Want to surprise my wife with a MFM while on vacation

[NY2004CTS]

SPECTRASCHAIN: For someone who presents his position as one speaking from authority/experience, you'd think there would be at least (1) certification on your Swing Lifestyle profile. A fool and his money soon part...

Big mistake to treat all newbies as they're idiots. Newbie in a particular field of play but not the game of life. I will not respond to any further of your posts or "wagers."

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

I've read just about every post on here pertaining to first time encounters, open dialogue, etc. Although all are very insightful few are the complete directive a newbie needs to instill confidence to take that next step.

Well, I'll tell you why I am reluctanct to provide "complete directives" to newbies, and I believe a lot of the members would share my point of view.

Often happens that "newbies" comes here asking the same question you did, and wanting to swing for the wrong reasons, or with a wishfull thinking mindsetting believing the reality would perfectly fit their desires and sexual fantasies, or both... as in your case.

We're aware of the risks of swinging, of the disastrous consecuences of engaging in swinging from such a weak ground. Instead of helping you reach your goals and "ensure" an outcome you suppose it can be reasured in advance, we foresight the damages you may be doing to your wife and your marriage. So, giving up "the recipe" (if there exist a recipe) as a roadmap to be followed step by step without knowing anything about the terrain by yourself, we'd be helping to destroy your marriage.

It seems to me that even when you read around, you did a pretty selective reading, just looking for the information you need, and skipping all the warnings and red flags we use to post way more often than the "how to". If you were reading those warnings, you wouldn't be asking this question nor requeting "a recipe".

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Time is valuable. Rather than have someone spend effort educating us on lifestyle choices et al. it would be much more informative/helpful for only those who have relevant information pertaining to the topic replying.

You're right. Time is valuable for all of us. Besides how well constructed your question was, it falls into the "how I can force my wife to swinging" category. We even made bets on how long it'd take for another husband to come asking the same question (as for you to realize how often we warn people against swinging in similar cases). Insthead of spending YOUR time reading the board, you want us to spend OUR time giving you an advice we feel dangerous for you and your relationship.

And this leads to another question: you suppose it's ok for us to provide recipes, as if bringing more people into the lifestyle were our goal, without even caring of the consecuences for them (and for ourselves, because this would be risking to meet drama prone people).

So far, I feel your attitude selfish and pretty disrespectfull. I don't care what you mean by "relevant information pertaining to the topic replying", I have the right to disclose or undisclose information under my own terms, following my own conscience and a set of high moral standards most swingers features.

If I'am not up to play myself with people that turns me on when I feel the game could damage them, less I am up to help someone else to do it under the very same circunstances.

Let's see why I am telling you this:

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

I've been married to my wife for 19 yrs - together 21. She was a virgin when we married. She was brought up in a very Catholic household where sex was shunned upon. Prior to marriage I had my fair share of sexual exploits. Up until the past couple of years I was content with our sex life, however dull and traditional it may've been. Recently I find myself envisioning us bringing another male into the bedroom. We NEVER talk about sex outside the bedroom while having intercourse. On a few ocassions she has shared very basic fantasies, snippets if you will with me but I could tell they were painful for her to blurt out so I didn't follow up with questions. I've never completely shared my fantasies with her because I don't want her to think I think of her differently than the person I married or the good mother of our son.

You never completelly shared your fantasies because of this, and you want to bring her the surprise of her life planning an encounter with another guy behind her back? You cannot be serious, and if you do, then you've lost some screws.

Either you don't care of the consecuences, for example, if you wife feels insulted and "whored out", turning you into the most lewd of the pimps, or you're the master of the wishfull thinking, believing that the sole experience would change her set of beliefs and the way she thinks, and just the way you'd like her to do it.

Forgive me if I am harsh here, but you don't dare to SPEAK to her about your fantasies and you look for our help (first) and another male's help (later) to "open her up" to you? It seems to me you want to leave your responsibility to other people than yourself, which, BTW, leaves you in a pretty confortable place: should things go wrong, you'd be able to blame on swingers, on this board, and on the other guy for the bad outcome, to blame on everyone else but yourself. This would be a selfish and pretty coward attitude.

