Want to go to a swingers club but afraid another woman might hit on him

[Cheekyimp1]

My hubby and I have been in the lifestyle on and off for about 2 1/2 years. He really wants to go to a swingers club but I'm afraid that another woman will hit on him. We've discussed having another woman and both of us aren't really interested. Thing is I'm afraid I'll feel jealous of the other woman. I've discussed this with him and he's assured me that he only wants me. I'm not sure if we should go but on the other hand I want to make him happy because, after all, he's letting me have other men. He's an amazing man and I know he would never leave me but I guess I'm a typical woman with typical insecurities. Is there any way I can deal with this? Thanks

[fun_pairTX]

Hi Cheeky,

We really think you need to examine your thoughts here. Swinging is sex and not love. You shouldn't really be swinging at all until you reconcile your feelings between sex/love/and security. If you go to a club you are both going to be hit on, after all that is the whole idea. Settle your feelings with yourself and then your Mr, then you can take whatever path you want to from there. Best of Luck

[sepacouple]

From what we understand (or at least at the club we go to) NO means NO. While that does not stop someone from hitting on someone else it usually would mean that you would not have people just literally jumping on each other without thier consent.

Now a free for all orgy is a different story , but I don't think that is the situation you are refering to.

[good times]

I agree with fun pair, well said. If you go to the club you both will recieve offers, if thats a problem, I wouldn't go. True you can always say no, but if just the idea of a woman hitting on your husband is a problem, I would steer clear of the clubs.

[JustAskJulie]

Sounds like you have some serious jealousy issues to work out, if you are jealous of another woman even hitting on your guy. Most likely yes if you go to a swingers club you will both be hit on by people and if you can't deal with that you shouldn't go. But just because someone hits on him doesn't mean he has to play with her.

You should be flattered that other women find your husband attractive. In the end he's going home with you.

[De and Ci]

Chickyimp1, What is the extent of your involvement in the lifestyle? Based on what you wrote-your strictly into mmf. How do you meet couples now? Why are you so worried about him? Apparently he has no issues with you and another guy. Why is it such a problem if another girl hits on him? If he said he's not interested in another girl and you have an agreement that you guys swing with guys only, what are you worried about? If you don't trust him why are you doing this?

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by Cheekyimp1

My hubby and I have been in the lifestyle on and off for about 2 1/2 years. He really wants to go to a swingers club but I'm afraid that another woman will hit on him. We've discussed having another woman and both of us aren't really interested. Thing is I'm afraid I'll feel jealous of the other woman. I've discussed this with him and he's assured me that he only wants me. I'm not sure if we should go but on the other hand I want to make him happy because, after all, he's letting me have other men. He's an amazing man and I know he would never leave me but I guess I'm a typical woman with typical insecurities. Is there any way I can deal with this? Thanks

Cheeky, We wouldn't worry too much about the other girls. If you don't want to play with them...just don't. Most are polite enough not to just hit on your husband, or do anything that would make you uncomfortable. Your insecurities are not abnormal. We all have them and everyone (or most we have talked to) get scared the first time they plan on going to a club. We (mostly C the female) was petrified!! Scared to death that there would be all of these beautiful women around and she would be feeling like an icky frump....Reality is that everyone is so nice, you will feel at home quickly, and everyone is "normal" looking. Very rare to see Ken and Barbie type people at the swing clubs. They do go there, but again the atmosphere tends to be so layed back that it's not uncomfortable. You not wanting to play with other women is no different from the men that don't want to play with other men. There are a lot of couples that only want FFM...so you want MMF. No biggie. Relax, go, enjoy yourself and know that your husband says he's ok with not playing with the women. Maybe someday you'll be comfortable with that, and if you are...great, but if you aren't....as long as it works for you two then don't worry about it. What matters is that you are both in agreement as to what you want and don't want. Have fun!!!

[hotblonde47]

One of our first successful experiences with swinging was MFM. I had a ball but knew that hubby wanted to have other experiences with females. I didn't think I could handle that. However, when it happened it was actually OK, I didn't feel the jealousy I expected to feel, I enjoyed the fact that he was having as much fun as I was. You won't know until you try but after the first time you have to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, about how you felt and where you go from there.

Posted by jcbicouple:

You not wanting to play with other women is no different from the men that don't want to play with other men. There are a lot of couples that only want FFM...so you want MMF. No biggie. Relax, go, enjoy yourself and know that your husband says he's ok with not playing with the women. Maybe someday you'll be comfortable with that, and if you are...great, but if you aren't....as long as it works for you two then don't worry about it. What matters is that you are both in agreement as to what you want and don't want. Have fun!!!

Very well said!

