We went to a club, we were having sex doggie style. I was okay with another man having sex with my wife, so I called one over and let him have sex with my wife. Now my wife hates my guts, and never wants to swing again.
The problem in this is that She was not okay having sex with another man. Just because you are okay with her having sex with another man does not mean that she is too. It's not just about being okay seeing your partner doing stuff, they have to be okay with doing stuff as well. The man in the story doesn't seem to care about what his wife wants to do, he's only focusing on what he's okay with her doing.
From what I've read, it seems that when a woman is going back and forth emotionally, they are trying to come to terms with something they did that "they shouldn't be doing". Most women are brought up with a "sex is dirty and icky" mentality. It's very tough to break through that, and it takes time.
Even if you have the conversation 5 minutes at a time because that's all she can handle, that's what you do. The communication has to happen, but it will happen in the slowest person's (her) time.