Gathering information before swinging?

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Ok, everyone...another curiosity here based on a recent discussion. I'm just a tad removed from newbie status, and would have no problem playing with a newbie couple. However, it came up...if I understood this correctly, that some couples enter into swinging without researching it in any way? TNT said something about some of them don't even know they can say, "NO!" All along, my assumption has been that even newbies, meaning inexperienced, to me, had some basic knowledge of swinging.

 

Now my ideas are along the line that any couple, in this day and age, should know some basics before their first venture into a club and/or attempting to establish a swinging relationship. Personally, I can't imagine a couple not investigating and studying this before making even the commitment to attend a club, much less making a play date. Have I totally missed the boat on this?

 

So! Questions:

 

1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?

 

2. Before the club and/or play date, did you do any online research? Other type of research? Did you have a relatively accurate concept of what swinging was and what it was about?

 

3. Before the club, etc., did you establish your personal boundaries? (and yes, we know they change with experience, but did you have some boundaries established going in?

 

4. Did any of y'all just walk into a club or social or other type of situation feeling totally unaware of what swinging was about?

 

5. Any other information you would care to share?

[imsnowman 32]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

Ok, everyone...another curiosity here.

 

So! Questions:

 

1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?

Yes sir. Remember it like it was yesterday or maybe the day before. Divorce, separation, etc...

 

2. Before the club and/or play date, did you do any online research? Other type of research? Did you have a relatively accurate concept of what swinging was and what it was about?

Yes, yes, yes, yes oh yeah....

 

3. Before the club, etc., did you establish your personal boundaries? (and yes, we know they change with experience, but did you have some boundaries established going in?

Absofrickinglutely. Gotta do that. And we stuck to 'em like glue.

 

4. Did any of y'all just walk into a club or social or other type of situation feeling totally unaware of what swinging was about?

No way.. You outta your cotton peapickin' mind????

[Brit_Pair 59]

1. Yes. We talked about our desires, fantasies and limitations. What we would do if we felt uncomfortable with what was happening, or if the other couple tried to take us further than we wanted to go.

 

2. Yes, quite a bit. Pity we didn't know about this site then though.

 

3. Definitely. It was probably the area that we discussed most, along with how exciting we wanted the experience to be.

 

4. No. That would have been ridiculously naive at best, disastrous at worst.

 

5. Nothing that comes to mind.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

Okay, here are my newbie answers.

 

1. We have discussed to certain extent what we want to get out of this as well as what our fantasies are. We've also talked about what swinging might do to our relationsip

 

2. As for research, I found this board. Kermit and I both read it and sometimes discuss the things that come us... very helpful indeed.

 

3. We have talked a bit about what our boundaries are but we don't know exactly what they are because we just aren't sure if those boundaries will be completely different once we get into a situation.

 

4. I wonder is I will ever walk into a club (no matter how much I know about them)... but of course I want to know as much as a I can before making any actual steps.

 

5. One other thing that came up in the chat was that people were reluctant to be with newbies because they don't know what they really want. This leaves me sort of confused because we don't know completely what we want. I just wonder how any newbies get started with. It seems like a bit of a catch 22. As a newbie you don't know exactly what you want or how you'll feel until you're in the situation. And anyone with any experience doesn't want to be with a newbie for the above mentioned reasons. I guess newbies will have to stick to newbies until they are oldies. I do agree with EBF though, I don't see how someone could get involved in something like this without finding out as much as possible beforehand. It's just plain silly.

[biblonde 22]

Geez, there really are people who enter into this lifestyle without talking about boundaries or doing any research? And not knowing they can say NO! Please that is part of everyday life, why wouldn't it be part of this lifestyle... Are they NUTS! We set boundaries and talked for a couple months before even starting to look into the lifestyle. I can't believe anyone (with half a brain) would get into this without talking about rules or boundaries or doing at least some research at all. Although we have never been to a club i can guarantee if we ever went, there would be rules set before ever entering it.

 

My personal opinion is if someone gets into this lifestyle that blind is ignorant! And well if you didn't think to even discuss or research it you have no business in it!! But really...I find it hard to believe that someone would be that stupid!!!! I don't do the dumb blonde thing to good!!! (I can say that since I am blonde!!)

