How to approach other swingers for our first time?

06-30-2001, 09:02 AM

Okay ladies, in fairness of the guys...It seems to me, that there are WOmen who also have this PHOBIA about bi-females, etc.

I was just wondering, since the last few comments made here, reminded me of another forum, where the guys were jumped on about having bi-male phobia....

I find this interesting and just thought I'd share....

Wife of CyberMWCouple

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 06-30-2001).]

Stratecpl · 06-30-2001, 09:12 AM

Phobia! Yep... That's me.. I have been called a homophobe a few times (ususally by Bi Women and their hubbies I have turned down..

the ones who think ALL women are Bi and don't understand the meaning of NO) It don't bother me a bit to be called that. It actually reinforces how I feel and also lets me know that I have gotten my point across and the subject is dropped and I won't be bothered by that particular person and her spouse anymore.

Ron and I have recently got involved in an off premise club. There are a few str8 couples there so we decided to give it a try. The str8 couples that are members have had their share of the Bi women trying to convert them in the beginning and have passed that point and have firmly established their straightism..(Is that word?) LOL Since we went to a party recently and have talked with the old established str8's from the club, we have seen yet another thing in this bi vs. str8 issue...bi-friendly??? Ok Some of the women there say "Oh I'm just Bi-friendly not bi.. because they dance with other women...kiss other women..and grope other women at the party...they think they are str8 because they don't have actual sex with another woman!??" Sorry that don't wash with me...Dancing, kissing and groping someone of the same sex is Bi..period.

The established older str8 members have told us that we have to set our boundaries up front and then the bi women will respect those boundaries and everything will be cool...unlike some clubs where they get pushy.

That is a good thing with this club so I think Ron and I will do fine there. We experienced that a little at the first party..I had a woman ask me to dance..haha.. I told her no I was str8 and only danced with men.. (I was nice about too..haha) she said cool. and went on to dance with a bi lady..fine whatever floated her boat.. later that night she sat down at our table and we all had just a nice friendly talk about kids, hubbies, and general BS. So our boundaries are set..she and I will be friends and get along fine. A new friend made and we respect each others beliefs. very cool.. I like that.

Connie aka..standin...aka homophobe..aka..ME..

[This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 06-30-2001).]

06-30-2001, 01:31 PM

Connie,

I can see WHY your attitude towards bi-females is this way! I'd get SO turned off with pushy people, let alone, bi-females!

Hubby & I are NOT like them. The dancing thing and kissing, etc....That's SO not me! *lol* Again, to each's own.

I'd rather get to know other couples/singles for who they are, their personality and attitudes, etc....Now IF they turn out to be bi/bi-curious, then that's fine too. But we let them know, that I'm only bi"SOMEtimes", and that we don't look into playing with other JUST for having any bi-experiences! We feel just fine playing with couples that are straight! And that way, there's no "expectations" whatsoever between the females & males for that matter...

We met with this one couple for the first time in person at a restaurant, had appetizers, a few drinks, dinner, more drinks...The next thing we knew, the wife was all over me, trying to play footsies under the table, every time she excused herself, she would peck me on the cheek with a kiss on her way to the bathroom, she kept insisting to her hubby, that we should REALLY get together, cause she thinks that "this" would work between her & I, yada yada yada....

And I felt SO uncomfortable! The thought of another woman cummin' on to me THAT way, being SO pushy and all! I couldn't believe what I was witnessing, I bet the other customers must've felt the same way! But then, I didn't feel TOO bad, cause she started cummin' to the waitresses too. *lol*

Bottom line, I told her that I NEEDED my "personal" space, and that she was waaaaay TOO close for comfort for me! *LOL* She TRIED to respect that, but from time to time, she just couldn't resist me, and tried to get "close" to me again. And the more she drank, the MORE she got "wild & hot" about the site of me! After awhile, her hubby & I were telling her ENOUGH already! Quiet down and just shut up! *LMBO* She thought that was SO cute! *Shaking my head lol*

Needless to say, that was the LAST time we ever saw them again. Phew!!! Thank God!

What an experiece THAT was! GOD, that felt weird!

*lol*

Wife of CyberMWCouple

CanadianCouple · 06-30-2001, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by asr999:
If I am not wrong, I believe you're calling me a cocksucker by proxy.

I wasn't calling anyone anything. Try reading posts more carefully before responding.

