Will my wife enjoy it? Advice needed...

[montefazon]

Hello all. This is my first post on this board, but also a good way for me to ask for some needed advice. I apologize in advance if this is too long winded!!

I’m the male half of a very happy, young (both 28 yrs old, together for 7 years, married for 3), married couple with 2 kids and another due shortly. I truly adore my wife in every way - emotionally, physically, sexually. She is the greatest mother in the world to our children, and an even better wife. She is my soul-mate and I love her more than anything in the world. Not to mention she is the hottest thing I have ever seen….

Well, as I’m sure everyone here knows, work, kids and everything else in the world can take their toll on a married couple’s “alone time.” So last year on her birthday, I arranged an erotic weeklong getaway for us both. She is fairly reserved, not the swinging type on the surface, but I wanted to see if switching up the environment, and letting her know that this week was about us ALONE, I figured I could loosen her up. We had certainly never done anything like this before. Sex between us was restricted to the bedroom, and even though it is amazing, we have traditionally been far from what you would call sexually explorative.

Well, my idea worked. We had an incredible week, filled with the best sex we’ve ever had. We also played some sex games for the first time in our lives, and she brought up (during a game of truth or dare) that she fantasizes about having sex with another woman. I also told her my fantasy about having sex with her while she blew another guy. She didn't flinch at either. We didn't really pursue it much further (truth or dare came up on our last night) but naturally I can’t stop thinking about the possibilities. We’re a bit preoccupied now as she’s on bedrest from the pregnancy, but I am already planning her next birthday week (it helps me pass the time since sex is off limits for the time being), and that's where I’d like some advice.

I’m going to arrange another erotic week, with some similar games and activities (possibly a different theme), and I wanted to try to kick it up a notch, but didn't know how far I could take it. I know she’s not ready for real swinging yet (I don’t really know if I am either), not even the soft stuff, but I was thinking maybe trying to set up a surprise where one night at the hotel bar we bring in another couple to join one of our corny sex games like truth or dare, or strip poker to see what it does for her. My idea was some fondling, nudity, possibly massaging of body parts, etc. No oral or intercourse, just some "fairly" dirty, safe fun.. I’m not sure yet if I am thinking about complete strangers that we pick up at the bar, or someone that we know. I am a strong believer in the element of surprise when I get romantic, but I know everyone here always talks about communication, etc. Do you think another couple is something I can innocently spring on her as a surprise? I really wanted to see how she would react to a situation where we were performing somewhat sexy acts in front of other people and possibly some light contact with them, instead of the typical truth or dare scenarios that we did last time. I’m not sure if this is the best introduction to opening up our marriage to this type of activity, so if anyone has any better ideas, please let me know. On our last romp, some of the things we did, included riding the glass elevator at the hotel with me inside of her until we both came, sex while we took a shower of the men’s locker room (and in an ironic twist, the cleaning man was doing his thing while we were getting busy – talk about erotic!!), skinny dipping in the hot tub unbeknownst to the other 2 people in the tub, and I had her perform various tasks throughout the hotel in various states of undress – answering the door for the room service guy in a towel, and letting it slip before he left, getting ice from the ice machine in a wet t-shirt and panties, being naked on the indoor balcony, etc. It was all very erotic, and she was extremely receptive to it all – much more than I thought she would be, as we (and mostly she) have traditionally been fairly buttoned up when it comes to sex, etc. It really brought a new dimension to our sex life, one that I would like to continue, and that I think she would too.

Am I a wacko? Should I just tell her what I’m planning and see what she says, ruining the surprise? I just figured it would be a nice way to continue the “opening up” that we started on her last birthday. I’m still nervous though about bringing up the subject of swinging as I don’t want to upset her if my assumptions are wrong, but what I’m thinking of is something a bit more innocent, than a swapping situation.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

Monte

PS - This web site rocks. Pity I just found it.

[Elusive BiFem]

No. No, no, no. No. NO!

We’re a bit preoccupied now as she’s on bedrest from the pregnancy, but I am already planning her next birthday week (it helps me pass the time since sex is off limits for the time being), and that's where I’d like some advice.

