Need Lots of Info....very new, very curious!

[Just Browsing]

Ok, my husband and I have talked about trying the swinging scene for quite some time. I think he has maybe decided not to out of fear of the unknown. I would like as much information about everything u can tell me. How do you go about meeting other couples (we live in a small town), does everyone use protection all the time, (we are both worried about diseases), is there a way to know if someone is clean or not, what if u don't want to have sex with other couples (just watch) at first, does it really make marriages stronger or are there some who have had their marriages torn apart, how do you feel afterwards, (we do talk very openly and honestly now so i think we would still be able to after the fact). What is the age range. Gosh, so much to ask... PLEASE, just give me as much info as you can...the good, the bad, the ugly...any info is greatly appreciated!

[intuition897]

Welcome to the board!
My best advice would be to just dive into reading the posts. Hard to know where to start, I know, but a good place would be the FAQ and the getting started section. This contains a great deal of relevant info. Try browsing the dictionary to become familiar with terminology (for example MFM is NOT the same as MMF). After that, you could try using the search feature (navigation menu at the top, drop-down under Search) to look up threads by using keywords such as curious, nervous, scared, soft swing, how to talk, marriage, etc. All the information you asked for is out there already, probably at least 2 or 3 times over. I know how you feel, though, I'd rather just have someone answer my question directly than go looking it up. The problem with that, though, is that the questions you just asked can't really be covered adequately in a single thread. The only solution is patience and a willingness to learn, because it will take time to absorb all there is to know. So start out light with the FAQ and "getting started" and see where that gets you.

Good luck!

[prettylady]

Intuition is right on the button.
I was "just looking" at one time, and came here.
I read the posts, I asked questions, I even offered my opinion on some topics.
I learnt alot here.
Ask your SO to read up as well. Do this together and you will learn alot about swinging and yourselves.
There maybe a topic here that interests you and you could give hubby an nudge and say hey that sounds fun.
Anyway Welcome to the board, I hope you have as much fun here as I do.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[gatorvol64]

If you were to read my posts, you'd soon realize that I think this is about the best place there is to start exploring and then to just stay. We've been here for about a month and have found good advice and good people. Welcome and keep us posted.

Vol

[flkeyscouple]

We've been on this site about a week. I think the site is fantastic. We've lurked on many sites over the years but this is the most active, and in my opinion, most informed site about swinging we've ever read.

You are starting right - keep those open and honest conversations going. You can both read through the posts and learn, laugh, cry, rant, rave, giggle, and have fun! We do.

Sarah & Roger

[Just Browsing]

Thank you all so much for your quick and honest replies....i'm headed to the FAQ now to see what all i can learn. If u have any good stories you'd like to share I'd love to hear them. (sometimes just reading other people adventures is a huge turn on for both of us)! wink wink Anyway, happy swinging and wish us luck! :-)

[Mike and Jan]

You ask if this 'experiment' can tear your marriage apart?

I sounds like you two have talked about it and are both in agreement about exploring it.

So I'd say no, it won't damage your marriage even if you, both or one, decide it isn't for you after experiencing it.

My wife, currently, has lost her interest in swinging. We had five experiences years ago and delved a little bit more in more recent years.

The only conflict swinging ever had on our marriage is the fact that I'd love to do more and she doesn't want to.

But then, there are things that she'd love for me to do with her that I'd prefer not doing too.

A good marriage isn't threatened by swinging. And, there are so many that are greatly enhanced!

Go slow, stay in your comfort zones, and enjoy! Always keep it fun for both of you.

[Just Browsing]

Thanks for that info! I've still been sorting through all of the information on this site and hadn't really found anything on that area yet, so I appreciate your view on it. I think we are probably going to plan on only "watching" or "observing" for a while and see how that goes. Although the idea of seeing each other with someone else seems like a huge turn on for both of us (we talk about it alot during sex), I'm just not sure if actually DOING it and SEEING it would be right for us. We have it sooo good now and I don't want to do anything to cause harm to that, but we'll see how it goes. Now it's just a matter of finding places where we won't be recognized. (small town) It seems like most of the places in our area are "off-premises", which really wouldn't benefit us for what we're wanting to do at this point....but we'll see I guess. You mentioned that your wife doesn't want to swing anymore, do you know what her reasons are? Do you have any numbers as far as how many swingers there are in the United States? I've been reading that it is a growing population, (and I know Oprah did a story about it and how your next door neighbor is likely a swinger) haha but I haven't seen any REAL numbers on it?

