How to over come her fears

[summers30s]

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Is she actually "afraid" or just doesn't want to do it and that is the reason she is coming up with? Wanting to go to a club but having body image issues is one thing, but not wanting to go to a club and scrambling to come up with excuses is something all together different>>>>>

TO arvcpl .......... If u can read past posts , and after I explained our situation , it seems like you can NOT comprehend what you read.
Why would she scrambles to come up with excuses when she goes out on her own to meet the other (inappropriate people ) and blow them.......LOL

What is it exactly you are wanting to do? She has been blowing completely inappropriate people for your benifit and yet you want her to do more. What is it that swinging means to you?

Again you made the same mistake............ didn't you read that shes always here beside me when i write this? and didn't you read what i was saying about we both interested of swinging and that she did those (inappropriate people ) on her own and that she wanted to.......And it makes me happy to see her happy and satisfied !!.....if you really wanta make sure that she wants to do this and I'm not pressuring her why cant you ask for her phone number so u can talk to her yourself instead of judging people that you dont know nothing about !!! I thought everyone here is nice and great but I just see other wise, there has to be that one bad APPLE in the box. !!!

The fact that you have a single fem profile indicates to me that you are not really a couple interested in swinging as a couple but rather that you are a guy who just get turns on pimping out his wife for your own benifit. Your profile was obviously written by you and not her.

Again same mistake.........WOW !! you can read people mind .......Psychic !!
didn't you read that shes not ready to see me with other women YET ??
and that's why the single FEM profile !!! And the word PIMPING ........ I think its to big for you to use and inappropriate, and after 19 years with my wife I dont think I would be PIMPING her out!!! but if pimping is a popular word in your dictionary or swingers dictionary , then I'm sorry we dont need to swing any more !!

Despite all your assurances that you are not pressuring her I'm not buying it. If she wanted to do that stuff she would.

Exactly what I said You didnt read it right !!!! How many times I have to say that we want to do that and shes really into it ...... Believe me I wont ask you to BUY it !!! because you are so judgemental without the facts !!!.

I think offering you advice on how to get your wife to swing would be nothing less than being an acessory to mistreating her more. If I were to give her advice it would be to grow a spine and either tell you where to go or to pack her stuff and move on.

And if I need advice from a couple like you ..... We would be real scared of the idea !!!
and we would never go to a club and meet NICE swingers , we would wait to get to know a NICE couple or a guy around here , after all its the swingers world lost .... not ours !!
And for you to say PACK HER STUFF AND MOVE ON....or... TO TELL ME WHERE TO GO....... I think its very rude !!
hopefully we would never run into a couple like you........... its a disaster.

I'm very sorry for my angry words here , but I (think) you wrote that post while you were angry too, drunk or not getting the things you wanted that night !!!
very sorry again , dont take it personally but i hope you are a nicer person than I think and hope also for you to read posts carefully and not to judge without knowing the facts.
I just wished We would of answer any of your questions or concerns before being so judgemental . Again I really dont mean anything bad and if you still want to talk to her or ask us a question then you are soooo welcome .

PS ........... By the way shes here beside me now and read the whole post and is more concerned about swinging than before......Thanks to your post !!!

benifit = benefit !

[jdavisauto]

Sounds like you two are off the a good start in over coming her fears already.

[summers30s]

Tell you what, give her the password for your account on the board here, and let her spend sometime browsing/reading..

then, talk between yourselves and see where the conversation goes.

Thank you realcplub2 for your comments,
she really doesn't need any password she can click and read any time.
plus shes always here when I post or read or chat on line .

lol.........she can also go to my business bank account on line and transfer funds to her personal account.

[summers30s]

Sounds like you two are off the a good start in over coming her fears already

thank you jdavisauto for your encouragement

ps. we love your quote !!

Stop laughing or I WILL put my clothes back on.

[fun4Ds]

Originally Posted by summers30s

By the way shes here beside me now and read the whole post and is more concerned about swinging than before......Thanks to your post !!!

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. And again welcome you to the Swingers Board. We all have our right to an oppinion. I will have to say though, If your really interested in this lifestyle it best to understand there will many you dissagree with at any swinging event. We all have the right to move on, for not being compatible.