[Amy and Mike 16]

That was what we kind of figured, and the reason I posted the question to begin with. Well, I can understand why. I'm sure that for someone experienced, it's much more enjoyable to meet with people who are as completely comfortable as they are. As for us, its true that we really don't know exactly what we'd be comfortable with, especially me. I think it would completely depend on the people we were with and the situation. One thing we are doing is talking a lot about it, which is fun and sure gets both of us turned on as an added bonus!

 

Kind of fun to admit that here to a bunch of strangers.

[biblonde 22]

We personally wouldn't mind newbies. No one really knows what to expect at first. Or what they will be comfy with and as time goes on that changes so....My problem would be with a couple who never even researched anything or sets boundaries. Someone who just jumped into the lifestyle without even thinking about it. As for inexperienced ....no biggy...Hell we all had to start somewhere. We are the type that doesn't expect everyone to rush into this....pace isn't a big deal with us. If a couple wanted to move slow fine with us....We always stress to all we play with to move at the slowest persons pace and always say if you don't like something or don't feel comfy...We have never been into the clubbing and parties. We like to get to know someone first. Not saying that those that go to clubs and parties are wrong that is just their style. Everyone has a different idea what they want out of this.

 

Amy and Mike...You are doing the right thing by talking about it. Always be open about your thoughts it helps a lot!!! Find couples that are willing to go at your pace. I know when we started there were things that I didn't feel comfy with that now I do. It takes time to get used to the idea of another woman kissing and having sex with your hubby. Now not much bothers me...I really enjoy watching him now that I have gotten past the "this is a little weird to see" part. I was the one who brought up the subject and was really wanting to try it all...but at first was a little uncomfy with the reality of it. We had friends that went slow and let us go at our pace. We started with same room which let us know how we would feel with another couple then moved on to full swap and girl/girl which was what I was most interested in trying. The first woman I was with let me make all the first moves and she followed. It made the first time one of the best ever!!!!

 

All I can say is find a couple who is willing to go at your pace and makes you feel totally comfy!!!

 

Best wishes!

[Dani&Drew 15]

 

>>1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?

 

We did just sort of jump into things, but at the time there was a great group that walked us through it here in Kzoo.

 

>>2. Before the club and/or play date, did you do any online research? Other type of research? Did you have a relatively accurate concept of what swinging was and what it was about?

 

We met them online, so hey

 

>>3. Before the club, etc., did you establish your personal boundaries? (and yes, we know they change with experience, but did you have some boundaries established going in?

 

Our only rule was to not do anything uncomfortable, and to leave when either of us decided to.

[BettyAnnMBSC 24]

Like many couples - we just fell into it as one of those "how the he11 did that happen?" events.

 

Our first experience was an MMF, the result of just cutting up one day with a friend. It started with a flash of the breasts and ended with a lot of fun.

 

Our next two experiences were very similar -- 1) FMF where a friend and I woke him up after I asked her "do you want on his lap or face" as a joke and she said "I'll take his face..." 2) an MFMF when the playmate from our first MMF brought his GF over and our experiences became the topic of conversation followed by fun...

 

In all three of those encounters -- "it just happened" -- we did talk about it afterwards and even established some basic rules. We didn't know it was "swinging" as such -- it was simply sharing with friends....

 

Each became regular forms of entertainment but never really as the purpose of getting together -- in that, I mean that while we each often found the bedroom, we rarely got together just to have sex.

 

It wasn't until about 2 years after we had gotten started that we realized there were "resources" for discussion. In the meantime, we learned about our own rules as we went along.

 

It was a long time before we actually went looking for a playmate. Even now, we most often prefer it to "just happen" and not to be the result of "looking for sex".

 

So, we didn't do any research because there wasn't (prior to the events) any expectation that they would occur. We did talk about our feelings after each -- and established some ground rules. Of course, since we weren't "looking for it" there was always the opportunity to stop the action at any point.

 

I think that had we discussed it all prior and then set out to make it happen -- it never would have happened. We both would have chickened out. The way it began, it just happened.

