Bothered by Wife's Enthusiasm

incommunicado · 06-20-2002, 10:44 AM

My wife and I, after ten years of great marriage, are planning to swing for the first time Friday night with two seperate friends who have agreed to join us for sex.

The swinging idea was originally mine. Ironic, because my wife is the more sexually open-minded of the two of us. So, it has always been more a matter of who or when, then if. Now that those questions are answered, I feel a little weird because my wife has become a much more involved partner in the planning and her enthusiasm is showing.

Is it normal for me to feel insecure because my wife is enthusiastic about the idea of having sex with the other guy? Not the guy or the act itself, just her enthusiasm?

I know this will fade when I see her enjoying herself, I just feel a little weird now.

Quin · 06-20-2002, 11:24 AM

quote:
Originally posted by incommunicado:
My wife and I, after ten years of great marriage, are planning to swing for the first time Friday night with two seperate friends who have agreed to join us for sex.

The swinging idea was originally mine. Ironic, because my wife is the more sexually open-minded of the two of us. So, it has always been more a matter of who or when, then if. Now that those questions are answered, I feel a little weird because my wife has become a much more involved partner in the planning and her enthusiasm is showing.

Is it normal for me to feel insecure because my wife is enthusiastic about the idea of having sex with the other guy? Not the guy or the act itself, just her enthusiasm?

I know this will fade when I see her enjoying herself, I just feel a little weird now.

I think everyone who is going to experience their first times has jitters, including second guessing themselves about if they've made the right decision for their relationship. [Wink]

It's a very big step for a couple to take and it will change not only their lives as a couple but also them individually. So something this monumential should carry some anxiety with it, you don't really know what to expect, you're not sure how to act, etc...simple fear of the unknown.

I don't think I have to tell you that many men would appreciate half the enthusiasm from their wives that yours is exhibiting. As long as you both have discussed this at length, have set your *ground rules* between you, and are at a point in your relationship that you feel this is the step you both want to take, relax a bit...take a deep breathe...and most definitely, be sure to enjoy!

Her showing a bit more enthusiasm may be her own way of coping with her anxiety about it. I really don't like the word anxiety as it seems to have a negative connotation <sp?> and isn't meant as a negative necessarily, especially in your situation, but I'm at a loss for a better word at the moment.

I wish you luck in your adventure and hope when it's all over, you sit back and think, 'Now why did I have myself all in a tiz over this...it was great.'

VOTE FOR JULIE!! [Blowjob]

Quin

incommunicado · 06-20-2002, 12:47 PM

Thanks, I appreciate the positive input. The lines of communication are open and ground rules are set. My wife wants the option for the plug to be pulled by anyone, in the instance that they get uncomfortable with what is going on. But, truth-be-told, she pretty much means me. This may be my fantasy turned reality, but she is the sexual free spirit of the two of us. I suspect that this whole experience is re-awakening the sexual openness she experienced before we were engaged.

She is being her usual, loving, affectionate self and is definitely letting me know, through word and deed that I have nothing to be threatened by.

But, I suspect, if it were in here nature to do so, she might jump up and down with excitement about what is going to happen. But, that's the idea, isn't it?

frisson · 06-20-2002, 04:57 PM

quote:
Originally posted by incommunicado:
Thanks, I appreciate the positive input. The lines of communication are open and ground rules are set. My wife wants the option for the plug to be pulled by anyone, in the instance that they get uncomfortable with what is going on. But, truth-be-told, she pretty much means me. This may be my fantasy turned reality, but she is the sexual free spirit of the two of us. I suspect that this whole experience is re-awakening the sexual openness she experienced before we were engaged.

She is being her usual, loving, affectionate self and is definitely letting me know, through word and deed that I have nothing to be threatened by.

But, I suspect, if it were in here nature to do so, she might jump up and down with excitement about what is going to happen. But, that's the idea, isn't it?

Yep that is the idea.

Sounds as if she is handling it just right and that she is sensitive to your feelings. Good for her. You can do her a big favor by trying not to show your jitters too much, as this may inhibit her, and that's not fair--if you're going to do it, you should both enjoy it to the max.

You need to be prepared for her to really enjoy herself. Wives often surprise their husbands in first-time swinging sessions, by having way more fun than the husbands expect. This is even more likely in her case, since you say that your wife enjoyed sexual openness before your marriage. Once women experience that freedom, they never forget it, and they are never really the same again. Don't feel threatened if you see a side to her that you've never seen before. Just hang in there, and she will love you all the more for letting her be yourself.

