The blind leading the blind?

[saranmark]

Okay, I have a question. (Yes, another one... )

We have yet to have our first actual swinging experience. We have gone the route of posting an ad, and we have gotten numerous responses, but none of them seem to be compatible to us.

Until we received one this past weekend. It seems like we really might "click" with this couple. The thing is: They haven't yet had an actual experience either.

Do you think we are courting disaster- to get a group of newbies together, all for the first experience?

It seems rather comforting to me, knowing that they won't know what to do any more than we will, but if NONE of us knows when to make the first move, when the time is right, etc, -- that would be bad, too.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?? Should our first experience be with an experienced couple?

Any thoughts on this would help...

SARA

[windsor4fun2]

A lot of it will depend on the couples involved I think. An experienced couple would most likely be more relaxed and able to "direct" things better due to less first time butterflies but the first time with a new couple whether everyone is experienced or not is still the first time.

An experienced couple may be more likely to remember to get all ground rules established before play begins. This is a good reason for starting with an experienced couple. Most problems that I have seen have been with different expectations and mis-communication.

However, as long as you communicate well between yourselves and the other couple and establish everyones expectations and how they shall be met things should go well. Take baby steps as you start and establish what everyone is comfortable with. You should be fine.

Jesse

[Michcouple]

And we think that winsor4fun gave a great response

[JustAskJulie]

The most important thing is that you are all comfortable with each other.

Since you are all newbies I would highly suggest that you make you sure you all sit and talk about your boundaries and preferences.

Recalling our first experience with a couple. They were also fairly new to things and we didn't really discuss everything ahead of time which led to some problems. Like they didn't let us know that they prefer everyone in the same bed, which wouldn't have been a problem for us.

There were also things that as newbies none of us had figured out about ourselves (like that the other guy preferred to watch rather than be actively involved) which led to issues.

The more you can talk to the other couple and get to know them and their desires/prefs/boundaries... and just feel comfortable with them in general, the better off you will be.

[Alura]

Our first experience was with a newby couple; it was great fun.

You might suggest to the other couple, before y'all play, that they do some browsing through the "New Swingers" Forum and read this thread as well. There is a lot of good advice on this board which should better prepare y'all.

Mr. Alura

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by saranmark
It seems rather comforting to me, knowing that they won't know what to do any more than we will, but if NONE of us knows when to make the first move, when the time is right, etc, -- that would be bad, too.

Everyone has given you excellent advice. I want to just expound on making sure the communication is very good between the four of you BEFORE you attempt any sort of play activity. The funny thing is...we have discovered that this sort of stress also comes with meeting new couples, even though we are now considered experienced of sorts. What we have come to find out is that, sometimes it just evolves naturally, even when the ground rules were set specifically to not play. As long as everyone is communicating as it occurs, then it works out wonderfully. Again, the key word communication.

As you don't say what your plans are (if any) as to where and how you were going to meet... I'd suggest taking a look through the SWINGERS GAMES forum. There are some great ice breaker games in there, any where from mild to wild.

Also, my most favorite ice breaker is a hot tub.

[Brit_Pair]

All we'll add to what's been said already is that we played for the first time with another pair of newbies, and it worked out fine. In fact, it only whetted our appetite for more, and we're still playing with the same couple.

Just agree to play things by ear: let any play happen without undue forcing.

So long as you're comfortable with each other, can communicate with one another, set out and agree on your mutual limits in advance, and take things at the pace of the slowest person(s) present, you'll be fine.

Enjoy yourselves!

[Brit_Pair]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
Also, my most favorite ice breaker is a hot tub.

Mrs O, you and Jamie should go into business together as hot tub sales reps! Just one year's commission would pay for ten year's worth of SwingersBoard member meets!

[SexhoundDog]

I would think it would be GREAT fun with a couple in your same straits! If both couples are pleased with each other's lovemaking prior to sharing with others and you set groundrules like everyone has mentioned in previous posts, I'd think you'll have a ball.

What I also think might be kind of fun and maybe a good icebreaker is for you all to log into this site when you get together, perhaps read some of the articles, and I'd certainly go to Swinger Games and see if one of them sounded interesting to all of you.

You go!! Have fun, I envy you.

[Elusive BiFem]

Everyone has already mentioned setting ground rules and that sort of thing and I agree. Also, I really liked SexhoundDog's idea about logging into the Board and reading some of the posts. You might even want to have certain ones "marked" for reading together. That would certainly be an excellent way to start and keep communication going.

Super idea SexhoundDog!!

The other thing I would like to mention in terms of establishing rules and boundaries...you may want to discuss with them the fact that since ya'll are both new and as such, haven't had the opportunity to really know exactly what rules and boundaries to establish, that everyone get together a day or two later over dinner/coffee/drinks - or even on the phone if time is a factor - to discuss how things went, how each person felt, and all the things that felt just great and maybe those that didn't.

This is essentially what happened with my first experience and it was absolutely the greatest. We talked on the phone - due to distance involved, and admittedly, it was a little stilted at the beginning of the conversation...kind of a hesitancy to really talk about it...but it could not have worked out any better. After just a few minutes the conversation flowed naturally and we were able to laugh and joke and tease and let each other know what was great about the experience and the few things that would make it even better. Simply could not have worked out any more perfectly!!

Just a thought - EBF

[saranmark]

Thank you very much, everyone, for your thoughts.

The idea of looking through various related threads together is a good one-- as well as making sure our communication lines are very open and clear.

We don't have any concrete plans with them, yet-- we have just exchanged emails so far. Hopefully, we will make plans and everything will work out wonderfully!

Thank you again, everyone!

SARA

[caberet3]

Lot's of good advice here and keep it going! My two cents worth is:
"honesty in communication is so important between partners even before entering the lifestyle"
Reality check: "make sure that you both are considerate of each other's boundaries which are always needing a reality check with each new couple." This is especially true for "newbies" and as mature or experienced as we may be, we always approach a new couple with caring and caution. We have found that many younger couples expect "performance" to be their measure of enjoyment, while those experienced couples are more involved with "intimate communication" as a measure of satisfaction. Knowing who you both "are" and communicating this to others is paramount to having an "intimate" and lasting relationship.