Are they TOO experienced for us?

[bonnie_clyde89]

HI all!!
I am pretty new around here, although I have been lurking for alittle while!! Actually this is my 1st post.
Ok, I need help and need it bad!
Since I am new a little background-
Hubby & I are new to swinging you can say--
we have only had 3 experiences but have had them over a peroid of like 5 years-- I know sshhheezz. They were in order as follows-- FFM w/fbi ,MMF w/o mbi, MFMF w/o any bi. All no intercourse.
Ok here is the situation---
Hubby & I have met a couple online (not here) and are meeting for the 1st time on Sunday. We have had some major dicussions w/ them and are in pretty much agreement if all goes well at dinner-- then YAHOO!!
Ok they are much more experienced then us. I mean much more. Starters, they are not married and both began thier lifestyle perference before meeting each other. I am not really sure if they are a couple in the *traditonal* sense, meaning their is no love, jealousy, trust, comimentment stuff going on between them as with us, (not to say we are not secure).
They are also much more advanced then us, he labels her as *professional* swinger (Not professional working girl) and himself as *meduim* (he has had 4/5 couple experinces w/ her and dozens w/out) we labels ourselves as *rookies*. None of this bothers me per say, in alot of ways its really erotic but i am getting performance anxiety. Especailly when it comes to F/F activities.
I am total 100% agreement for F/F activities and it is a must for her, but I REALLY want to be able to *please* her. From what he says I am in good hands and will be very pleased! I mean ok, I know what I like, but will I know how to do what I like? Will she like what I like?
Also as with her *pro* experince she has a strapon and not just any strapon, a high powered machine actually from what i have heard. Now again I am in 100% agreement with strapon actitvies, actually looking really forward to it , but again, i feel anxiety.
I have never been there or done that before lol. What do I do!! I am assuming she will be the 1st to introduce the strapon-- any protocol I should know about? Are they are limiatations to strapon activities? Is it similar to traditonal sex? What does it feel like?
She is also very anxious to have someone take her toy for a ride, from what i understand she is usually on the giving end. Now this really gets me going, but again, I am really completely lost. How do you move to make it feel right? are they techinques? How will I know if it is too deep? How will I know if I am doing to right?
I am also alittle nervous about my performance w/ him. Like I said she is a *pro* and even in privacy of own home w/ hubby I am not a *pro*. Our last couple experince my nerves got the best of me and I caved under pressure. Not all was lost, but I know he would have enjoyed himself more if I was a bit less nervous. He was nice and guided me but you could tell he would of rather not had to. I do not want this to happen again. I would like to make his time as fun as ours. Any suggestions ladies? Specifically men-- he knows I need some time to get warmed up and loose my inhibitions but what else can I do/say to make sure he understands and most importantly he knows I want help when I stumble?
Ok one more issue, then I will give you back to your life-- lol
My weight . Ok I know we dont live in a perfect world and all have perfect bodies but I also know I have allowed myself to gain a few pounds where most girls needs it least (belly & butt). We sent them pics-- *G* rated--kinda old but still us just a little lighter as well as I told him I could stand to lose a few pounds. They both know that and are still meeting us!! They are not perfect looking but still very attractive. Now I know everybody has their perferences but when swinging-- does a little extra weight make that much difference?
Ok folks I have written enough for a week or two. LOL
I just wanna say I am *REALLY* going to appreaciate any advice---

Thanks
Bonnie

[themorethebette]

Just go with the flow, and have fun, and please dont worry, I'm sure you will do just fine

[OhioCouple]

Hey Bonnie,

The very first couple we ever played with I ran through every fear and scenario in my head. I was so consumed with many of the fears that you have right now. They were seasoned swingers, we were brand spanking new, zero experience. She was bi-sexual, I was curious, I too had a few extra pounds she was right on target. How would I look to them (even though we had exchanged G pics), would I look foolish, how would I feel about having sex with someone besides my husband...IN FRONT OF HIM , well you get the idea.

I will have to assume that you have had quite a bit of contact with them and know some basics or have a good feeling for their personalities. You are meeting them for dinner right?

First off RELAXE and go with the flow as themorethebette said. They know that you are new. Make sure that your dinner is a leisurely one allowing you time to relaxe and get to know each other. A face to face meeting can be a tell all. People can pull off any personality in the anonimity of the internet but sometimes do not resemble anything of the sort in person. Be sure to set your rules and boundries with your husband before you go. If you get uncomfortable and don't feel that you click, DO NOT go ahead and proceed for the sake of doing so. Have some sort of signal preset with your husband that will tell each other without words if your comfort level is there. For us we use something as subtle as just rubbing each others back. If one of us does that, it means that it is a no go. They are none the wiser as it appears to be a loving gesture and we both know how to proceed from there in conversation towards ending the night.