[flkeyscouple]

I'm sure you've read - on this site and others - that swinging cannot harm a strong marriage. It seems funny to hear something like that when you first think of swinging, but it is SO true. As long as you both are interested in trying it - and you stay open and honest with each other - even if it ends up being something that one or the other of you (or both) decide you aren't comfortable with, it won't harm a strong marriage. In fact I would think it would help - even if you don't do it ever again, you've got that experience that you can re-live over and over again. Just that can be a huge turn-on.

I know that after our first experience we constantly talked about it during our sexual play. Our second experience wasn't for MANY years and that first experience kept our sex life strong and frequent.

I'll add that our second experience was MANY years later only because of geography. We lived in a small town back then too. It makes it difficult when each person in town knows you, your parents, your siblings, etc. We started our experiences ONLY when we travelled. We still tend to have many more experiences when we travel!

Keep reading - keep asking questions!

Sarah

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Mike and Jan

...The only conflict swinging ever had on our marriage is the fact that I'd love to do more and she doesn't want to...

(THEN)

Originally Posted by Mike and Jan

...But then, there are things that she'd love for me to do with her that I'd prefer not doing too.

Mike, you say there are things you want to do that she doesn't, then you say that there are these "things" that you could do for her...but would prefer not to? That doesn't sound fair or even understandable. Sorry,...Help me out here.

Male D

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by Just Browsing

... the idea of seeing each other with someone else seems like a huge turn on for both of us (we talk about it alot during sex), I'm just not sure if actually DOING it and SEEING it would be right for us. We have it sooo good now and I don't want to do anything to cause harm to that, but we'll see how it goes.

Most of us had been there, and it is true, it's the millon dollar question, because not every fantasy have to become true, so, it is important to tell appart what's safe enough for your emotional health and your relationship health to make true, and what to refrain (at least at the begining).

I'd say, take it slowly, one step at a time, doing soft swinging. Set the limits for your first "adventure", for example, "let's flirt, dance with other people, kissing and some touching would be ok but that's it", at the speed of the slowest one of you. Stick to your plan no matter of what, be upfront with the other people you're with, because if you create false expectations, it easily may lead to situations you may not know how to handle, and even end up being pushed to do something beyond your limits. Pay attention to each other feelings as thing evolve. Some of us have a sign language to let each other know how things are going, and more important, that someone needs a break. Behave as if both of you were just one person regarding your "plan", if you need to talk or ask your SO a question, take a moment and do it privatelly (it isn't unpolite to openly ask for a break, walk away, talk, and come back, because every couple knows it's required some privacy to make up your mind before jumping in). If some of you feels something isn't right, stop and talk about it.

Play the game at your confort level, get back home and talk about the experience, the turn ons and the turn offs, how do you feel about it, and from there start broadening the limits, one step at a time, as to test the waters.

The most significative advice we got when we started, because by following it we found a way to deal with our fears, was to understand whatever may happen as the outcome from a shared decision, thus the responsibility would be shared as well. Let's suppose you expect your hubby to behave in some way you planned, but something you didn't make a plan for, happend, hurting you. If you blame on him for this, then you'd be denying your share of responsibility, but if you understand this as a shared mistake, whatever it is, it would become an accident both of you suffered, and requiring from both of you to overcome. For as long as you both can make a commitment about the shared responsibility, and both of you are able to stick to this commitment, you'd be doing it fine, even if after the experience you choose not to swing.

[Just Browsing]

I like the idea of it being a "shared responsibility". That makes alot of sense to me. Thanks again for all the info and it's so nice to be able to come to this forum and discuss things so openly and honestly with people who don't think ur freaks or something!!! Thanks so much!

[LFM2]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Try browsing the dictionary to become familiar with terminology (for example MFM is NOT the same as MMF).

Uh oh! That's not what the dictionary on the SB says.

I guess my swinging ignorance is showing through. I always thought it was the same. I'm gonna bite and ask what is the difference? I'm seriously not trying to be difficult, but I am curious as hell.

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by LFM2

Uh oh! That's not what the dictionary on the SB says.

I guess my swinging ignorance is showing through. I always thought it was the same. I'm gonna bite and ask what is the difference? I'm seriously not trying to be difficult, but I am curious as hell.

Read about it here: MFM v MMF

Pepper

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by LFM2

Uh oh! That's not what the dictionary on the SB says.

I guess my swinging ignorance is showing through. I always thought it was the same. I'm gonna bite and ask what is the difference? I'm seriously not trying to be difficult, but I am curious as hell.

Ooops. I suppose we should maybe fix that somehow. The catch is, MMF or FFM doesn't always mean same sex action to every couple. It's just interpreted that way by some.