There is plenty of fun in it for you down the road, too.

incommunicado · 06-20-2002, 11:23 PM

It is still a little intimidating though. She's really into the idea of having sex with this guy. It's a guy she's lusted after for a long time.

Is there such thing as TOO into it?

skeghed · 06-21-2002, 12:43 AM

Aaahhhhh.....well, now that DOES put a different light onto the matter....."She has lusted after this guy..."

I can see where this could cause your anxiety - and it could cause a problem. Might want to rethink starting out with someone else for the first time, eh? Maybe someone that she has not had the hots for for awhile? Or maybe discuss with her that what is causing the problem is that she has obviously wanted this guy for a while?

Good luck - I hope your first time is a great experience!

incommunicado · 06-21-2002, 10:37 AM

I'm just being anxious. She's very concerned about my feelings in all this and wants it to be a good experience for me. The other guy has even shown concern for my feelings.

Bottom line, she's supposed to like the idea and be attracted to the guy she does it with.

I think it will be a rewarding experience for both of us. And, if not, it will not make or break our relationship.

Right now, I'm more concerned about getting our place clean enough to have guests over.

skeghed · 06-21-2002, 10:56 AM

Good! I'm glad that you are feeling better. (Or seem to be from your post.) You most likely will not have any problems as it seems that everyone is in tune with the others.

I think the best thing we did our first time was to make sure that eye contact was made every so often (even if it meant pulling my lips off the dick when it would've felt better not to) and especially making sure that I made eye contact when he squirted in my mouth so that he could see me swallow! We make sure we make eye contact and touch every so often just to reassure each other that we haven't forgotten they are there and what a great gift they are giving us!

(By the way - quick cleaning tip.....if in desperation - closets and garages make great "temporary storage facilities" LOL Not that I - queen goddess of the household sanitary engineering department - have EVER had to use that tip....but several friends swear by it! ROFLMAO!!) [ROFL]

Have a great time! [Fun]

frisson · 06-21-2002, 01:33 PM

quote:
Originally posted by incommunicado:
I'm just being anxious. She's very concerned about my feelings in all this and wants it to be a good experience for me. The other guy has even shown concern for my feelings.

Sounds like you are in good hands.

The fact that she has lusted after the guy and hasn't done anything about it should tell you all you need to know. I'm sure that she could easily have hooked up with him behind your back if she chose.

Relax, have a great time, and don't let yourself get tweaked by her own great time.

quote:

I think it will be a rewarding experience for both of us. And, if not, it will not make or break our relationship.

Don't let it assume that much importance. It's an adventure--a mutual adventure. If it works out, great. If not, life goes on. It's just sex.

You might try what we did before our first swinging venture. We looked each other in the eyes, and promised that whatever happened in the next twelve hours, good or bad, we would still be together as a couple when the sun came up. That sort of put everything in perspective, and we have pretty much retained that same attitude ever since.

Good luck, have fun.

youngswingers · 06-22-2002, 01:43 AM

Code words are a really great way of making sure that no-one has gone too far during swing. It sounds like you guys should have one that means "slow down, I'm feeling uncomfortable" and one that means "full stop, this should not continue".

incommunicado · 06-22-2002, 03:43 AM

It happened tonight and all is well (not that it wouldn't have been anyway).

The upside: Watching him enter and please my wife. Any last minute thoughts of retreat faded when looked across the room and saw how well endowed he was. I decided I couldn't deprive her of that.

The downside: He had already expended too much energy on the other woman who was with us, so his time with my wife was more of a "visit" than anything else.

My wife seemed to enjoy it while he was there, though, and I enjoyed watching it up close and personal.

The coolest part though, was when I said, "so, you like that?" and she said, "yes, but I was looking forward to having you both inside me at the same time."

Before he left, I asked our friend if he had any problems with just having a threesome next time and he was O.K. with that. So, next time, my wife will get the attention she deserves.

All-in-all, not the worst "first run".

incommunicado · 06-22-2002, 05:20 PM

P.S. Just so no one gets the wrong idea from my last post... When I referred to just having a threesome with the guy next time...

He is single. This was just two people who got together with us for sex, not a couple.

Figured it was worth mentioning because I know how sensitive a subject this is.

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06-20-2002, 10:44 AM	#1 (permalink)
incommunicado Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 198 Location: Baltimore, MD	Bothered by Wife's Enthusiasm My wife and I, after ten years of great marriage, are planning to swing for the first time Friday night with two seperate friends who have agreed to join us for sex. The swinging idea was originally mine. Ironic, because my wife is the more sexually open-minded of the two of us. So, it has always been more a matter of who or when, then if. Now that those questions are answered, I feel a little weird because my wife has become a much more involved partner in the planning and her enthusiasm is showing. Is it normal for me to feel insecure because my wife is enthusiastic about the idea of having sex with the other guy? Not the guy or the act itself, just her enthusiasm? I know this will fade when I see her enjoying herself, I just feel a little weird now.

