Getting your partner interested in swinging

***JustAskJulie*** · 06-30-2000, 06:12 PM

Another question I get quite a bit is
"how do I get my wife/ girlfriend interested in swinging?"

Is there anyone who has managed to convince their wife or girlfriend (or husband or boyfriend for that matter) to try swinging that would care to share their methods and how they worked?

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

MiCpl · 07-01-2000, 09:38 AM

Personally, I think that talking is the best method. Just bring it up casually and see how they react. You might be really surprised. I never would have guessed my husband would have been into this back when we were dating, and I'm sure he never thought I would have been, but until you ask you don't know.

J & S

Mike Smith · 07-11-2000, 11:22 AM

I have talked with my wife and she has mentioned that she is curious about swinging. However, she grew up in a conservative family and this has kept us from going any farther. Would having her talk with another woman who was involved in swinging help her overcome her inhibitions?

LIZA · 07-11-2000, 01:09 PM

I don't think you CAN "talk someone into it".

If you wife ( or husband ) is not into it, you may be able to beg or bully them into going along but all they will end up doing is resenting you for it.

This type activity is not for everyone, and I am surprised how many men come in to chat and ask strangers how to convince their wives of something. I would think you would know this person you are supposed to be closer to than any other person, and understand some people just don't want to.

Having a partner who is not interested in swinging does NOT entitle you to try it alone, like you are somehow entitled to do that.

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-11-2000, 07:15 PM

I agree Liza, unfortunately there are waaay too many people (mainly guys) who want to convince their spouse to do something simply because they want to do it. Remember the whole point of the lifestyle is sharing something with the person you love most, something very intimate. If you have to "convince" them to join in by pressuring them or bullying them then you aren't sharing anything and in the end you both lose out.

I think that if this is something that interests you then you should try talking to your spouse about it. If they say no, leave it at that, don't pressure and don't bring it up again.

I will say that there are cases where a person has said no only to go off and think about things on their own then bring it up again later. But the more you pressure the more your spouse is likely to back away from the idea. Remember this has to be something you both enjoy together, not something you "get your spouse to do" for your motives.

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-11-2000, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mike Smith:
Would having her talk with another woman who was involved in swinging help her overcome her inhibitions?

Mike, if your wife has expressed an interest in swinging but is scared because of her religious background, I would suggest you and she look at http://www.libchrist.com - Liberated Christians is a group of Christian Swingers. I'm sure you will be able to find some info there that will help with your wife's inhibitions or at the very least find the right person to talk to that has shared your wife's feelings.

------------------

[This message has been edited by JustAskJulie (edited 07-11-2000).]

07-25-2000, 12:18 AM

My wife and I are just starting to get into swinging and how we started was reading Penthouse Letters (or any similar reading material). I would say that this opened a lot of doors for discovering what turns us on, what fantasies we have and overall was a great starting point to talk about such things. My wife would have been clasified as fairly conservative, but she stated that once she realized that other people have fantasies (and fulfill them!) that she felt "normal" to have such desires. So overall, I would say communication is key, and it is a gradual process of discovery, not just something that we "jumped" into

raginghot · 07-28-2000, 11:02 AM

My husband and I just recently started getting involved with other couples. Ask us a year ago and we wuld have probably laughed at the idea. But we had got into a rut and one night we started talking about what it would be like to add another person to our bed, what we would do etc., then we started looking at swinger sites and before we knew it our sexlife had improved together and we realized that we both really wanted more... fulfill our fantasies. We had been repressed for so long it feels good to just let go.

08-02-2000, 01:28 PM

HHhhmmm....*Coming from a wife's view*

Yes, communication is a must in ANY relationship, that I can't stress it enough! *lol*

Hubby shared his fantasy of me with another woman, pleasing each other sexually. At first, I was surprised and thought that he was CRAZY! All those questions started running through my mind. Then the "jealousy" thing set in. :-(

Communicating this with my hubby, and researched together, reading stories, chatting with other couples with and without experiences, sharing thoughts and feelings, such as here....

Comfort set in, what use to be unknown to us. It helps if your relationship is strong and secured too.

We finally decided on same room sex, maybe soft swing. We both decided, if one of us don't feel comfortable in whatever going on, we'd STOP.

We both participated in placing our ad, answering responses via emails & ICQ, we did everything together. Discussing our feelings openly the whole way through our new sexual adventures. Patience is a plus also! Lots of understanding. You can't be pushy about this, it has to be upon their own pace and comfort.

Anyway, I hope this helps! It's kinda all put in a nutshell. *lol*

Good luck in sharing your new sexual adventures!

modi · 09-09-2000, 10:18 AM

My husband starting getting me interested about 1 year before we actually started swinging and he didn't even know he was doing it! He did know I was bi-curious, however, when he married me.

After about a year of my husband telling me "naughty" stories of us and our best friends (who btw, we have never swung with and probably never will bring it up!) while we made love, I asked him if he wanted to give it a try! LOL He assured me that his intent in telling me stories was not to get me to swing and that he was fine if we didn't!

As you can see, the lack of presure and the loving support he gave were key in getting me interested in trying!

This was 2 years ago and we really have a blast with it now!

Good luck to you and remember...NO PRESSURE!

