Is the guilt normal?

[flkeyscouple]

Originally Posted by iapr

Mrs iapr and I used to be as conservative and traditional as anyone that ever walked the earth and we have never had any actual "guilt" feelings over any of our LS experiences.

We feel the same. We've never had any 'guilt' feelings about our experiences either.

iapr your full post was great, and I'd 'ditto' the whole thing. But especially wanted to point out the quote above - no guilt feelings.

Sarah

[fetx69]

We are still in the stages of prior communitcation and have yet to have our first real experience. But even with the lack of experience I think this is a very similar situation.

Her being with another female is a long time fantasy of ours. And we have just recently began thinking about other men,couples and the reality of swinging. The first time we ever talked/fantasized about her being with another man she got extremely turned on, as did I, and the sex was great. Afterward there was a brief, odd moment of silence before we began talking about it. She did mention she felt some guilt even fantasizing about it. She felt like she had wronged me. I assured her that it turned me on just as much and that she shouldn't feel guiltly. We continued to talk about the prospect of real swinging ecnounters, rules, limitations, etc. Since then the subject has been brought up several times and she has gotten even naughtier with it, (especially now that she knows i'm into it) without guilt.

I think the morals and virtues we are taught stick with us even after we deviate from them. In my early adolescence i can remember feeling guilty for looking at nudie magazines because i was always taught they were bad. When some people are turned on our inhabitions lessen and you can get turned on by a fantasy you didn't know appealed to you or you might have a sexual encounter (planned or unplanned) and feel different than expected afterwards, and after it's done the reality of it hits you and you have to face it. You may feel guilt or regret until someone assures you that you've done nothing wrong, or it may stick with you. It's all a matter of how your mind works it out.

Basically what i'm saying is don't ignore these emotions by any means but also don't dwell too heavily on them either.

[swingcouple69]

Thank you all so very much for your help. I am very thankful for the many different enlightenments on where my feelings were coming from. Hubby and I have had MANY conversations since our experience as well as conversations with the couple that we were with. To answer one of the questions, this was our first COUPLE experience and my first bi experience. We have had soft play experiences with other woman and my husband. So I had many "firsts" all at one time.

So my newest thoughts and feelings have come from the awesome communication I've had with Hubby and all of you! First talking with Hubby has really helped a great deal and this is what I have come up with as an explanation.

First, I do think (as sugguested here on the board) that I was in a sort of mourning mode because I did "lose that gold metal" of only having been with Hubby. Also, I had never had "meaningless sex" with anyone. But I've come to understand that it is "OK" because I asked myself the questions that were suggested here. No one got hurt, no one was jealous, and we all enjoyed the experience.

Second, I did have a great fear that Hubby (even though he liked it) would feel as thought I betrayed him because I felt as though that is what I had done. He has taken those feelings from me thru our communication. It's funny how talking about it leads to a feeling of closeness and great sex!

Third, I think that I felt that it wasn't fair because Hubby couldn't have sex with the female half of the couple because of her recent surgery. Again, Hubby and I have had great communication on this. He has reassured me that he knew that "going in" and wouldn't have proceeded if he felt that way.

A huge thanks to all who have helped me to work through this. Everyone here was so helpful and the different insights helped greatly. The biggest thing that I learned though this is that Hubby is my main source of comfort. The more we talk, the better I feel. I do feel sooo much better its like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Hubby actually asked me last night "So are you ready to make another visit?" and honestly I am really looking forward to it now that I have my heart and my mind seperated and settled!

[lovinher]

Glad to hear that everything went well for you both. You may not realize it but your post will most likely help many others that feel the same as you did.

[sexychoclit]

The first time I was with a couple it felt great until a few days later. I felt so guilty. I felt like I had entered a couples marital bed (even though we weren't at their house) and I felt awful. I was only with them for one weekend and I dropped out of the lifestyle for about a month or so. After thinking about it, I realized that they weren't the best couple for me and I moved onto another and that "relationship" lasted over 2 years. I think as a female, because we tend to be more emotional when it comes to sex that it is normal to feel guilty. However, it sounds like you are ready and willing to experience more, so I say go for it.

[Edison Carter]

Susan here-- Emotions are just that, emotions. We can choose to indulge them or not. I really get into my sexual partners at times, and even feel 'love' or a deep connection. But I know it's not genuine or real. It's simply an emotion I'm having because I'm a human being. I choose not to indulge it and it does pass. Your emotion of guilt is the same. A normal human emotion that you are choosing not to indulge--hooray for you. Now, go have some great sex. I know the first moment of a new man entering me for the first time is a total rush--I expect it is for you too