06-20-2002, 11:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
Quin Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 1,136 Location: Ohio Status: Single Female	quote: Originally posted by incommunicado: My wife and I, after ten years of great marriage, are planning to swing for the first time Friday night with two seperate friends who have agreed to join us for sex. The swinging idea was originally mine. Ironic, because my wife is the more sexually open-minded of the two of us. So, it has always been more a matter of who or when, then if. Now that those questions are answered, I feel a little weird because my wife has become a much more involved partner in the planning and her enthusiasm is showing. Is it normal for me to feel insecure because my wife is enthusiastic about the idea of having sex with the other guy? Not the guy or the act itself, just her enthusiasm? I know this will fade when I see her enjoying herself, I just feel a little weird now. I think everyone who is going to experience their first times has jitters, including second guessing themselves about if they've made the right decision for their relationship. It's a very big step for a couple to take and it will change not only their lives as a couple but also them individually. So something this monumential should carry some anxiety with it, you don't really know what to expect, you're not sure how to act, etc...simple fear of the unknown. I don't think I have to tell you that many men would appreciate half the enthusiasm from their wives that yours is exhibiting. As long as you both have discussed this at length, have set your ground rules between you, and are at a point in your relationship that you feel this is the step you both want to take, relax a bit...take a deep breathe...and most definitely, be sure to enjoy! Her showing a bit more enthusiasm may be her own way of coping with her anxiety about it. I really don't like the word anxiety as it seems to have a negative connotation <sp?> and isn't meant as a negative necessarily, especially in your situation, but I'm at a loss for a better word at the moment. I wish you luck in your adventure and hope when it's all over, you sit back and think, 'Now why did I have myself all in a tiz over this...it was great.' VOTE FOR JULIE!! Quin
	__________________ One thing about me is that I'm consistant in my behavior, my thoughts, and my posting. I don't sell out or change for any reason outside of my own self wanting to. What you see is what you get: today, tomorrow and every day after that.

06-20-2002, 04:57 PM	#4 (permalink)
frisson Here to Stay Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 80 Location: East Central Kansas	quote: Originally posted by incommunicado: Thanks, I appreciate the positive input. The lines of communication are open and ground rules are set. My wife wants the option for the plug to be pulled by anyone, in the instance that they get uncomfortable with what is going on. But, truth-be-told, she pretty much means me. This may be my fantasy turned reality, but she is the sexual free spirit of the two of us. I suspect that this whole experience is re-awakening the sexual openness she experienced before we were engaged. She is being her usual, loving, affectionate self and is definitely letting me know, through word and deed that I have nothing to be threatened by. But, I suspect, if it were in here nature to do so, she might jump up and down with excitement about what is going to happen. But, that's the idea, isn't it? Yep that is the idea. Sounds as if she is handling it just right and that she is sensitive to your feelings. Good for her. You can do her a big favor by trying not to show your jitters too much, as this may inhibit her, and that's not fair--if you're going to do it, you should both enjoy it to the max. You need to be prepared for her to really enjoy herself. Wives often surprise their husbands in first-time swinging sessions, by having way more fun than the husbands expect. This is even more likely in her case, since you say that your wife enjoyed sexual openness before your marriage. Once women experience that freedom, they never forget it, and they are never really the same again. Don't feel threatened if you see a side to her that you've never seen before. Just hang in there, and she will love you all the more for letting her be yourself. There is plenty of fun in it for you down the road, too.

06-21-2002, 10:56 AM	#8 (permalink)
skeghed Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 20 Location: Corpus Christi, Texas	Good! I'm glad that you are feeling better. (Or seem to be from your post.) You most likely will not have any problems as it seems that everyone is in tune with the others. I think the best thing we did our first time was to make sure that eye contact was made every so often (even if it meant pulling my lips off the dick when it would've felt better not to) and especially making sure that I made eye contact when he squirted in my mouth so that he could see me swallow! We make sure we make eye contact and touch every so often just to reassure each other that we haven't forgotten they are there and what a great gift they are giving us! (By the way - quick cleaning tip.....if in desperation - closets and garages make great "temporary storage facilities" LOL Not that I - queen goddess of the household sanitary engineering department - have EVER had to use that tip....but several friends swear by it! ROFLMAO!!) Have a great time!