Oh, my goodness, montefazon! Here you sit spinning this tale/fantasy while your young wife is on bedrest due to a pregnancy? And you ask if you should tell her about these daydreams you are having? I'd suggest not unless you remove all potential weapons of mass destruction from the immediate vicinity of the bed.

Seriously, tho'...I could go back through your posts and tell you all sorts of things - the primary one being be certain your wife is agreeable to your idea of a good time before proceeding - but beyond that, I honestly believe you need to focus right now on helping her get through this pregnancy. Then...time for discussion on swinging can start while keeping in mind she is going to be a tired lady for quite some time.

If you are going to persist in this line of thought, open it up to her, as well. Share your thoughts with her. Then, spend time on this board reading and getting answers to some of your questions and those she is bound to have, too. If she can't come to the computer to share the fun with you, print things of interest and take to her.

After the pregnancy...after the bedrest quarantine thing is over...then let's discuss the pro's and con's of your plans.

- EBF

[montefazon]

Thanks for the response. It's difficult to relate this in a forum post, but my fantasizing is late at night, after I've gone to work, cooked dinner for the wife and kids, given the kids their baths, read them stories and put them to bed, and spent an hour recapping the day in bed with the wife until she falls asleep. Surely a red-blooded male can fantasize about his next sex romp with his wife after 4 months of not being able to touch her. The pregnancy thing is going as well as can be expected - I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to help my wife out - nothing in the world comes before her health and well being. Well, maybe one thing - the health and well being of my kids!! But, this is not something that is taking time away from my caring for her, by any means.

I hope my post didn't make it seem like I'm being cold to her. I'm just doing a bit of planning for our next time. If I spent 24x7 worrying about the pregnancy I would go berzerk. So I force myself to only worry about it 23x7 and spend an hour a night thinking about the time we spent together on her last birthday, and looking forward to her next one...

Thanks for the response.

Monte

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by montefazon

I hope my post didn't make it seem like I'm being cold to her. I'm just doing a bit of planning for our next time. If I spent 24x7 worrying about the pregnancy I would go berzerk. So I force myself to only worry about it 23x7 and spend an hour a night thinking about the time we spent together on her last birthday, and looking forward to her next one...

Thanks for the response.

Monte

Absolutely not! You sound like you are being nothing more than a normal man. And I'm certain you are doing all you can to help out and if this fantasy keeps you smiling and able to treat her well during this difficult time, go for it!


My caution to you, tho', was tread very carefully in terms of what you might share with her at this "delicate" time. She probably isn't feeling her best being on necessary bedrest and might not have the positive reaction you would hope for.

As said...hang out here...read, ask questions...and when the time is right...incorporate your wife into your fantasies. And best of luck to you both! - EBF

[montefazon]

My apologies for not noting this in my original post, but in response to all of the PM's I've received after posting this, I wanted to let everyone know that the baby is due in October, and my wife's birthday isn't until May 2005, so we'll have plenty of time to return to some normalcy before I spring this on her!!

Thanks to everyone for their interest so far.

M

[Elusive BiFem]

We are such a nosey group!

I hope all goes well for the next few months.

- EBF

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by montefazon

Do you think another couple is something I can innocently spring on her as a surprise? . . . Should I just tell her what I’m planning and see what she says, ruining the surprise? I just figured it would be a nice way to continue the “opening up” that we started on her last birthday. I’m still nervous though about bringing up the subject of swinging as I don’t want to upset her if my assumptions are wrong, but what I’m thinking of is something a bit more innocent, than a swapping situation.

Hi Monte!

Welcome to the board!

First, I must say I am so impressed with the obvious time you devoted to planning a wonderful get-a-way for you and your wife on her birthday this past May.

And what you two did together was so creative and hot! I am sure your wife would love to indulge in such pleasures again.

Planning another birthday adventure--and fantasizing about it--is perfectly okay. A wife could never object to her husband fantasizing about having sex with her. It feels wonderful knowing our husbands love loving us!

Now to your question: Should you surprise her with a couple you have chosen to join you? I think this would most likely sour the birthday event. Surprise has it's place, but not THIS surprise.

There would probably not be many swinging couples who would even agree to this type of "surprise" arrangement. At least not the kind of swingers I think you and your wife would enjoy being with.

