advice to beginners?

DoubleL · 08-03-2004, 08:20 PM

I'd just like to take a second and post a reply to everyone who has posted the great advice throughout the threads LittleL has posted up. We're both curious about the lifestyle and understand there's a lot of "rules" that we aren't aware of. Thanks for being so helpful, everyone!

BigL

tazzie_n_truck · 08-05-2004, 08:50 AM

We have a couple pieces of advice.

1. Set up your own rules of what you will do and won't do, and don't allow those to be comprimised.

2. Have fun!!!! Very important!! lol

3. No ALWAYS means NO!! If you tell a couple or person that you don't like doing certain things like anal sex, don't be pressured into doing it, tell them no and if they can't accept that, then you both get up and leave, or if your hosting them politly tell them that they need to leave.

4. If your getting started in swinging, you need to have a very strong relationship, with LOTS of trust, and no jealousy.

curiouskat69 · 08-20-2004, 08:56 AM

This is a great thread and I felt like I learned alot from it, thanks. I would like to say to doubleL that I haven't joined the lifestyle yet but I am doing my homework. I read somewhere that the number of times you get together with a couple before sex all depends on your comfort level, but it did go on to say especially with the first date that you should go out for drinks rather than dinner. That way if there is absolutely no attraction you can slip away easier. I am new to this and just sharing some of my homework with you, people who are more experienced from this site are much more credible advice givers than me.

artboy · 08-20-2004, 10:48 AM

We are not newbies...nor are we very experienced...3 encounters in the last 2.5 years we've been doing this..so my comments may have no relavance..but here go's..... Communication...Honesty..Trust....and pace yourself! Those are the 4 things that seem most important to us. We talk all the time, very openly and honestly. We have had trust issues arise, but they are countered by the honest communication level we maintain....as far as pacing yourselves.....like the others have stated.....dont jump first, then ask how deep is the water on the way down

....we move real slow...we like to get to know the other folks in traditionaly settings before any neeked time takes place. This has, and will probably continue to limit our prospective playmates..

.but this lifestyle choice is for US anyway...and "US" only....what we are doing with the other couple is totally selfish..but.....(and a big "BUT" here)...the other couples we have played with feel the same way in regard to myself and Mrs. Artboy..This may not work for you, but is has worked great for us. Also..we are picky..not snobbish....just picky.....therefore the screening process is important. I mean lets be real...there ar some folks that live for this...there are some that the main goal on the first meeting is sex...and then those folks that "assume" things...we all know what assume means....for us though, we like to move slow, talk to um...trust um...discuss it with each other...then pehaps take the next step. We know this limits our playtime but really this approach has worked very well...for "US" anyway! soapbox

08-20-2004, 11:39 AM

Have a code word or phrase between you and your spouse that you can use to let the other know if you are interested or not.

We have found it is hard to find a couple where all 4 click or even attracted to each other. I might be clicking with the female from the other couple and Mrs naughty might be doing all she can to put a good face on to get us thru dinner. or vice versa. So if a code word or phrase is used your other half will know if you are not interested.

WesternSwing · 08-20-2004, 02:22 PM

1) Make sure you have some good ground rules set before you go out. Or at least make sure you are both on the same page regarding what you want out of swinging. It sucks to find out you crossed the line in some way with your spouse after you already have. The more experienced you get the less rules you may have, but when you start out sometimes stuff you didn't think would bother you, does.

2) Remember you are in control. Don't feel pressured to do something with someone else you don't want to. This included even getting involved with them. You can walk away from any situation you are uncomfortable in. Remember you are in it for YOUR fun.

3) Always remember that your spouse is the most important person in the room.

I'm sure I'll think of more, but there is my starter list.

Mr. WS

fun_pairTX · 08-20-2004, 04:11 PM

Set your limits and tlak talk talk to you partner.