06-20-2002, 12:47 PM	#3 (permalink)
incommunicado Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 198 Location: Baltimore, MD	Thanks, I appreciate the positive input. The lines of communication are open and ground rules are set. My wife wants the option for the plug to be pulled by anyone, in the instance that they get uncomfortable with what is going on. But, truth-be-told, she pretty much means me. This may be my fantasy turned reality, but she is the sexual free spirit of the two of us. I suspect that this whole experience is re-awakening the sexual openness she experienced before we were engaged. She is being her usual, loving, affectionate self and is definitely letting me know, through word and deed that I have nothing to be threatened by. But, I suspect, if it were in here nature to do so, she might jump up and down with excitement about what is going to happen. But, that's the idea, isn't it?

06-20-2002, 11:23 PM	#5 (permalink)
incommunicado Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 198 Location: Baltimore, MD	It is still a little intimidating though. She's really into the idea of having sex with this guy. It's a guy she's lusted after for a long time. Is there such thing as TOO into it?

06-21-2002, 12:43 AM	#6 (permalink)
skeghed Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2001 Posts: 20 Location: Corpus Christi, Texas	Aaahhhhh.....well, now that DOES put a different light onto the matter....."She has lusted after this guy..." I can see where this could cause your anxiety - and it could cause a problem. Might want to rethink starting out with someone else for the first time, eh? Maybe someone that she has not had the hots for for awhile? Or maybe discuss with her that what is causing the problem is that she has obviously wanted this guy for a while? Good luck - I hope your first time is a great experience!

06-21-2002, 10:37 AM	#7 (permalink)
incommunicado Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 198 Location: Baltimore, MD	I'm just being anxious. She's very concerned about my feelings in all this and wants it to be a good experience for me. The other guy has even shown concern for my feelings. Bottom line, she's supposed to like the idea and be attracted to the guy she does it with. I think it will be a rewarding experience for both of us. And, if not, it will not make or break our relationship. Right now, I'm more concerned about getting our place clean enough to have guests over.

06-21-2002, 01:33 PM	#9 (permalink)
frisson Here to Stay Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 80 Location: East Central Kansas	quote: Originally posted by incommunicado: I'm just being anxious. She's very concerned about my feelings in all this and wants it to be a good experience for me. The other guy has even shown concern for my feelings. Sounds like you are in good hands. The fact that she has lusted after the guy and hasn't done anything about it should tell you all you need to know. I'm sure that she could easily have hooked up with him behind your back if she chose. Relax, have a great time, and don't let yourself get tweaked by her own great time. quote: I think it will be a rewarding experience for both of us. And, if not, it will not make or break our relationship. Don't let it assume that much importance. It's an adventure--a mutual adventure. If it works out, great. If not, life goes on. It's just sex. You might try what we did before our first swinging venture. We looked each other in the eyes, and promised that whatever happened in the next twelve hours, good or bad, we would still be together as a couple when the sun came up. That sort of put everything in perspective, and we have pretty much retained that same attitude ever since. Good luck, have fun.

06-22-2002, 01:43 AM	#10 (permalink)
youngswingers Here to Stay Join Date: Jun 2001 Posts: 98 Location: Austin, TX	Code words are a really great way of making sure that no-one has gone too far during swing. It sounds like you guys should have one that means "slow down, I'm feeling uncomfortable" and one that means "full stop, this should not continue".

06-22-2002, 03:43 AM	#11 (permalink)
incommunicado Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 198 Location: Baltimore, MD	It happened tonight and all is well (not that it wouldn't have been anyway). The upside: Watching him enter and please my wife. Any last minute thoughts of retreat faded when looked across the room and saw how well endowed he was. I decided I couldn't deprive her of that. The downside: He had already expended too much energy on the other woman who was with us, so his time with my wife was more of a "visit" than anything else. My wife seemed to enjoy it while he was there, though, and I enjoyed watching it up close and personal. The coolest part though, was when I said, "so, you like that?" and she said, "yes, but I was looking forward to having you both inside me at the same time." Before he left, I asked our friend if he had any problems with just having a threesome next time and he was O.K. with that. So, next time, my wife will get the attention she deserves. All-in-all, not the worst "first run".

06-22-2002, 05:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
incommunicado Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2002 Posts: 198 Location: Baltimore, MD	P.S. Just so no one gets the wrong idea from my last post... When I referred to just having a threesome with the guy next time... He is single. This was just two people who got together with us for sex, not a couple. Figured it was worth mentioning because I know how sensitive a subject this is.

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