Do you have cyber/phone sex with potential swing partners?

[Mrs. Truelove]

I don't think I could see myself doing that with someone that I didn't know very well. If for some reason Mr. Truelove and I were very far way from each other for a long period of time I could see myself doing that with him.

[Mr. Truelove]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Truelove

. If for some reason Mr. Truelove and I were very far way from each other for a long period of time I could see myself doing that with him.

Oooh! Sounds fun. Maybe I can convince her that our side by side computers are a "very far away" from one another.

[ohash01]

Mr. and I have been talking/seriously flirting with another couple online. I have ZERO problems getting into some hot and heavy "what do you want to do with me?" kind of things while typing, but when it comes to actually vocalizing...I have major issues.

I can hardly even tell Mr. what I like/dislike. I mean - I CAN...but it's hard. And when I hear it reverberating in my head it just sounds SO STUPID. Talking dirty is totally out of the question. I do a lot of incoherent mumbling and moaning...but I've never been good at outright SAYING something dirty. Mr., on the other hand, is VERY good at it. I don't know where he gets it, but I want some...

[avid]

Originally Posted by ohash01

... when it comes to actually vocalizing...I have major issues.

I can hardly even tell Mr. what I like/dislike. I mean - I CAN...but it's hard. And when I hear it reverberating in my head it just sounds SO STUPID. Talking dirty is totally out of the question. I do a lot of incoherent mumbling and moaning...but I've never been good at outright SAYING something dirty.

Oh, I so agree!

I've had a lot of growth in this area recently, because my lover is SO vocal. He's also really good at getting in my head and knowing what I want. He really encourages me to talk, and sometimes even puts word "in my mouth", so to speak, so that I get more confident in saying what I want.

[ohash01]

I hear that. My man has gotten the idea that if he vocalizes what he wants to hear me say, I'll gladly agree. And sometimes I can be like a parrot and repeat what he said because "hey...it didn't sound so silly when he said it".

[She_n_Jaybee]

Just a head's up to all those new at the whole chatting thing: Don't believe anything, without a lot of proof. When you're chatting with someone, question everything. Not necessarily to the person, but watch what they say and how they say it. I'd happily bet my next paycheck that the "woman" you were chatting with, telling you how her "husband" liked to etc. was in fact, the man. Either he is single, or he is playing online behind his wife's back. The "couple" (if they are one), aren't swingers, it's simply a man looking for masturbation fodder. There is a slight possibility, it's something worse, and he will end up becoming a stalker, but most likely he's just an internet "one-hander".

Never give out enough information online to identify or locate you. Many years ago, I was chatting with a "Peach" followed by some number. I asked if she was from Georgia, and found out Peach was her last name. I pulled out the phone book using the little I knew and found her husbands name, their address and phone number in just a minute or two. We were chatting privately, so I asked: "So, you live at ...?". She was dumbfounded. So I told her how I had found out and why it was a bad idea. Otherwise she was likely to find some stranger on her doorstep.

Before giving out your info, it's actually safer to meet in person. Public place, well lighted, plenty of people around. If only the man from the "couple" shows up, call it off, send him packing and make certain he doesn't follow you to your car or home. If everything is on the up and up, then you can give out more info and go on to the next step. Also, never agree to meet just one of the couple (99% will be just the man), unless you've decided to help that part of the couple cheat.

When it comes to the internet, a little bit of paranoia isn't enough.

[Mike and Jan]

I'm not much for either. Now I do enjoy long and explicit email exchanges though.

The third time my wife and I were with another couple, my wife got a call from the man and they had phone sex. She told me about it when I got home from work. It was after we'd met but before we'd had sex with them. I guess I could jot down that experience and post it on the story section, couldn't I?

She told me she actually had an orgasm while on the phone.

I think that phone call really helped her to relax and enjoy our sexual date with him the next weekend. So, using it to get acquainted 'sexually' might be a real plus with new couples.

I'd kill to have a recording of that call now. And, I'd love to have my wife using a speaker phone while having phone sex with someone else while I was attending to her body.

[telly2]

why can people not read profiles right, ours is for couples only,and local, as we can really travel as we have young kids, and we keep hearing from single men out of town and basically wanting to cyber or webcam. One was so forward that we had to block him on the second convo because he wanted to play on cam with our kids running around the house. and wouldn't take NO as an answer.

How do others deal with these rude pushy people?? i hate to have to block whaelse can you do??

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by telly2

How do others deal with these rude pushy people?? i hate to have to block whaelse can you do??

That's what blocking is for. Use it in these cases and don't let those pushy people get to you.

If after telling them once they don't get your message. Block them and be done with them.

Regarding the opening post and questions:

We never do chat with anyone until we have developed a strong relationship with a couple and have met with and played with them a number of times. Even then, chat and IM isn't our thing. They know this, we let them know this from the start, and we communicate through e-mail.

I would be very wary of anyone who wants cyber-sex up front. I've done it a couple times with our long-standing couples. But it isn't my thing. When it has happened it just felt right at the time and was never planned. But then, I already had a very good relationship developed with the man and I knew, for sure, that his wife was okay with it.

For all the reasons others have mentioned, cyber-sex is just too risky when you don't know who you're dealing with. If you are comfortable with that, it's fine, but you aren't and I think it was good to tell this person you aren't interested. My guess is that they (or he if it's only him) will shut down communicating with you and not even want to meet since you've not given him what he wants. Consider yourselves fortunate if you learn this about him early on.

LM

[RW0958]

My experiences (as a male) is that I've had phone sex a few times with different women over the years. Twice I initiated and once was when the woman initiated. I'd have to say that it's not my cup of tea. I'd rather meet up for real sex. I don't find phone sex satisfying or personal enough. I would think most women would definitely tell you the same thing based on conversations I've had with several. As far as your question about whether they'd want to meet up with you after phone sex.... I doubt it.... Most swingers don't want artificial sex. :-) Good luck!!

[havefuninsun]

I think both are fun in the right context -- if one of us are traveling, we truly enjoy getting each other off over the phone or by chat ... I find it hot as hell. And I have no problem with chats with potential play partners, either ... except it's hard to keep two hands on the keyboard.

It's all fun and games.

[m41f45]

Originally Posted by DBL D

Fem D I mean why would any of us be swingers if our SO was enough for us?

My SO is plenty enough for me. We swing for the fun, the excitement and meeting new people. I couldn't imagine turning to swinging if my SO was not enough for me. Hey...you I can't please my man properly, but I'll sit here and watch you fuck him instead? No way Jose. That sounds like more of a maritial/relationship problem solved with talking/therapy than turning to swinging. But that's just my opinion.

B