Once she makes the decision to swing, how fast will she proceed?

[HotMoCpl]

Okay here's the deal. I'm only going as fast as my wife will go and we're stating out with baby steps....her baby steps. When she makes a decision, what are the odds that she will want to go all the way with another couple even faster?

I understand that there variables here. So here they are: she's the skeptible one; picky about men; does consider what I see in a woman. It is these reasons that I prefer she be the leader. I know I've done so much for her over the years and have been the leader in our family, but this is one thing where I depend on her. She's good at reading people and we both know it. Hell, I've even learned to shut my mouth when she's driving! She's the boss.

Let me know what you ladies, well, guys too, think.

Cheers.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by HotMoCpl

Okay here's the deal. I'm only going as fast as my wife will go and we're stating out with baby steps....her baby steps. When she makes a decision, what are the odds that she will want to go all the way with another couple even faster?

When we started, Mrs Spoomonkey was the one "lagging" behind. But we definitely went at her pace. I was eager and excited, but more than willing to "limp" along forever, if she never wanted to "speed up".

First time with a couple? She totally took the lead and jumped way out in front of me. I was sort of stunned, sitting on the couch and left in her dust...

We've had that with "newbies" that we've played with before as well; the wife completely surprises the husband by going from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds (and two drinks).

But - you are right - there are variables here - and really, she may never make that leap. She may stay unsure and hesitant - but allowing her to go at her pace - and letting her build her trust in you (that you won't push or force) is the right thing to do. Without that trust, she isn't going to move at all.

Since she's the boss, she'll know when it's time

Spoomonkey

[Vespertine]

I was the one that presented my husband with the idea of swinging, but like you, HotMoCpl- he is the 'leader' in our family.

With swinging, however... he prefers me to take the lead. He will not initiate contact with anyone or make plans for any swing related activities. It's not that swinging isn't of interest to him, I know he more than enjoys himself, but I think it's a self-preservation thing. He likes being the accomplice not the perpetrator.

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

First time with a couple? She totally took the lead and jumped way out in front of me. I was sort of stunned, sitting on the couch and left in her dust...

Us too! The look on Mr D2S' face was priceless!

[willygoat1]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

He likes being the accomplice not the perpetrator.

Yeah, but he still will not share the TV!!!

[cpl4playmass]

Well, I too had that "dear in the headlights" look as my GF went from 0-100 one night at a hotel party. I don't think she left one man standing!!!! LOL She still leads us, although she's much more adventurous and physical, and I am the slower one now.

[SexhoundDog]

HotMO,
I think you're probably going about it the right way. About all you can do is assure her that you're very open minded, have fantasy thoughts of your own about her sexual satisfaction, (with some definite kinkyness at times) and when the opportunity presents itself for any discussion, tread lightly.

Then you just hope you get lucky like Mr. Denver2some and your wife ends up commenting (to quote Mrs. Denver):

"Us too! The look on Mr D2S' face was priceless"

[SexhoundDog]

Or I guess I meant to alter the quote to say "The look on Mr. HotMoCpl's face was priceless."

Aw hell, you all knew that!

[Candy&Cane]

Originally Posted by HotMoCpl

She's good at reading people and we both know it. Hell, I've even learned to shut my mouth when she's driving! She's the boss.

Same here... 'the reading people' that is. I'm perfectly secure about how she handles it... she's right 99% of the time anyway :rollseyes . She's always been the communicator, and has had more sexual experience.. We do slow steps too, but together.. she'll slow me down, but also herself.. Were not 'full' swingers yet.. but every step was a great one.. very happy its going the way it does..

I trust her with this.. but then again, I'd trust her with my life

[CowboyBob]

Originally Posted by HotMoCpl

Okay here's the deal. I'm only going as fast as my wife will go and we're stating out with baby steps....her baby steps. When she makes a decision, what are the odds that she will want to go all the way with another couple even faster?

Let me know what you ladies, well, guys too, think.

Cheers.

I'd say the odds are she'll move faster when she's certain you know what the boundaries are and that you'll respect them, so she'll feel safer in pushing those boundaries.

If you don't show that you respect the boundaries, she'll pull back. Kind of like a dog on a leash. And not in a good way.

[northindycpl]

Yes.. it is true. Always expect the unexpected. Go at the pace that is acceptable to the most timid of partners.

With good communication and experiences, you will both be moving along together before no time.

[WesternSwing]

My wife was the one who jumped into the lifestyle with both feet. I was kind of baffled since I am the one with a pretty experienced sexual past, and she was much more reserved. So we ended-up taking it at my pace rather than hers.

What's the chances of her really getting into it once you're there? I'd say pretty good. But she may never get into it either. Just be prepared for that. Just take it slow and let it happen. Go out with couples and to clubs and let nature take it's course. I think you'll be surprised.

Mr. WS

[EvilMJ]

Yeah, I jumped right in and dragged hubby along with a goofy smile on his face the whole way...he still "blames" me, however I have not heard any complaining on his part!!

Commuication is the key....I say that a lot....she will feel better if she feels like you are comfortable with her needs and desires, and that what you are doing is really okay. How many times have I asked hubby..."are you sure....I mean really sure this is what you want, because if it isn't we don't have to do this."

Going slow is a good thing, less chance of misunderstandings between you.

It sounds like you know your wife pretty well, trust to be the person you know her to be and things will progress on their own. Just don't forget to offer up your opinon so she does not feel like she has to make all the decisions on her own.

Good luck

[playfulfriends]

I too am one of the ladies that started the fire about swinging.... Surprised my husband big time!! I think he has to pinch from time to time.
He is a pleaser, more quiet, reads people first then look out...kinda like taking notes and knowing what he can get by with.
I do most the emailing and replying while he makes his comments and on likes and dislikes etc..
I have said the same thing to my hubby as evilmj has in the past. We don't have to do this and I will be forever happy just the same.

Communication is the key to the success in this and understanding what each person is looking to get out of the experience. Respecting each other.

[playfulfriends]

opps pinch himself... can't type.
sorry about that..