Ladies, how do you like to be treated initially?

[disqreetcouple]

Male half posting here. How do you ladies like to be treated on a first meeting if you find the guy attractive? My personality, so I've been told, is aloof a lot of the time. I'm willing to be more aggressive if the situation dictates but of course I can't read minds

I don't really feel comfortable talking to my wife about this just for the simple fact that I have no problems complimenting her on a regular basis and I'm not really sure she can help me with this predicament. Maybe she can, who knows.

I tend to be straightforward with the lady and tell her that I'm kind of shy at first but warm up after some talking. I usually try to compliment the lady (if I truly find her attractive) on what I really do think is attractive about her. On a couple of occasions though, I've gotten tongue tied on what to say! I may like any part of her body and find it sexy but I just can't think of what to say! This may sound goofy but it's a reality for me lol. Part of me tells me not to say something if it doesn't seem to fit or if it sounds awkward in my head. I may be overanalyzing a bit though. Any recommendations are welcome. Even if you want to give me an example (I.E. eyes, lips, etc..), I would be grateful. Thank you!

[northindycpl]

What a very nice post. I think this is a great question. My compliments seem to sometimes get turned around, too.

To answer your question: I like it when a man compliments my outfit. But it has to be about me. For example, one of my favorite compliments from my husband was when I was walking down the stairs and he was waiting for me and said
"Wow, baby... you look way to good to waste on Church! I want to take you out!"

Now that was a good compliment, atleast in my opinion. I think telling a woman that you like her perfume, or you enjoy her smile. those always get me. I like it when someone chooses their adjectives carefully, and makes it something heartfelt. Like,

" I really enjoy your smile. It always brightens my day"

"I look forward to the smell of your perfume. It really gets me excited"

"I am impressed with your ability to find a good time where ever you go."

Things like that. I like those kind of things.

I think you should talk it over with your wife though. She can help you along much more than you think. I have noticed that Mr. Indy and I feed off of each other sometimes.

Good luck!

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by disqreetcouple

My personality, so I've been told, is aloof a lot of the time. I'm willing to be more aggressive if the situation dictates but of course I can't read minds

Is "aggressive" what you really mean, or do you mean more talkative?

When I think of an aloof person, I think of someone who doesn't say much and gives the impression that I'm not worth their time and, as a result, they won't engage me in conversation or only respond to my questions with a few words. If you're having difficulty coming up with things to say, then I'd think it's your comfort level with conversation - and getting one going - that needs work.

Your wife should be consulted. She'd probably have some tips for you.

I would suggest not focusing on giving out compliments right after meeting. I prefer someone spend some time getting to know me and talking with me a while before they compliment me. The compliment feels more genuine then. I also think the person giving the compliment finds it easier to be spontaneous in paying a compliment if they've taken time to get relaxed around a person.

Also, keep in mind that you compliment people not only by what you say, but by how you respond to them. If a man looks me in the eye with great interest, laughs at my stories, gives my upper arm a quick squeeze to emphasize a point, these are non-verbal compliments that I find very powerful and arousing.

LM

[NewTemptations]

Aggressive is probably not what you are looking for..... but by all means be a little bit assertive!

Take the time to walk up to the people you are interested in and say hello...introduce yourself. Doesnt always have to be a compliment to show you are interested

Like LM said....to me "aloof" means im not worth your time. If i get that impression from someone then im sure not gonna waste my time trying to express my interest in them.

On the other hand..."aggressive" is equally unattractive to me. Falling into that category would not only include the guys that feel the need to touch without permission (or even a hello first) as well as the handfull of guys out there that have the idea that starting up a conversation with me means to tell me something like "you look like you are woman enough to handle my giant dick"

Laura

[Rombi's Girl]

Perhaps, if words for a specific compliment don't easily come to your mind, try this:

For example, you find her lips sexy, say, "They're so kissible, so soft and sexy..." while taking the tip of your finger and gently touching her lower lip.

You like the way her blouse highlights her cleaveage. While looking into her eyes, try saying something like, "This is a great blouse." While touching her lower arm, or her hand with your hand.

If fancy words don't come, try to say something honest, yet simple. Using few words is fine if they sound sincere. IMO, you can't go wrong if you look into her eyes as you compliment her, instead of staring, say, at her cleavage. Also, a gentle, brief and polite body contact (ie: your hand on her hand or arm, not her ass) says more than words sometimes do.

Most women really like compliments on their shoes and/or their hair style. These of course don't apply if she is wearing tennis shoes and a pony tail. LOL But they do work.

I for one, need to add that compliments aren't always necessary. On a first meeting, I like to get the impression that the male half is actually listening to what I'm saying, and not just waiting to get into my pants. I like to be flirted with too.

Hope that any or all of these help you out on your next encounter.

Peace,
RG

[flassh]

Actually,"you look like you are woman enough to handle my giant dick"
would be a nice ice breaker if printed on your t-shirt...

[BiDrywallChick]

what a good question! for me... give a person specific compliment that shows you are paying attention. " your eyes are such an unusual and enchanting shade of gree" ect ect. I am not much for lots of compliments but dont bring BS either.

[graygo98]

This is something so basic that I am almost embarassed to put it out there... but it picks up on something I think is important that Rhombi girl said.

When you meet a woman... or vice versa.... listen, pay attention... be interested. Nothing is more flattering than someone who is actuallly listenting and making eye contact. Sad comment on our world but so many folks are so focussed n their gig and where they want things to go that they don't even pay attention when you are talking to them.. they are already framining their next bon mot. Then, as LM (I think) said, make contact... non-sexual contact, like an arm squeeze... can be really sexy.

