Newbie Mistakes

**LikeMinds321** · 09-10-2004, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Botcpl

I have to say that hit me like a brick. My first thought was: what else will you lie to me about? I always hear about communication and trust, but now I'm not so sure. I can understand not giving out too much, like last names and where we work or even the type of job sometimes (if I told you what I did, well there are only a half dozen or so of us even though my "company" has over five thousand employees....), but is this much caution really needed?

I can understand if you are from a small town, but since most of us live in metropolitan areas, is it really needed? Maybe this isn't the right place for this comment, but I don't know where else it should be. Usually I agree with what Likeminds321 says so you can see why I'm walking around with a big question mark on my forehead.

One reason I am (and we are) looking into swinging is so we don't have to lie. I don't want to lie to my wife and I (we) don't want to lie to the people I'm (we're) with.

Signed,

Confused and Dejected

Quote:

Originally Posted by misterbates

You Lie about your names?!?!?...and i suppose you expect people to have sex with you and be honest about themselves??...hmm.."yea i dont have to tell em about my herpes..after all they lie about their name"....that is a great way to think.....another example of why we are so disgusted with swingers and swinging.......

I'm not surprised that I confused and upset some people. Even after I posted I wondered if I would truly be able to use another name at a club. But I decided to leave my post as it was.

Let me give some background, and by the time I'm finished I may change my own mind . . . or at least explain my reasoning in a way that may garner a little more understanding from others.

My husband has been a prominent business man in our town for over twenty-five years. In the first ten years of his business he was in the newspaper and on television often. People he didn't know would approach him in public to shake his hand and tell him they saw him on TV or read about his work. He even had a weekly radio show for many years.

He doesn't appear in the paper or on TV any longer, but I am worried that when people see him they may think this guy looks so familiar, and all it will take is for Mr LM to say his first name and *click* the people will know who we are.

We have attended only one club. It was an off-premise club that meets once a month at various hotels. Those who attend often reserve a room for the night, so in a way, it becomes an on-premise club but with more privacy. It was apparent to us that people were having sex that night with people they met at the club. They'd disappear for awhile, then come back all showered with wet hair. Ten minutes later they'd be heading up to their suite again. The dance floor was hopin' with people feeling each other up and kissing. This is what the scene is like for clubs that meet only once a month. People meet and have sex. They may never have sex with that person again. They may never see that person again. I have read that some people never even exchange names.

We introduced ourselves to maybe thirty people that night. That's thirty people we determined--after chatting 5-10 minutes--we weren't interested in swinging with. Would it really have been so terrible if we used another first name? I don't think so. If we met a couple who we would want to continue to see, outside the club, we would let them know then and there that we use a "club name" when we're clubbing.

Most people on the Swingers Board don't use their real name. They create a User Name and sign with that name. Why? Privacy.

On our swinger ad sites we always use our real first names. We have control over who can see our faces with an ad. There is more privacy with ads.

It was probably a mistake to go to a local club. If we every go to a club again it will be far away from our home town. In another state we wouldn't feel uncomfortable giving people our first names.

LM

09-10-2004, 11:17 PM

We have made several mistakes. The first was like Julie. Rushing to meet the first couple that wanted to meet even though we did not have all that much, if anything, in common.

The others... we are still learning from but we know we will NEVER make them again.
And I am sure there are more mistakes in our future as this is a continual learning expereience.

DBL D · 09-10-2004, 11:36 PM

Hey Mr.!!! (Naughty)

Isn't that what the clubs are all about? Just find someone HOT.

I haven't really followed your threads so I don't know what you guys are looking for but I know that while we love to have folks that are "regulars" we also will go for the HOT "One Night Stand" whether we think it's one at the time or not.

Newbie "Misteaks":

I think our "misteak" has been where, at times, where we were too eager; we wanted to do something with someone!

Just try to decide what you are looking for. In the beginning of your adventure, it is understandable to try to find out what you're looking for however you can. As long as you know: You are going to hurt someones feelings along the way unless you are clear about what you want.

