Want to surprise my wife with a MFM while on vacation

[Thrax]

Originally Posted by prettylady

WOW We made head way.
This is the first time I have seen swingers stereotyped as caring people who give a shit about family values. Chalk one up for the swingers!
Your friend,
Prettylady

Be careful there. You might get lumped in with the rest of us smartasses if you aren't careful.

Thrax

[sereneiders]

I know I was blunt. I wanted to be blunt, but... How blunt is enough blunt?

As to avoid hihacking this thread.

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by Thrax

Be careful there. You might get lumped in with the rest of us smartasses if you aren't careful.

Thrax

(In my best Southern Drawl)
Now prettylady, don't you let that nice lookin' Thrax frighten you outta the smartass corner. There be plenty of room for your pretty self and your handsome young man over here. My, my, been a long time since I seen handsome that fine lookin' Now you two just come stand ova' here next to me, and let me tell you pretty ones a story now...

Once there was this fine looking young gentleman named Thrax...And boy could he make a woman feel...

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

We NEVER talk about sex outside the bedroom while having intercourse. On a few ocassions she has shared very basic fantasies, snippets if you will with me but I could tell they were painful for her to blurt out so I didn't follow up with questions. I've never completely shared my fantasies with her because I don't want her to think I think of her differently than the person I married or the good mother of our son.

!

Did you ever stop to think that MAYBE just MAYBE she isn't telling you her fantasies because she fears that you will think differently of her? The very reason you claim to have for not telling her yours?

You won't tell her your fantasies but you will spring them on her? How is that respect?

I have not finished reading the thread yet because I finally just had to reply, but I have yet to see anywhere if, when or how you plan to let her know about your plan? Are you going to lead her into a hotel room where there is another guy waiting and spring it on her then? Tell her on the way to the hotel room? Or give her the option before you even waste this married cheaters time? And I say married cheater because if he's married and he and his wife aren't swingers to begin with.... then he's a cheater and chances are he's promiscuious.

Guess what, just because you've been together for 20 years doesn't mean things can't change. YOu obviously WANT things to change. But you want them to change YOUR way and in YOUR time. Just because you've been doing something for 20 years doesn't mean it's working.

Not a shot in hell I would EVER go to a swingers club with my wife solely based on this ONE ONLINE HORRIBLE experience with your (collective) types.

I kept reading some more... realized most of what I said had already been said...but I saw this....

DUDE! You will never go to a swinger club with your wife because she would never go with you and if you did manage to get her to go with you, she would look just like some other wives I have seen dragged to clubs who sit at the table and look miserable while their husbands are out carousing and trying to get attention from other women. Hoping that some hot woman's husband will look over at your wife and not notice the look of pure disgust on her face and only see another hot body to hit on so that she will feel desired and get her over her lack of desire to be there. It doesn't work that way. Even if some schmuck did look at her and see hot body instead of "damn she really doesn't want to be here" and did hit on her, she's only going to recoil and freak out.

[Cpl2share]

Damn:
You can actually contemplate watching your wife have sex with another man and plan to act this out. Yet you can not even talk to her about sex outside of the bedroom? How are you going to bring this up and discuss it so that you "are all on the same page"? Only an ass would consider doing this to a woman that he loved. I take that back, No one could consider doing this to someone that they really loved.

BTW: Here is the recipie that you wanted for making this all happen:

COMMUNICATION. If you had actually read any of the other threads on this board, you would already know that the one thing consistant for all swingers is that they COMMUNICATE. Since swinging is mainly to a great extent about sex, that means that you have to be able to talk to your partner about sex. If you can not do that you are not cut out for any type of extra maritial sexual activity except cheating.

[cubnamy1995]

WOW!!! What a thread! I'm gonna do a follow-up on sereneider's thread, but wanted to say here:

Even if it isn't rape, it is nonetheless very selfish, potentially dangerous, cold and callous to put your wife in such a position.

I am married to a very strong-minded, self-assured, independent, and extroverted southern woman, and I feel absolutely certain that if I ever sprang something like that on her, she would stab me with the closest sharp instrument (and she enjoys MFMs!!)

