A little bit of confidence...

[Mr. Truelove]

One of the more recent posts I made on here had a bit of a negative tone. We had recently had a run in with the jealousy monster and it was a bit hard for me to handle. The insight of the board helped me quite a bit, and we're still working through that aspect of our swinging life. We have taken the opportunity to explore a little with some existing friends, and venture out of our break that we were taking.

For my whole life I've been petrified of talking to women. I clam up. My mind races with the possible things I could say to make a muck of it. I talked to my wife for well over a month before I could even get the will to ask her out. So you can imagine that in play sessions not much would get started from my end.

Well, that changed somewhat recently because of the couple we had met. The female half seemed really into me. And I broke out of my shell a bit. The more I broke out of my shell, the more it seemed we got along. And it was a huge confidence boost.

So we went to the local club a couple weeks ago, which was our first venture back into the lifestyle after a very short break. We went there with zero expectations with some good friends.

While there we bumped into a few couples that we had seen profiles online for, and maybe exchanged an email or two. And we also chatted up a couple at the table next to us. The big thing here was though, suddenly I found myself being an outgoing, social, very not shy person I wanted to be. striking up conversations with strangers and even getting a little flirty and aggressive. One particular couple we've been chatting with a bit has really taken an interest.

And then in addition to that I saw a couple that messaged us well over a year ago and we never really pursued them. Well, looking at her I thought she was way out of my league. I approached anyway and introduced myself. Explained how we had received their message and so forth. That was all we really spoke that night. Recently they mailed us again and I actually chatted with the female half a couple times and things seem to be looking positive. I attribute a large portion of her interest to how confident I was that night.

Mrs. Truelove seems comfortable with the pace we're setting. And I am much more attentive to her comfort levels.

The big plus here though is I broke out of my shell. I find myself being outgoing, flirty, and more confident of my abilities than ever.

It goes to show out of every experience, no matter what it is, something positive can come out of it.

Now we just have an adjustment to make. Mrs. Truelove was used to me putting the brakes on things before they got serious, and following her lead. That allowed us to go slow. Now she has to let me know when I am burning rubber and leaving her behind, so I can stop, and let her get comfortable.

I was just happy about this personal change in my life and had to share it with you guys. Thanks for being there for me.

[ncmd_couple]

Mr. Truelove,

I am glad to hear that you have stepped out of your shell. The thing that you are going to have to be careful of is to keep the memory of you being out of your shell close at hand. Because there are going to be times where you are gonna get the dead fish response. But hey, you have to step up to the plate to have a chance to hit a home run. Have fun!

S

[The Fuse]

Yay!!! Great for you. How does your increased confidence sit with Mrs. Truelove in general? I ask because I have witnessed Mr. Fuse recently display an occasional willingness to break out of his shell too. I absolutely love it. It is an adjustment though, watching him grow and stopping myself from more or less protecting him at times when it's obvious he doesn't need it. A woman we know actually called him a "sweet talker" today. And with her, he is.

See what you think of this: I believe that part of his occasionally increased confidence is a result having gone through some painful experiences. I think maybe he is a little tougher now, and somewhere in there he realizes that no matter what happens in a lifestyle setting, everything will be all right. Do you think that dynamic is at work with you?

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by The Fuse

Yay!!! Great for you. How does your increased confidence sit with Mrs. Truelove in general? I ask because I have witnessed Mr. Fuse recently display an occasional willingness to break out of his shell too. I absolutely love it. It is an adjustment though, watching him grow and stopping myself from more or less protecting him at times when it's obvious he doesn't need it. A woman we know actually called him a "sweet talker" today. And with her, he is.

See what you think of this: I believe that part of his occasionally increased confidence is a result having gone through some painful experiences. I think maybe he is a little tougher now, and somewhere in there he realizes that no matter what happens in a lifestyle setting, everything will be all right. Do you think that dynamic is at work with you?

Mrs. Truelove is slowly getting used to it. It was never me that would hit it off, and lately that's how it has been. Most of the time the two women would be the ones really getting things moving, and lately that hasn't been happening. We realize now how important it is to Mrs. Truelove that the women hit it off, so when I am really moving with the woman, I'll slow down. Give her an opportunity to talk a bit before moving forward. I still feel like I am pulling her along, which is a new feeling for me in the lifestyle.

And as far as painful experiences go, possibly. We've had the run of the gauntlet in the lifestyle at this point, and I think that helps too. We've had jealousy issues arise, we've been stood up, we've been rejected, we've been fooled by a married couple (just not to each other), and so on. I think that experience has put me a little at ease. But mostly, it's been self motivated. I want to be confident. I want to be outgoing. And I find myself having more fun when I am. It also helps that the last few women, who really reciprocated when I flirted with them, happen to be really good looking.

Oh and your comment on how a woman called him a sweet talker. I got that a bit. One couple said they couldn't believe it when I said that I was shy.

[cari and mar]

When we started all of this, I would call myself quiet/shy. But the reality is that if the someone is interesting, I have little problem carrying on a conversation. And while I'm not up to overtly walking straight up to someone and introducing myself, I can usually find a way to crack open a conversation with people nearby. So, like you, I probably can't hide under those labels any more. :-)

Mar

[Mr. Truelove]

Followed up a little bit with the couple I approached at the club, which we had talked to quite a bit more. They seem to go to the club quite more often that we do. And we asked them how it is meeting people there, and they said that hardly anyone ever approaches them, and that they are really shy so they never approach anyone. And then the female half went on to say that she was glad that I introduced myself, and that the confidence I showed really impressed her. In my mind I was thinking... "Alright! Win!" To hear someone like that say my confidence was impressive is just out of this world for me. Really really happy about the whole thing.