Separate room full swap experience

[Gorgegon]

This weekend we had a full swap in separated rooms. We enjoyed it very much, they were a fantastic couple, but after we finished may wife and I were sharing our experience on our way back to our hotel. Our main question is if being a “full swap swinger” the ultimate goal for a “mature swinger” ?
All the people talk about the steps on how to became a swinger and it looks that is never the first thing to try.

Step 1. Start communicating with your partner
Step 2 Search the web or go club. Or meet some in your neighborhood.
Step 3 Discuss meeting arrangements.
Step 4 Do a soft swing
Step 5 Same room threesome or swap
Step 6 Different room full swap.
Step 7 ?????

We may repeat the experience in the future but we both felt that something was missing in our experience. We didn’t see each other enjoy the full swap as we do the same room swap. What is what we should be looking for in a different room swap? What did we miss ? I think step 5 is a lot more enjoyable to us because we can see each other. Also can somebody tell us what should be step 7 or 8 in the swinging community. What would be the “ultimate experience” for the most experience swinger ?
Thanks

[VegasLee]

I am not sure where this swing by the numbers thing came from.

If you enjoy swapping in the same room and that is your thing, then keep doing it and enjoy it.

I am not sure that you missed anything when you did seperate rooms at all. You did what you did and you feel it was not a "full experience." If you did not fully enjoy it, don't do it again.

Number 7. Keep life and the lifestyle simple. Only do what works for you.

I guess swinging is like raising kids, they don't come with a book. You do the best you can and have the most fun at it as you can.

[NakedInSeattle]

We started with "same bed" then "same room" and although we had agreed that we would always be together, one night at the club she and a guy clicked and she asked me if I minded if she went to the play room with him. I said, "thanks for asking and telling me where you'll be." Checked on her - all you have to do is get within hearing range and you know if she is having fun - once and then realized that she could take care of herself and wouldn't come to any harm.

We still prefer to be as close as possible but know that it's not always possible when at the club.

At a couple's house, the hubby said that he preferred seperate room and we agreed as long as all doors were open. We still "finished" in the same bed to talk and cuddle.

But, like Lee says - keep it simple, and do what works for you.

[NakedInSeattle]

Forgot to add........we will NEVER go out seperately and we will NEVER go home with someone else. Amen.

[EvilMJ]

I agree with Vegas Lee..do what is fun and feels good to you.

There are no real steps, just guidlines. They make it easier if you are not sure of things or are uncomfortable.

We never really did soft swap, but only wanted to do same room. Now we have no problems doing separate room. It's just something that you work out as you go

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Only do what works for you.

I think getting to this point is the "goal" of a mature swinger.

I think being able to recognize what you are comfortable with and make the lifestyle fit you (not you fit the lifestyle) is what makes a couple successful.

Spoomonkey

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Gorgegon

All the people talk about the steps on how to became a swinger and it looks that is never the first thing to try.

Step 1. Start communicating with your partner
Step 2 Search the web or go club. Or meet some in your neighborhood.
Step 3 Discuss meeting arrangements.
Step 4 Do a soft swing
Step 5 Same room threesome or swap
Step 6 Different room full swap.
Step 7 ?????

Is there some secret swinger society where, like the girl scouts, you get merit badges for the steps that you complete? (Boy, wouldn't that be fun to show off your sash--see, I got my soft swap badge last year and over here is where I got my DP badge. I'm going for my MMMF badge next. ).....but I digress. I assume that the two of you are swinging for your own enjoyment, so if you didn't enjoy it, why do it again? Plenty of "mature" swingers only do same room swap for that very reason--they find that for them, it's more fun to watch than to hear about it later. If it didn't work for you, there's no obligation to continue with it. Hell, some couples skip step 4 altogether. There's no standard. And, even if you don't have all your merit badges, people in the "community" will accept you. Although they may want to help you out with earning a few....

Pepper

[confunktion]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

I think getting to this point is the "goal" of a mature swinger.

I think being able to recognize what you are comfortable with and make the lifestyle fit you (not you fit the lifestyle) is what makes a couple successful.

Spoomonkey

Dito to the Monkey. Your end goal is determined by you, not by some list or by someone else. Do what you like and have a lot of fun - it's the recipe for success.

Mr. Funk
It's your thing...do what you wanna do...