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08-03-2004, 08:20 PM	#16 (permalink)
DoubleL Active Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 24 Location: GA & IL	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? I'd just like to take a second and post a reply to everyone who has posted the great advice throughout the threads LittleL has posted up. We're both curious about the lifestyle and understand there's a lot of "rules" that we aren't aware of. Thanks for being so helpful, everyone! BigL __________________ She is LittleL, he is BigL

08-05-2004, 08:50 AM	#17 (permalink)
tazzie_n_truck Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 212 Location: Sioux Falls, SD Status: Couple	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? We have a couple pieces of advice. 1. Set up your own rules of what you will do and won't do, and don't allow those to be comprimised. 2. Have fun!!!! Very important!! lol 3. No ALWAYS means NO!! If you tell a couple or person that you don't like doing certain things like anal sex, don't be pressured into doing it, tell them no and if they can't accept that, then you both get up and leave, or if your hosting them politly tell them that they need to leave. 4. If your getting started in swinging, you need to have a very strong relationship, with LOTS of trust, and no jealousy. __________________ T & T

08-20-2004, 08:56 AM	#18 (permalink)
curiouskat69 Active Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 8 Location: colorado	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? This is a great thread and I felt like I learned alot from it, thanks. I would like to say to doubleL that I haven't joined the lifestyle yet but I am doing my homework. I read somewhere that the number of times you get together with a couple before sex all depends on your comfort level, but it did go on to say especially with the first date that you should go out for drinks rather than dinner. That way if there is absolutely no attraction you can slip away easier. I am new to this and just sharing some of my homework with you, people who are more experienced from this site are much more credible advice givers than me.

08-20-2004, 10:48 AM	#19 (permalink)
artboy Active Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 37 Location: Lower Alabama Status: couple SLS Name:artboy	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? We are not newbies...nor are we very experienced...3 encounters in the last 2.5 years we've been doing this..so my comments may have no relavance..but here go's..... Communication...Honesty..Trust....and pace yourself! Those are the 4 things that seem most important to us. We talk all the time, very openly and honestly. We have had trust issues arise, but they are countered by the honest communication level we maintain....as far as pacing yourselves.....like the others have stated.....dont jump first, then ask how deep is the water on the way down ....we move real slow...we like to get to know the other folks in traditionaly settings before any neeked time takes place. This has, and will probably continue to limit our prospective playmates.. .but this lifestyle choice is for US anyway...and "US" only....what we are doing with the other couple is totally selfish..but.....(and a big "BUT" here)...the other couples we have played with feel the same way in regard to myself and Mrs. Artboy..This may not work for you, but is has worked great for us. Also..we are picky..not snobbish....just picky.....therefore the screening process is important. I mean lets be real...there ar some folks that live for this...there are some that the main goal on the first meeting is sex...and then those folks that "assume" things...we all know what assume means....for us though, we like to move slow, talk to um...trust um...discuss it with each other...then pehaps take the next step. We know this limits our playtime but really this approach has worked very well...for "US" anyway! soapbox __________________ Somethings are best just left unsaid..... ;)

08-20-2004, 11:39 AM	#20 (permalink)
Mr&Mrs-naughty Posts: n/a	Mr here Have a code word or phrase between you and your spouse that you can use to let the other know if you are interested or not. We have found it is hard to find a couple where all 4 click or even attracted to each other. I might be clicking with the female from the other couple and Mrs naughty might be doing all she can to put a good face on to get us thru dinner. or vice versa. So if a code word or phrase is used your other half will know if you are not interested.

08-20-2004, 02:22 PM	#21 (permalink)
WesternSwing South of disorder Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 2,776 Location: Utah Status: Male half of married couple	Re: What is your piece of advice to beginners? 1) Make sure you have some good ground rules set before you go out. Or at least make sure you are both on the same page regarding what you want out of swinging. It sucks to find out you crossed the line in some way with your spouse after you already have. The more experienced you get the less rules you may have, but when you start out sometimes stuff you didn't think would bother you, does. 2) Remember you are in control. Don't feel pressured to do something with someone else you don't want to. This included even getting involved with them. You can walk away from any situation you are uncomfortable in. Remember you are in it for YOUR fun. 3) Always remember that your spouse is the most important person in the room. I'm sure I'll think of more, but there is my starter list. Mr. WS __________________ “God created sex. Priests created marriage.” ~ Voltaire

08-20-2004, 04:11 PM	#22 (permalink)
fun_pairTX Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 1,185 Location: Ennis, Texas Status: Couple	Easy............ Set your limits and tlak talk talk to you partner. __________________ fun_pairTX

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