You know what? I could give a sh$t less if other guys think I'm a pussy because I respect my wife, and women in general. This guy is under a psychotic delusion, and it is crap like this that really does give us a bad name. Yes, I love my wife. She does a lot of freaky sh%t with me and for me. Why? Because she knows that I respect her enough to let her come to terms with what kinkyness I'm asking for now and give her thorough consent before anything happens.

Good riddance.

[Bedmates]

While I fully understand each position presented - and agree with almost all of it - I think the approach here was not the best.

This was a newbie that was having high levels of fantasy frustration. This can get to a male when you spend too many hours within XXX and mentally living through fantasies. You can start to think that your wife has all the same thoughts a feelings within her and you need to drag them out. But, in reality she's worried about anything but sex.

What needed to happend here was a brake job. He needed to be slowed down, sat down, and brought back to reality. He needed to know that there is a way to approach this, but forcing it into his plans and timetable is not the way to go about it.

Instead he was beaten up, slapped upside the head, called names, and accused of wanting to do horrible things to the woman he's loved enough to stay married to for 20 years.

When talking to newbies, remember that you aren't talking to peers. In many years of marriage counselling, there were only two cases I can recall where brute force was applicable. In one case I didn't use it, the marriage failed, and I later learned that brute force may have helped. In the second case I used brute force and saved a 5-year marriage.

Finesse is an art. Sometimes you just need to first gain someones confidence, then sit them down, calm them down, talk thing out, then help them change their course.

I think this is a terrific site with many talented, educated, and experienced people that for the most part are concerned for everyone they touch.

Take this in the spirit it was intended - to add to the help. I don't mean it to be critical.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Bedmates

What needed to happend here was a brake job. He needed to be slowed down, sat down, and brought back to reality. He needed to know that there is a way to approach this, but forcing it into his plans and timetable is not the way to go about it.

Hi Bedmates, I think that some of the posts here were of the type described in the quote.

[LOL_OMG]

Bedmates
You have been registered on these boards a lot longer than I, compared to some of the archives I thought people were very nice to this guy. His attitude warranted more than he recieved, IMO. He asked for advice, then took offense to it. That's no ones fault but his own.

Mr. Lol

[sereneiders]

Bedmates,

Since I was the main one knocking on this guy head, I feel compelled to answer your post.

I agree with you on what to do with newbies. If you look around, you'd see I often take time to answer as deephly and respectfully as I can. However, for this to happen, the poster (even if disagreeing) have to acknowledge everone's else oppinions, moreover when their purpose os to provide the advice the guys is asking for in the first place.

Not all the newbies are the same, nor all of us have the same personality structure. This guy is narcisistic, perhaps to the point of turning this into a disorder. He asked for advice, he was adviced against carring on his plan... and suddenly he dislike the advice, deffending his plan by means of attacking everyone who wasn't up to raise the thumbs, and wuestioning their experience value. So, he wasn't here looking for advice, but for resurance, proving to be narcisistic, and a narcisistic guys wouldn't choose to held responsibility for his mistakes should he have the chance to blame on others. His plan was manipulative, and he attempted to do the same with us.

I was blunt, and I posted another thread asking for alternative ways to deal effectivelly with people like this guy. I don't regret my words, I believe it was necesary to shock him by making him aware what he planned could be seen as an attempt to rape his wife, hoping this isn't his original plan, but also hoping him to understand his plan could lead to a very similar degree of violence towards his wife.

However, I really like to know alternative ways to deal with those scenarios without exposing myself the way I just did when being blunt, and I would appreciate to know more about your toughts in my thread.

[Bedmates]

Originally Posted by sereneiders

Bedmates,

Since I was the main one knocking on this guy head, I feel compelled to answer your post.

I agree with you on what to do with newbies. If you look around, you'd see I often take time to answer as deephly and respectfully as I can. However, for this to happen, the poster (even if disagreeing) have to acknowledge everone's else oppinions, moreover when their purpose os to provide the advice the guys is asking for in the first place.