Now back to their experience vs. yours. If you find that you are all comfortable proceeding, I would have to assume based on their experience they are quite aware of first time fears and will probably go out of their way to proceed slowly going with your comfort level. They are probably very intune with knowing how far to go based on your reactions. If at anytime you become uncomfortable you need to let them know. Don't worry about not having the knowledge of how to please them on a first meet. After all, the first time you made love with your husband did you KNOW exactly how to please him? Of course not. You learned during the process of it how to read pleasure and I am sure that he guided you into what he enjoyed and let you know what gave him more pleasure. This applies to FF also. With her being experienced she should let you know what feels good and should be guiding you too.

Try not to stress too much over this, (I know easier said than done) but the more relaxed that you are the easier it will be for you to judge whether or not you wish to proceed further in anything that you do.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out. By the way, welcome to the board.

Lori

[JustAskJulie]

You are worrying way too much and you haven't even met them yet. There is no need to even be worrying about the what if's of sexual situations at this point.

Go and meet them, get to know them and relax. Take things slow and let them come as they come. I think you are probably more worried because of their "pro" label, thinking that since they are experienced you need to be ready to jump into bed the minute you see them and that is not the case at all. I would hope that since they are experienced and they know that you are knew they will help to ease you into things (if it even gets to that point) and take things slow with you to allow you to experiment and play. Remember this is supposed to be fun and worrying too much only takes that fun away.

When it comes to sex you have to be able to laugh at it and yourself, especially when it comes to first times. I've played with strap-ons a few times and I'm still not used to it. It's just one of those things where you have to go at it with the idea of having fun and not try too hard to make it be sexy or real.

Slow down! Relax! and most of all HAVE FUN!

[RnKin Fla]

Julie and Lori are right, as usual.

I know it is easier said than done, but you really need to relax and not worry so much.

If you are this nervous, perhaps you should communicate this to the couple you are meeting, if you haven't already? I know you said you had informed them you were new, but it is almost as important that you communicate with them as it is that you communicate with your significant other.

As far as a strap-on, well that too requires communication before and during in order to make it successful.

My advice would be to just take it slow. And make sure that everyone else is willing to take things slow too.

It worries me that you said your husband would have rather not guided you in your last experience. He should be doubly concerned that you are comfortable and enjoying yourself. Not to say that he cannot have a good time, but this is supposed to be an activity that you do together, and he should not resent the fact that you need to ease into it.

Good luck! And remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to! Don't let anyone pressure you into anything, ok?

K

[bonnie_clyde89]

Well folks, I want to thank you all for the great advice!!
I have been trying to relax and put everything you have said into perspective.
I am getting realy excited about our big day tommorrow! (although still a bit nervous)
Thanks again!!!!!!!!

[babydragon]

WOW and I thought the biggest worry at the start of any new connections, was the will they like us/ will we like them bit. I personally found that meet and greet with the no play (not on the first night anyway) is a really good thing.
You might find that you click well with the other couple but what about if they dont click ot your other half doesn't click?? As everyone keeps saying, discuss signals prior to anything.

[RnKin Fla]

I am dying to know how everything went! Do tell!

Did you like them? Did your fears prove to be groundless? I sure hope so.

But if not, remember, we are hear to lend a sympathetic ear!

K

[JustAskJulie]

Yes, please do fill us in on how it went last night.

[bonnie_clyde89]

Well folks,
I hate to inform you that we had a cancelation.
So nothing happened!!
Well hopefull I learned I valuable lesson,
why get that worked up when it all might fall through!! LOL
Thanks for all the great advice, it helped calm me down and allowed the excited of all the possibilites take over, even though we were canceled on.

Thanks again!!
I'll keep ya updated when/if something happens!

The Bonnie 1/2--

[RnKin Fla]

Ahhhh man! Talk about your anti-climax!

Well, I am sorry they had to cancel. Better luck next time!

[babydragon]

Maybe just maybe it's a good thing it was cancelled, you now have more time to gather your thoughts. I know there are no hard fast rules for swinging, but I believe in never playing the first time you meet. I prefer the idea of comming away after a general meet and greet and being able to discuss it though with the other half. Too many couple have fallen foul of the "I thought it was alright".

I know it can be a problem sometimes if the couples live a fair distance away from each other, but if both couples are interested enough and happy then a bit of travel wont matter.

Anyway good luck in your search and make sure that is always fun and dont let it become a chore

Ona side note I have found the build up is almost as exciting as the actual act.