a hard time with the fact that you're interested in swinging, but you are freaking because she had oral sex with one person while you were broken up even though you had sex with someone. If you are that upset over it, I think you need to realize the swing world is not for you. And, if you truly love her, I think this may be a sticking point but one that you can quickly scrape away. Also, given the fact you did the same/more, I think if you really love each other, just yell do over and let it go.

dave110256 · 11-15-2004, 07:59 AM

I agree with curiousagain.........if you are curious and interested in swinging, what's the problem? I hope you are not looking to cheat on your girlfriend but requiring her to be loyal and exclusive to you.
If this isn't the case, forget about the past and get on with the present.......life is too short to dwell on the past.

11-15-2004, 08:04 AM

I am jealous of my GF who had a ex lover 20 years younger, in a way it is a big turn on knowing this young man gave her all she could handle and more. She claims she never climax with him, what do you guys think?

wildwife1010 · 11-15-2004, 09:14 AM

If you have jealousy issues over oral sex while you were split up you have no business even considering the swinging lifestyle..

Vespertine · 11-15-2004, 10:12 AM

I'm in agreement with the other posters. You probably shouldn't pursue swinging if you're jealous over something that happened when you and your girlfriend were broken up.

I hope you're not letting her involvement with another man and your jealously get between you two. You need to learn to let go and remember, your girlfriend is with you now. This happened when you were apart and has nothing to do with you.

I hope you're not making her feel badly about this. It will most likely just push her away. Try your best to move on and forget about it.

HotCoupleGnS · 11-15-2004, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vespertine

I'm in agreement with the other posters. You probably shouldn't pursue swinging if you're jealous over something that happened when you and your girlfriend were broken up.

I hope you're not letting her involvement with another man and your jealously get between you two. You need to learn to let go and remember, your girlfriend is with you now. This happened when you were apart and has nothing to do with you.

I hope you're not making her feel badly about this. It will most likely just push her away. Try your best to move on and forget about it.

Very good advice! If you don't forget about it & move on you will probably lose her. Swinging probably isn't a good idea for you guys anytime soon.

SexhoundDog · 11-15-2004, 10:57 AM

I don't think the original post is even about swinging if I read it right. Unless I'm missing something, it's about a guy and gal who broke up, each played around a little, and now they're back. Stuff happens when you break up, what can I say? I think what we have here is some pretty young folks who haven't been with many others, and he can't believe she'd have sexual relations, even if he does.

Sorry pal, it's a two way street. The reason I even responded to this is the "I was drunk" comment really hit my funny bone. Guys I lived with in college used to say exactly that in jest when they'd picked up a less than desirable girl or done something stupid. It hit my funny bone because I believe you think that alcohol somehow excuses you from your behavior and it's somehow OK because "I was drunk." How stupid, but people use this sorry excuse all the time, from screwing people to murder.

curiousagain · 11-15-2004, 11:00 AM

The OP had introduced himself as someone fresh out of a relationship that was interested in swinging, etc. check his previous post.

Dave_kat · 11-15-2004, 11:52 AM

Heck, I wonder if that would count as an excuse in a paternity suit.. "Your Honor, it's not my fault, I was drunk and I didn't know she could get pregnant."

Is this guy perhaps interested in swinging to see his girlfriend with another woman? It's about the only reason I can think of, with the jealousy issues.

curiousagain · 11-15-2004, 12:25 PM

Thumpmusic, I know you feel like we are beating you up over this, but I really don't think that is the case, just saying if you love this woman and she loves you then don't worry about it and if you're jealous over this swinging is NOT for you. Just trying to save you a lot of pain. If you can't stand the THOUGHT of her having oral sex with another guy, how are you going to handle SEEING and HEARING her have sex with another guy??? I have seen guys really getting into it until they realize their wife is getting physical pleasure from it then it's a whole new game for them.

At this point, my advice to you is put your jealousy aside and work things out with her if you both want to do that. Set swinging aside for a few years. You're plenty young to do that. Plenty of time for extra stuff later, work on the relationship right now.

confunktion · 11-15-2004, 01:15 PM

Level of drunkeness is never an excuse for any action. Ever.

Sorry, sore spot with me. Gotta agree with the others here. You have to get past this or your relationship will suffer. If your relationship suffers, there is no way a swinging lifestyle will work. It all interrelates, my good man. Work on improving yourself in this area, and good things will happen. Good luck.

