She's changing her mind and doesn't want to swing

[Mr. HW Sharona]

Originally Posted by NandT

....... Do I just drop the whole thing and apologize to the other couple?.......

Yes.

My Opinion, Don't bring it up again. When she is ready, she'll bring it up. If she never does bring it up again, you'll have your answer. Sucks, I know, but that's the way it is.

[Beaverbumper]

Hi All ...Well it seems like you I have the same problem...We have had two experiences and she had on Bi experience and both time she said she enjoyed herself and has no hang ups getting naked around others. She said if we meet a couple and later down the road they want to swing then that would be great. On the other hand, like shes two differant people, she says she just doesnt want to swing....Im very very confused...

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by Beaverbumper

Hi All ...Well it seems like you I have the same problem...We have had two experiences and she had on Bi experience and both time she said she enjoyed herself and has no hang ups getting naked around others. She said if we meet a couple and later down the road they want to swing then that would be great. On the other hand, like shes two different people, she says she just doesn't want to swing....I'm very very confused...

You know I might be way of base here, but the first thing that comes to mind is that she is hung-up somewhere between being a Madonna and a whore. Everything she is feeling feels so right, but everything society has taught her tells her that feeling so right is so wrong. I'd say she is trying to reconcile this in her head. Talk with her. Use the old Six Sigma "5 Whys" to get to the bottom of it. It works in everywhere. Ask "why" to each answer at least five times down the road to get to the real root of the problem. Such as "Why do you think you are feeling this way?" "Okay, why do you think that is the case?" etc.

Good luck. All I can say is talk, talk, talk.

Mr. WS

[good times]

Originally Posted by WesternSwing

You will. There is an old saying in real estate that applies here too: "The deal of the century comes along about once a week."

I agree, one of the big mistakes we made when we first started was thinking it would be a lot harder to find compatible couples than it is. because of that, we hooked up with a few couples that, in retrospect, we should have passed on. So, while I don't feel I know enough about your situation to give advise regarding your wife, I can say that passing on this couple is not going to eliminate your last opportunity.

[NandT]

UPDATE!!!

First of all, I want to thank EACH and EVERY one of you for all of your comments, suggestions, and insights! My wife and I have discussed this now at great length and have cleared up a lot of issues!

Just to elaborate, the reason it took 10 weeks for us to finally meet the other couple was mainly because of schedules and vacations. After the first contact (June 15)i t was two weeks before I had a chance to discuss it with her, (after I had a chance to "pre-screen" the OC) then the other couple was away for two weeks, then we were on vacay for 2 more! We are about 2 hours away from each other so getting together takes a bit of planning; she of the OC works every other weekend. The first open date was August 17 when we did meet for that 6-hour picnic. When saying goodbye I jumped the gun and invited the OC to stay overnight at our house Sept 22, (again, our schedules and vacations meant 5 weeks away was the only open weekend) they agreed, but my error was not discussing it ahead of time with my wife; yes, a major mistake! She didn't want to protest in front of them, then later made the comment about going too fast. She didn't feel that it was quite time yet to have them stay overnight at our house, hence the "too fast" and the "three against one" comment. We all met again for a quick dinner half-way between on Aug 24, and now have scheduled Sept 22 to visit them at their house. My wife agreed to that, and thought this way we can get to know them better. She is feeling much more comfortable now, and I am careful to discuss everything with her, find out her true feelings, and especially not push her into anything.

When (she and I alone were) discussing our previous soft-swinging, she said that she "Wouldn't have done anything she really didn't want to do," and the same would go for the future. She's a strong person, and would not let me push her anyway. She said she just got a little freaked when I was trying to make more arrangements right away and she wanted to think about it more. also, the other activities were more of a spontaneous nature, they just "kind of happened" without much planning. This new arrangement, by it's very nature, is more planned and therefore less spontaneous.

It turns out that the other F was actually thinking pretty much the same way, and wanted to hold off just a bit before jumping in the hot tub too.

I have really, honestly discussed all of this with my wife and assured her that there are no ulterior motives, that I love her dearly and this is just "enhancement" to out own relationship. She says as long as we treat this more as a couple/couple thing, rather than me with the OC's F and her with the OC's M, then she feels much better about it.

I really liked "lovinher's" comments best, about moving at the pace of the slowest person. The four of us have agreed to that, with no bad feelings towards the "slowest person." Hey, it's not like I'm moving all that fast either!

Anyway, thanks so much, guys and gals, for all the help, and I'll keep you posted on future developments!

[Alura]

Way to go, NandT! I've said before that communication with the other couple is also important in swinging. You sound much more positive.

On scheduling: We once had a playful friendship with a couple in which she was a physician and he was a pipeline welder. (An interesting combination; they had been married since high school graduation.) They lived an hour away from us. They were great persons and we enjoyed them very much. We have our own business which further complicated the timing of get-togethers. Eventually, the meetings became rarer and rarer and faded away while we found more convenient playmates but it was certainly worth the hassel!

Good luck! Keep talking!

Alura