[Priscilla2721 15]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

it came up...if I understood this correctly, that some couples enter into swinging without researching it in any way? TNT said something about some of them don't even know they can say, "NO!" All along, my assumption has been that even newbies, meaning inexperienced, to me, had some basic knowledge of swinging.

 

...1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?...

 

5. Any other information you would care to share?

We can't imagine stumbling into something as involved as swinging without some facts. As armchair psychologists we wanted to know the who/what/where/why and hows of the topic and where we fit in the overall scheme of things. That way our first and subsequent encounters were great experiences. The level of research people pursue depends on their desire for knowledge in general. People research purchases; cars, consumer goods, vacation plans, etc., why not subjective issues? Typing in "Human Sexuality" and hitting the search button yields enough info to pursue a doctorate.

 

Here is one of saved links:

Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality

 

And a VERY cool image bank of various charts on anatomy, behavior, surveys, etc.:

Human Sexuality Image Bank

 

Our opinion on newbie advice: First do some research so you know why you want /feel/act the way you do. If you discuss it with your SO you won't start out with emotional baggage. That way a lot of the general questions are answered so you can get to specific questions about the local/regional lifestyles.

[JustAskJulie 2,588]

I'm sure it's true for many that things just happen and they find themselves swinging with the next door neighbors or with good friends, often before they even know what the term swinging is.

[hmr 25]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem

 

So! Questions:

 

1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?

 

Yes, we did discuss this between ourselves. It all started with a dream on the mrs. part. In the summer our children go to camp for a week, during this time we usually take a few days to "run away" for some time alone.

 

We had watched an episode of "Sex in the City" that night. The next morning, the mrs. told me she had a dream about her, myself and Chris Noth( Mr. Big) having a threesome. It definitely got our juices flowing.

 

Well ,that led to a lot of discussion on the merits of " swinging" , although we did not know the term at the time. We also did not know any way to find resources or know that there was such a thing as organized swinging.

 

Now, not knowing that any thing like this existed, how were we to know to find it? I was even a reader of "Penthouse letters" which discusses many of the aspects of swinging, But never said anything about swingers groups.

 

So, we decided to try to find a third for a MMF playdate. The only way we new to do this was to see if we could pick up someone in a club who may be interested.We agreed that nothing was to be done without the other being present and we would each be there to protect the other. Besides that we really knew none of the questions to answer, never mind to ask and discuss.

 

Now, does this make us fools and/or ignorant? Fine if it does, because we were comfortable with it and had each other for backup.In fact after being on this board and seeing the way some people won't play with newbies and some newbies get flamed, had we done all this research, I'm not sure if we would be swinging at all yet.

It seems that a lot of the discussions here are about the problems people have in swinging instead of the good things pertaining to it.

 

2. Before the club and/or play date, did you do any online research? Other type of research? Did you have a relatively accurate concept of what swinging was and what it was about?

 

Only after the above experience did we find some of the old style swinging mags and even looked at ads in porn bookstores to find others. This did lead to us finding one ad site on the net which only ( at first ) added to the confusion instead of answering questions. Fortunately, we did find a phone number of someone in the area who was very open and supportive and helped to answer SOME of the questions we had. Again, though, we did not know all the questions to ask.

 

They did tell us of a swing party held at one of the local hotels which we did attend. We had absolutely no idea what to expect when we got there. Now we did have some relatively friendly people who spoke with us there, however, we ended up with some "sharks" for lack of a better term. Not until we got in to a room with them did we realize he was impotent and she was very bi.

 

Not having discussed this possibility at all, we did NOT know to stop there. We were also hell bent to try out swinging, so like a lot of others we have met since, we went places we were not ready for. It was during this that the mrs. ended up with a woman's head between her legs. Her eyes had been closed. When they opened she kind of freaked, but , not understanding the swinging etiquette, she kind of went along.

 

Was it a mistake? Sure it was. In fact, because of this we backed out of swinging for 2 years. It was only after we got the confidence that we will control things that we got back in to the lifestyle.

 

3. Before the club, etc., did you establish your personal boundaries? (and yes, we know they change with experience, but did you have some boundaries established going in?