Not all the newbies are the same, nor all of us have the same personality structure. This guy is narcisistic, perhaps to the point of turning this into a disorder. He asked for advice, he was adviced against carring on his plan... and suddenly he dislike the advice, deffending his plan by means of attacking everyone who wasn't up to raise the thumbs, and wuestioning their experience value. So, he wasn't here looking for advice, but for resurance, proving to be narcisistic, and a narcisistic guys wouldn't choose to held responsibility for his mistakes should he have the chance to blame on others. His plan was manipulative, and he attempted to do the same with us.

I was blunt, and I posted another thread asking for alternative ways to deal effectivelly with people like this guy. I don't regret my words, I believe it was necesary to shock him by making him aware what he planned could be seen as an attempt to rape his wife, hoping this isn't his original plan, but also hoping him to understand his plan could lead to a very similar degree of violence towards his wife.

However, I really like to know alternative ways to deal with those scenarios without exposing myself the way I just did when being blunt, and I would appreciate to know more about your toughts in my thread.

I disagree that you were the only one that was matter-of-fact. The way it all read seemed like you were direct and then others took their shots - well meaning as they were, but together overwhelming. I certainly wasn't trying to place blame, merely expressing my observation. My guess would be that he felt ganged-up on, which is how I read it as well.

You points and concerns are valid and quite possible accurate. We don't know the real intent and are only guessing. To suggest rape is rather strong, but it certainly didn't seem like he was in it for her.

I just think this was a case that should've been taken slowly, that's all. I'm certain that everybody meant well, but I think it was a bit much when added up.

I also agree that he should've stuck it out. I believe someone stated "if you can't take the answer, don't ask the question." If you post a question on a forum like this, you have to understand that you're going to get all kinds of opinions and just deal with it. Unfortunately, he didn't have the patience for that.

Personally I saw a problem and would've preferred to talk him through it for the sake of his wife (first) and his marriage (second) - both seeminly in jeopardy.

I'll move to your post to discuss specifics if you like.

[cubnamy1995]

...Which brings us back to the original point. I, too, was very blunt. I think this entire thread would have went a different direction had the guy came back after what was said and said something like "I see your point, or no, that's not how I meant it." This guy teed off on anyone who had anything the least negative to say to him.

We are adults here, and this is not the first time someone has said something and got flamed for it. With any board, you take a risk when you put something out there. You come to these boards to get opinions, and if you put it out there, we will give you our opinion, whether you want to hear it or not.

I feel I can safely say that many of us, through either personal experience or anecdotal experience saw where this was going, and felt genuine concern for the woman involved. Those of us who are experienced swinging husbands have a propensity for being very protective of our women, and all women in general. We big, macho boys can take care of ourselves.

If I said something out of line, I have complete trust that the folks on this board would call me on it. That's why I spend so much time here. We are a community that really cares about one another in pursuit of our lifestyle, and make no apologies for being swift and decisive in defending it against those who give it a bad reputation.

While it is ultimately none of my business what another person, couple, group, etc. decides to do, if you ask my opinion, I will give it. Newbie or not, some lines shouldn't be crossed.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Bedmates

My guess would be that he felt ganged-up on, which is how I read it as well.

I agree that it appears that he was ganged-up on. I don't agree that it was an incorrect response though. If I started a thread and said that the sky is red, no doubt everyone would come on and say the sky is actually blue. As more than likely no one would agree with me it would be everyone ganging up on me, and while I may not like it, when everyone had their say, the sky would still be blue and not red.

So, I do not see how we could have possibly pointed out the error in this OP's thinking in any other way. I just reread the whole thread and for the most part, all the replies were the only replies that would be appropriate given the scenario presented by the OP.

The OP said that the responses here are the reason that swingers are stereotyped. yet he obviously had swingers stereotyped in exactly the way the world at large stereotypes us (as in - sex addicted lunatics with absolutely no morals at all) to believe that he would have received any other response to his original post than he did.

The bottom line is the answers he received were not the ones he wanted to here, yet they were the only honest answers that could be given.