Need help with my feelings from our first MFM experience & jealousy

[cpl1355]

Hello All! My wife and I have always enjoyed this board, but this is our first post here. You see, my wife and I experienced our first MFM encounter this past week while out of town on vacation. It went very well with the single guy that we met.
A little background on how this all came to fruition: I have always had a fantasy of watching my wife being pleasured by another man (orally and penetration). After discussing this thoroughly with my wife for the past 6-8 months, she finally agreed to pursue this with me, mostly out of her own curiousity and how horny it made her feel (knowing I was watching her have sex with another man). We have been married for over 8 years and are very secure in our marriage and have always had open and honest communication between the two of us. We were going into this to see where we could take our relationship, both mentally and sexually.
After a lengthy process to indentify the right guy, we met for drinks and one thing led to another and before you know it we were back at our hotel room doing things that I had only fantasized about in the past. My wife was totally into it and did well for her first time. In no way at any time did I feel jealous, or insecure about what was happening, in fact some of the things my wife did was totally spontaneous and hot and I definately took pleasure in it. I participated in the experience as well as sat on the "sidelines" as an observer at certain moments. I was very happy that she enjoyed the experience. In fact, a couple of days later, after a hot night on the town, my wife suggested we call our single guy to see if he wanted to join us again. He came over that night (literally running to our room at the thought of a second encounter) and we all enjoyed another pleasurable evening of hot steamy MFM sex.
Anyway, we are back home now, back to our regular everyday lives. My wife and I have "de-briefed" about what had occured on our vacation and she now wants to continue with this lifestyle and I am in agreement with her. Here is my concern or rather my confusion: Since getting back from our vacation, my wife has felt the "need" or "urge" to stay in touch with our new found single friend via e-mail. She had sent him 3 e-mails since being home and included several intimate pictures that we took during our encounter with him. I have questioned her about her motives regarding this communication and her response has been that she enjoyed the "thrill" and "newness" of the expereince so much with this guy, that she wants to continue "teasing" him with the hope that we can meet again some time down the road for another sex session. I am okay with this because I know this is just harmless fun, but as a human being ones mind tends to wander, especially with this being our first expereince, that the newness for her (new guy, new touch, new feel, new sensations, etc.) has given her other motives for her actions. I do not want to confront her and upset her if I am wrong because that would make her feel like she is doing something wrong and going forward in this lifestyle she would be hesitant to pursue her feelings. But how can I overcome this confusion? It's not jealousy at all, but I honestly cannot explain what I'm feeling. Whether it is real or just in my head? I want us to continue with this lifestyle. We had a wonderful "first" experience, but I just need some help/advice with getting through this post-MFM event. Have any of you out there had to deal with anything like this?

Any comments would be greatly appreciated!!
Cpl1355

[garymichelle]

just relax and remember she is urs. at this time she is getting the attention from the other guy. doesnt mean she doesnt want u. it will pass.

[jcbicouple]

Tell her how you're feeling, after all, this is new to you too. You need to talk about this openly so that it doesn't turn into jealousy later. You both need to be in agreement with how much communication and sharing go on after an experience, as well as how "close" her relationship to your friend can be.

[Botcpl]

You should both remember this is a TEAM sport.

P & V

[Buck]

Originally Posted by cpl1355

A little background on how this all came to fruition: I have always had a fantasy of watching my wife being pleasured by another man (orally and penetration). After discussing this thoroughly with my wife for the past 6-8 months, she finally agreed to pursue this with me, mostly out of her own curiousity and how horny it made her feel (knowing I was watching her have sex with another man).
Cpl1355

Since it seems you encouraged your wife to do this, it seems you should have thought through the possible ramifications of actually going through with your fantasy. It also seems to me that if you give your wife a hard time about continuing the e-mail contacts, you may alienate her from participating with you again and cause her to distrust your future urgings, whatever they may be. I guess the lesson here is to do like so many others on this board have recommended and discuss all these issues beforehand, and set rules for the both of you. One possible rule could have been no contact with the third party after the out of town meetings unless you both are involved. Hindsight is always 20-20 so it may be too late for that now.
You probably just need to let this one run its course and see what happens.
Many would consider you fortunate for your wife to agree to live out your fantasy. I say leave well enough alone. Good luck you lucky devil!

