Comfort Levels? Inviting People Home?

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by jen
My house is full of my remembers, its my insides from all days, it expresses my past & my direction.

Its like a giant box tucked under a bed - kept filled with ones most prized possessions. A box no one else knows you have.

Each item placed inside the box is placed there from specialness, from my heart or given to me by the best hearts on earth.

If someone sees inside my home, they see me, that isn't for just anyone.

Once I am comfortable enough with someone to have them in my home, I need them to feel as though it is their house as much as it is mine, like they are welcome and wanted here always.

Achieving that level of comfort takes time, conversations, eye contact, interactions within different environments, and opportunities to see how they interact with others.

Same goes for entering someone else’s home. I wouldn’t be able to feel comfortable without having had other experiences with the person/s beforehand.

There are exceptions to rules of course…which is why this isn’t a rule as much as it is an idea or beginning toward finding comfort.

Sometimes you meet someone and instantly are comfortable around them or comforted by their presence. Those people rock!

What a poetic and descriptive way of putting thought to *paper.*! I don't have a poetic bone in my body.

However, I'm a bit different in that I really like for people to get to know me. Where and how I live - surrounded by all those things that are important to me - are so revealing of who I really am and what I'm really about. Someone else commented on inviting people home for dinner. Well, anyone would learn that I don't cook as soon as they looked in my fridge - water, milk and lined with carry-out/delivery menus. They would also know that I love my dogs when they saw that the only cookbooks readily available are cookbooks for dog biscuits. (side note: those dogs won't eat the biscuits, but I keep trying! You can almost see them saying to each other, "Oh, God. She's in there doing it again.")

That being said, I am extremely cautious as a single person as to who I invite inside. I have to feel that I know them quite well. The same holds true for going to other's homes. I won't venture there until I'm 100% comfortable.

As for Ms. O's question: How do you determine if you are comfortable with it, or does it even matter to you?

It matters greatly. I think it is more of the "feeling" I get from someone. Along with the eye contact mentioned, the way they approach me/respond via e-mail...just watching how they interact with others. The quickness of a smile or frown. Watching their comfort level. All in all, so many little things we pick up on on a subconscious level. And my gut. My very best and generally most accurate barometer. The only times I've ever had problems is when I didn't *listen* to my gut. And that applies to all situations - swinging and otherwise. -EBF

[jen]

EBF,

I know what you mean about the fridge...yikes! The friends that bring yumminess when they come over...my favorite...goofin!

You are smart about your gut.

I follow my heart about everything.

Thank you for your kindness, it made me smile!

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by jen
EBF,

I know what you mean about the fridge...yikes! The friends that bring yumminess when they come over...my favorite...goofin!

You are smart about your gut.

I follow my heart about everything.

Thank you for your kindness, it made me smile!

You're welcome! I even thought, while I was writing, "Maybe I need to e-mail Jen what I'm trying to say and just let her put it into words for me." - Sort of like a ghost-writer!! Man!! -now that I think of it, you might be able to turn that ghost-writing idea into a money-making business venture. (I get a finders fee.) -EBF

[jen]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
You're welcome! I even thought, while I was writing, "Maybe I need to e-mail Jen what I'm trying to say and just let her put it into words for me." - Sort of like a ghost-writer!! Man!! -now that I think of it, you might be able to turn that ghost-writing idea into a money-making business venture. (I get a finders fee.) -EBF

Ok this quote thing rocks when I can work it right.. Thanks O.

EBF,

Wow again & emial me anytime you think I might be helpful... no charge for an idea woman such as yourself!!

I think that your words express you - in exactly the right way.

[ionsawmill]

We would never swing in our home, but not for the same reasons as most. We have 11 pets in the house and the place smells like animals. Most of the time, we don't notice it, but people who are not aquainted with the scent of dogs, cats, ferrets and humans living under one roof together would be put off by it.

Also, we prefer to meet in a neutral location because it also gives us a chance to get away from the zoo. As it is, we have to lock the cats out of the bedroom just to have sex. (Pets seem to have an unnatural obsession with the human sex act.)

Here's a question for those of you like us who don't swing at home: would you swing at someone else's house, if they were comfortable with the idea?

I think if I found out a couple had a nice house with a California king size bed, no kids, a hot tub, a pool, a deck and a privacy fence, I'd be quite willing to swing on their home turf.

T. H.

[twopeople2]

I would go to someone else's home rather than my own. So long as we were comfortable with the couple, not a "first date". We wouldn't bring anyone to our home primarily because of the kids. There are other issues too, but that's the main one.

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by Elusive BiFem
Someone else commented on inviting people home for dinner. Well, anyone would learn that I don't cook as soon as they looked in my fridge - water, milk and lined with carry-out/delivery menus. They would also know that I love my dogs when they saw that the only cookbooks readily available are cookbooks for dog biscuits. (side note: those dogs won't eat the biscuits, but I keep trying! You can almost see them saying to each other, "Oh, God. She's in there doing it again.")
... -EBF

See, this is one of the reasons I'm still single. Any woman, whether she swings or not, HAS to be able to cook at least as good as I do for me to stay interested. And I'm a good cook. Just don't ask me to cook anything pork related. Can't stand pork. Gives me a stomach ache.

Oh, EBF, try this one if you haven't.

1/4 ground beef
2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups milk

mix everything together (even the raw ground beef) as if you are making biscuits. Bake them at 350 for 25 minutes like you would biscuits. My old lab and shetland used to love them, plus it was an efficient way to get rid of ground beef that was starting to go old, but wasn't ready for the pharmaceutical labs yet. Makes about a dozen beef flavored biscuits.

[Elusive BiFem]

Thanks, Mr. ES, I will try that one. It would really make me proud if they would eat them. And this from 2 dogs that eat rocks!! Actually, it is kind of funny to watch one of them - the one that always tries to please me. She'll get one of my homemade dog biscuits in her mouth and try her best to eat it. You should see the faces she makes - and you can just see the "gulp" as she tries to swallow it!! Poor thing....

And we're together on the pork - can't eat it. Even a few bites will make me sick (other than baked ham or a couple of slices of bacon). -EBF

[bear_n_bunny]

If a we click with a couple after exchanging emails and chatting over dinner, we usually invite them back to our house. Our problem has been finding a place to chat that isn't too loud and we won't be over heard. Some topics likely to come up may not be something we want to share with the tables next to us.

I actually like having people to the house. It's a great way to relax and chat. We usually go outside on the porch and talking the night away getting to know each other.

We don't do this if my daughter is at home. She usually is spending the night with someone if we are planning anything. My hardcore rule of thumb in and out of swinging is that I don't want anyone in my life that set's off my Mom vibe. If I'm not comfortable with having them around my daughter then I'm certainly not going to play with them let alone invite them to our home. Heck, if a couple can pass my Mom screening and Bear's people reading radar, than we're problem going to end up being friends. Our main problem the first time out was learning to trust our instincts.

BTW, I did run a background check on my Bear after it was clear I was falling fast. Afterall, anything too good to be true, usually isn't. I'm just very happy that I got very very lucky to find the exception to this rule.

-- Bunny