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Thread: Encouraging Reluctant Partner to Give It a Try

  1. #1

    Default Encouraging Reluctant Partner to Give It a Try

    Shifting gears -- an almost universal question I imagine -- what can be done to encourage the reluctant half of a couple to participate more actively in this grand adventure? I was active several years with a previous partner and as a single in between marriages. My current partner is very sociable, enjoys meeting new friends but has reservations about the benefits part of having friends with benefits. What suggestions can you offer?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Encouraging Reluctant Partner to Give It a Try

    What are her reservations? Is it self-esteem/body image based? Jealousy or worry that she won't enjoy sharing you? Legitimate lack of interest in multiple partners?

    You have to address her particular concern(s). Are you 100% sure she's only hesitant and not flat out not interested?

    Your profile has been around for a while... Did you make it in your previous relationship or when you were single or have you been trying to convince your current partner for this long?

  3. #3

    Default Re: Encouraging Reluctant Partner to Give It a Try

    I would say that you need to develop the basic core dynamic of a successful couple. You and your partner must be comfortable and secure with yourselves as a couple. You must be able to communicate honestly and openly about everything. Then, IMO, you can start exploring whether or not you two, as a couple, are swingers... which is very different from you and your previous partner being swingers and even moreso than you alone being a swinger.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Encouraging Reluctant Partner to Give It a Try

    Quote Originally Posted by HiMileageJim View Post
    Shifting gears -- an almost universal question I imagine -- what can be done to encourage the reluctant half of a couple to participate more actively in this grand adventure? I was active several years with a previous partner and as a single in between marriages. My current partner is very sociable, enjoys meeting new friends but has reservations about the benefits part of having friends with benefits. What suggestions can you offer?
    I don't think it's a universal question at all. For that many of us who actually play, one person may have brought it up but we came to the decision to try it mutually and without coercion. As a previous poster asked, does she have reservations or has she considered it and it is flat out not for her?

    I would suggest having your partner come here to the swingers board, read and ask questions. Read The Swinger's Manual, Opening Up and The Ethical Slut together. Talk about what her specific reservations are and what her fantasies are.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Encouraging Reluctant Partner to Give It a Try

    Without knowing her or the situation or what her reservations are, it's difficult to give advice on how to encourage her.

    It's one thing if she's interested but just reserved about taking the next step, it's a whole different issue if she's just not interested or doesn't feel like it's for her. If she's expressed that she's not sure it's for her, then the best thing you can do is back off and leave the subject alone. If you try to push someone into something they don't really want to do all you are going to end up doing is pissing her off and pushing her away.
    The Swinger Manual - all the info from the Swingers Board in one convenient book

  6. #6

    Default Re: Encouraging Reluctant Partner to Give It a Try

    Julie is exactly right. My wife and I started checking this out about a year ago. She was not interested in swinging but she was very interested in checking out a LS club. We had a great time, had sex in front of others and watched ppl have sex. Awesome time!

    Then I started pushing her to take this further. We ended up swapping with a couple and it was a disaster. We were nowhere near being on the same page. We have had several other trips go bad because I kept pushing the issue. As Julie said, if you try to push her, it will most likely turn out bad and turn her off at the same time.

    This past weekend we went to a clothing-optional, lifestyle friendly resort. We joined in with 3 couples in a playroom, had sex on a swing, and my wife had sex with the male of one of the other couples. I never even mentioned that happening. It just happened. Now, guess what, she is open to it!

    Talk, talk and talk some more! Don't push it. Take your time and it will work out. Or it won't. Either way you really improve communication at the very least.

    Just my 2 cents..
    Cheers to not knowing what's next!

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