Want to surprise my wife with a MFM while on vacation

[NY2004CTS]

I've read just about every post on here pertaining to first time encounters, open dialogue, etc. Although all are very insightful few are the complete directive a newbie needs to instill confidence to take that next step.

I've been married to my wife for 19 yrs - together 21. She was a virgin when we married. She was brought up in a very Catholic household where sex was shunned upon. Prior to marriage I had my fair share of sexual exploits. Up until the past couple of years I was content with our sex life, however dull and traditional it may've been. Recently I find myself envisioning us bringing another male into the bedroom. We NEVER talk about sex outside the bedroom while having intercourse. On a few ocassions she has shared very basic fantasies, snippets if you will with me but I could tell they were painful for her to blurt out so I didn't follow up with questions. I've never completely shared my fantasies with her because I don't want her to think I think of her differently than the person I married or the good mother of our son.

We're planning a vacation in July. During which period I'd like to take a day trip with her and try a MFM. Would like to meet someone online, develop a rapport with him, establish trust, meet for lunch then afterwards do it in a neutral hotel room. Family members are going with us so we'd have to get a room to avoid detection.

I don't need a lecture on the protocols of swinging. Ideally this would only happen once so she's able to experience what sex is like for another person. Personally I'll get satisifaction by knowing she had a great time doing it. No hidden agendas or underlying motives on my behalf.

Would some creative husband that has been in a similar situation share some advice with me on how to make this happen? When we watch porno mostly it's MFM so the seed has been inadvertently planted. Just need to find out without being blunt if she's on the same page. Thanks in advance for your assistance. If anyone is apprehensive about placing a post online I have the same screen name for my Yahoo email or instant messenger. Thanks!

[havefuninsun]

Start talking about your fantasies to her. You say it's hard for her to tell you hers; encourage her, ask questions...once she starts talking, make it CLEAR that her fantasies are a huge turn on to you ... that you're not jealous or feel betrayed in any way. Trickery is BAD, so just make sure she's on the same page.

[NY2004CTS]

I would never try to TRICK her or anyone else into doing something. My motive here is for her pleasure. It has to be something she wants. I know she'll never come out and broach the topic with me. The only time we talk freely about it is during sex but no plans or further happenings are discussed at that point. Because she has no prior experience she has nothing (sexual) to draw from. To put it best, we have a very sheltered sexual life in terms of communications. That partly because I've never shared my past with her - in detail. She knows I've been with several other women but I've never told her what took place and don't feel it's any of her business because it has no bearing on our current sex life. I was just hoping to find someone on here that has had a similar situation and knew the best approach. Chose the vacation in the event it doesn't work out well we didn't do it in our own community. AND then we don't run the risk of the other male reappearing in our personal life. This will not become a lifestyle choice for either of us. I just want her to have the option of trying another guy. Plain and simple!

[spectraschain]

I don't need a lecture on the protocols of swinging.

Oh.........really.

That would be, of course, because you're well-versed in this endeavor, have studied these threads and know exactly what you're in for when following this line of reasoning...

Given that you are ready to move forth...good luck!

[NY2004CTS]

That reference to swinging protocol was made because in the threads I've read, when a common question was asked, it was routinely followed up with a reply (much like yours) that had nothing to do with the question but moreover the do's and don'ts of swinging - or imposing opinion on the post. Time is valuable. Rather than have someone spend effort educating us on lifestyle choices et al. it would be much more informative/helpful for only those who have relevant information pertaining to the topic replying.

[curiousagain]

You do plan on bringing the SM up to speed on all of it so he knows what to expect, right?

I've been a birthday present a few times, and it's great fun, but being a surprize that may not be well received is NOT fun.

[NY2004CTS]

Yes, absolutely! Everyone will be on the same page that's for certain. Ideally a married male who isn't promiscuous would be perfect.

[good times]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

This will not become a lifestyle choice for either of us. I just want her to have the option of trying another guy. Plain and simple!

I don't have any experience in setting up the scenario you describe here and can only say it sounds like a bad idea to me, so were I you I wouldn't even think of pursuing this.

What I can say from my experience and the experiences of many others is that the quote above is a big assumption on your part, because I can tell you that more often than not if the woman does agree to give this a try, she won't want to stop at just one time. In fact their used to be a saying that goes like this, "men are often the ones wanting to try swinging most, but it is the women that keep them in it for the long run."

So I guess my question to you is, what happens if you somehow convince her to try it and she doesn't want to stop at just once? Is this something you are prepared to accept?