**Alura** · 11-15-2004, 01:53 PM

I have to go along with SexHoundDog. Being drunk is a terrible excuse for having done something.

Unless someone held you down and poured alcohol down your throat, it is your fault that you were drunk, hense, your fault for having cheated.

I once was at a party in London when a big brute of a man beat the holy hell out of a gentle hippy because he'd talked to his girlfriend. The next day the girlfriend apologized to everyone, including the flower person, explaining that the guy was drunk and therefore, not fully responsible for his actions.

Bullshit!

I'd suggest you apologize to your girlfriend and try to make amends. Better yet, you might set her free so she can find someone more mature and in better control of himself.

Mr. Alura

Swingers Ads	Swinger Pics	Swinger Stories	Shopping	Search Swingers	Swingers Clubs	Swinger Articles	Dictionary	FAQs	Swinger Links
Forums	Register	Swinger Events	Search	Today's Posts	Mark Forums Read	Chat Room [3]

11-15-2004, 02:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
ThumpMusic Active Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 11 Location: Los Angeles Status: Single Male	Jealousy So my gf and i had been together for 2 1/2 years and broke up about three months ago. We recently got back together, but while we were apart she went out with another guy and they were orally involved. I'm having a really hard time getting over it and i'm not quite sure what to do. I feel hurt and betrayed that she would go off and do something like that. I understand that we were apart(especially since a got drunk and had a fling of my own). But i feel that my event was meaningless as i was drunk. I'm hurt by the fact that she was emotionally and physically involved with someone else. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as this is proving to be a rather large block for me in this relationship. I guess i'm looking for some rational thought i can apply to this situation which as an insider i cant do. thanks!

11-15-2004, 06:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
kimnbob Here to Stay Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 19 Location: Florida Status: Single Male	Re: Jealousy Get over it. You cheated. I doesn't matter if you were drunk or not. She didn't cheat. You guys weren't together any more. BTW this is Bob, not Kim.

11-15-2004, 06:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
kimnbob Here to Stay Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 19 Location: Florida Status: Single Male	Re: Jealousy OK, maybe I read this wrong. If you're "fling" was during the break upp period, it's no different than hers. If it was before the break up, you cheated. Alcohol is never an excuse for anything.

11-15-2004, 07:36 AM	#4 (permalink)
curiousagain A gentleman never tells Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 2,131 Location: Southeastern USA Status: half of a couple	Re: Jealousy Thump, I searched your other post including your introduction. Are you more worried about her emotional involvement with this person, or that you weren't there, or what? I think you're age is having a lot to do with it. I am really having a hard time with the fact that you're interested in swinging, but you are freaking because she had oral sex with one person while you were broken up even though you had sex with someone. If you are that upset over it, I think you need to realize the swing world is not for you. And, if you truly love her, I think this may be a sticking point but one that you can quickly scrape away. Also, given the fact you did the same/more, I think if you really love each other, just yell do over and let it go.
	__________________ Why is it we can pleasure ourselves but not tickle ourselves?

11-15-2004, 07:59 AM	#5 (permalink)
dave110256 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 308 Location: Maine Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:dave110256	Re: Jealousy I agree with curiousagain.........if you are curious and interested in swinging, what's the problem? I hope you are not looking to cheat on your girlfriend but requiring her to be loyal and exclusive to you. If this isn't the case, forget about the past and get on with the present.......life is too short to dwell on the past.

11-15-2004, 08:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
Dallas050 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Jealousy I am jealous of my GF who had a ex lover 20 years younger, in a way it is a big turn on knowing this young man gave her all she could handle and more. She claims she never climax with him, what do you guys think?
Dallas050 Guest Posts: n/a

11-15-2004, 09:14 AM	#7 (permalink)
wildwife1010 Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 42 Location: KY Status: Couple	Re: Jealousy If you have jealousy issues over oral sex while you were split up you have no business even considering the swinging lifestyle..

11-15-2004, 10:12 AM	#8 (permalink)
Vespertine Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,688 Location: Shangri La Status: Happily Married	Re: Jealousy I'm in agreement with the other posters. You probably shouldn't pursue swinging if you're jealous over something that happened when you and your girlfriend were broken up. I hope you're not letting her involvement with another man and your jealously get between you two. You need to learn to let go and remember, your girlfriend is with you now. This happened when you were apart and has nothing to do with you. I hope you're not making her feel badly about this. It will most likely just push her away. Try your best to move on and forget about it.
	__________________ Ves The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral.