Dan

asr999 · 06-30-2001, 04:12 PM

you got it Dan

Quote:

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
I wasn't calling anyone anything. Try reading posts more carefully before responding.

Dan

anandjeff2 · 06-30-2001, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Stratecpl:
Phobia! Yep... That's me.. I have been called a homophobe a few times (ususally by Bi Women and their hubbies I have turned down..

Well Connie..I think those are considered "boors" they just doon't get it! If someone cannot accept your boundaries they are spitting in your face in my thoughts..people who swing are in it for their own reasons and noone can change those reasons but the married couple..I respect people who can understand and respect our limits as we would not feel comfortable with a person who kept trying to push the envelope. We have eliminated a lot of those as we realize they would not fit into our game plan at all. As for the name calling that is just plain immature..I would probably consider handing them a lollipop from my purse as I walk away and leave them wondering why I did it..LOL

AN

CanadianCouple · 06-30-2001, 04:56 PM

Personally, I really hate placing labels on people, pertaining to what they like and don't like. As long as it involves consenting adults, doesn't infringe on anyone else's space etc., then go for it. My problem with this issue is there are those who consider us straight people as having some sort of personality disorder simply because we have no desire for intimate contact with the same sex. Hence the term 'homophobic', surely one of the most nauseatingly over-used terms in recent years. It insinuates there's a problem with heterosexuality.

Sorry, but I don't want the leg I'm carassing to be matted with hair.

Dan

asr999 · 06-30-2001, 10:31 PM

Well, Dannie,

Went back and read your original response as you suggested.

Concluded you are definitely a dickhead.

Major Dickhead.

So let's move on, shall we?

Quote:

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
I wasn't calling anyone anything. Try reading posts more carefully before responding.

Dan

CanadianCouple · 06-30-2001, 10:42 PM

Thanks for that substative response. It speaks volumes about you and your character.

Dan

07-01-2001, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
....It insinuates there's a problem with heterosexuality.

Dan

EXACTLY! There is nothing wrong with one or the other! It's just that some people can't cum into agreement with this, and thinks that THEIR way is always the right way! And THOSE are the ones that we steer away from....

If Rodney Dangerfield was into Swinging, he'd say, "Even in Swinging, I get NO respect!" *LMBO*

Wife of CyberMWCouple

asr999 · 07-02-2001, 12:22 AM

Well, Believe you speak for yourself, and that speaks for itself, without substantiation...and thats enough.

Quote:

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
Thanks for that substative response. It speaks volumes about you and your character.

Dan

Stratecpl · 07-02-2001, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
EXACTLY! There is nothing wrong with one or the other! It's just that some people can't cum into agreement with this, and thinks that THEIR way is always the right way! And THOSE are the ones that we steer away from....

If Rodney Dangerfield was into Swinging, he'd say, "Even in Swinging, I get NO respect!" *LMBO*

Wife of CyberMWCouple

Respect! Yep..that's what it SHOULD be all about. But unfortunantly it's not. I don't think my way is any better or righter than another's but it is my way and the way I want to keep it..haha.. it's those out there in swinging who can't accept or respect other's "Way" that gets to me. I talked to a lady recently in a chat she is str8 too, and was telling me about a group of swingers she and her spouse joined. Well she was the only str8 woman in the group....the reaction of some of the other bi women to her??? She said one told her "we'll see about fixing that little problem now that you're here" and walked away with a confident smile and wink! good grief!!! LOL needless to say she didn't go back to that group...LOL

CanadianCouple · 07-02-2001, 09:40 AM

asr999 --

This will be my last post on this subject, and to you period.

I'm assuming engineers in Florida are literate, but it appears you're the exception. When I made my original post about sharing same gender fluids, it was addressed to someone other than you. You chose to chime in, which is fine, but somehow construed that I was calling you a derogatory name. My response was a bit terse, since I don't like having words put in my mouth, and I told you to be more careful reading posts before responding. You then resorted to namecalling yourself. You're embarrassing yourself with your ignorant and boorish behavior aimed at another poster, and these posts stay up a long time, my friend.

Since your posts seem to come in only late at night, perhaps I can assume you share the same passion for excercise as do Ron, Connie and myself, but in your case sticking only to deep elbow bends. Whatever the reason for your negative disposition, I'm done associating with you. Period.

Have a great week.

