Ladies, what were the major issues you had to overcome, in order to swing?

[RMRx2]

Originally Posted by OpenVA

I never felt like it was cheating because my husband was there. I have to admit that I don't really understand that hangup. My biggest issue was trust.. not me trusting my husband or him trusting me, but in so far as exposing that much of myself to other people..

Well this issue was one I didn't think of, THANK YOU so much for the response!

Did you struggle any with the societal guilt, the right wrong and upbringing part of it? If so , what helped you with that?

Thanks!
rmrx2

[RMRx2]

Originally Posted by TNT

These were the two issues that I had concerns about when Ted first brought up a MFM threesome, which is what we started with years ago.

I told him I never wanted to cheat on him in any way, shape or form. His answer to me was how could I be cheating on him when he would be there holding my hand. Ok, one problem solved.

The second concern was I never wanted the light in his eyes when he looked at me to go out. This one took a leap of faith and a trust in his honesty that when he said it wouldn't go out, it wouldn't. After years of MFM threesomes, it has only gotten brighter .

Like Miss Piggy, I too had problems in the beginning letting myself go and being the center of attention. I felt like I had to totally please both men. Then one time, during a MFM threesome something clicked and I got it. Now no problems at all being the center of attention, which is exactly the way it should be.

Teresa

This is good stuff, THANK YOU!, I think with all we read on the threesomes and both men and women having trouble broaching the subject, some specific discussion of what issues there are could be very helpful.

[OpenVA]

Originally Posted by RMRx2

Well this issue was one I didn't think of, THANK YOU so much for the response!

Did you struggle any with the societal guilt, the right wrong and upbringing part of it? If so , what helped you with that?

Thanks!
rmrx2

I think if I had gotten involved with swinging earlier than I did, that I would have struggled more with the right/wrong issue. As it happens, much of my attitude toward dating, sexuality and relationships were considered wierd or at least "a little off" by general society since the beginning. For a long time I tried to understand why all the other girls got mad when their man looked at a waitress, or went to a strip club. I just didn't get it. None of these things have anything to do with me - why on earth should I care?? Of course, conventional wisdom told me that this was wrong, and that I should nag and complain to break a man of these nasty habits.

Somewhere along the line I just decided that i don't have the time, inclination or energy to get worked up over that stuff. It just doesn't bother me. I love sitting around chick-watching with my husband. He loves to look at tits - I don't necesarily love tits, but I can see his point. A nice pair is a nice pair - should I get pissed at him for noticing? I'm just too busy! It's natural for him to look, compare and even salivate a little - if I tried to control his thoughts and desires in this way, I'd never get anything else done. Or at least I'd make myself miserable worrying about it. Whats the use? At the end of the day (or night) he's coming home with me, and I know that for sure. In my opinion, jealousy and/or mis-trust pertaining to your partner should only be an issue if you're already unsteady in the relationship. And if that's the case, then WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU SWINGING??? Ok - I'll get off that soapbox now.

So anyway...after years of hearing how I should act in a relationship (ie. upbringing, societal norms) I decided to reject that in favor of my own style (above). Having rejected that big societal norm long before swinging, let's just say I was more open to new interpretations of what's right and wrong in the bedroom. I don't feel like I'm rebelling against polite society or anything like that - I'm just doing what works for me. Sure some women I know still don't understand my relationship with my husband, and maybe they never will. I can accept that - different strokes for differnt folks, you know. I guess a lot of this is born from my "let it be" nature. It's just what makes me, me.

[HotMoCpl]

We haven't swung yet. BUT! I have already discussed sharing her with another man, and since we've decided to investigate the lifestyle, she has not objected once. Reason? She took her dad's advice about living and enjoying life....DO IT! (no, he didn't tell her anything about swinging) That's the part though, that caused her to change her mind. We're not highly religous but have our beliefs. I guess it wasn't upbringing either as we're early 50's and spent a lot of time in and around the military...a(nd yes, we were children of the 60's and 70's) but I believe its more of what WE want as a couple for each other.