advice to beginners?

DoubleL · 08-03-2004, 01:22 AM

If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be?

also

What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)?

LittleL

Spoomonkey · 08-03-2004, 06:58 AM

What one rule will you figure out? Discretion. It should be common sense, but it often isn't. When you go to your club, never strike up a conversation by pointing around the room and saying, "we've been with them, them, him and them..."

You will probably be listing the last people you'll ever play with.

Our advice - don't let your excitement overwhelm you. It will try. You are eager to have that first experience, but go slow. You really have to let your emotions get used to the water... Don't just run to the edge and do a cannon ball.

Spoomonkey

stoutgatte · 08-03-2004, 08:02 AM

Dito on the discretion... We didn't get it at the start, figured it out quickly...

Elusive BiFem · 08-03-2004, 08:35 AM

Discretion...agreed. But of equal importance, I think, is to do exactly and only what you are comfortable with. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into any situation that your "gut" says is not for you.

- EBF

**good times** · 08-03-2004, 12:40 PM

Discretion is definitely number one. Another one is don't get over anxious or in a hurry in the beginning. When we first started we thought it would be harder to hook up with couples than it is, so we pretty much hooked up with anyone willing. That often didn't work out to well because after the excitement of the first time has passed and you realize the attraction isn't there, it is uncomfortable making the other couple understand that you don't want to play with them any more. We have become much more selective and wish we had been that way from the beginning.

***JustAskJulie*** · 08-03-2004, 01:49 PM

Slow down and take time to really figure out what you want and get to know people rather than rushing in just to have that first experience be a train wreck full of regret.

Spoomonkey · 08-03-2004, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by good times

When we first started we thought it would be harder to hook up with couples than it is, so we pretty much hooked up with anyone willing.

We can totally relate to this! I think we both went into it (okay - mostly me) thinking that we really needed to take advantage of opportunities... We did have our limits, but we did play with people that, in hindsight, we wish we hadn't.

There are plenty of great experiences out there - don't load up on the "ho-hum" ones.

Spoomonkey

rjrjr · 08-03-2004, 06:01 PM

This is a great thread, I wondered some of the same things. And the advice about thinking it's harder to hook up with couples than it is, we are totally concerned about that.

I think my DH and I are both moderately attractive, but we worry that we won't be able to attract any couples "up to our standards." Not that we are snobs, but I'm sure everyone has experienced being hit on by people that just totally do not do it for you.

That's one reason we are so hesitant to go to clubs, we're worried about walking in and thinking "blech" to most people there or on the flipside, walking in and realizing we are out of our league and being the "blech" couple in a crowd of hotties!

Spoomonkey · 08-03-2004, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rjrjr

That's one reason we are so hesitant to go to clubs, we're worried about walking in and thinking "blech" to most people there or on the flipside, walking in and realizing we are out of our league and being the "blech" couple in a crowd of hotties!

Some clubs do tend to attract one or the other (hotties or blechs) but, I think generally speaking, you get a decent mix.

Spoomonkey

**good times** · 08-03-2004, 06:39 PM

Dito what Spoomonkey said, and also we have found it can vary on different nights at the same club. At the clubs we go to we have been on nights that the pickings were nonexistent to slim, other nights we didn't hook up because we couldn't make up our minds for all the good prospects.

Now days we generally go to the clubs with no expectations and just plan on having a couple of drinks and visiting with some nice people, and its surprising how often we end up hooking up with a real nice couple for some play time. But if nothing happens we have a good time anyway then go home and screw each others brains out.

wildtwo4uinva · 08-03-2004, 07:52 PM

I am with every one else on this..... discretion is very important. Also i think taking your time to get to know the couple. Some couples can be rather pushy, and sometimes you feel like u should be moving to the "next level" with them, but you know that u arent ready or comfortable enough with them. DO NOT let them try to tell u that this is the way it is done........ especially if they have been in the lifestyle for a while. Some couples are really smooth talkers.......lol, and u will be into something u arent ready for. Just take your time..... there are no rules except your own when it comes when u are ready to play with another couple. We ran into this early on, when we were newbies so i thought i would put in my 2 cents!

Sherry and Dave

jcbicouple · 08-03-2004, 08:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

Discretion...agreed. But of equal importance, I think, is to do exactly and only what you are comfortable with. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into any situation that your "gut" says is not for you.

- EBF

We almost always agree with EBF. This is just one more time! LOL

DoubleL · 08-03-2004, 08:44 PM

This kinda begs the question... what *is* typical? What should we expect? One dinner and night out, then home to naked time, or 3 "dates", or what? I mean what is the protocol here? I know everyone does it differently, and everyone does it differently depending on the situation, but how do you prefer to do it?

LittleL

Miss_Piggy · 08-03-2004, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DoubleL

This kinda begs the question... what *is* typical? What should we expect? One dinner and night out, then home to naked time, or 3 "dates", or what? I mean what is the protocol here? I know everyone does it differently, and everyone does it differently depending on the situation, but how do you prefer to do it?

We have a guideline of one non-naked date. If there is a second date we hope for it to be a naked one.