You could always at anytime report harassment or block a user. Some take things to a P.M. level to explain, or settle it as well.

Back to the Topic I would like to say if its a language barrier your facing. I wouldnt worry so much about that. I find many accents erotic.

You would be surprised

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by summers30s

Thank you realcplub2 for your comments,
she really doesn't need any password she can click and read any time.
plus shes always here when I post or read or chat on line .

lol.........she can also go to my business bank account on line and transfer funds to her personal account.

Reading posts together is great, and something we all would suggest, However, point her to the site when you arent around, and letting her have time to process things without you there, is what I was getting at.

Lets face it there are threads that pop on the boards that, the topic can be intimidating, or gross, or whatever.. and at the same time, can thrill the other person..

Expressing the desires to one another is often the most daunting task for a couple to face, you are on that road, but again there are times whent he personal preferences of one, might intimidate the other..

Just as she might look at you differently if you were to ask her for something she has expressed a negative about, the same applies to you, and her desires..

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by summers30s

<<<<<


TO arvcpl .......... If u can read past posts , and after I explained our situation , it seems like you can NOT comprehend what you read.
.................................................
Again you made the same mistake............ didn't you read that shes always here beside me when i write this?............................................. .....



Again same mistake.........WOW !! you can read people mind .......

........................
Exactly what I said You didnt read it right !!!!

I would politely suggest that if this many people are having trouble with reading comprehension, then it isn't the readers' problem, it is the writer's issue.

Originally Posted by summers30s

benifit = benefit !

There is a forum law that says whenever a person corrects another poster's grammar or spelling, they will inevitably make an error as well. So.....

1. "Judgmental" is the primary accepted spelling. Most spell-checkers will throw out "Judgemental".
2. Words with contractions have an apostrophe. "Didn't", "It's" (but only when used as a contraction of "It is"), "She's", etc etc etc.

Bottom line: Being snarky about grammar and spelling when you're actually just pissed off by the responses doesn't make you look any better.


As to the subject at hand: I'll agree. Your wife should consider lurking around here, and posting if she is so inclined, by herself for a little bit.

Good luck to both of you.

[summers30s]

There is a forum law that says whenever a person corrects another poster's grammar or spelling, they will inevitably make an error as well. So.....

You are absolutely right .......... We didn't mean to get other members mad at us, but we couldn't believe what we read out of that couple post !!! it was unbelievable to read those accusation and comments he/she was making, and what upset us the most is he/she don't know us as to the fact I just started posting here and trying to get to know everyone on this board and get their advise .....not ACCUSATIONS !!!
again sorry and thanks for your comments

[summers30s]

Reading posts together is great, and something we all would suggest, However, point her to the site when you aren't around, and letting her have time to process things without you there, is what I was getting at.

Thanks for your comments............. she always goes on by herself to read posts, her favorite is swingers stories forum. thanks again, you all been so helpful

[summers30s]

I hope this is not taken the wrong way. And again welcome you to the Swingers Board. We all have our right to an oppinion. I will have to say though, If your really interested in this lifestyle it best to understand there will many you dissagree with at any swinging event. We all have the right to move on, for not being compatible.

We hope not too.......... again we sorry about that it was just an unbelievable post from the other couple. We don't mind disagreements but we hate accusations !! after all we here to learn something and get advised from experienced couples and not to get into arguments and defend accusations. thanks for your comments , you been so helpful

[slevin]

It's too bad that some posts on here made you upset, regardless of their content. This is a forum of, generally, very helpful and positive people. The responses are generally very frank and sometimes a bit too honest; I think that is a good thing and I love seeing people who aren't afraid to offer up an unpopular opinion on any subject. Generally those are the ones that make me think the most. Even when I feel something on a site like this is a personal attack I try not to let it get my feelings riled up. Look past the words for the message they were trying to convey, perhaps even look into their motivation for posting it and let that sink in too. Rather than letting it anger you put the emotions aside and assess the content. If it's really just someone being angry and trying to hurt you then you can discount it altogether and move on. If, as in this case, it is someone offering an opinion in a frank way then take the root message and consider it. That's what I try to do, although sometimes unsuccessfully lol.

