How long is reasonable for "getting to know you" phase?

[Pepper & Drew]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

I know the answers to this question will be as varied as there are individuals to answer it...but still, I'd like to hear everyone's own personal barometer on this one....

You've met a couple that you're both attracted to and interested in. They've seemed very flirty, friendly and interested in you since you first met them in the club, months ago. You've talked several times at the club, danced with them, emailed off and on. Then, you connect and meet them for a "date" - then another "date". Along the way, you learn they're a "friends first" couple. More emailing ensues, with lots of innuendo and downright "I want you" comments. During the time it takes for this to transpire, you learn that they're not nearly as active or experienced in the Lifestyle (sexually) as you would have thought, given the impressions you'd gotten from them since early on, and the level of their attendance and socializing at Lifestyle functions.

You're "dating" them, they're nice, there's definitely a personality/attaction connection, but you have no idea when, or if, things will actually pan out. At what point do you wonder if they're just the playful, teasing type? Also known as, the hanging-around-the-fringes type of couple? How long are you patient (or are you) with the heavy flirting, innuendo and dating? How do you take it to the next level?

Personal experiences/stories along this line appreciated, too.

Oh criminy!

We're somewhere in between 'hi, wanna fuck?' and 'let's be bff's before hooking up', but months of the flirty-flirty would tell me one of 2 things: 1. they're interested, but not THAT interested or 2. they're just excited by the idea of swinging, but aren't actually swingers.

We'd be friendly at the parties, might even hang out, but I think we'd take a pass on this one.

Pepper

[Tybee Swing]

To all: Thank you for all the great responses! We really appreciate each answer!

Originally Posted by biblonde

As for how to take it to the next level...I'm pretty aggresive in that one in which I am willing to make the first move. I am Bi so I usually will ask the lady (if I like her) if I can kiss her and well things heat up quickly after that!!

I'm with you! I did this at the end of both Date #1 and Date #2. It was very hot, and she was 100% receptive! The guys loved it, too.

Originally Posted by biblonde

You may want to talk to them and find out if they are okay with taking it further. Maybe since they have less experiance than you thought they may be waiting for you to make the first move.

The talk so far, especially via IMs from the lady after the dates, was very "I want you", and pointing in that direction, but nothing definitive or indicating when that might happen. I think you're right in that they (or at least she) is waiting for me to be the aggressor. I'm not a really aggressive person (I wish the aggression was at least equal) - and they aren't the type that like "pushy people" - though, neither are we. Next time we see them, we'll lay the question out on the table, and see where it goes.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

We always want to get to know people before jumping into bed with them, we want to feel sure there is a desired comfort level. And for us this doesn't take long.

We feel the same way. It's possible that we'll get to the sex on the first date, but usually it's better for us the second time we meet with them, if we only just met them for the first time.

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Only once have I not been the initiator out of the four of us...I usually have to back the guy up against a wall and tell him I'm interested and ask him if he feels the same about me. I've always received a "yes!" I then ask him if he feels his wife is interested in my husband. He says he can tell she is. And we go from there. The heat soon rises and within the hour we're off playing. LM

Excellent idea, about backing the guy against the wall, including asking him if his wife is interested in my husband. I can tell when the other guy is interested in me, but my husband is usually clueless whether the woman is interested in him, and he will never overtly "come on" to the woman. Sometimes I can tell that the woman is interested in him, though often in a coy sort of way. Most women seem much more vague about all this (which means her signals are under my husband's radar). His gentlemanliness might be under her "does he want me" radar, too. It sounds like to get us laid, I'm going to have to be "it" and push people into the wall. LOL

Thanks for your excellent tips!!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

House parties are great as you can hook up with a couple, party and not have to worry about the where and when of planning dates.

Interestingly, the next time we see them (probably - if not before) will be at a house party!! They've been going to this house party regularly for some time (part of the reason for my surprise when we learned about their lack of participation). It will be our first time at this house party. I have a pretty strong feeling that something hot will happen that night. If not, we'll know for sure they're just toying with it all, and we'll have other people there willing to play.

Originally Posted by Amanda69

I have had a few of the type of relationship originally described, "the dance" can go on a long time and the "moment" may never be right. It only takes one person to get the party started, why not be the one

Yep, it looks like I'm "it". I'd rather get pursued, but somebody's gotta do it!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by good times

This is all fine, friends are good too, but if you want to play with them someone needs to ask. That said, I have to admit, we are notoriously bad at this asking bit. Most of the time, people have to ask us, as we suck at making the first move.

Thanks for sharing, this is interesting! Do you know why you two have such a hard time making a first move? I'm really curious to hear more.

Originally Posted by good times

When meeting people online, we always meet with no expectations. The reason for this is that we know that the only way we will know if we are all compatable is to meet in person. We get emails from people all the time saying lets get together for sex this weekend. Our response is always "We would be more than happy to meet you this weekend to see if we all get along and are compatable, but we won't agree to have sex until after we have met". We usually never hear from these people again, which is fine with us. We are more than willing to have sex on the first date if we all get along, and usually do, but we aren't willing to commit to sex having never met in person.

