feeling guilty

[teknurse]

My husband and I are new to swinging and visited a on-site club for our first experience. We went with two experienced couples who helped put us at ease, me possibly a little too much. By the end of the evening I had oral sex with 3 men and 1 woman. Had intercourse with the 3 men and satisfied the woman with my favorite dildo. Of course one of these men was my wonderful husband. The problem I am having is that I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt about the entire experience. This is the first time I have been with anyone other than my husband since we were married 14 years ago. I had a great time and we both want to continue to swinging, I just cant shake the feeling I cheated on my husband even though he watched and approved of everything I did. Do any of you more experienced players have any advise on overcoming my guilt?

[EternallySingle]

I think your guilt feelings are coming from the fact that you think you got more out of the experience than your husband. As long as your husband doesn't feel slighted, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You both chose this path and you both say you enjoy it. Take it slow and learn to put all those restrictive notions behind you and talk to each other. You will probably see that he enjoyed himself just as much as you did.

[Ashley]

You are listening to society's little voices in your head or perhaps your parents if you had a strict upbringing. Say this to yourself, "Sex is good, sex is fun, sex is not necessarily about love. I am not a bad person for enjoying my sexuality. The things I have been taught about that are wrong. I am a good, loving, attractive person and my husband values me even more for this."
And keep saying that to yourself until you have internalized it more than those other voices.

[Brit_Pair]

Provided that you both wanted to go to the club, and you both were happy with what took place while you were there, then you've no need to feel any guilt. As Ashley said, this is your social conditioning gnawing at you. If no one was hurt by your experiences, then why whip yourself? Relish your memories, and look forward to your next adventure.

[OhioCouple]

I can't say that either of us have ever felt guilt. There have been several times where one or the other of us had what might be perceived as a little more fun than the other. A lot of it depends on stamina and some days it is there and some days it isn't.

As Brit_Pair said, "Provided that you both wanted to go to the club, and you both were happy with what took place while you were there, then you've no need to feel any guilt."

Next time may be your husband's turn to have just as much if not more play pleasure than you do. There is no reason to feel guilty about who gets more or less.....swinging is fun, feeling guilt about it isn't.

Lori

[naughty A]

This is going to sound pretty silly.

I used to wake up the next morning feeling absolutely terrible ... OMG what did I do... etc. lots of guilt feelings, I would cry I felt so bad.

Then I did something maybe not so silly -- I became the designated driver. Alcohol could never again be blamed for bad judgement, I accepted that what I did, I did with a clear head and I did willingly - enthusiastically AND I woke the next day sleep deprived but not hungover. It made all the difference for me.

Alcohol DID NOT truly play a factor early on in our experiences ... I was never THAT drunk but I would wake the next morning and wonder how I got talked into whatever and if my judgement had been impaired.

Now people really wonder about me I'm usually the wildest girl in the place ... carrying a water bottle. and I've lost all my tolerance for alcohol. Was it a general aclimitization to the lifestyle or was it my giving up alcohol in swinger settings?... does it matter?

Naughty A.

[Handyman69]

Then I did something maybe not so silly -- I became the designated driver. Alcohol could never again be blamed for bad judgement, I accepted that what I did, I did with a clear head and I did willingly - enthusiastically AND I woke the next day sleep deprived but not hungover. It made all the difference for me.

I drink very little at dances or get togethers with lifestyle friendsfor these reasons
(1) Rhonda who drinks very little at home usually lets go and
enjoys her time away from her responsibilities at home.
(2) Being on meds. for high blood pressure any excess drink-
ing and I have performance issues.
(3) I would rather be sober and get the full enjoyment out of
evening rather it leads to sex or just a good time flirting.

John

[ciscosv]

What you both did at the party was abnormal. Give it time and and it will become normal.

[Handyman69]

What you both did at the party was abnormal. Give it time and and it will become normal.

Why don't I ever think of these comments? LOL

John

[Nymph an' Satyr]

You are doing something that is not condoned by society at large. You have probably been taught\acultured that sex is for the person that you love, or have strong emotional feelings for. What you have essentially done is enjoyed sex as a raw pleasure- which many of us are taught is wrong. Hell, many religions permit sex ONLY for procreation. You just updated your value system, and you have not been completely reconciled to the "new you."