[Hawk14]

OMG no.....there are so called "mature" swingers or better thought of as seasoned that still only do same room swap. We generally do the play together thing and yet there are a few couples that we've grown close to that we love doing separate rooms with them....the key with us is the trust thing all the way around with everyone. I guess "mature" is best to happen right from the start as in trust and communication with the couple...as to steps, it seems everyone would have a different line-up there...depending on experience and the couple themselves. Good question and great answers from others!

[Greg & Sheryl]

As far as "mature" swingers go, we have many years of experience, yet we still prefer same room swap. Do whatever feels right for you, and have fun doing it.

[twobears]

Hi I would like for you to put more clearly what you meant by "You finish in same bed", do you mean you two have sex again or just talk or what? We are newbies and have not had our first full swap yet. The different room thing makes me less comfortable and I am trying to understand why, not trust but feel it is something else within my makeup, any help you can give or insight to your outlook in detail toward seperate room experiences and why is it that you cann't always be together at a club? You can tell we are really newbies.

Originally Posted by NakedInSeattle

We started with "same bed" then "same room" and although we had agreed that we would always be together, one night at the club she and a guy clicked and she asked me if I minded if she went to the play room with him. I said, "thanks for asking and telling me where you'll be." Checked on her - all you have to do is get within hearing range and you know if she is having fun - once and then realized that she could take care of herself and wouldn't come to any harm.

We still prefer to be as close as possible but know that it's not always possible when at the club.

At a couple's house, the hubby said that he preferred seperate room and we agreed as long as all doors were open. We still "finished" in the same bed to talk and cuddle.

But, like Lee says - keep it simple, and do what works for you.

[twobears]

Hi it me again the newbie, I am concerned that what my husband and I have will not be as sweet and close as we are now once we get into swinging or the full swap. What I mean is I read alot on here and l what you said"you work it out as you go". I don't want really to ever be more comfortable alone with a swap partner than with my mate in same room or same bed, of course our whole thing now is to share our experiences together in same room. Would you give me some of your advice here and explain if you would be so kind, of how and why you changed your outlook toward swapping partners as seperate rooms, experienceing a partner while maybe your mate is not at all involved in the experience? We are closer than ever before with the sharing of ideas and talking more about our deep inner desires but I still feel that I don't ever want to get so comfortable with others that I let the pleasure of experiencing others come between us, any advice you could give would be taken!!

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I agree with Vegas Lee..do what is fun and feels good to you.

There are no real steps, just guidlines. They make it easier if you are not sure of things or are uncomfortable.

We never really did soft swap, but only wanted to do same room. Now we have no problems doing separate room. It's just something that you work out as you go

[dayhiker]

From reading about those that do differant room experiances, it seems to me that there are two broad ways couples handle it. afterwards, some are comfortable just asking if their spouce had a good time. While others want to heard the details and the couple uses the sharing of those details to further thier intimacy and the sex they would have once back together. Thus making the seperate room swap not so seperate
thru talking about it.
Also seems like it can take a lot of swinging before a couples feels comfortable with
seperate room swaps.
Just generalizations I know!
Hope that might help you understand how you have feeling about swapping in differant rooms.

[NakedInSeattle]

Ditto to dayhiker. Even if we "do it" in different rooms, the back together time is totally sharing what was done to and by both partners. The sharing of the experience is just as much fun as doing it for us.

[EvilMJ]

When we first started swinging we tried separate rooms the first time and what a disaster it was. I thought we would never do it again, I felt uncomfortable and yes jelous.

Then as we worked out all our problems by lots of communication and sharing, and got more confident in the knowledge that sex and love are two very different things, then it became easier each time. I love same room swap, it is very exciting and ofcourse there is always the opportunity for so many interesting combinations.

We found we were also able to do separate room, but only with a couple that we know well and are comfortable with. Mr. Playmate and I friends, we like to joke and have a good time, and we are definately not in love. THere is no cuddling afterwards, that is something I only do with hubby. Sometimes we (hubby and I) share the new and exciting things that we experienced that we want to try wtih each other. It hasn't changed the fact that with swinging it is just sex, with hubby it is making love. We are closer than ever, we can talk openly about anything. We are very much in love with each other (hubby and me) and we are able to do things separately, without jelousy.

THere is no one way to swing. If you have concerns or problems about separate room swap, then don't do it. only do what is comfortable for you. We all have our rules, and often these change over time as our comfort level increases. Some people stay at soft swap because that is what works for them, some people do separate room swap because over time that is what they are comfortable with. Go with your 'gut' feeling on things, do only what feels right and have a good time.