 

As you can see above they were only very limited boundaries because there were some things we were not expecting. By the time we got back in , yes they were fully established.

 

4. Did any of y'all just walk into a club or social or other type of situation feeling totally unaware of what swinging was about?

 

See above. Also, we did go to a Carolina Friends party at a "gentleman's club" with no real idea as to how it worked.

 

Any other Information you would care to share?

 

Yes. Are we "guilty" of going in blind. I guess you could say we did. However there is a lot to be said for not over-analyzing things to the point of not doing anything. In the navy we called it analysis paralysis- you analyze so much, you never do anything. I read some posts in here from some new people who seem to be wanting to try, but have been cautioned so much, they are never going to take the "plunge".

 

Read BettAnnMBSC's post

I think had we discussed it prior and set out to make it happen--it never would have happened. We would have chickened out. The way it began it just happened

 

This is exactly my point. We spoke with another couple who has been on this board for some time. They seem to be stuck in the discussion phase forever. If we had talked all aspects of it to death or even found this board first I think we still would just be talking.

 

So my point is, for the newbies here, go for it. Will you have some experiences that are not perfect? YES. Can you like we did, turn it into some of the best learning experiences? Definitely yes. Were it not for the ones that got us to ask questions we would not be as comfortable now as we are.

 

Just like in life, all things are not going to go as planned. Now, you can either plan your life to death and never DO anything but plan, or you can experience things as they are and go on from there. Were it not for me being willing to "plunge in " when I do not have all the answers, I would not now be in my 8th year of owning my own business.

 

Sorry so long, but that is my best explanation.

[yawanna 17]

I did a lot of online research about swinging and the questions and concerns and what to discuss with my partner ad nauseum...and ultimately I one night said to him... let's go to this swinger club. We jumped in the car and went.

 

Sometimes, you just gotta jump in and see what's what

[Vjklander 136]

1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?

 

Not much detail, more of a "let's go and see what it is all about"

 

2. Before the club and/or play date, did you do any online research? Other type of research? Did you have a relatively accurate concept of what swinging was and what it was about?

 

Had a bit of an idea, but back in those days real info was hard to find.

 

3. Before the club, etc., did you establish your personal boundaries? (and yes, we know they change with experience, but did you have some boundaries established going in?

 

About the only one we had was using condoms, other than that not much.

 

4. Did any of y'all just walk into a club or social or other type of situation feeling totally unaware of what swinging was about?

 

Yes to the first part and kinda to the second

 

5. Any other information you would care to share?

 

Buy a hot tub, saves a lot of money in the long run.

[Couplehavingfun 17]

1. Before your first club and/or play date experience, did you and your SO discuss swinging in any detail? Mind sharing some of the discussion material?

Yes, we discussed our fantasies (MMF, FF, MFF, group sex) and then started discussing whether we were on the same page with wanting to make the fantasy a reality. Once we knew we were, we set about together to find out how. Imagine our happy surprise when we bumped into this fun world of swinging that we didn't know about before.

 

2. Before the club and/or play date, did you do any online research? Other type of research? Did you have a relatively accurate concept of what swinging was and what it was about?

Yes, we definitely did our homework. We were lucky, to have this site as well as others to read, look at, and learn some things from. It was/is such a help to have a place to post questions, or read questions we were having and others posted about, and read everyone's replies. Those swinging term dictionaries were a big help as well.

 

3. Before the club, etc., did you establish your personal boundaries? (and yes, we know they change with experience, but did you have some boundaries established going in?

Yes! We not only had set boundaries, but we had worked out signals, so we could tell what the other person wanted, needed, or was feeling while conversing with others.

 

 

4. Did any of y'all just walk into a club or social or other type of situation feeling totally unaware of what swinging was about?

No.

 

5. Any other information you would care to share?

We both think having signals is a great tool in this lifestyle.

[Elusive BiFem 70]

hmr made this statement:

 

quote:

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Now, not knowing that any thing like this existed, how were we to know to find it? I was even a reader of "Penthouse letters" which discusses many of the aspects of swinging, But never said anything about swingers groups.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

...and it makes a lot of sense when I think of it. He is right. If you don't know something exists, you don't know to look for it, and certainly, you don't know the words to use to "research" the topic.

