can a marriage really survive swinging?

[Halflit]

My husband of 8 years recently told me that he has fantasy of mfm. I was totally shocked at first, he's always been jealous of other men just looking, now he wants to watch me with another man and join in on the fun. We've talked about this for awhile, watched the mfm porn and yeah the idea does turn me on. My problem is that he is the only man I've ever been with and I don't know if I would be comfortable with someone else. I guess what I would like to know is can a marriage really work after you take this step? Is it usually just a one time thing for most people or do you go on to full swinging? I don't want to sound like I'm totally against the mfm, and I like to talk about it with my husband, but would just like a little advice/feedback from anyone who has been in this situation.

[HornyCouple]

start slow and work your way into it. we have done several and they are great. we started by going to a bar and she would sit at the bar alone and get picked up. i would just watch from across the bar. she never left the bar with anybody but the flirting was heavy. this can kind of you and him a taste of how you both might react.
good luck

[BigDave]

The above is great advice. My guess is that your husband is turning his jealousy into something he can control in the form of fantasy. His jealous feelings are still there and he wants to manage them. Go slow. Think of his needs by going along according to his fantasy at first. The bar pickup is a cool idea because he can get a taste of what reality is when he sees it in person while you dance with another guy. Maybe the first dance, you just dance with no extra touching. After you get back home, if he wants more in the way of heavier flirting the next time, and more touching, go along but make sure he knows its his idea, and you're just going along. Part of the fantasy is that you get turned on but let that be the third time after he encourages you to do it. You're testing the waters to make sure he can handle seeing you being somewhat intimate and flirtatous with another guy.

If it seems that he is handling it well, then take it another step. Maybe not all the way, but a more intimate situation. A little skin. A little kissing. Next time, maybe a blowjob. IF he can handle it. Sometimes the reality isn't at all what the fantasy was.

NEVER allow the guy to bad talk your husband when he's not there. NEVER see the guy on the side. NEVER do anything behind your husband's back with another guy.

[BigDave]

Another thing. Try to find a guy who isn't a threat to your husband. Maybe a younger guy, who he knows can't steal you away when he's not looking. Remember Robert Redford and Woody Harelson?

[KYCpl]

Well, the wife and I only had 2 experiences, so we're not that experienced, but I will offer my advice. It was my idea to start and even my idea to start with a man. My wife was always, "Yeah, I think it could be fun". We started slow (kissing, fondling, etc). I was always ready to go balls-to-the-wall, but she went slower which was fine. We always knew how far we'd go before we started. The sight of her and another man was never really a problem. What the problem was what appeared to me was her new-found excitement of it. It caused some major insecurities to rise. However, we discussed the situations and worked through them. I wanted her to enjoy herself, but when she did, it seemed to me that she didn't want me anymore. At that point, I had to give myself completely to her and trust her more than I ever had. After a full swing happened, I was insecure for a few days. After that, I was fine.

Since you said your husband has been jealous before, I'd move extra slow. Start with him watching you kiss a man, then fondling, then maybe oral sex. If he's fine with each step, then move on to the next. I'd rather him be upset or insecure and stop at a blowjob then to have him freak at full-blown sex. We are not currently swinging, due to other circumstances, but we still flirt with others. I know, without a doubt, that no man could turn her away from me. I have swinging to thank for that. She's been screwed by another man, and she still wants me. How big of an ego trip is that?

Just tell your husband to think deeply about what's about to happen. ANother man is going to be pleasing you, and more than likely, you're going to be loving it. He has to be willing to accept that. Talk about it outside of the bedroom and a fantasy situation. Sorry for rambling, but I hope this helps.

Kycpl

[meandher2go]

HER had the same questions and thought on her first MFM. WE just found a guy who was more than willing to go slow with her and NOT go all the way the first time. then she went a little further the second time and so on and so on. now she loves them. but I had nmo problem with them at all from the beginning. it was all her. she still at times has a problem with stuff like that. she asks how could she do things like THAT, how could she enjoy sleeping with another guy?, how can I let her sleep with other guys etc...but it was important to her and i that we found a nice,normal,sane guy we BOTH agreed on.

we just keep talking about it and it really does make us closer. our marraige was tight before we started swinging, now its just better.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Halflit

I guess what I would like to know is can a marriage really work after you take this step?

Our first MFM threesome was over 21 years ago...so yes, a marriage can really work.

