Too shy and missed swing opportunities

[Spoomonkey]

Okay...

Here's my problem...

I am shy.

It hasn't kept us from playing - in fact, we have always met new friends and played at the clubs when we have gone. We've actually only left the club once without playing, but even then, we met three new couples and simply lost track of time.

But here's the thing - there was some chemistry between myself and one of the women that I met - and apparently I was the only one who didn't see it. My wife was baffled that I missed it - this woman drug me out to the dance floor, gave me a shot of whiskey from her private stash, offered me a great view of her incredible breasts and even requested seeing my "assets". So how in the hell could I have failed to notice that maybe she kind of liked me???

Here husband and my wife clearly liked each other - and I guess we could have all snuck upstairs any time, but I never caught on... Partly because I felt like she was a bit out of my league, I guess. I would say that I am a nice looking guy - but she was easily a high nine, pushing a ten and I think I just didn't even think that she'd find me attractive...

I am a yutz...

Part of the problem is that - even though we have played with some incredible couples, and have been very fortunate to connect with some stunningly good looking folks - I still have the self-esteem of a dung beetle wondering how in the hell I got invited to a butterfly party...

I'd really like to be more flirtatious and confident - more fun and less introverted... I don't think there is any danger of me being an ass (unless I would have asked for seconds on the whiskey) but I fear that I will miss not just "sexual encounters" but much more importantly, some good friendships if I keep getting stuck in my shell!

So - PLEASE help!

What words of wisdom can you guys give to a guy who wants to be more talkative - more fun in the "mingle" part of the evening - and more confident and comfortable with the people that we end up hanging out with? We attract some really great people and I just want to be a little more charismatic than the talking dart board we all tend to hover around...

Any thoughts?

Please...

*helpless little boy smile*

Spoomonkeyhead bang

[sharp1]

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE

[RMRx2]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey
Okay...


So - PLEASE help!

What words of wisdom can you guys give to a guy who wants to be more talkative - more fun in the "mingle" part of the evening - and more confident and comfortable with the people that we end up hanging out with? We attract some really great people and I just want to be a little more charismatic than the talking dart board we all tend to hover around...

Any thoughts?

Please...

*helpless little boy smile*

Spoomonkeyhead bang

just a little different prospective maybe;

perhaps you are not really all that shy, perhaps you are humble, caring and kind,,,,,,,and maybe,,,,the fact that you DO attract these attractive folks, this may be why

if that shoe fits, perhaps you might try owning that you are this person, and that is why you attract these folks you feel are so much more attractive,,,,,,,,,,remain true to yourself,,,,realize why your S/O loves you too,,,,,,and that "owning" may be all the confidence you need

just a possibility??? not knowing you, dono, try it on and see

rmrx2

[hoistsail]

I think all of us are a bit shy and not sure that we are attractive to others. Some say I am handsome, but I feel like a complete idiot at times and clearly not handsome.

Try to relax and see what happens. I need to take this advise too.

[Alura]

I can identify with your dilemma, Spoomonkey. I'm a short guy. For years I had so many cruel remarks about my height that I wouldn't ask a woman out if she was taller than I (or very attractive), fearing rejection.

Then I met Mrs. Alura who is six inches taller than I, younger, and very (IMO) good looking. Her take on the difference in height was, "I prefer to measure a man from the bottom of his heart to the top of his mind. You're one of the tallest men I've ever met."

Since that day, twenty-four years ago, looks have been less important to me. I try to take my wife's attitude and look for things in friends other than beauty.

The ones who are only interested in physical attractiveness weed themselves out as soon as they see me.

Mr. Alura

[RMRx2]

Originally posted by Alura
I'm a short guy. For years I had so many cruel remarks about my height that I wouldn't ask a woman out if she was taller than I (or very attractive), fearing rejection.
Mr. Alura

Ah!, but then there is the vertical alignment for a shorter man to a taller woman!

many wish for the opposite of who and what they are, spoomonkey;

women with straight fine hair, wish it to be curly and have body, those who have hair like that, often straighten it and curse it on humid days

tall persons hit the headboard, and feet hook the over the bottom of most beds, envy shorter persons, shorter person may wish to be taller, I like my sports car and bike,,,,,but I could have a better body to fit either

my business partner has always wanted to be able to "bulk up",,,,,,,,he can have as much of my "bulk" as he wants!

even small breasted women often want bigger, and bigger breasted often want smaller

work to see yourself as others do, to be happy with who you are, like I said before,,,,,,sounds like there might be a reason you have had the luck at clubs you have,,,,,,,,,you don't have to get prideful, or arrogant,,,,,,to have confidence in yourself and own your positives.

rmrx2

[Spoomonkey]

Thanks guys, for the advice.