Us, too. There's no way we're promising anything sexual until we see and talk to people face-to-face. People are much more multi-faceted in person than they are on a computer screen. In fact, what seemed good on screen, might seem icky in person - who knows? Meeting is a must for us before decision-time.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I guess Evil is a bad girl . I am not in this to date people. I don't have a lot of free time so I can't spend all that time and money 'dating' someone. If I am at a dance and we click...then it's on!!

I'm with ya! It reminds me of one of my favorite Blackeyed Peas songs - "spending all your money on me, and spending time on me"
"you've got me spinning..."

[good times]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Thanks for sharing, this is interesting! Do you know why you two have such a hard time making a first move? I'm really curious to hear more.

I don't really know, it just seems like neither one of us is good and figuring out when the time is right to pop the question. I guess this should come as no surprise, I was never very good at this when I was single either. A girl used to pretty much have to scream "take me!", in order for me to have sex with her, or even ask her out for a date, for that matter. If it wasn't for a bet I made with a coworker 21 years ago about who could get her in the sack first, I probably never would have asked Mrs. GT out, even though I thought she was the hottest women I had ever met.

Oh.....by the way, if you were wondering, I won $100.00 and ended up with a really great wife on that bet.

[WA_Cple]

We had a really bad experience with "dating"... we met a couple online and we exchanged emails and went out to dinner. Things went really well - they were very sexy, smart, and seemed to enjoy our company. Since we don't play at home (small children) we made a point to get together "soon". We ended up on our 2nd "date" at a meet and greet that is held prior to the start up time at a local club.

The Mrs. was hot and heavy into Mr WA (yahoo!) - making sexual innuendos, etc. We went to the club... and things started getting sort of strange (by the way both us and them are members of the club)... The "other" Mrs indicated that she was waiting for a single guy to turn up and told us how sexy, etc. he is... "groovy" I think... the more then merrier... Anyway single guy shows up and the "other" Mrs sort of follows him around all night trying to pin him down *ahem*

They finally get single guy in a corner and we are coming by and they say "We found single guy and now we can't find a room to play" Being ever so helpful that we are... we say oh we know where there's a free room... and we all saunter over... "other" Mrs starts entertaining single guy... my Mr and "other" Mr start entertaining me... and I'm like far out!! I proceed to get naked and having fun.

The next thing I know... my Mr is getting his clothes on and handing me mine and he says 'its time to go'... I'm like what the??!! but obey because thats the rules. Apparently while "other" Mr and I were entertaining each other... my Mr WA went over to "other' Mrs and began playing with her and she proceeded to clamp her legs shut tight and move away with haste from Mr WA... being the good man that he is... he knows when he's been told to fuck off.

Anyway... we get an email from them a week later saying that they don't like to rush things, they like slow and sensual sex, and blah blah blah about all these preferences that in no way was communicated during the first 2 dates that we had!!!

Thats why we don't "date" anymore... we are in it for the sex and if a couple isn't ready for sex then they aren't ready for us... we really only want fun without the drama!

PS - I don't blame the other couple exclusively... both hubby and I take responsibility in this as well... it just made us realize that the date thing isn't for us!

Mwa!

Mrs WA

[xxoticangel]

Not into the date thing either. Our lives are too busy and too restrictive to spend a lot of time checking to see if things click. When we agree to meet with someone it is with the understanding that, unless something unexpected happens, we will be having sex that night.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by good times

I don't really know, it just seems like neither one of us is good and figuring out when the time is right to pop the question. I guess this should come as no surprise, I was never very good at this when I was single either. A girl used to pretty much have to scream "take me!", in order for me to have sex with her, or even ask her out for a date, for that matter.

You sound a lot like my Mr. However, that's part of his charm, to me! There's something sexy and adorable about a man that's a little on the shy side - at least, until you get through.

It sounds like you won your bet and it paid off in spades.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by WA_Cple

The next thing I know... my Mr is getting his clothes on and handing me mine and he says 'its time to go'... I'm like what the??!! but obey because thats the rules. Apparently while "other" Mr and I were entertaining each other... my Mr WA went over to "other' Mrs and began playing with her and she proceeded to clamp her legs shut tight and move away with haste from Mr WA... being the good man that he is... he knows when he's been told to fuck off.

Anyway... we get an email from them a week later saying that they don't like to rush things, they like slow and sensual sex, and blah blah blah about all these preferences that in no way was communicated during the first 2 dates that we had!!!

Thanks so much for sharing your story! How confusing that must have been. Good lesson for the rest of us.

Are things working out much better now that you've changed your M.O.?

[Mr. Truelove]

Geez.. Everyone seems to want to hop in the sack really fast.

What are you? A bunch of sluts?

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by Mr. Truelove

Geez.. Everyone seems to want to hop in the sack really fast.

What are you? A bunch of sluts?

Well no actually we are quite picky but when we find what we seek we tend to approach with gusto!