This will probably be a lot more natural for you than trying to memorize a playlist of compliments. And natural is good... very good.

[BiDrywallChick]

Originally Posted by graygo98

When you meet a woman... or vice versa.... listen, pay attention... be interested. Nothing is more flattering than someone who is actuallly listenting and making eye contact. Sad comment on our world but so many folks are so focussed n their gig and where they want things to go that they don't even pay attention when you are talking to them.. they are already framining their next bon mot. Then, as LM (I think) said, make contact... non-sexual contact, like an arm squeeze... can be really sexy.

This will probably be a lot more natural for you than trying to memorize a playlist of compliments. And natural is good... very good.

thats what I was trying to say.. you put it soo much better.. Make it about the person... not too generic

[Atilla]

Just be yourself! I think if anything drives me crazy, it's someone pretending to be someone or something else. If words fail you, sit back and relax, she's not going to bite you (at least not yet ). Body language says alot to me as well but if it's the first meeting, I really don't expect much more than a friendly hello/goodbye hug. I'm sure once you become more comfortable with the situation then all the right words will come out.

BTW, I'm the same as you, I don't talk alot with people I'm just meeting until I become a bit more comfortable with them. I still have problems making eye contact with a couple that we've been with for a few months. And when he compliments me on how I look, I feel somewhat uncomfortable and usually reply with a thanks but quickly change the subject. So not all women need to be complimented. Yes, it's nice but its outside of my comfort zone.

[graygo98]

Something else you may want to think about... it might not just be because you are shy that you feel like you are out of your depth,

I like people. I talk to the people who pump my gas and the guys working in front of our house... receptionists, pretty much anyone I meet I talk to. In my job I meet hundreds of people a year... work the room in big cocktail receptions, you name it. No problem in strip clubs either, not shy one bit ....(back in those days when I still was a patron of the dance....)

The first time we met another couple, though, or went to a club, it was like I had lost my ability to speak. Its a different world ... the rules are simply not the same as in vanilla life. A lot of the gender roles are subtly .... or in many cases, not so subtly ... different. This can really put you off stride.... but it soon becomes much more natural to you as you learn to decipher the code. Just relax, enjoy and it will come.

[disqreetcouple]

Thank you all very much for the great advice!

I talked to my wife about this and she read this thread. She agrees that I need to be more assertive (Bad choice of words on my part in regards to aggressive). And I'm sorry if I came across as wanting canned responses. That is how she read it. I'm looking more for examples. I don't plan on using any of these lines in the thread but rather learn from them. For example, I really didn't think about the shoes. I really don't look at women's shoes all that often. You are right though. My wife loves shoes and loves to be noticed in different shoes.

One other thing. I don't and won't just use a canned compliment to act like I'm interested. That is bad for all parties involved. I was looking more for ideas when I am interested. Sometimes my thoughts just get twisted on what to say lol.

The main thing I learned is the body language part. You are absolutely right. I think once I become more comfortable in the lifestyle in general, I will feel more natural on what to say, do, behave, etc...

To the previous poster. That is kind of the case with me. But for the most part when it comes to social gatherings in general, I mainly observe and do come across as aloof. I may be very interested in whatever anyone has to say, but will not appear that way. I definitely am going to work on this part, especially after reading the ladies responses in here regarding how you don't feel the guy is interested at all and not worth your time. I feel this is the most important part because there are times when I'm not interested at all in a sexual way and would rather come across as aloof.

Thanks again for for your opinions

[playfulnreno]

This is a topic that we all can use.....(Female here) I to have this problem but from a different stand point. I am somewhat aloof because the Mr. is ALWAYS telling me I did or said something wrong, so I have become very self conscience about my actions. I get lots of compliments from couples but have a difficult time responding because I'm concerned I'll say or do the wrong thing.

I've also notice that even in the lifestyle - we seem to have lost the fine art of flirting. We seem to go from 0 to 60 without taking the time to really flirt and build things up. This is a little disappointing to me. Just my opinion. This is a lifestyle which encourages one to continually review and improve themselves I think. Which is a wonderful thing.

[northindycpl]

Originally Posted by playfulnreno

I've also notice that even in the lifestyle - we seem to have lost the fine art of flirting. We seem to go from 0 to 60 without taking the time to really flirt and build things up. This is a little disappointing to me.

I would tend to agree with you a bit, too. I just told Mr. Indy on Saturday, that getting there is almost more fun to me than being there.

It seems the only places that I feel really comfortable with flirting with other men are at the club or maybe the strip bar. It's often rare that I get the opportunity to really flirt, and again working up to it is so much fun.

It seems in highschool/college we were so good at flirting and carrying on, and I think allof us were. Maybe it is the sexual openess of the lifestyle now. Sometimes I feel like there is a unspoken rule that indicates swingers are a sure thing... why work for it.

[BiDrywallChick]

Originally Posted by northindycpl

It seems in highschool/college we were so good at flirting and carrying on, and I think allof us were. Maybe it is the sexual openess of the lifestyle now. Sometimes I feel like there is a unspoken rule that indicates swingers are a sure thing... why work for it.

that is one of the things that kinda makes me sad.. that more often than not we ( general statement) have forgotten the basic things that fuel relationships of any kind.. We have forgotten how to flirt.. how to have sensually focused not sexually focused conversations. I think we sell ourselves short ( esspecially as swingers) when we forget those things. Working toward a good thing makes getting it all the more pleasurable