Ladies, what were the major issues you had to overcome, in order to swing?

[RMRx2]

I've noticed a conciderable amount of discussion regarding threesomes, specifically MFM's, of late. It does seem for many the entry activity, if not the activity of choice.

There have been several recent threads about the subject asking for help to encourage SO's along that line, and even a few threads asking for help with an existing situation.

A question for the ladies to respond to if you will, please; What, if anything, was the major feelings or issues to overcome? Have you overcome them, or are they still of issue at sometimes?, all the times?

Was it feeling as though you were "cheating"? fidelity issues?

Was it feeling quilty, that it was just not right? societal/spiritual/religion issues?

Was it feelings that stemmed from primal indulgence? a feeling of being selfish and all the attention focused your way?

or maybe concern over how your husband/so would respect and view you later?

or perhaps a combination, or something totally different not mentioned here.

and I am also curious, have you been able to talk with your SO as openly and freely about those feelings as you would have liked.

rmrx2's

[Vespertine]

Well, answering for this Lady only (me ), I haven't had anything to overcome...

I was the one who presented the idea to my husband after someone planted the thought it my head.

[Miss_Piggy]

The only thing that I've noticed in an MFM situation is that I haven't been able to get over a slightly overwhelming feeling that I am now charged with the task of satisfying two men. Unlike in an FMF situation, where the single man seems to naturally become the centre of everyone's attention, in an MFM threesome it's been my experience that the woman does not naturally become the center of everyone's attention. I suppose it's not necessarily a strictly *bad* thing... but something to consider.

[Vespertine]

You know Miss Piggy, after viewing your post I realized I feel the same way about MFM's. I don't enjoy them as much as FMF's and for the very reason you mentioned. It's not as easy-flowing as a one-on-one situation or a FMF.

[BradAndJanet]

Interesting insight, ladies. I hadn't considered that a woman might feel that way. For us the purpose of an MFM is to make her the center of the universe for a while. I like it that way...

-B

[RMRx2]

okay, in our situations, mfm's seeemd to flow pretty good, but then I am not one to sit back and watch,,,,,,,,,,,,

but what I am talking about and want to hear from are the women who have had to overcome religous, societal, or upbringing issues,,,,,those that thier SO's had to reassure, and nudge into it,,,,,,maybe too, from some of those who still have issue and therefore still do not want to play

I left out one other possible issue,,,,,,has the issue been that while the lady enjoys it, she increasingly feels pressure to reciprocate with a fmf and can't even imagine sharing hubby with someone else?

thanks for the replys so far,,,,,,and to those who can let themselves enjoy what the lifestyle has to offer

rmrx2

[Brynna]

Originally Posted by Vespertine

Well, answering for this Lady only (me ), I haven't had anything to overcome...

I was the one who presented the idea to my husband after someone planted the thought it my head.

So help me out here please. I am trying to present this to my husband and maybe I am being too subtle but I am not getting anywhere. I am interested in a FMF threesome to start and also plain old watching/being watched with couples. I dont yet know whether I am interested in a full swap and I dont think Im interested in MFM just because I am not. Ive seen a lot of posts from men wanting to know how to get their ladies to try it but what about when the wife initiates? I dont want him to feel hit over the head with it, and I dont want him to feel it is about boredom or dissatisfaction. I know he has had a 3some with two women a long time ago that he says was awesome even though he couldnt get the women to play with each other. Any ideas from anyone on this?

[RMRx2]

and I dont think Im interested in MFM just because I am not. Ive seen a lot of posts from men wanting to know how to get their ladies to try it but what about when the wife initiates?

okay, now for the answers to my questions!, Why do you not want to try a MFM,,,,what would be or are your issues with it,,,so many of us men want to know,,really

and as for talking to your man, I understand it is a hard thing to broach, for either partner, the subject of multiple partners and/or the lifestyle. But what I maintain is that these are subjects that two people in love SHOULD be able to discuss,,,act on it or not. That is why I believe this board to be such a great place and the subject to be fabulous for a cpl to discuss. If they aren't discussing thier desires, fantasy's, and sexuality, then they are missing a big part of what makes us all human and leaving it out of thier relationship, usually for fear of hurting or disappointing one another. Sometimes we need to go back to the way it was in the begining, when we first met. You know, before so much was at stake and we talked to each other so openly.

conquer fear, share and embrace one another

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Brynna

So help me out here please. I am trying to present this to my husband and maybe I am being too subtle but I am not getting anywhere. I am interested in a FMF threesome to start and also plain old watching/being watched with couples.

I had a new friend who confessed that she was interested in me. I explained to her that I was also interested, but couldn't do anything without my husband. She confessed that she was hot for hubby too.

I went home, told husband what we talked about. He didn't believe it was true, but was interested. He still didn't believe it was true even when he was in bed with the two of us.