 

Another comment...

quote:

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Now, does this make us fools and/or ignorant? Fine if it does, because we were comfortable with it and had each other for backup. In fact after being on this board and seeing the way some people won't play with newbies and some newbies get flamed, had we done all this research, I'm not sure if we would be swinging at all yet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

I find that interesting, as I have wondered myself, something similar. When I first started researching, I read a bunch of stuff, found a couple with mutual compatibility, and moved forward from there. We were both "newbies," save for my single experience 20 years prior with a couple that were my best friends. However, there was no discussion of rules, boundaries, etc., other than just general discussion. Looking back, I honestly wonder if I had seen this board and many of the post, if I would have pursued this interest. After all, I didn't have a check list of sorts...with all these rules and boundaries and likes and dislikes. Maybe the 3 of us were simply lucky that things worked out so well. In other posts, I have alluded to the fact that for me, much of this seems so "clinical" and contrived when one has to go through so many steps...have we communicated enough with each other? have we communicated enough with the partner(s)? have we established rules? what are their rules? boundaries?....the list just goes on and on. And I believe I have stated in the past...this should be fun and not work. If I haven't, there is the statement. The other thing I believe I've previously mentioned is my thought that all of these rules and boundaries are subject to change with time as one becomes more comfortable and familiar with their environment. Advice is constantly given...stick to your rules...well, maybe for that particular occasion. But what about going home and reassessing your rules and boundaries as you feel more comfortable? Isn't that important, too? And really, do we ever say that? Rarely. hmr's comment fits right here:

quote:

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Again, though, we did not know all the questions to ask.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

A very true statement...until you have the experiences, you don't know what to ask or what to even think of.

 

Another very valid comment by hmr...

quote:

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Yes. Are we "guilty" of going in blind. I guess you could say we did. However there is a lot to be said for not overanalyzing things to the point of not doing anything. In the navy we called it analysis paralysis- you analyze so much, you never do anything.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

The point of the entire discussion was would you play with newbies because. Some felt no...due to bad experiences, they don't have their boundaries, etc., in place...that type of stuff. I had initially said I had no problem with it, but as the chat continued, I did...under the premise that new people would know and be comfortable with what they wanted. Now I've come full circle...having thought of it and given the time to put things in perspective.

 

So in a sense, after reading what he had to say, I feel that I have to agree with him (them) that maybe some of us tend to go a bit too far with this rule/boundary/signal stuff in our quest to experience the thrills of swinging. For me, at least, maybe the best way is to proceed exactly the way I did initially and that is by meeting someone, getting to know them, talking about lots of different things including but not limited to swinging. Simply liking the people. Common interests and values. The attitude that if the sexual part works - great! If not, the worst that can happen is that I have met friends along the way. So yes, I would have nary a problem with newbies, but would approach it exactly like I just stated.

 

Again, Mr. hmr...you were not taken to task. If anything, I was. But isn't that supposed to be the good thing about discussion...learning new things about others and ourselves?

[good times 990]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

I'm sure it's true for many that things just happen and they find themselves swinging with the next door neighbors or with good friends, often before they even know what the term swinging is.

 

This is how it happened with us.

[windsor4fun2 128]

I agree, GREAT post EBF.

 

As far as research goes we didn't do any before our first experience which was a MFM. But that was 12-13 years ago and way before we had a computer and internet access. However we had talk a LOT about our interests and what we wanted etc. I think knowing yourselves and you desires etc. is the most important thing.

 

While we have made mistakes along the way I honestly don't think we would have made any fewer if we had done a lot of research. Just different ones

 

I believe Mr hmr mentioned over researching to the point you never get to actual swinging. With the amount of information available it is a definite possibility. Over analyzing swinging (or anything) and everything that goes with it can take the fun out of it. As EBF said it shouldn't be work.

[J&BinNJ 15]

My husband and I are new. We haven't had any experience yet, however, we have been doing a ton of research. This forum has been a wealth of information for us and we thank you all !