Is it usually just a one time thing for most people or do you go on to full swinging?

For some it is just a one time thing, for others it's the beginning to an incredible adventure that sometimes last years.

I don't want to sound like I'm totally against the mfm, and I like to talk about it with my husband, but would just like a little advice/feedback from anyone who has been in this situation.

Talking is the first step and one that should never come to an end. You will see time and time again that everyone stresses communication. Take the time to read over the board, it's full of information and will give you a sense of what swinging is all about.

Teresa

[sereneiders]

Halflit,

I agree with what was being told already.

The most important thing is to talk with eachother, expose your fears, and look for ways to prevent these fears to become true.

Every couple have a contract, with some explicit and implicit rules, and for this step to be safe, you both have to ensure no one of you will be breaking the contract. For this to happen, you'd start making explicit every untold rule, and then you'll have to enmend the contract to include the policies you'd both will have to stick to when adding another party to your bed.

As for us, when we starting discussing the swinging stuff, we also seek for advice, and the most important advice we got, at least for us, was to make this rule and stick to it: that if one of us dislike or feel hurt for something that happend, we wont do that again, and we will forget it, meaning that under any circunstance we would use it against the other to argue in a discussion.

Something like this should make the eventual experience an isolated trial where you both have to think it may become wrong, and set up the measures to deal with the eventual mistake, just once, and for good.

You have to commit with eachother that, even in the worst scenario, this won't lead to a rupture.

And just then, make an slow approach, as the ones proposed in the previous posts. Go step by step, and after every step take the time to talk about the experience and check it against the rules you made for yourselves. Correct the rules if needed, and pay attention to eachother's feelings.

Also, it is important to ensure any of you is able to call off the situation, and should this happen, that there will be no arguing to go on in the middle of the heat: the questions and explanations should take place later on, when you both are alone.

If you want to avoid feeling unconfortable by calling off, you may set up a private signal among yourselves, something like "if I scratch my chin, then something is wrong with me and WE BOTH call off". You both have to act monolitically, as if you were just only one person, and preserve the issues related to your relationship for yourselves.

At last, it is a matter of confidence on how much each one appreciate the relation, and how much each one will take care of the other.

[obxcouple]

we have dode it it was great once bad once

[GerdOEvert]

We tried MFM four times at places other than the club.

What happens at the club is one thing, private arrangements were another.

Each of the four was a Dud experience, from my perspective.

It did not seemt that anyone was really satisfied in the MFM, but I read all these posts where people say, "Oh, I loved it".

Just not what halppened with us.

Otto

[valley]

Halflit,I can understand your hesitancy,but if you do not enjoy the thought of another man having sex with you in front of your husband......and I mean seriously enjoy the thought,you may be making a mistake. If you do it only for your husband,you may not respect yourself later. So you need to like the idea and to tell him it turns you on.

If he can handle the fact that it is likely to be extremely good sex for you,you have a chance.You need to talk about all possibilities.You can not talk too much.

When or if it happens,and you are laying back after,purring from all the lovely things that happened with you and you are still moist from another mans sex,and your husband looks down at you and says softly" I love you.."...... you'll know you chose right.

[ItTakes3]

We've done MFM's several times and never had a bad experience yet. However, we always made a point of getting to know the man well before the event took place. In our opinion, if both of us like the person, it works out great, but neither of us is willing to "take one" for the team.

Recreational sex is like anything else you do for fun. If you like the people you are with, things usually turn out well. If not, even the favorite activity doesn't make up for the bad company.

[JoeB]

My wife and I enjoyed MFM for about five years. It stopped only because we were almost outed, by someone that was not part of this. We added another female for MFMF sometimes and did meet others a few times.
She loved it, as did I. There are things that 2 men can do for a woman that a single man can not do. It is worth the try!

[manx1962]

I love to help, but I am in the same boat. I am married and like to enjoy new experience but my wife does not like to talk about it. I do not want to go around her because I love her and want her to enjoy the new experience. Can some one help me how to go about it?

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by manx1962

I love to help, but I am in the same boat. I am married and like to enjoy new experience but my wife does not like to talk about it. I do not want to go around her because I love her and want her to enjoy the new experience. Can some one help me how to go about it?

manx1962, I'd suggest you to start another thread with your question as to drive the proper attention from the rest of the members.

Anyway, if she dislike to even talk about it... well, that's it.