You've got lots of time to plan before next May rolls around. Keep enjoying yourselves together, talk about your fantasies, when you feel it's right bring up your idea to her. Or, you could just go out for the evening at a off-premise swingers club and see who you might meet and have fun with. The sexual energy in a club could be highly stimulating to both of you.

I feel good about what is in store for you guys!

Keep in touch.

LM

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Now to your question: Should you surprise her with a couple you have chosen to join you? I think this would most likely sour the birthday event. Surprise has it's place, but not THIS surprise.

Very well put, LikeMinds321.

Setting aside the whole sensitive body-image issue of post-pregnancy (which can go on for many months after the big event) ...

Even though we've been swinging for a little while now, I myself cannot imagine ever being pleased by such a surprise. It is very difficult to find a couple that both the Mr and I like and find attractive. And even a very attractive couple (physically) might have odd mannerisms or make certain comments that are just a turn off to one or both of us. So you can never predict.

Also, flaunting your body a bit to strangers (which your wife has enjoyed) is not the same thing as letting one fondle or kiss you. Or even letting them watch you and your spouse. Be careful not to assume that since she likes one thing, she will like (or is ready) for the other. It might be an indicator of more fun to come ... but only on a timeframe that is comfortable for you both. And to know the "both" part, you have to involve her ... there's no way around that.

That said, it will ruin the surprise factor yes. But involving her in the planning time and fantasy time (once she's back to her pre-pregnancy hormonal self) might be a wonderful experience together. "What if" discussions can stimulate a lot of hot 1-on-1 sex, believe me. And then when you're both ready to go for it, you'll both enjoy seeing your well-laid plans come together.

Good luck, and do keep us posted.

Denver2Some

[Spoomonkey]

What you are talking about is a soft swing event, in many ways. If there is stripping and fondling, you are definitely toeing the line, so to speak.

When I brought this up to Mrs Spoomonkey it was as "soft swing". We have advanced beyond that because approaching the idea of soft swing certainly openned up our communication. I think you've got some good advice here. Don't surprise her with it. You sound like you are full of plenty of ideas to make her birthday memorable.

Instead - once things are settled and she doesn't just think you are just under-sexed because of the pregnancy (not a good time to bring up swinging at all) - tell her your idea and see if she's game. It is rather non-threatening. See if she goes for it. Surprising her could really backfire big time.

Good luck!

Spoomonkey

[newgentry]

I agree with Spoomonkey and the others. Don't try it as a surprise. It could very well blow up in your face and then she might not EVER want to try it again. If there's anything that the missus and I have learned, and as you've probably read in several posts here, communication, communication, communication is always and foremost the key, ESPECIALLY when you're first getting into this lifestyle. From what you've described I don't think you'd have a problem in the world in discussing it with her. So just bring it up one day and see what the reaction is. If she goes for it, great, then the both of you can have fun setting it up. If not, then back off and don't push it and let her think about it for awhile. It really sounds to me like you're on the cusp of what could be a great thing for the both of you. Handle it carefully, and you won't regret it, I promise. Best of luck to both of you with the new baby.

[montefazon]

Thanks to everyone for their heart felt advice. Looks like I may have been a bit overzealous about what to do next year. I think I've seen the light and have decided that this is not the right thing to do. I guess my real impetus was to try to find a way to heat things up for our next birthday romp, instead of arranging another getway that turns out to be exactly the same. The things we did this past year were pretty darn hot (especially for the 2 of us), and the communication aspect (actually talking candidly to each other about our fantasies) was really what turned us both on the most (well, maybe fucking the hell out of each other in the mens locker room shower with the cleaning man right outside was a close second!!). But I guess I'll need to spend the next few months planning what we can do as an encore to an already amazingly sexy weekend, wihout it getting stale and seeming like the exact same weekend. I started thinking of taking her to a strip club, or a couples massage parrlor, or maybe even seeing if we can go somwhere like a Hedo or similar resort somewhere closer to home (it'll be tough to leave the baby when her birthday rolls around, so we may only get a day or 2 away this time). Definitely something that would need to be communicated beforehand, but I think if I brought up a vacation like that, she would definitely start to understand where my dirty little mind was trying to take the two of us!!