I'd suggest a FMF to your husband first. If that's received well and you have success, move on from there.

Lots of Luck!

[Brynna]

This I am working on. I don't have any friends that are interested. I gotta find one. I think maybe he will go along with that. I have mention going to a club and he is sorta noncommittal about it. I think he may be afraid I'm not serious or that if he acts interested I will actually be jealous and get pissed off. We have very open communication in general and about sex I just don't want to make him feel bad in any way. Brynna

[Brynna]

Originally Posted by RMRx2

okay, now for the answers to my questions!, Why do you not want to try a MFM,,,,what would be or are your issues with it,,,so many of us men want to know,,really

and as for talking to your man, I understand it is a hard thing to broach, for either partner, the subject of multiple partners and/or the lifestyle. But what I maintain is that these are subjects that two people in love SHOULD be able to discuss,,,act on it or not. That is why I believe this board to be such a great place and the subject to be fabulous for a cpl to discuss. If they aren't discussing thier desires, fantasy's, and sexuality, then they are missing a big part of what makes us all human and leaving it out of thier relationship, usually for fear of hurting or disappointing one another. Sometimes we need to go back to the way it was in the begining, when we first met. You know, before so much was at stake and we talked to each other so openly.

conquer fear, share and embrace one another

We do have a very open style of communication but I dont want to make him feel insecure about how great thing are. I dont want him to doubt my committment to him or that he satisfies me and then some. I would love to find a way to make him think it is his idea.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Brynna

I have mention going to a club and he is sorta noncommittal about it. I think he may be afraid I'm not serious or that if he acts interested I will actually be jealous and get pissed off. We have very open communication in general and about sex I just don't want to make him feel bad in any way. Brynna

My husband and I were both a bit nervous to show how enthusiastic we both were about the idea of swinging.

Since I was the one who initiated it, I felt like I shouldn't be overly glowing with joy about the possibilities, just in case he was only going along with it to please me. He confessed to me afterwards, that he too, was nervous to show how excited he was about it as well, in case I became jealous or wasn't as into it as I thought I was.

It's silly now, when we look back on it, hiding our excitement from eachother. But I also think it's sweet at the same time, that we were so aware of the eachother's feelings and wanting to prevent any hard feelings.

[Brynna]

Originally Posted by RMRx2

okay, now for the answers to my questions!, Why do you not want to try a MFM,,,,what would be or are your issues with it,,,so many of us men want to know,,really

and as for talking to your man, I understand it is a hard thing to broach, for either partner, the subject of multiple partners and/or the lifestyle. But what I maintain is that these are subjects that two people in love SHOULD be able to discuss,,,act on it or not. That is why I believe this board to be such a great place and the subject to be fabulous for a cpl to discuss. If they aren't discussing thier desires, fantasy's, and sexuality, then they are missing a big part of what makes us all human and leaving it out of thier relationship, usually for fear of hurting or disappointing one another. Sometimes we need to go back to the way it was in the begining, when we first met. You know, before so much was at stake and we talked to each other so openly.

conquer fear, share and embrace one another

I cant really say why Im not interested in MFM, Im just not. I do think it is too much work but that's not the reason I'm not interested. I cant think of any issue that is in the way of it. Part of my interest is in watching my man with another woman, the visuals that fo along with that far outweigh my interest at being pleasured by two men at once.

[OpenVA]

I never felt like it was cheating because my husband was there. I have to admit that I don't really understand that hangup. My biggest issue was trust.. not me trusting my husband or him trusting me, but in so far as exposing that much of myself to other people.

Of course you have to get past social norms/the whole it's wrong thing and that's diffrent for everyone. That's just part of a persons upbringing, their life experince and their relationship with there SO.

I only felt stressed when meeting the other guy for the first time.. but once the action started I loved all the attention and the fact that these 2 men wanted me and were there to please me. I even started to consider possibly 3 men at once.. But I haven't been that daring yet.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by RMRx2

Was it feeling as though you were "cheating"? fidelity issues?

or maybe concern over how your husband/so would respect and view you later?

These were the two issues that I had concerns about when Ted first brought up a MFM threesome, which is what we started with years ago.

I told him I never wanted to cheat on him in any way, shape or form. His answer to me was how could I be cheating on him when he would be there holding my hand. Ok, one problem solved.

The second concern was I never wanted the light in his eyes when he looked at me to go out. This one took a leap of faith and a trust in his honesty that when he said it wouldn't go out, it wouldn't. After years of MFM threesomes, it has only gotten brighter .

Like Miss Piggy, I too had problems in the beginning letting myself go and being the center of attention. I felt like I had to totally please both men. Then one time, during a MFM threesome something clicked and I got it. Now no problems at all being the center of attention, which is exactly the way it should be.

Teresa