Strip club as a test run to swinging?

[michelle101]

Hi everyone
I am looking for some advice on something. My husband and I have never tried swinging, but we are considering it. We were thinking of going to a strip club together so he could get a lap dance and I could watch. We figure if I am ok watching that ( actually I think I would like it alot ) that we may become more comfortable with the idea of swinging. We are not uncomfortable with the idea, just unsure. So all you veteran swingers out there please tell me, do you think this is a stupid idea or could it be a way for us to test the waters so to speak? Thanks

[luvinit]

I think it is a great idea, why dont you get a lap dance for yourself also
The biggest thing is communication, we talk, talk and talk some more!.

[mrs good times]

I think that is a great idea too.

Mr. and I started going to strip clubs several years before we ventured into swing clubs. I enjoyed watching him get lap dances and I liked watching the girls dance (try to pick up a few moves for later). Many of the girls we met at the clubs really like it when the wife tags along and on slow nights will sit at the table and have a drink and talk.

[BradAndJanet]

I think that if you're into it, why not? I'm sure it will bring up a bunch of new things for you to talk about and that's always good. Have fun!

-B

[RNDNV]

Not a bad idea Michelle, but you should know that the "commercial aspect" of strips clubs and the straight forward reality of swingers clubs are, in my opinion, like apples and oranges; two different things. Your idea is a soft and easy sensation start, however, you should understand that the Lifestyle is a different thing altogether.

As "veteran swingers" the best advise we can give you is take it slow, and take your "baby steps." Here is a suggestion of steps that you can modify to your speed and feelings, but remember, both of you need to be true to yourselves and go at the pace of the person who is the most cautious.

STEP ONE: After your strip club experience, share what you felt with your husband, and ask him about his feelings and really try to listen to what he says from a non-judgmental viewpoint, and ask him to do the same for you. Share, talk, and really be with each other, and if you guys find yourselves getting all hot and worked up talking about it, then by all means have some good lovin with each other.

STEP TWO: Come back to this website, together, and feel free to both share your experience and read the other threads, together. Check out swinging related websites, especially those that offer advice and philosophical viewpoints, and discuss those viewpoints with each other and ask yourselves if they ring true to you.
Our suggestions for good sites are:
www.nasca.com (a swingers club organization with good info and links to club locations, events and conventions); www.clubadventure.org (the homesite for "Swing Mom," a true goddess in introducing newbies to the Lifestyle); and lastly, www.sexuality.org/mgswing.html (the website for the "Modern Guide to Swinging," a very, very informative site that discusses all aspects of swinging).

STEP THREE: Go to a swing club. Get to know the owners, tell them you are "newbies" and have them introduce you to people. Experienced swingers are very helpful to newbies and always more than willing to give advice (just look at me just rambling on and on). Listen to it all, take it in, and talk about it with each other later. If you both want to, go on the dance floor with other couples and swap dance partners and work yourselves up from casual dancing, to slow dancing, to dirty dancing if the mood becomes you both and you feel good about it. This is a very easy form of "soft swinging" that can lead to greater aspects of soft swinging, to include "same rooming," which is having sex with each other while another couple is having sex with each other in very close proximity to you guys.

STEP FOUR: Whenever you guys are up for it, you may consider "full swapping," which is, as you can imagine, what you think it means. But before you do this, talk about it first, a lot, and also, DEFINE YOUR BOUNDARIES AND RULES BEFORE YOU PLAY!

Good luck, have fun, play safe, and stay close.

Love, RNDNV

[michelle101]

Thank you everyone for your advice. RNDNV you made some really good points and gave me alot to think about. I will check out those web sites soon. By the way, full swap does not always mean separate rooms does it? It can mean full swap in same room. Correct?

[Just_us49]

Originally Posted by RNDNV

Not a bad idea Michelle, but you should know that the "commercial aspect" of strips clubs and the straight forward reality of swingers clubs are, in my opinion, like apples and oranges; two different things. Your idea is a soft and easy sensation start, however, you should understand that the Lifestyle is a different thing altogether.

I tend to agree here, It's one thing to see your husband with someone that you are pretty sure isn't going to do anymore than lap dance with him. It's a whole different story when it happens in a club and you know more could possibly happen if all are agreeable.