[NY2004CTS]

Thanks for your position. It's a valid one. Going into the encounter I planned on telling her that I'm doing this for her and I would be comfortable with a one time fling out of our area. I understand what you're saying tho. Thanks!

[TNT]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

I would never try to TRICK her or anyone else into doing something. My motive here is for her pleasure. It has to be something she wants. I know she'll never come out and broach the topic with me. The only time we talk freely about it is during sex but no plans or further happenings are discussed at that point.

If you and your wife cannot or do not talk about this outside the bedroom how do you know that it's something that she wants?

Even if what you are wanting and/or planning is just basically a one night stand, if you can't talk about it at the dinning room table over a cup of coffee honestly and openly you are headed for what could turn out to be a total disaster.

This will not become a lifestyle choice for either of us. I just want her to have the option of trying another guy. Plain and simple!

Whether this becomes a lifestyle choice or not, I hope you are prepared for the fact that once you open this can of worms, it can never be closed again. You or your wife will never be able to undo the fact that she has had sex with another man. She may hate it and blame you for suggesting it or she may love it.

What are you going to do if you wife really enjoys her MFM threesome and wants another one? If you have the right to ask her to do this, she has the right to ask to do it again. She also has the right to say no and unless you two TALK there is no way you will EVER know what she wants or how she truly feels about this.

There are so many things wrong with this it would take a whole day to point them all out.


Teresa

[NY2004CTS]

Because it doesn't fit the conventional mode of established swinging per se there is something (many things) "wrong" with the potential encounter?

If we've gone 20 yrs without sitting at the dining room table talking about sex, then all of a sudden, boom, there it is on the table, isn't there "something wrong" with that? Certainly that would jump off as a red flag to almost any adult.

I sincerely appreciate everyone's position, right wrong or indifferent. Everything will be taken into consideration before and/if fantasy ever becomes reality.

[spectraschain]

There are so many things wrong with this it would take a whole day to point them all out.

And here I thought I had summed it up nicely....

[spectraschain]

and/if fantasy ever becomes reality.

It will not. Care to wager?

[TNT]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Because it doesn't fit the conventional mode of established swinging per se there is something (many things) "wrong" with the potential encounter?

Not the encounter itself, but the way you are trying to go about it. We've had MFM threesomes on vacation many times but....WE TALKED ABOUT IT BEFORE HAND.

If we've gone 20 yrs without sitting at the dining room table talking about sex, then all of a sudden, boom, there it is on the table, isn't there "something wrong" with that? Certainly that would jump off as a red flag to almost any adult.

Ummm...it's a hell of a lot better than springing a threesome on your wife without having talked about it anywhere other than the bedroom and...from your post it seems very little in there.

You said you have no hidden agendas or underlying motives...yes you do...you want to see your wife have sex with another man...that is a motive.

You have GOT to talk to your wife and know 100% this is something that she wants to try. A spontaneous threesome, is one thing, that's easy to chalk up to a wild night. But, you planning this without her consent is totally different and it will blow up in your face...but hey, if you don't want advice from those of us who have been there, done that...that's fine but you did come to a swingers forum and we're all trying to share with you what we've seen work and what we've seen doesn't work.


Teresa

[Bedmates]

I was in the exact same situation. Experience on my side, little to none on hers. I liked to do all sorts of things and she was just a lay-there-and-enjoy-it type.

So, I started by introducing talk - asking what she liked while we did it. I even asked her what she'd prefer to call certain things. Some prefer the P word, some the C word (vagina is too vanilla!).

Finally one day I asked her if it was true that all women had the same fantasy as guys - two on one. She blushed and after some stumbling admitted that it was for some women. I zero'd in.

She finally admitted that she'd thought about it, but not with anyone in particular and that she'd NEVER do it. I kept talking about it and assured her that I had no problem with her finding other men attractive - it's only natural. I assured her that sex and love aren't the same and that maybe women just can't separate them like men can.

To make a long story short within a year we had our MFM. We found a fellow on-line and got to know him. I told her we could just do oral and she said "No. If we're going to do this then I want the freedom to fuck him if I want to." I was stunned. That was the most exciting thing I'd ever heard! Now I knew it was going to happen.

She started getting really excited about it and the e-mails that those two exchanged were breath-taking!

The whole experience was perfect.

Don't rush it. Let it evolve. Don't make it happen in July if it doesn't flow. You do NOT want her feeling like she's letting that guy do her because it is what YOU want. It has to be because SHE wants to.

Good luck. Wish I were the lucky guy!