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by Buck

Since it seems you encouraged your wife to do this, it seems you should have thought through the possible ramifications of actually going through with your fantasy. It also seems to me that if you give your wife a hard time about continuing the e-mail contacts, you may alienate her from participating with you again and cause her to distrust your future urgings, whatever they may be. I guess the lesson here is to do like so many others on this board have recommended and discuss all these issues beforehand, and set rules for the both of you. One possible rule could have been no contact with the third party after the out of town meetings unless you both are involved. Hindsight is always 20-20 so it may be too late for that now.
You probably just need to let this one run its course and see what happens.
Many would consider you fortunate for your wife to agree to live out your fantasy. I say leave well enough alone. Good luck you lucky devil!

Sorry, But that's poor advice. Talk now and do not let things "run thier course" if it makes you uncomfortable. Yes, Hind sight is 20/20 but you learn from it, talk about it, and if new rules need to be set or old rules need to be amended you do so. You don't just say Oh well, I guess I should have thought about that 1st. Talk to your wife and establish rules/boundries that work for the two of you. Everything else will fall into place.

[cpl1355]

Thanks to everyone for your help and advise on this matter. You know the funny thing with this is that we have had an open communication channel before and after this experience. She has always been reassuring and totally honest about what she experienced. We had so much fun for our first time with the single guy we met that he wanted to "keep in touch" with us. This is where the e-mailing started. Don't get me wrong, the guy we met was very much a gentlemen and was very patient and attentative with my wife. He made sure that during the sex my wife was comfortable with what he was doing, as well as being very accomodative. In our post-experience conversations my wife has said that she was most aroused and turned on with the way he made her feel, giving compliments about her body and telling her how sexy she was. She says that when I make comments like that to her it is "expected" and she knows how I already feel. She explains that it was such a huge turn-on to hear those things from a total stranger. She also mentioned that another turn-on for her was the fact that I had allowed her to have sex with another man without any reprocutions or feelings of guilt. We had a conversation last night about the whole e-mail thing. I explained to her that I was okay with the e-mails as long as there was nothing to hide and if it was purely for "teasing" sake. She assured me again that that was all it was and that she would never hide anything from me. She sent another e-mail to our single friend this morning (she allowed me to read it before she sent it). In her e-mail she has inquired about the possiblity of our single friend to travel to our home town for us to meet up again. We had briefly discussed this happening, but nothing was ever decided upon. I did not say anything about this to my wife for fear of it turning into some type of argument. You know its not about jealousy or insecurity for me, it has more to do with trying to figure out why my wife is doing what she is doing......at this point I still feel a little lost.

[jcbicouple]

We know you still feel a little lost but you're on the right track!
Just keep talking. We would advise that you discuss the things that have you uneasy though. Delaying a conversation because you don't want to cause an arguement will likely cause issues in the future. Keep talking and if you argue a bit..........Well, That happens in relationships sometimes. She needs to realize that this isn't only about her. Good luck!!

[WesternSwing]

cpl1355, what you are feeling is jealousy, however slight it may be. I know, because I've been there. After our first swinging experience (which was with a couple) my wife had allot of contact with the husband of the other couple, and some with the wife, but not as much since her job was mostly out of the office calling on clients, so she was not at a computer all day and available for emails back and forth. It was all the newness of it, and in some subconcious way (as we later came to realize) she was trying to justify all that had happened, trying to come to terms with her "naughty" side, and getting closer to them (and I felt him in particular) made it okay.

And allot of it also was the elation she felt that she was attractive and sexy to people other than me. A normal response.

We talked, and talked about it. We had to because it was eating at me. For a while I felt she was having more contact with them (mostly him) on a daily basis then me. She would text message both of them, email him at work, and he'd email back, and she'd text message back, etc. I felt I didn't hear crap from her all day unless it was about picking up a kid or something.

But, it wore off. We met more people. Had other experiences. They kind of drifted away (we rarely hear from them at all anymore). And these issues have never come up with anybody we have swung with since. In fact, it is quite the opposite now. We talk, text message, and IM each other all day.

So yes, I'd bet it ends as the newness wears off. But that doesn't mean you should just sit by idle. You should talk to her about how it makes you feel. She may not know the extent of your feelings if you have just mentioned it in passing.

Mr. WS

As long as she is open with her emails to him and is not hiding anything from you I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[flassh]

cpl1355: I suggest you pick up the current issue of Oprah's Magazine...I think its "O"


Anyways, there are several articles relating to what goes on with sex and humans....Some of the articles were so very well written and I believe will help you understand the female side of the situation. Check the local library if you don't want to buy it.

As far as your feelings...I think you are a great guy for being honest with your feelings and you should let them out by talking them through with your wife.