Dan

07-02-2001, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

And cyberhusband is kissing the other woman after another man's penis was in her mouth.

It seems to me that if anyone should be upset here it would be me. Especially since I am the one mentioned in the post in the first place.

Dan, you ARE trying to decide if you are the cocksucker by proxy, or if Jan is Bi via proxy. Isn't that the whole reason you posted the question in the first place? You wondered about it. So did I. All that shows is that we are both VERY straight. So straight in fact that we get our noses bent at the thought of a proxy! for heaven's sake! Like I said before, somethings just have to be overlooked.

Either way, if either of you engages in oral sex with the other couple, then you have all managed to taste each other. Unless of course you are one of those people that will call a dead stop to everything so your partner can go wash out their mouth. And isn't that a rather insulting thing to do/say to the other couple you are playing with? Another reason to post about it. If nothing else, it will make us think and maybe change the way we do things.

Here again was a misunderstanding caused by not fully understanding what was said.

Husband of CyberMWCouple

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 07-02-2001).]

CanadianCouple · 07-02-2001, 01:50 PM

There's a hell of a difference between asking if one engages in oral swapping without gargling before changing partners, and calling someone a cocksucker by proxy. 999 took it upon himself to assume he was being called such, and his tone indicated he didn't consider it a compliment. As I said earlier I don't like having words attributed to me that I haven't actually said, and if he'd simply asked me if that's what I was saying, I would have responded a little differently. I advised him to read posts more carefully before jumping to conclusions, and his response was childish namecalling. Talk about hypocritical on his part.

Truth be told, I'm sorry I even asked in the first place. It certainly wasn't worth all this. I asked another couple by email the same question, and they answered me honestly without delivering a load of grief for the question.

Jesus, I'm as straight as they come, and I wouldn't even insinuate I was being called that if my wife and I were used as the examples.

Dan

[This message has been edited by CanadianCouple (edited 07-02-2001).]

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06-30-2001, 09:12 AM	#17 (permalink)
Stratecpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2000 Posts: 456 Location: TN, USA	Phobia! Yep... That's me.. I have been called a homophobe a few times (ususally by Bi Women and their hubbies I have turned down.. the ones who think ALL women are Bi and don't understand the meaning of NO) It don't bother me a bit to be called that. It actually reinforces how I feel and also lets me know that I have gotten my point across and the subject is dropped and I won't be bothered by that particular person and her spouse anymore. Ron and I have recently got involved in an off premise club. There are a few str8 couples there so we decided to give it a try. The str8 couples that are members have had their share of the Bi women trying to convert them in the beginning and have passed that point and have firmly established their straightism..(Is that word?) LOL Since we went to a party recently and have talked with the old established str8's from the club, we have seen yet another thing in this bi vs. str8 issue...bi-friendly??? Ok Some of the women there say "Oh I'm just Bi-friendly not bi.. because they dance with other women...kiss other women..and grope other women at the party...they think they are str8 because they don't have actual sex with another woman!??" Sorry that don't wash with me...Dancing, kissing and groping someone of the same sex is Bi..period. The established older str8 members have told us that we have to set our boundaries up front and then the bi women will respect those boundaries and everything will be cool...unlike some clubs where they get pushy. That is a good thing with this club so I think Ron and I will do fine there. We experienced that a little at the first party..I had a woman ask me to dance..haha.. I told her no I was str8 and only danced with men.. (I was nice about too..haha) she said cool. and went on to dance with a bi lady..fine whatever floated her boat.. later that night she sat down at our table and we all had just a nice friendly talk about kids, hubbies, and general BS. So our boundaries are set..she and I will be friends and get along fine. A new friend made and we respect each others beliefs. very cool.. I like that. Connie aka..standin...aka homophobe..aka..ME.. [This message has been edited by Stratecpl (edited 06-30-2001).] __________________ "Well behaved women rarely make history"

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06-30-2001, 09:02 AM	#16 (permalink)
CyberMWCouple Posts: n/a	Okay ladies, in fairness of the guys...It seems to me, that there are WOmen who also have this PHOBIA about bi-females, etc. I was just wondering, since the last few comments made here, reminded me of another forum, where the guys were jumped on about having bi-male phobia.... I find this interesting and just thought I'd share.... Wife of CyberMWCouple [This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 06-30-2001).]