 

As far as discussing boundaries, we have. After 25 years of marriage and being together for 34 years total, we learned to discuss EVERYTHING that we do and discuss it even more when it is something as important as this. Nothing is worth ruining all the years we have together.

 

That said, I wanted to tell you that a couple contacted us last week via an ad we had posted. They seemed very nice and in fact, we had originally thought about contacting them, but they seemed very experienced and doubted they would want to take a step back. We are only looking for same room sex, right now at least and want to go very slow.

 

Before this couple contacted us, we had already made arrangements to meet another couple who were also new and wanted the same thing we did (their profile was almost exactly like ours) so I thanked the other couple and explained our situation. Their reply was to tell us that it may not be a good idea to meet with other newbies because neither of us had experience.

 

I thought that odd because our feeling was that we both knew exactly what we wanted and since neither had experience, we could all be very up front about what we wanted and didn't want, etc. We planned on being honest with this other couple even if it meant we'd never see them again.

 

We met on Saturday and they were very nice, easy to talk to, in fact it was as though we'd known each other for years. They had the same outlook on everything as we did.

 

We both wanted to get to know people before anything could happen-if ever. They felt the same and we had a great time that night, just talking and having some drinks.

 

We will definitely meet with them again and we all agreed we are in no hurry for anything other than friendship right now and if and when it happens, great, if not, we have found new friends ! People we can talk to about this since neither of us can talk to our other friends, they'd have coronaries!

 

So my point from a newbie standpoint is, newbies that are nervous and not ready to do a full swap may be better off with people who are new also that are not ready for full swap or an experienced couple who are willing to start slow (very slow at times) and not push them. I am sure most don't but I am sure some do. Especially once they meet or at least have the first date that isn't a full swap. they will expect the next date to go further. With the four of us, we know it may never go further and we are fine with that.

 

Does this make sense?

 

Anyway, thanks again for all the great info!

[hmr 25]

J & BinNJ, newbies or not, no one should ever be pushy toward another couple or person. Everyone's boundaries, rules, and feelings are to be taken into consideration. RESPECT, for whom you are meeting is essential. It should always be understood that nothing will progress any further than any person is comfortable with going. A simple word, and everything comes to an end with no pressure to continue, no hard feelings, and the worst that could happen if nothing happens at all is you have possibly made new friends and enjoyed a night out. Who knows, maybe you will try again in the future when you ARE ready. Don't let this one experience deter you from experienced swingers. Most of them, that I have met, know these rules and abide by them. But I have run in to a few myself, who could use a little etiquette lessons dealing with others.

 

Case in point, I don't like being man handled. At a recent party, I felt like a ball being tossed around. I almost lost my cool. I (almost) calmly stood up, told them to wait one minute, let my feelings be known, and took a long break from the action. Calmed myself down. I received an apology from everyone there, and had no further problems. This was our first party with this particular group. Sometimes you have to be the one to give the etiquette lesson. But, not when you are a newbie!! People know you are new, and you are nervous, and anxious. At least they should! Talk until you find the right couple who you feel understands these things. You will feel it, then just meet, and talk some more. See if you want to go any further, then plan an encounter. Or plan another meeting to get to know each other better. Responsible swingers are patient, and want to know you as well.

[hoistsail 18]

Our first time swinging for us just happened.

 

After a nice dinner he was dancing with my wife and me with his wife. both were playing around some. After lots of dancing and playing me and his wife walked in and he had his fingers deep in my wife's pussy. We just said you want to continue playing and we did. :8-0::

[hmr 25]

Boy, EBF, thought I was gonna make it to Texas before you got back on!!

 

First a note to J&B in NJ and the Mrs.. Usually we DO stay in the same room during our play sessions, unfortunately the one time the wife of the other couple whose house we were at brings me in to the kitchen for more than food, was when Mrs. got bounced around. Generally even as an "experienced" couple we do stay together. What fun is it to experience things together if we're apart? The only time we are comfortable playing apart is a certain party we go to about every 3 weeks where we know most of the people and have no worries about not being "covered" by someone else. Our regular friends cover for us.