[Bu&Sandra]

Cheeky,
I have to say I can understand your fears, that said if you are truly into letting your husband enjoy himself as much as he let's you enjoy yourself, it won;t bother you. I thought for sure that the first time my hubby and I swapped I would be eaten up by jealousy. I was just as interested in swapping as he was but yet jealousy is jealousy. Mentally I understand the difference between love and sex and sex is like anyother sport except ESPN doesn;t broadcast it yet.
The first time we swapped it was a full swap in the same room. I thought for sure that when I looked over ot the other bed and saw my husband eatting another woman I would flip. Instead it was so hot to see him enjoying it so much while i was getting eatten. It was amazing..Then to be making out with my husband while another man ate me was incredible. Not to mention that when they left the love making between Bu and I was killer.
Don;t be afraid, try it and if you don;t like no one says you have to do it again.

[exploringideas]

I think the key to not having a lot of jealousy comes down to respect and feeling in control of the situation. As long as you feel as though you are respected and that you can trust your husband, you should be okay. When it comes to women flirting with your husband, simply stay with him and when a woman introduces herself (which is going to happen, I would imagine) then politely join into the conversation and introduce yourself as well. As long as the woman knows you two are a package deal and that you only swing together, there shouldn't be a problem with any self-respecting woman. I personally, would want to be friendly with the woman so that she would know there is noooo reason for her to be jealous. As a matter of fact, when I have been chatting with the male of the couple online recently, I have first chatted with the woamn and made sure that she is okay with us chatting (and nothing else) when she is not around. My husband is okay with it, but I don't want jealousy to ever become an issue. I want the woman to know she is respected and that it is a no-go unless she is happy with it. If ay person he talks to, flirts with, etc... understands that, you can keep the jealousy issues ot a minimum. Even in swinging, there are many boundaries that are individual to each couple and I always intend to respect those.

[Pogi]

Like you, my wife and I talked about going to a swingers club for some time. We were excited but extremely nervous. My suggestion is to go but agree ahead of time what you will/won't do. In our case, my wife and I had a ball (no pun intended) running around nude having sex (with each other) in all sorts of places (there was one room with sex swings, which were great). Several guys hit on her but she politely said no. Finally there was one guy who was very polite and gentle and she let him, but she was kissing my cock at the time. This was one of my fantasies which we'd discussed ahead of time. So, try it but let your husband know your concerns and ask him to respect your boundaries. I think that's fair.

[dave110256]

My wife and I wanted to go to a swingers club also while we were in Las Vegas. We got as far as the front door of the Green Door swingers club. The area looked very "seedy" with quite a few weird looking men hanging around the front entrance. We sat in the car for a while trying to get up the nerve to go in. We both had bad feelings about the surroundings and the men standing around the front door so we never went in.
Instead we found an attractive young lady we shared a wonderful evening with........at our hotel.
We hope someday to find a nice club to go to.

[SmoothSailing]

Cheeky, have you a major problem with your husband and your relationship. There are two things possibly going on. One, you and your husband have already invited another man to your bed. And now, your husband wants another women and you are telling him no because you just can't bare to see it. Or you have been thinking about it for 2 1/2 years and he is saying to you that he doesn't mind in hopes that you will give him permission to have sex with another women. If you have already had a threesome with another man and your husband and you deny him another woman, he needs to dump you. I guarantee you that your husband will grow to hate you, if you continue this insane jealousy. Your husband is not wanting to marry another woman. He is wanting for you and himself to enjoy sex. Best of luck, but I would guess that your relationship is over.

[AZ Dreaming]

Wow! A little harsh SmoothSailing..... Every couple has their own starting point and comfort zone, Cheeky. As long as you and your husband are ok with where you are then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I had very similar issues when my husband and I started out. I felt insecure and afraid when it came to the thought of sharing my husband with another woman. My husband was very understanding and patient and we started by doing the things that weren't too far out of my comfort zone. Little by little I stepped further out of that comfort zone as my zone expanded until I was actually able to get to that point.

It sounds like you would like to get past this issue for your husband's sake. But, it should be about you as a couple. One thing that we have found is that as we have expanded our comfort zones and allowed eachother to experience different things, the level of trust between us has become incredibly strong and it has gotten me through many of my "issues".

If you want to go to the club, don't let fear or the "what ifs" stop you. What I would suggest you do is discuss what is allowable before you go and just stick to it. The first time my husband and I went to a club, we decided that we weren't going to do anything with anyone else that night, just look around, maybe meet a few people and see what it was all about. That's just what we did (although we were so turned on when we got home that we were ripping each others clothes off as soon as we got in the door!).

If you would like to discuss this some more with me, just send me a pm. Sometimes it does help to talk to someone with similar fears or insecurities as yourself, I've found.

Good luck!

S