I will try to take it to heart... I think Mrs. Spoomonkey almost threw her shoulder out nudging me and saying "see - I told you..." Don't be surprised if you see a shy man walking around the mall with a "from the bottom of my heart to the top of my mind" t-shirt on...



Not quite sure what Sharp1 meant, but since I am not a coffee fan, I'll just thank you other three for your kind posts and obvious wisdom... Okay - off to make wall paper out your posts!

Swing well!

Spoomonkey

:slam"

[RMRx2]

will try to take it to heart... I think Mrs. Spoomonkey almost threw her shoulder out nudging me and saying "see - I told you..."

Behind every great man is a woman, nudging him along to greatness

seriously, sounds like the mrs's thinks alot of her man

own who you are, but never forget those qualities that make you that person

now before we get a post from her saying "HE HAS GOTTEN SUCH A BIG HEAD, WHAT DO I DO WITH HIM NOW"

later,
rmrx2

[fun_pairTX]

I have had size issues, 6'5 and 280 and I have been nearly this big since I was 13 (the majority of my weight used to be located about 18 inches ABOVE its current location, so much for gravity). A lot of women would shy away in fear that I might break them. Later on in life I discovered that there a lot of women that wanted to try to see if I "could" break them LOL. There is a niche for everyone just be yourself and hang in there and you will find yours.

[frenzb4sex]

Hey spoomonkey (Ironic that you have a handle like that yet you are so "sensitive" LOL)

Actually, the story you have told is almost an exact replica of what both of us went thru-for a while, many of the people that we met I was like "there ain't no FUCKING way!" (literally). With that attitude, I never was forward, and was even accused of not being interested at all--it was the fear of the "uhhh no, you ain't getting nowhere near me buddy"...

As many of you know, our neighbors are swingers and they got us in the LS. The male of the couple is one of those guys that can make friends with a rock. We attended a meet and greet with them--and boom--it hit me. You don't have to be a leisure-suit Larry, you don't have to be pushy, but by just simply going up to someone and initiating a conversation, the confidence you will feel when they respond back will suddenly open the floodgates. As he once told me "If you want to be Fabio, BE FABIO-ain't nobody gonna prove you wrong--be who you want to be". Since that party, I have become much more adaptive to the situations we have been in, and it has paid great dividends. The same goes for my wife--who is dazzling to look at but never thought of it at all--she's really opened up and people have started to swarm to us at these events like we never could have imagined--it's a real fantasy in itself!!!

It's kind of like a quote that Deion Sanders once said--"If ya look good, you feel good, if ya feel good, ya play good..." Couldn't be more true in swinging LOL.

It sounds like you are in a win win situation--be yourself, just try to be a little more confident in yourself, and you will see how great things will be. ENJOY!

Tim

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by frenzb4sex
...It sounds like you are in a win win situation--be yourself, just try to be a little more confident in yourself, and you will see how great things will be. ENJOY!

Tim

I agree with that, Tim. I'm actually a pretty shy person, at least I used to be. I learned that screwing up my courage and projecting self-confidence, even if I didn't really feel it inside, helped attract others to me. That, in turn, helped give me the real self-confidence that I have today.

Give it a try, Spoonmonkey! Even if you have to fake it the first few times, I think you'll be surprised at how things turn out. The more you practice it, the easier it gets.

-B

[Spoomonkey]

Mrs Spoomonkey bought me a copy of "Super Flirt". I've read a few chapters and have already tried "the confident walk".

IT WORKS...

Weird, huh? I just walk tall, keep my shoulders back, try to keep my body neutral, smile and make eye-contact... Really has gotten me some smiles back and given me a sense of power...

Okay - not everyone needs a book - but if you are like me, I think I would recommend this one...

Brad - "fake it till you make it" is one of the chapter titles, so your advice lines up with the "experts". So - since I like the book, I must put you in the same category of genius as the author. We have another club night tomorrow - and as much as I am hoping we see old friends - I am really looking forward to giving "the walk" a try at the club - not just at work...

Tim - thanks for the advice. I'll keep this thread updated as I discover new things. This can be scary as hell, honestly! Shyness is tough to over come, but the benefits can really help in all phases of your life - not just swinging.

Being myself is what I honestly want to be. I hate insincere people - well, maybe not "hate"... But I really want to be one of those people who is what he seems. Even if I give the initial impression of being a

Spoomonkey

[Alura]

Originally posted by RMRx2
Ah!, but then there is the vertical alignment for a shorter man to a taller woman!

rmrx2

Ah, yes, RMRx2. I remember when I first met Mrs. Alura, I said, "Take me to your ladder, I'll see your leader later."

Mr. Alura

[JustAskJulie]

It's funny what you find when you go back in time. I started reading this and laughed to myself to think of Spoo being shy.

[Chicup]

Back before I was married I once had a woman ask me....

'How about sex?'

And I missed it. I thought she was asking if I had sex (as it fit in our conversation), not the obvious.