Anyway, thanks again for your hep. I think the people on this board are compassionate, honest, and extremely helpful. Here's to my hope that everyone in this lifestyle is at least half as nice as you have been to me so far. If so, I'm sure we'll be in for a great ride when the 2 of us are ready.

Oh yeah - and if anyone does have any sexy ideas for my wife's birthday next year (of the non swinging type for now!!) I'm always searching for tips!!!

Thanks again all...

M

[Buck]

.

Oh yeah - and if anyone does have any sexy ideas for my wife's birthday next year (of the non swinging type for now!!) I'm always searching for tips!!!



Next May should be plenty of time for both you and your wife to be ready for some erotic fun and games after the October birth of you child. My suggestions may sound a little tame to you but they are of the "non swinging variety" as you asked. If you can get away overnight to a nice hotel do that, if not plan a nice evening at home. Either order a nice room service meal or you prepare her favorite. Have a few glasses of wine to celebrate the occasion. Then, give her a SERIES of different gifts in different packages. Maybe start with a gift of a sexy teddy or some other lingerie for her to model for you. Then give her a package with a couples game or some other sex game in it and play it for a while...you could order one from many sources on the internet. Then give her a package with a sex toy such as a vibrator or dildo that she may like. If she wants to try it out at that time go for it, or, save it for later. Then you may give her a package of a sexy story involving the two of you in it for you to read together. You might give her a "gift certificate" along the lines of fulfilling her fantasy anytime anywhere she desires. Finally, you might give her a package with a porno movie or some other erotic movie to get the juices flowing. You should come up with your own ideas of what you may want to give her since you know her better than anyone else, these are just suggestions to give you ideas. Good luck!

[montefazon]

First off, let me thank everyone for their great advice and great game suggestions. I have come to my senses and put the surprise couple thing out of my head. My wife has been feeling a lot better lately, and is actually not confined to the bed any longer, so we've been catching up on some well deserved fucking!! She claims the pregnancy is making her hormones go nuts and making her a crazy horndog, but I like to think that it's my devastating good looks!! But seriously.... The resaon I am writing this, is becuase my wife actually brought up her birthday celebration last night, and told me that it was the hottest thing we'd ever done. A few months back, after her birthday week was over, I made her write a list of expectations for next year, and I told her to keep it secret until her next birthday. Well, she gave me some hints as to what was on her list, and they were pretty hot - A LOT hotter than I thought my reserved wife would come up with. I kept prodding, and found that one of the things on her list was to do go to a "sex club" as she called it. I then asked her "why" and she told me that she might want to make my fantasy of getting her in an MFM threesome come true. After exploding in a spontaneous orgasm, I asked her if she was for real, and she said she'd first like to go somewhere where there was no pressure to do anything, but if she felt up to getting involved she could. And if she didn't feel comfortable with another man, she said she'd always fantasized about me fucking her doggie style for a room full of people to see. Does it get any better than that? I think I may have brought the true vixen out of my wife, for sure. So I ask everyone here, wht do you think? Do I chalk this up to her being REALLY horny after not having sex for a really long time, or should I start looking for a newbie friendly club to see if we can both pull this off?
Thanks again for your help. Any ideas on this one would be appreciated as well.
M

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by montefazon

. . . Does it get any better than that?

Nope.

I think I may have brought the true vixen out of my wife, for sure.

Yep.

So I ask everyone here, what do you think? Do I chalk this up to her being REALLY horny after not having sex for a really long time, or should I start looking for a newbie friendly club to see if we can both pull this off?
Thanks again for your help. Any ideas on this one would be appreciated as well.
M

She'll be horny in the future.

It can't hurt to check out the clubs in your area. Clubs usually have websites, there may even be a review on them listed here on the board. Have you went to "Club Listings" at the top of the page?

You're on your way to another great birthday party!

LM

[Miss_Piggy]

Hi montefazon,

Why not check out the clubs with your wife? Read the websites and reviews, suggested by Likeminds, together. Introduce her to the board. That might help the tow of you talk a bit more and give you mroe of an insight into what your wife is really interested in.