**TNT** · 08-03-2004, 09:15 PM

Always remember it is about the two of you. Take your time and enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Treat everyone along the way like you yourself would like to be treated.

No means No.

Teresa

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08-03-2004, 01:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
DoubleL Active Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 24 Location: GA & IL	advice to beginners? If you could pick one important piece of advice that you wish YOU had known when you were a beginner, what would it be? also What is one rule that nobody ever really talks about but everyone figures out eventually (for example, men don't advertise bisexuality in swinger's clubs because they will get shunned)? LittleL __________________ She is LittleL, he is BigL

08-03-2004, 06:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
Spoomonkey Chimpin' Ain't Easy Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 6,563 Location: Ohio Status: Married Monkeys - will you be our vine? SLS Name:Spoomonkey	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? What one rule will you figure out? Discretion. It should be common sense, but it often isn't. When you go to your club, never strike up a conversation by pointing around the room and saying, "we've been with them, them, him and them..." You will probably be listing the last people you'll ever play with. Our advice - don't let your excitement overwhelm you. It will try. You are eager to have that first experience, but go slow. You really have to let your emotions get used to the water... Don't just run to the edge and do a cannon ball. Spoomonkey __________________ "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

08-03-2004, 08:02 AM	#3 (permalink)
stoutgatte Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 332 Location: South-Africa Status: Male Half	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? Dito on the discretion... We didn't get it at the start, figured it out quickly... __________________ Stoutgatte: Plural form of the afrikaans slang for a very norti person...

08-03-2004, 08:35 AM	#4 (permalink)
Elusive BiFem Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,400 Location: Texas Status: Single Female	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? Discretion...agreed. But of equal importance, I think, is to do exactly and only what you are comfortable with. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into any situation that your "gut" says is not for you. - EBF

08-03-2004, 12:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,417 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times SLS Name:randp	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? Discretion is definitely number one. Another one is don't get over anxious or in a hurry in the beginning. When we first started we thought it would be harder to hook up with couples than it is, so we pretty much hooked up with anyone willing. That often didn't work out to well because after the excitement of the first time has passed and you realize the attraction isn't there, it is uncomfortable making the other couple understand that you don't want to play with them any more. We have become much more selective and wish we had been that way from the beginning. __________________ R (He is R, she is P)

08-03-2004, 01:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 22,298 Location: Alabama Status: Female SLS Name:swingersboard Blog Entries: 59	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? Slow down and take time to really figure out what you want and get to know people rather than rushing in just to have that first experience be a train wreck full of regret.

08-03-2004, 06:01 PM	#8 (permalink)
rjrjr Registered Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 9 Location: Dearborn, MI	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? This is a great thread, I wondered some of the same things. And the advice about thinking it's harder to hook up with couples than it is, we are totally concerned about that. I think my DH and I are both moderately attractive, but we worry that we won't be able to attract any couples "up to our standards." Not that we are snobs, but I'm sure everyone has experienced being hit on by people that just totally do not do it for you. That's one reason we are so hesitant to go to clubs, we're worried about walking in and thinking "blech" to most people there or on the flipside, walking in and realizing we are out of our league and being the "blech" couple in a crowd of hotties!

08-03-2004, 06:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,417 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times SLS Name:randp	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? Dito what Spoomonkey said, and also we have found it can vary on different nights at the same club. At the clubs we go to we have been on nights that the pickings were nonexistent to slim, other nights we didn't hook up because we couldn't make up our minds for all the good prospects. Now days we generally go to the clubs with no expectations and just plan on having a couple of drinks and visiting with some nice people, and its surprising how often we end up hooking up with a real nice couple for some play time. But if nothing happens we have a good time anyway then go home and screw each others brains out. __________________ R (He is R, she is P)

08-03-2004, 07:52 PM	#11 (permalink)
wildtwo4uinva Active Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 11 Location: swva Status: couple SLS Name:watchanBwatched	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? I am with every one else on this..... discretion is very important. Also i think taking your time to get to know the couple. Some couples can be rather pushy, and sometimes you feel like u should be moving to the "next level" with them, but you know that u arent ready or comfortable enough with them. DO NOT let them try to tell u that this is the way it is done........ especially if they have been in the lifestyle for a while. Some couples are really smooth talkers.......lol, and u will be into something u arent ready for. Just take your time..... there are no rules except your own when it comes when u are ready to play with another couple. We ran into this early on, when we were newbies so i thought i would put in my 2 cents! Sherry and Dave

08-03-2004, 08:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
DoubleL Active Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 24 Location: GA & IL	Ok, so... This kinda begs the question... what is typical? What should we expect? One dinner and night out, then home to naked time, or 3 "dates", or what? I mean what is the protocol here? I know everyone does it differently, and everyone does it differently depending on the situation, but how do you prefer* to do it?* LittleL __________________ She is LittleL, he is BigL

08-03-2004, 09:15 PM	#15 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,193 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 31	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? Always remember it is about the two of you. Take your time and enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Treat everyone along the way like you yourself would like to be treated. No means No. Teresa __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

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