RNDN gave you some really good advice. We pretty much made up our minds early on actual full swap would be a rare thing for us and always in the same room. One thing we have come to appreciate about starting with most couples we play with is by starting with a same room play session you get a chance to observe each others bedroom manners/techniques. So far, that has really helped to make the next time (if we full swap) be a whole lot better. I always do better on the second seesion. (less anxiety) We go to a couple of clubs and the regulars have kinda figured out how we are...we flirt and play publicly, but a private show ain't happening very often.

So just remember whatever you do, you can always slow it down and take your time until comfortable.

Have fun...

-D

[RNDNV]

Originally Posted by michelle101

Thank you everyone for your advice. RNDNV you made some really good points and gave me alot to think about. I will check out those web sites soon. By the way, full swap does not always mean separate rooms does it? It can mean full swap in same room. Correct?

Yes michelle, you are correct. Full swap can be done same room or separately. Typically, that can be broken down into another step process as well. Generally, couples who full swap most definitely (but not always) at least start off doing it "same room." However, with repeated experiences (both generally but more especially with a particular couple or group of couples) you might find yourself transitioning to being comfortable with not only separate room play, but separate (time wise) play as well.

Let me give you an example how things could look in time.

Let's say after some years of experience you and yours establish a close group/network of play couple/friends. One of them owns a vacation home and invites you and your hubby along with three other couples whom you all know each other well from prior individual and group play. Well all five couples are real comfy with each other and over the course of a weekend everyone is having terrific fun with each other, and there comes a point where your hubby is beat and tired, and you are horny as hell and want to play with a couple of the other guys who are "up" and ready for it. So your hubby kicks back and watches you play with these two other guys while the wife of one of the other guys sits next to your hubby and they start talking about real estate prices in your home town, all the while the wife of the 2nd other guy you are playing with is in another room having a threesome with some other guy and his wife. Well you are going at it hard and heavy with these two other guys and your hubby grows bored of watching you and is having a good conversation about real estate with this other wife so they retreat to the kitchen to fill up their drinks and talk about home improvement while you continue to have great sex with two guys in bedroom one while three other people are having great sex in bedroom two, and several other people are on the deck getting some sun while your husband and another woman are talking about real estate in the kitchen.

And everyone is all cool about everything.

Sounds nice doesn't it. Geez I love swinging.

Love ya.

[intuition897]

Hi michelle101, Welcome to the board.

I think a strip club would be a great way to introduce yourselves to the idea of taking sex outside of its usual comfy boundaries. Sure, try getting him a lap dance...or maybe one for yourself if you're into girl/girl fun. A lot of men are aroused by the idea of two chicks getting it on. But I agree with the above posts to some extent: exotic dancers are professionals and they (as far as I know) don't do anything more than put on a show. But still, having another woman shake her ass provocatively for your husband would give you an initial indication as to whether or not you would be comfortable with the idea of him having sex with another woman. I wouldn't make my final decision based on just that, mind you. Next step as RNDNV said is to try a swing club, because exotic dancers aren't swingers (well maybe some are, but it would be unrelated to their work). I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at a club. You won't be pounced on like fresh meat as soon as you walk through the door. You'll just find a lot of other nice people like yourselves having fun and flirting with one another. Many people just enjoy the sexually charged atmosphere and make out or play with their own partner. Others like to get out on the dance floor and do some dirty dancing. Some like to watch, some like to be watched... It's a little bit of everything

And BTW, swinging is whatever you want it to be. You asked about full swap having to be this or that; it's not a goal to reach or anything, it's just what they call it when everyone plays full-contact with each other. Likewise, soft-swap is a sliding scale from playing only with your own partner in the same room as another couple all the way to same-bed/girl-girl/heavy petting/oral sex activities but no intercourse with other partners.

Hope you two have fun with all this. Wishing you luck.

[agilemicpl43sum]

I just had to chime in here....We are also newbies and actually still looking for that perfect situation...but a few weeks ago, I took my husband out to a strip club for our anniversary. We had a blast! I bought him a lap dance...and mind you, this club was very secluded and not too many rules. He had his hands all over her beautiful body..rubbing her tits..her ass. It was incredible and yes, it did prove that jealousy would not be a factor with us. It was a very expensive night..but well worth it. facelick

[michelle101]

Well, test run complete... We went to dinner for our anniversary last night. We happened to go to a resturaunt a short way from Providence R.I., which, if you know the area at all has a few strip clubs to choose from. It wasn't something we had set in stone,as I was still thinking about it. On the way home I said " What the hell. Let's go."