We had met a couple when starting out that said if we wanted to see them again, they'd be at the club. No last names or anything. We were shocked at first but it kept them from having those awkward moments.

Now we know other people are interested in us and it seems to take some of the "pressure" off of us just get something under our belt.

Is that where the phrase "BELT ONE OUT" comes from?

My thoughts anyway.

Male D

09-10-2004, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Hey Mr.!!! (Naughty)

Isn't that what the clubs are all about? Just find someone HOT.

I haven't really followed your threads so I don't know what you guys are looking for but I know that while we love to have folks that are "regulars" we also will go for the HOT "One Night Stand" whether we think it's one at the time or not.

The clubs have been GREAT fun

. I geuss what I was referring to was meeting couples online. Its much harder to judge people through chat than it is in person.

Botcpl · 09-10-2004, 11:54 PM

Dear LikeMinds,

After hearing more details about your situation, it makes sense for you to use another name, but most of us have never been on TV or the newspapers and I don't think it applies to most of us. "A rose by another name..." aren't you worried that someone would see you and figure what your game is? Do you wear disguises when you go to your club? "Oh that's Tom Cruise, but he says his name is Billy". Catch my drift?

Misterbates, I don't think less of swingers and swinging because of a few people, any more than I would be disgusted with the human race because of a few bad people. Any time you get a group of people together (in general), 20% are going to be trouble. Personally I find it liberating to be around people who are so open and free that we can talk about anything, including sex. Really, why would you hang around people you don't like or agree with and why would you lurk on their board?

I look at this board as an educational and entertainment medium. If I wanted to be converted to another way of thinking, I am sure I would be looking for a group of people I agree with more.

I had a conflict with what LikeMinds said an I spoke up; they in turn, explained their situation more and I understand THEIR position more and I realize it doesn't fit me or Mz. Botcpl. Now, if I was running for mayor of Los Angeles or was an ex-mayor (so to speak) I would probibly be even more careful...until I retired and moved to Mexico...then party time.

Paul AKA Mr. Botcpl

(sorry, no last names, I have to draw the line someplace)

DBL D · 09-10-2004, 11:56 PM

I meant..."Hey...Mr?"

Yeah!

WE'RE GUILTY (and so were they!) of "going for it" like that too soon. head bang

Da Male

DBL D · 09-11-2004, 12:05 AM

And YOU!!! LikeMinds:

I agree: Don't sit at the table.

There are too many that will. Get up and ask people to dance with you!!!

I had one poor girl ask me why I picked her; It's not that I didn't find her attractive. What do you say? I just wanted to dance!!! You can find out alot about someone when you dance with them...and dancing is right nextdoor to....well, you know!

Male D

**LikeMinds321** · 09-11-2004, 12:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Botcpl

. . . aren't you worried that someone would see you and figure what your game is? Do you wear disguises when you go to your club? "Oh that's Tom Cruise, but he says his name is Billy". Catch my drift?

Paul,

Thanks for writing back.

I think Mr LM and I could get by with disguises during theme night at a club. Some people wear fantastic costumes . . . and masks.

We've only been to a club that one time. We are not club goers.

I'd like to venture to a club in the future when we travel to another state. I think it could be fun to go with friends.

LM

P.S. And sorry Paul, I'm not revealing my first name.

Botcpl · 09-11-2004, 12:23 AM

If you come out to visit in So. Cal., we'll go to a club with you.

Paul

DBL D · 09-11-2004, 12:25 AM

Dear LikeMinds321,

I feel for you Dear! I would be mortified (have I ever used THAT word before?) if we were found out...but someone who knows you would know you by face before anything. I think you can trust the people you are with more than that!

If you feel that strongly then you guys should stay away from the local clubs. But you WILL have a blast at an Out-Of-State function!!!

Male D

misterbates · 09-13-2004, 09:38 AM