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

We're planning a vacation in July. During which period I'd like to take a day trip with her and try a MFM. Would like to meet someone online, develop a rapport with him, establish trust, meet for lunch then afterwards do it in a neutral hotel room...

You mean, you'd be the only one meeting the guy, your wife taste in this department doesnt care for you, right? You care of your own trust in the guy, even if your wife didn't had time to develop such a trust (because she'd only have a lunch to make up her mind about the whole thing). If you ever manage to get them both in bed, I bet for your wife this would be almost a rape. And I wont help you make this easiest for you.

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Family members are going with us so we'd have to get a room to avoid detection.

How convenient. Let's suppose you have the MFM after forcing your wife to accept (because just a lunch isn't enough time for anyone to make up her mind, if she agrees, either this isn't the wife you described to us, or she'd be coherced emotionally into doing this). Should things goes wrong for her, and giving her education and morals, she'd be forced to put herself togheter to avoid exposing you and the problems in front of your kids and the rest of the family.

Well planned! Machiavello would have something to learn from you!

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

I don't need a lecture on the protocols of swinging. Ideally this would only happen once so she's able to experience what sex is like for another person.

Yes, you don't need us telling you some truths in your face, you don't need us warning you about the damages, you don't need a lecture on the protocols swingers devised preciselly TO AVOID the hipocracy and the damages.

Raise your sight from your own bellybutton. You don't need this, your wife does! Hopefully for her, you will acknowledge our advice. I hope so, for the safety of your marriage, for her safety.

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Personally I'll get satisifaction by knowing she had a great time doing it. No hidden agendas or underlying motives on my behalf.

No hidden agendas. Right. How about the fast lane to turn your wife into the slut you'd like her to be for you, in your bed, afterwards?

You only talked about YOUR wishes, YOUR desires, YOUR feelings, dimishing the value for HER wishes, HER desires and HER feeling. Moreover, you not even know about her... you don't even DARE to TALK with her about this subject. You just want to act like a bulldozer, stepping over and smahing whatever she wishes, she desires and she feels, under the wrong (silly, ignorant, prepotent) assumption that you'd have the fiber and the hability to rebuild her wishes, desires and feelings to make them fit your mold. You already proven you don't have the fiber nor the hability! If you CANNOT EVEN TALK TO HER!

And you don't even plan to tell her about your "surprise". If this isn't a hidden agenda, I don't know what it could be.

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Would some creative husband that has been in a similar situation share some advice with me on how to make this happen? When we watch porno mostly it's MFM so the seed has been inadvertently planted. Just need to find out without being blunt if she's on the same page. Thanks in advance for your assistance. If anyone is apprehensive about placing a post online I have the same screen name for my Yahoo email or instant messenger. Thanks!

Well, I was right in the same place you was. All my creativity lead me to the same place less creative and way more creative people reached: talk, talk and talk, take my own risks, being MYSELF the only one up to pay for the consecuences. Respect her desires and her own times. It took 15 years for us to do what you suppose you can do in a couple of hours. And it took it FOR US BOTH, and not "for her" to fit my wishes by following a master plan or a recipe.

Now, IF you're clever enough, you'd understand I am giving you the best advice I can. It isn't what you wanted to hear, I know, and I don't regret this.

However, my guts tells me you're too selfish to acknowledge this. You keep defending your "master plan", you're the genious and, suddenly, the guys you're asking for advice from become a bunch of idiots because we're not slapping your back and giving you the recipe. This reasures my belief about your cowardy, you'll listen ONLY to those reasuring your "master plan", as to be able to blame on them as soon as your wife files the divorce papers to you.

And if you do this, she should divorce, without a second tought. If she ever comes here telling us her side of the story on how you humilliated her and destroyed your marriage, I'll be the first one advicing her to divorce.

But once again, my gusts tells me you're too confident on her morals and education as to suppose she may ever think of divorce. If not because of you, because of the kids, the family, the values, the religion.

I feel deeply sorry for your wife. Even if you don't manage to make this happen, just because she's married with such a selfish and careless guy able to build up, and deffend against our advice, his master plan.

I'd say, "shame on you", but people like you doesn't shame. Right?

[LOL_OMG]

Umm, wow. Where to start. Your first post had alot of "I"s in it, and I didnt see alot of "she would like". You're going on vacation with family and you expect her to be comfortable enough to have lunch and then "do it" in a neutral hotel room?