 

In fact, as has been discussed on this board, The Mrs. is NOT bi. At the last party we attended, some of the people we did not know were encouraging a new female to go down on Mrs. One of the other regular members stopped that from happening without the Mrs or myself knowing about it until later.

 

Now, back to getting started. We had been to several hotel parties and even met some couples prior to going to this house party we now frequent. However we had no idea what this house party was going to be like and had only met the couple who introduced us to this once. In general, we knew people went to have sex, that was about all.

 

We went. Immediately we were surprised to walk in to a house in the middle of town to find a lot of people naked. Some were even having sex right in the middle of the living room floor. This was all rather new to us. We were introduced, and asked our preferences. Other than that it was kinda like "Let the sex begin!".

 

Of course it ended up we have become friends with the regulars and the hosts, and had a blast.

 

My point here is I've IM'ed a few people here and many people on yahoo who talk forever and keep wishing. Some here who are still newbies have PM'ed me and said they've been on here forever and still have not swung. Even J&B in NJ above said they have studied this and are concerned with how the others will feel about newbies. We have been with newbies where it was successful and with others where it was not. We've met some for lunch or dinner who were not ready and still had a good dinner. Were we upset that "newbies did it again" ? No. We were newbies once also and understand the unique feelings that come with something like this. We would gladly answer any questions newbies have, either over IM or a good dinner. If they feel they are ready, wonderful!! If not, hope you had fun anyway, and we met new interesting people at the same time.

 

Personally,I would rather "Go for the Gusto!" and have the experience, whether good or bad. In one case I will really enjoy it, in the other it will be a good lesson. Nothing can be a total mistake if you've learned from it.

 

Sorry for my long novel here, it is the only way I could get my point across.

[NorCal Nites 15]

In the club that we have set up in Northern California, the last question on the membership form asks for a small blurb on you and your partner's experience in "the lifestyle". (btw... is there a better term out there for this?!)

 

If a couple or single female has no experience, rather than emailing them with their membership info, we will personally call them and talk them through some of the "rules" (or non-rules as some may feel). This lets them know that they are CARED FOR and that they can stop ANYTHING at any point in time, for ANY reason.

 

Other clubs in our area seem to be a freaking free-for-all, in which the "owners" haven't even been in the lifestyle a year and feel that it's their RIGHT to grope and molest members. This is one of the number one reasons that we branched off to our own club. It's just ridiculous what some people think that they can do, just because they're "swingers".

 

HRUMPH.

[Sonja&Brett 16]

Before the Internet, I thought swinging went out with the 70's. Then. through early message boards I found that it not only existed but seemed to be growing. And then my mind was really blown when I learned there were places like Freedom Acres.

 

I wanted to check it out. Sonja said that no way was she having sex with a man other than myself. But she does love having sex with me and really gets going when she is horny. Via some e-mail exchanges with people who had been to swing clubs, Sonja grew comfortable with the idea that we could go to Freedom Acres and have some great erotic fun without her being hassled or annoyed by guys who wanted a piece of her.

 

But it took awhile for me to screw up the courage to make the required phone call as a couple to get interviewed and schedule a date for going to the club. Sonja was very skeptical about the whole thing but agreed to participate in the call and to go to FA.

 

At the club we were amazed by the eroticism of the place and just as amazed at how polite and considerate everyone was. Near midnight, Sonja was worked up to a frenzy and was letting me take her breasts out of her dress and suck on them while we danced. To my surprise, she led me to the jacuzzi where she came repeatedly on the jets and then to one of the private rooms where we screwed.

 

I have to admit that I wasn't much of a lay that night. Repeated erections while dancing and then the jacuzzi left me pretty limp.

 

We've been going to clubs now for about five years. Sonja still doesn't want to add a couple to our play. But she is the one that often says,"Let's go to the club. I'm horny." The other night, during a long session of sex at home, God bless Viagra, Sonja said,"I'd like to have a guy suck my tits while you fuck me but he can't put his dick in me."

 

Well that hasn't happened yet, I don't even know how to make it happen. But we've come a long ways and it all began with exchanging information with other people on the Internet.