I don't think anyone here in this thread has been intentionally hurtful, just overly frank in their opinions. With the number of people getting the impression that you are being forceful and trying to urge your wife into things she isn't comfortable with and doesn't want to do I would take a step back and consider that perhaps it is the way you are communicating your situation that is causing everyone to get that impression. I can say it is the impression that I had as well. In fact, even with your protestations to the contrary I am still not convinced.

In either case, if your wife is actually reading through the forums (all of them) then I am surprised that one comment in here has made her more scared of swinging. With the vast amount of amazing information, advice and experiences in all the threads here I'd expect her to start feeling more comfortable with the idea and perhaps even inclined to post some questions of her own to clear up whatever her fears are. There is so much amazing information here from some great couples, women and men that it would be too bad for her to not use it all.

Good luck to the both of you

[arvcpl]

Ok, I'll try and not be an a-hole or make this into a personal dig. I'll spell this out in a more civilized and polically correct manner.

There are several things that concern me about this whole thread and make me beleive that this is not an entirely sincere or consensual pursuit on the part of the OP.

#1. I believe the single fem Swing Lifestyle profile was created by a male and not Mrs summer30s herself. I believe it was written by the male half for his own benefit and when that occurs it is very often a couple who's male half is pimping out the female half where he picks guys to fuck her cause he gets off on it and the female half often does not have much say in the matter.

#2. I don't believe that "shyness", large breasts or accents have anything to do with Mrs summers30 not wanting to pursue swinging as a couple. People to do what they want to do regardless of their social comfort level, body image issues and public speaking ability. We all have issues and we all find a way to overcome them if there is something we sincerely want to do.
- People also tend to not do what they do not want to do and will look for whatever kind of excuse or rationale they can to not do it. I believe this what mrs summers is using as her excuse for not wanting to go to clubs.

#3. If mrs summers is blowing co-workers and doctors in their offices after hours, she is not shy. One of two things is occuring here. (a) either she is not shy in the slightest and has other reasons for not wanting to go to clubs and swinging as a couple. or (b) she was put up to blowing those people by mr summers and she doesn't want to go to clubs because she is afraid of what mr summers will put her up to in that target rich environment. Either way you slice it she has a reason for not wanting to pursue swinging and it doesn't have anything to do with shyness, boobs or accents.

#4. I agree with LikeMinds et al that suggest that what is taking place with this thread is that mr summers is fishing for additional arguements (if not actual manipulations) to use in trying to talk mrs summers into going to a club against her wishes. this is not a typical "how do I get my wife to swing?" post where a couple has had a traditional marriage and now the husband is looking for sincere and good faith advice on how to broach the topic of swinging with his wife. I believe there is a possibility that any advice given to the OP on how to get his wife into a club will possibly be contributing to her further mistreatment.

#5. I have read the posts and replies of the OP but question his credibility due to items #1 and #2 so my thoughts and opinions aren't really influenced by his assurances that she is a fully consenting party or that he is not pressuring her. I can assure you that I am a rich and handsome rock star with a 10 inch dick but that doesn't make it true. Much of what we have to go on here is based on reading between the lines and going with our own gut instinct and my gut instinct tells me there is something fishy here.

#6. If mrs summers is actually reading these posts then I encourage her to read through all my other posts and she will see that I am actually a staunch advocate of personal empowerment of all parties and that my feathers get really ruffled up if I feel that someone is being bullshitted or manipulated by someone else. She will also see that my writing style is often very blunt and raw and it is to make a point and not necessarily to hurt anyone's feelings.

- If my posts have "scared" her it is because there IS in fact something for her to fear here.

[arvcpl]

Oh one more thing, I agree with those that say we should hear from mrs summers30 so here is my honest and non-flaming suggestion.

If mrs summers30 is actually reading these posts then my suggestion is for her to set up a separate account under an anonymous name and tell us her story and pose her own questions when mr summers30 is not around and he does not even know her account name.

Then she could see what peoples unbiased opinions on their situation are when hearing it from her perspective. My guess is it will be two entirely different stories.