You said that after 20 years of sitting at a dining room table and never talking about sex was the norm, but then to talk suddenly would be weird....I would challenge you that 20 years of not talking about sex is weird. As a woman, what would be weird to me is going on a family vacation, never having talked about fantasies, and going to lunch with a guy that my husband thinks I should screw in an hour.

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Ideally a married male who isn't promiscuous would be perfect.

You can't be serious. Isnt this an oxymoron for a MFM?

BTW, some people chose not to have any certifications on Swing Lifestyle......there have been posts on the pros/cons.

I'm sorry sir, I call troll.

Mrs

[Tybee Swing]

NY, I'm confused on a very important fact. You have numerous details already in mind - details about where this will take place, how you'll meet the guy, even the preference that he be married, there will be lunch, a hotel room, etc.etc. (it's as if the detailed plot is all planned in your mind). But you've never had a discussion with your wife about any of this, to know what she would like or not like. You did say that "everyone will be on the same page" when this happens. My main question is....when are you planning to introduce this whole scenario to her? Very soon? While you're on the vacation? At lunch, when the man you chose arrives at your table, and the key to the hotel room is in your pocket?

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

I've been married to my wife for 19 yrs - together 21. She was a virgin when we married. She was brought up in a very Catholic household where sex was shunned upon.
....We NEVER talk about sex outside the bedroom while having intercourse. On a few ocassions she has shared very basic fantasies, snippets if you will with me but I could tell they were painful for her to blurt out so I didn't follow up with questions.

I can't imagine a person who is farther from being a swinger than your wife is. I've read many times on this board (and others) posts just like yours, written by men whose wives are just as conservative and have just as difficult a time (painful for them) discussing even just regular, married vanilla sex. And yet, the man who is posting is hell-bent on changing her into a swinger. I just don't understand why men deliberately choose a very conservative wife as their life partner, and then seem to expect her to change at a rapid pace into a completely different person. I've often wondered this. Is it fair for you to ask or expect her to change so much?

You want to turn this very conservative lady from a strict Catholic way of thinking, into a swinger who will meet a guy and after a quick lunch, will want to have sex with him right then and there - when she's never had sex with a man besides you in her entire life...never even openly discussed sex. This complete transformation will occur in three months or so. I just can't see how this will possibly happen.

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Yes, absolutely! Everyone will be on the same page that's for certain. Ideally a married male who isn't promiscuous would be perfect.

Married men who seek MFM's on swinger sites are 99% of the time, cheating husbands. I just can't picture a good Catholic girl like your wife being okay with this. This is even if you miraculously manage to convert her into a swinger in the next few months. I've been swinging (including MFM's) for about 2.5 years, and I wouldn't touch a cheating husband as a playmate with a 10-foot-pole. I cannot stand cheaters - and I'm not even Catholic or conservative. How will your wife be okay with this?

You seem to have so many details planned out already - how are you confident that your wife will want all of these decisions made for her?

[NY2004CTS]

HOLY SH*T! You people are completely nuts! The guy from Argentina - WOW - you're out there! "Rape???" Christ, I haven't seen a psychotic manifesto like that since Ted Kaczynski!

With the exception of the guy who sent the account of his first time (which I sent a private message to) the rest of you are the reason why "swingers" are stereotyped!!!

If you've made it to this post - save yourself the sanctimonious rant of piling on. I WILL NOT RETURN TO THIS WEBSITE! Have fun blowing smoke up each other's proverbial skirts attempting to justify your own positions or poor choices. Not a shot in hell I would EVER go to a swingers club with my wife solely based on this ONE ONLINE HORRIBLE experience with your (collective) types.

[LOL_OMG]

Seriously, don't ask a question if you're not prepared for the answers :p

[sereneiders]

If THIS was an horribe experience for the OP, I cannot even imagine what it would be for his wife to live the experience he's devising for her!

The good news: at least he won't attempt to do this to his wife at a swinger's club.

[WildMiCouple]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Not a shot in hell I would EVER go to a swingers club with my wife solely based on this ONE ONLINE HORRIBLE experience with your (collective) types.