06-30-2001, 01:31 PM	#18 (permalink)
CyberMWCouple Posts: n/a	Connie, I can see WHY your attitude towards bi-females is this way! I'd get SO turned off with pushy people, let alone, bi-females! Hubby & I are NOT like them. The dancing thing and kissing, etc....That's SO not me! lol Again, to each's own. I'd rather get to know other couples/singles for who they are, their personality and attitudes, etc....Now IF they turn out to be bi/bi-curious, then that's fine too. But we let them know, that I'm only bi"SOMEtimes", and that we don't look into playing with other JUST for having any bi-experiences! We feel just fine playing with couples that are straight! And that way, there's no "expectations" whatsoever between the females & males for that matter... We met with this one couple for the first time in person at a restaurant, had appetizers, a few drinks, dinner, more drinks...The next thing we knew, the wife was all over me, trying to play footsies under the table, every time she excused herself, she would peck me on the cheek with a kiss on her way to the bathroom, she kept insisting to her hubby, that we should REALLY get together, cause she thinks that "this" would work between her & I, yada yada yada.... And I felt SO uncomfortable! The thought of another woman cummin' on to me THAT way, being SO pushy and all! I couldn't believe what I was witnessing, I bet the other customers must've felt the same way! But then, I didn't feel TOO bad, cause she started cummin' to the waitresses too. lol Bottom line, I told her that I NEEDED my "personal" space, and that she was waaaaay TOO close for comfort for me! LOL She TRIED to respect that, but from time to time, she just couldn't resist me, and tried to get "close" to me again. And the more she drank, the MORE she got "wild & hot" about the site of me! After awhile, her hubby & I were telling her ENOUGH already! Quiet down and just shut up! LMBO She thought that was SO cute! Shaking my head lol Needless to say, that was the LAST time we ever saw them again. Phew!!! Thank God! What an experiece THAT was! GOD, that felt weird! lol Wife of CyberMWCouple

06-30-2001, 04:56 PM	#22 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Personally, I really hate placing labels on people, pertaining to what they like and don't like. As long as it involves consenting adults, doesn't infringe on anyone else's space etc., then go for it. My problem with this issue is there are those who consider us straight people as having some sort of personality disorder simply because we have no desire for intimate contact with the same sex. Hence the term 'homophobic', surely one of the most nauseatingly over-used terms in recent years. It insinuates there's a problem with heterosexuality. Sorry, but I don't want the leg I'm carassing to be matted with hair. Dan

06-30-2001, 10:42 PM	#24 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	Thanks for that substative response. It speaks volumes about you and your character. Dan

07-02-2001, 09:40 AM	#28 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	asr999 -- This will be my last post on this subject, and to you period. I'm assuming engineers in Florida are literate, but it appears you're the exception. When I made my original post about sharing same gender fluids, it was addressed to someone other than you. You chose to chime in, which is fine, but somehow construed that I was calling you a derogatory name. My response was a bit terse, since I don't like having words put in my mouth, and I told you to be more careful reading posts before responding. You then resorted to namecalling yourself. You're embarrassing yourself with your ignorant and boorish behavior aimed at another poster, and these posts stay up a long time, my friend. Since your posts seem to come in only late at night, perhaps I can assume you share the same passion for excercise as do Ron, Connie and myself, but in your case sticking only to deep elbow bends. Whatever the reason for your negative disposition, I'm done associating with you. Period. Have a great week. Dan

07-02-2001, 01:50 PM	#30 (permalink)
CanadianCouple Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 1,139 Location: New Brunswick, Canada Status: Married Couple	There's a hell of a difference between asking if one engages in oral swapping without gargling before changing partners, and calling someone a cocksucker by proxy. 999 took it upon himself to assume he was being called such, and his tone indicated he didn't consider it a compliment. As I said earlier I don't like having words attributed to me that I haven't actually said, and if he'd simply asked me if that's what I was saying, I would have responded a little differently. I advised him to read posts more carefully before jumping to conclusions, and his response was childish namecalling. Talk about hypocritical on his part. Truth be told, I'm sorry I even asked in the first place. It certainly wasn't worth all this. I asked another couple by email the same question, and they answered me honestly without delivering a load of grief for the question. Jesus, I'm as straight as they come, and I wouldn't even insinuate I was being called that if my wife and I were used as the examples. Dan [This message has been edited by CanadianCouple (edited 07-02-2001).]