My first thought? FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!! Once I got comfortable I had the best night I've had in a long time. The girls made me feel very welcome, most telling my husband "lady's first." and putting their tits on the side of my face. One girl caressed my tits while telling me she liked them because they were big and real. I think this one particular girl went further than most would, she gave me a kiss goodbye on the lips, tounge and all. A first for me. Anyway, we only stayed for awhile, (babysitter time limit) but long enough for my husband to have a lap dance while I watched. I loved it!

There wasn't even one little twinge of jelousey. No heart skipping a beat, realy, I just felt horny. While I was watching , I thought of something RNDNV said about the commercial aspects of stripping vs the reality of a swing club. It is quite possible that that is the reason I felt nothing. I knew this woman wasn't going to have sex with my husband. So, in a way, I guess testing the waters isn't possible, we will just have to try swinging to find out, but for now, that was a whole lot of fun. My husband said he realy liked it too. Getting a lap dance while I was watching was a big turn on for him. I think he liked the woman touching my tits as well. I have to say, when I got up to use the rest room, I was very wet. I guess it surprised me a little. We will go back soon. One small observation... the woman were so damn soft.
how do they get their skin that soft anyway? Just a thought.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by michelle101

...One small observation... the woman were so damn soft.
how do they get their skin that soft anyway? Just a thought.

Next time, ask them while they're kissing you.

I'm glad you had a good evening. One step at a time!

-B

[CandTinLorainCo]

Originally Posted by michelle101

Hi everyone
My husband and I have never tried swinging, but we are considering it. We were thinking of going to a strip club together so he could get a lap dance and I could watch. We figure if I am ok watching that ( actually I think I would like it alot ) that we may become more comfortable with the idea of swinging.

Opps.... Honestly, 1 doesn't really have to do with other. Strip club could lead to feeling horny or whatever. Really isn't going to allow you the feeling that seeing your "SO" with another person will though. As you stated, "you knew she wasn't going to have really have sex with your husband". So not even a twinge of jealousy was felt, there was no concerns. But what if they were having sex?..... Step back, relax, close your eyes and imagine that for a second....imagine him going down on her or moaning in ecstacy while he's inside of her.... and vice versa, have your "SO" read and do this also...feel that in the pits of your stomach or in your heart? If so SLOW DOWN. It's natural and its to be expected especially for "newbie's" as well as veterens, now talk to each other and see if your truely "OK" or not? If so.. continue on.
Remember key things here...COMMUNICATION, HONESTY, TRUST, COMMUNICATION, and MORE COMMUNICATION really can't stress this enough!
There is no problem in stepping out and re-evaluating your situations and re-thinking thoughts on "swinging", you may just like the idea of "it" but find you end up resenting what has been done later on.... COMMUNICATE. Entering into this "lifestyle" is drastic on both parties mentally, physically, and emotionally, and is not something to do light hearted just based on the thought of it. Remember once the "deed" is done, it's done! Forever in your hearts and minds.
My wife and I started "soft" with touching, feeling, oral, some FF, MFMF same room... Now we've reached a level of say "RND" (see above) where we no longer have rules and boundries persay and just go with what feels good for us and the other. Afterall that is why most people enter the "lifestyle" is for pleasure. There is none if your afraid to enjoy it or worried "what if?" or "can I?" and so forth.
I hope this helps its just MO and please look around, talk to others, ask questions, if you haven't take a look at FAQ"S and getting started as they are full of info for people such as yourselves or those who are re-evaluating to thier choice.... We have no regrets on our decisson to continue as we both truely love it, however for those that have "crashed and burned" I'd almost bet you they wished they went slower and thought it out before hand.
Keep in mind as I think you saw and have learned a "Strip Club exp. isn't (although it could be) a swinging exp." They truly are as different as night and day. Good Luck and Enjoy whatever you decide to do!! Feel free to ask or comment anytime just hope it helps in some manner.

-C