Well, first of all.....wouldn't you need to talk with your wife first, before you take her to a swing club? :rollseyes

Dude, you got plenty of advice on here from veteran swingers that recommend you don't go through with this fantasy....without your wife's blessing in advance. And I couldn't agree more with them.

Brett

[LOL_OMG]

On the odd chance that you are not a troll NY....

That time you had set aside during your family vacation:

1. Take your wife to that hotel...just the two of you.

2. Talk to her about sex and even take both your clothes off (socks too hunny).

3. Show her what feels good to you and ask her to do the same.

4. Make sure SHE comes before you leave.

I would think after that she will be much more open to even discussing sex, let alone fantasies. Just 2 cents.

Mrs

[cutecouple39]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

SPECTRASCHAIN: For someone who presents his position as one speaking from authority/experience, you'd think there would be at least (1) certification on your Swing Lifestyle profile. A fool and his money soon part...

Big mistake to treat all newbies as they're idiots. Newbie in a particular field of play but not the game of life. I will not respond to any further of your posts or "wagers."

Just because these fine people do not have any certifications on there profile does not mean they do not have any experience. It just means that they do not want everyone and there brother to know whom they have been with. Which seems to be a good idea from our perspective. We will vouch for Spectraschain that he/they are wonderful intelligent people that have plenty of insight to add to this board.

I am sorry if NY2004CTS cannot figure out that you cannot make plans for any type of swinging activity without the 100% consent of all parties involved. In fact if he ever hopes she will have an open mind towards any type of swinging activity it would be advised not to attempt this vacation hook up and when the time is right bring the subject up for discussion.

Whatever you decide to do good luck. You're gonna need it.

[InNY]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

Thanks for your position. It's a valid one. Going into the encounter I planned on telling her that I'm doing this for her and I would be comfortable with a one time fling out of our area. I understand what you're saying tho. Thanks!

Don't be so sure it would be a one time fling. Regardless of what is stated on this board many women have difficulty seperating love and sex. So, lets say you and your wife follow through on this MFM thing. Don't be shocked if you wife ends up falling head over heels for this dude who just got done fucking her. Just be prepared that you could be disrupting your life as you know it. Read through some of the other posts. Some other dudes wife just fell for some guy who was fucking her. Her hubby is probably kicking himself in the ass that he ever brought the idea up in the first place.

By the way. You are right. There are alot of nutty people on this board. I read it purely for entertainment.

[havefuninsun]

I knew this thread was going to be a train wreck by the way he responded to my earlier comment.

And, as LOL_OMG said -- don't ask questions you don't want answers to. If he's truly read the threads on this board, THAT statement should be apparent!

Gesh.

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

SPECTRASCHAIN: For someone who presents his position as one speaking from authority/experience, you'd think there would be at least (1) certification on your Swing Lifestyle profile. A fool and his money soon part...

Please don't assume that those of us who don't have certifications are somehow not experienced and thus somehow not qualified to render their thoughts, advice or opinions. Some of us do not accept or give certifications for various reasons.

Personally, I'm of the mindset that if this is meant to be, she'd be highly involved in the planning, picking, etc. Maybe that's just us, but for an MFM, I'm the one who suggested it the activity in the first place, I decided who, and decided it would be okay if it seemed like all of us were on the same page. Further, we talked about the alternative sex activities all the time - outside of the bedroom.

But what would I know? I suspect anything said by anyone would be construed as a lecture, and if it's not agreeable, it's just a crazy poster who doesn't know what they are talking about.

Bummer that he wasn't interested in actually getting opinions, and has already departed back under the bridge. As always, there was something educational in the thread for a few of us, I suspect.

[lovinher]

To the OP.

What are you going to do if she says no? You have put a lot of thought into this, which is good. I'm not bashing your fantasy at all but what happens if she pops your bubble? Wouldn't it be a good idea to get a feel about her thoughts on this before your expectations get too high? I'm wondering what happens after the let down.

Assuming she says no of course.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by NY2004CTS

With the exception of the guy who sent the account of his first time (which I sent a private message to) the rest of you are the reason why "swingers" are stereotyped!!!

.

WOW We made head way.
This is the first time I have seen swingers stereotyped as caring people who give a shit about family values. Chalk one up for the swingers!
Your friend,
Prettylady