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06-30-2000, 06:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 21,494 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 53	Getting your partner interested in swinging Another question I get quite a bit is "how do I get my wife/ girlfriend interested in swinging?" Is there anyone who has managed to convince their wife or girlfriend (or husband or boyfriend for that matter) to try swinging that would care to share their methods and how they worked? Julie http://www.swingersboard.com __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

07-11-2000, 07:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 21,494 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 53	I agree Liza, unfortunately there are waaay too many people (mainly guys) who want to convince their spouse to do something simply because they want to do it. Remember the whole point of the lifestyle is sharing something with the person you love most, something very intimate. If you have to "convince" them to join in by pressuring them or bullying them then you aren't sharing anything and in the end you both lose out. I think that if this is something that interests you then you should try talking to your spouse about it. If they say no, leave it at that, don't pressure and don't bring it up again. I will say that there are cases where a person has said no only to go off and think about things on their own then bring it up again later. But the more you pressure the more your spouse is likely to back away from the idea. Remember this has to be something you both enjoy together, not something you "get your spouse to do" for your motives. Julie http://www.swingersboard.com __________________ Julie Owner/ Admin http://www.swingersboard.com

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07-01-2000, 09:38 AM	#2 (permalink)
MiCpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2000 Posts: 106 Location: MI	Personally, I think that talking is the best method. Just bring it up casually and see how they react. You might be really surprised. I never would have guessed my husband would have been into this back when we were dating, and I'm sure he never thought I would have been, but until you ask you don't know. J & S

07-11-2000, 11:22 AM	#3 (permalink)
Mike Smith Registered Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 4 Location: Kansas City, MO, USA	I have talked with my wife and she has mentioned that she is curious about swinging. However, she grew up in a conservative family and this has kept us from going any farther. Would having her talk with another woman who was involved in swinging help her overcome her inhibitions?

07-11-2000, 01:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
LIZA Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 426 Location: ORANGE COUNTY, CA Status: Married Fem.	I don't think you CAN "talk someone into it". If you wife ( or husband ) is not into it, you may be able to beg or bully them into going along but all they will end up doing is resenting you for it. This type activity is not for everyone, and I am surprised how many men come in to chat and ask strangers how to convince their wives of something. I would think you would know this person you are supposed to be closer to than any other person, and understand some people just don't want to. Having a partner who is not interested in swinging does NOT entitle you to try it alone, like you are somehow entitled to do that.

07-25-2000, 12:18 AM	#7 (permalink)
Big_Bear&Cat Posts: n/a	My wife and I are just starting to get into swinging and how we started was reading Penthouse Letters (or any similar reading material). I would say that this opened a lot of doors for discovering what turns us on, what fantasies we have and overall was a great starting point to talk about such things. My wife would have been clasified as fairly conservative, but she stated that once she realized that other people have fantasies (and fulfill them!) that she felt "normal" to have such desires. So overall, I would say communication is key, and it is a gradual process of discovery, not just something that we "jumped" into

07-28-2000, 11:02 AM	#8 (permalink)
raginghot Registered User Join Date: Jul 2000 Posts: 2 Location: lynchburg,virginia,usa	My husband and I just recently started getting involved with other couples. Ask us a year ago and we wuld have probably laughed at the idea. But we had got into a rut and one night we started talking about what it would be like to add another person to our bed, what we would do etc., then we started looking at swinger sites and before we knew it our sexlife had improved together and we realized that we both really wanted more... fulfill our fantasies. We had been repressed for so long it feels good to just let go.

08-02-2000, 01:28 PM	#9 (permalink)
CyberMWCouple Posts: n/a	HHhhmmm....Coming from a wife's view Yes, communication is a must in ANY relationship, that I can't stress it enough! lol Hubby shared his fantasy of me with another woman, pleasing each other sexually. At first, I was surprised and thought that he was CRAZY! All those questions started running through my mind. Then the "jealousy" thing set in. :-( Communicating this with my hubby, and researched together, reading stories, chatting with other couples with and without experiences, sharing thoughts and feelings, such as here.... Comfort set in, what use to be unknown to us. It helps if your relationship is strong and secured too. We finally decided on same room sex, maybe soft swing. We both decided, if one of us don't feel comfortable in whatever going on, we'd STOP. We both participated in placing our ad, answering responses via emails & ICQ, we did everything together. Discussing our feelings openly the whole way through our new sexual adventures. Patience is a plus also! Lots of understanding. You can't be pushy about this, it has to be upon their own pace and comfort. Anyway, I hope this helps! It's kinda all put in a nutshell. lol Good luck in sharing your new sexual adventures!

09-09-2000, 10:18 AM	#10 (permalink)
modi Active Member Join Date: Sep 2000 Posts: 14	My husband starting getting me interested about 1 year before we actually started swinging and he didn't even know he was doing it! He did know I was bi-curious, however, when he married me. After about a year of my husband telling me "naughty" stories of us and our best friends (who btw, we have never swung with and probably never will bring it up!) while we made love, I asked him if he wanted to give it a try! LOL He assured me that his intent in telling me stories was not to get me to swing and that he was fine if we didn't! As you can see, the lack of presure and the loving support he gave were key in getting me interested in trying! This was 2 years ago and we really have a blast with it now! Good luck to you and remember...NO PRESSURE!