11-15-2004, 10:57 AM	#10 (permalink)
SexhoundDog Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 357 Location: Colorado Status: M.Male	Re: Jealousy I don't think the original post is even about swinging if I read it right. Unless I'm missing something, it's about a guy and gal who broke up, each played around a little, and now they're back. Stuff happens when you break up, what can I say? I think what we have here is some pretty young folks who haven't been with many others, and he can't believe she'd have sexual relations, even if he does. Sorry pal, it's a two way street. The reason I even responded to this is the "I was drunk" comment really hit my funny bone. Guys I lived with in college used to say exactly that in jest when they'd picked up a less than desirable girl or done something stupid. It hit my funny bone because I believe you think that alcohol somehow excuses you from your behavior and it's somehow OK because "I was drunk." How stupid, but people use this sorry excuse all the time, from screwing people to murder.

11-15-2004, 11:00 AM	#11 (permalink)
curiousagain A gentleman never tells Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 2,131 Location: Southeastern USA Status: half of a couple	Re: Jealousy The OP had introduced himself as someone fresh out of a relationship that was interested in swinging, etc. check his previous post.
	__________________ Why is it we can pleasure ourselves but not tickle ourselves?

11-15-2004, 11:52 AM	#12 (permalink)
Dave_kat Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 291 Location: Savannah, Ga Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:Dave_kat	Re: Jealousy Heck, I wonder if that would count as an excuse in a paternity suit.. "Your Honor, it's not my fault, I was drunk and I didn't know she could get pregnant." Is this guy perhaps interested in swinging to see his girlfriend with another woman? It's about the only reason I can think of, with the jealousy issues.
	__________________ Reality is based on perception, therefore everyone has their own reality.

11-15-2004, 12:25 PM	#13 (permalink)
curiousagain A gentleman never tells Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 2,131 Location: Southeastern USA Status: half of a couple	Re: Jealousy Thumpmusic, I know you feel like we are beating you up over this, but I really don't think that is the case, just saying if you love this woman and she loves you then don't worry about it and if you're jealous over this swinging is NOT for you. Just trying to save you a lot of pain. If you can't stand the THOUGHT of her having oral sex with another guy, how are you going to handle SEEING and HEARING her have sex with another guy??? I have seen guys really getting into it until they realize their wife is getting physical pleasure from it then it's a whole new game for them. At this point, my advice to you is put your jealousy aside and work things out with her if you both want to do that. Set swinging aside for a few years. You're plenty young to do that. Plenty of time for extra stuff later, work on the relationship right now.
	__________________ Why is it we can pleasure ourselves but not tickle ourselves?

11-15-2004, 01:15 PM	#14 (permalink)
confunktion This Village's Idiot Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 358 Location: Wisconsin Status: Male, happily spoken for	Re: Jealousy Level of drunkeness is never an excuse for any action. Ever. Sorry, sore spot with me. Gotta agree with the others here. You have to get past this or your relationship will suffer. If your relationship suffers, there is no way a swinging lifestyle will work. It all interrelates, my good man. Work on improving yourself in this area, and good things will happen. Good luck.
	__________________ The cool points are out the window, and I'm all twisted up in the game...

11-15-2004, 01:53 PM	#15 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,135 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Re: Jealousy I have to go along with SexHoundDog. Being drunk is a terrible excuse for having done something. Unless someone held you down and poured alcohol down your throat, it is your fault that you were drunk, hense, your fault for having cheated. I once was at a party in London when a big brute of a man beat the holy hell out of a gentle hippy because he'd talked to his girlfriend. The next day the girlfriend apologized to everyone, including the flower person, explaining that the guy was drunk and therefore, not fully responsible for his actions. Bullshit! I'd suggest you apologize to your girlfriend and try to make amends. Better yet, you might set her free so she can find someone more mature and in better control of himself. Mr. Alura
	__________________ "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." —Will Rogers

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Jealousy?	Mr&Mrs-naughty	Jealousy	22	09-28-2004 09:55 PM
jealousy	cplhavngfun	Jealousy	14	09-13-2004 09:01 PM

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode