Sorta like a blind date, isn't it?

[Bluebirds in San Jose]

Hi, all;

While we've been to a (now-closed) on-premise club in the past, we haven't played with other people: It's always been a watching/being watched situation for us. We're thinking about starting a 'soft swing' situation with a new couple.

Through one of the personals sites associated with Swingers Board (Thanks, Julie!), we're in the process of arranging to meet with another couple for introductions over coffee. And even if things don't 'click' right away between us, we get the feeling from their e-mails that they seem like great people, and a non-swinging friendship wouldn't be a bad thing either.

We've got nervous jitters about 'Just Meeting for coffee' with them. It's not the nervousness from a bad or dangerous situation. Rather, it's like going on a blind date, or some sort of high-school excitable awkwardness.

So our question to y'all: Is this silly nervousness normal for Adults approaching middle-age? Even in a non-sexual 'just meet for coffee' situation? If it is, how do *you* handle it? If it isn't, then what should *we* do?

Thanks!

J&J, the SJBluebirds

[OhioCouple]

We have found that we still experience the jitters sometimes even though we have met quite a few people. Nothing though compares to the 'first' time. Everything you are feeling is quite normal.

The best advice I can give you is to go as relaxed as you can (I know, easier said than done) and plan to talk about the things that you have been chatting about all along. It sounds as though you have quite a few things in common that will ease you into conversation. After the first ten minutes or so, you'll forget about how silly you felt before meeting them in person and will be totally at ease with them. Remember you are just meeting them for coffee, nothing more.

Let us know how it works out for you!

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

I'd say definately. I know I still get nervous whenever we are about to meet someone new for the first time.

[Brit_Pair]

We’d say that the sort of nerves you’re experiencing are entirely normal.

What you’re about to do is kind of like a blind date. You know a little more through communicating via emails and messengers etc., but that first meeting in the flesh will probably always get your heart beating a little faster. After all, you’re pinning secret colours to your mast, and you’re never quite sure how that’s going to be reciprocated.

We had to meet a few couples before we found the people we first took the plunge into soft-swinging with, and on each of those meetings, we were definitely nervous. It goes with the territory, unless you’re a supremely confident person. How do you handle it? Just try to relax. Remember why it is you’ve arranged this meeting, try and enjoy the company of fresh faces, and think about the exciting possibilities that may follow if you really click.

[ciscosv]

Anxiety is a normal thing. Just think of it as making new friends. My wife and I still get the nervous feeling.

On another note....avoid the double espresso. You might not want to get your heart rate up there too high.

Have fun.

[sexypairca]

I would say that we get nervous, the excited kind of jitters . I think that is a natural reaction, don't discount the possibility that they are probably feeling the same way. Once the initial "Hi I am..." is over the jitters tend to subside.

Annette

[bimrdcpl]

Totally agree, We get the jitters in any adventure we take and it involves meeting new people. You just never know how your going to react to someone and I think thats why we do it...(hubby and I) mostly me....You dont know if your going to get the same feelings as you do talking over the internet, and what do you do if things dont click? how do you say politely that your not intrested? And then what if you do click how fast do you want to move with this couple? It is all totally normal to have the highschool jitters when doing this. In my opinion I think it adds to the whole charm of swinging. Get those old feelings going again. Adding excitement to our lives.

[BradAndJanet]

Originally posted by bimrdcpl
...In my opinion I think it adds to the whole charm of swinging. Get those old feelings going again. Adding excitement to our lives.

That's part of the fun for me too. Thinking about how to attract members of the opposite sex has me invigorated, energized...and terrified. Except for J, I haven't had to woo any women for the last 20 years. I sure hope I remember how

Bluebirds, I think we're all nervous to some degree or other, whenever we meet new people. I have to do it for a living, and the only thing I can tell you is that it gets easier with practice. But, there are still the little butterflies and those are just business meetings, not sexually charged rendezvous'.

-B

[Handyman69]

We are right there with everyone. Nerves, excitement..who knows why.. We just try to be ourselves and let the conversation fall into place. Got to say it has been fun and we enjoy the meeting of new people.

Rhonda

[Bluebirds in San Jose]

OK; since some of you asked we report how it went.....

It really is like a blind date. This one happened to be one of those amazing 'golden moments', where everything works out damn near perfectly. We met for coffee on Saturday night. We ended up talking for over 3 1/2 hours, and left only because the coffee shop had to close up.

None of us really noticed the time going by; we all hit it off really well -- better, in fact, than any of us had expected.

And it was only for coffee. We'll figure out when and where we play *next time* we get together.

We're still amazed at how well things went.

Please don't ask for much more information; we've decided not to 'kiss and tell'. Suffice it to say that we expect soon all of us will be very happy people.

-J and J, SJBluebirds

[DragonsLair]

Congratulations. Glad your meeting turned out so well. I'm sure you'll have a great time the next time you get together.

Have fun.

DragonsLair

He is T. I am A.

[OhioCouple]

Isn't it great when things go so well? Those first time meetings I do believe cause 'us' to over fret! (Based on our experiences.) For the most part the psychological fears make us antsy, when in reality, there is no need to. (I'll try to remember that I said this...next time we meet someone new.... )

I'm glad it worked out so well for you!

Lori

[BradAndJanet]

Super wonderful! Ya don't need to tell us more, 'cause we get the picture We're hoping you have many fun times!

-B