I never felt guilty- but I did feel a little sleezy at first

Congratulations, you are on the path to much physical pleasure.

[teknurse]

My wife told me about this post, so I wanted to read it. I'm glad she is able to talk this out with others that have experienced the same thing. I have to admit, I was quite lost when she came to me almost 2 weeks after the club in tears over it. I wasn't sure how to comfort her. I mean, she was feeling guilty about cheating on ME, and confiding in ME about it, and I told her at every pass that I was ok with it. In a lot of ways, we have a lot to acclimatize ourselves to in this lifestyle. I must admit, the very first time I saw another man initiate intercourse with my wife, I had a pang of anxiety. It was like the ghost of an echo of a jealousy that should have been there, and then she looked at me with love in her eyes, and that demon died before it ever took root. I can only hope that it works that way for her the first time she sees me doing the same with another woman.

Allen

[bbcpl4cpl]

I think it's easy to feel guilt the first time you swing as it's not something that is considered the norm in mainstream marriage and you are entering into a new way of life which means that you'll be changing the way you were brought up to think about certain things.

We felt guilty after our first time but it didn't hit until about a few days later and the guilt was sort of "what are we doing to our marriage?" type of thing but it was very short lived feeling for us I think as we both realized that this is perfect for us and we got off on it.

I think guilt like jealousy can be something that is experienced when a couple first begins to expand their marriage and I think it's a healthy transition and one that is almost necessary. Once you move past it, you've earned your wings.

Okay, so I probably don't make much sense to anyone! Lol, but I hope you get the gist somewhere in my ramblings.

J (the lady of the couple known as J & M)

[Katt]

Great Post!!!!!!

I can't wait for my partner to see it. Guilt is one of those subtle things that seems to eat away at us all, esp if we don't talk about it. As he and I are new to this, I am sure we will both be in this situation and feel the same. To teknurse I am sure it will be the same for us too as I am the more outgoing of the couple. And yes I am worried about feeling guilty and sleazy.....lol. BTW teknurse I am also a nurse...maybe its our casual attitude about bodies that gets us in trouble...lol

[CherryPunk]

teknurse --> I must admit, the very first time I saw another man initiate intercourse with my wife, I had a pang of anxiety. It was like the ghost of an echo of a jealousy that should have been there, and then she looked at me with love in her eyes, and that demon died before it ever took root. <-- teknurse

That was *exactly* how we felt... amazing! Everytime we looked at each other... with guilt or whatever, we saw the love in one another's eyes... it all disappeared... it was *us* making love...

When *She* took another man's cock in her mouth, *he* felt it. When *he* sensually kissed another woman, *she* felt it. But in all... *we* feel it's normal.. part of the fun. We got off on getting others off... not on getting off ourselves... if that makes any sense... *WE* experienced it together....

Waiting for the horror stories We feel like this is the only place we can talk about the fact that we went to a swing party and then accidentally crashed a bat-mitzvah the next day thinking it was a continental breakfast... "oh cool! eggs... never been to a hotel that had eggs at a continental breakfast"... derrrr....

[Vjklander]

I think it is necessary to realize that lust and love are two different emotions. You can have one without the other. Granted, it is primo when you have both together, but you can certainly indulge your lust with someone you don't love. Certainly, our society still inculcates guilt for anything other than MMPLO sex. Another thing that sometimes people feel is that they feel guilty that they don't feel jealous over their partner having sex with someone else. Or they feel their partner should feel jealous about them having sex. Also, somehow a lot of people still don't realize that the females capacity for sex is about 10X that of the male, so a woman who has sex with 3-4 guys and maybe plays with a couple women has 10-15 orgasms while poor hubby makes do with 2-3. I can see where that could lead to some guilt/jealousy. Our way of avoiding all that, and it works for others we've known too, is to use the term "sharing pleasures" for all things sexual. That is not only what we call it, it's how we feel about it. (yes, its from the Cave Bear books).
J