Inexperienced

chris_&_nadine · 12-02-2004, 11:00 PM

We have been together for 10 years and I (the female) have never been with another man nor woman. We are now considering getting into the swingers lifestyle. Will my lack of experience be a turn-off for other couples? Or will it set up our relationship for serious problems? Currently, I am only open the option of soft swinging. Part of the reason I am interested in swinging is the hope that I can meet more experienced people and learn from them. I want this to be a positive experience that will strengthen our relationship and keep it fresh. We are scheduled to have an orientation and our first social at a local club on December 11. Please reply before this time. We are also curious about the age and type of people we will be encountering (he is 5'11" 190lb 25years old with a small spare tire and I'm 5' 8" 145lb 24 years old with a D cup.) Surrender

essexpeter · 12-02-2004, 11:34 PM

hi ya luv to see you get it on dont worry .youll be ok

Spoomonkey · 12-02-2004, 11:39 PM

Chris & Nadine

I think you are going into it with the right frame of mind - you'll be fine. Your lack of experience isn't that much of a draw back at all - it will turn some off, but others will like you guys for you - and that is what you want anyway.

Soft swing is a great way to start - take it slow and let yourselves become comfortable with how far you REALYY want (or don't want) to go.

Enjoy it - because it is about the two of you - and it is obvious that you two already get that!

Welcome to the family!

Spoomonkey

northindycpl · 12-02-2004, 11:46 PM

Welcome I can only speak for myself in saying that the amount of experience one has is subjective, and wouldn't bother me. Maybe there are other couples out there who have plenty of sexual experience with the same sex, but no experience with bi-sexualty- they are just starting out like you, too.

And the other thing that I have figured out along the way- Everyone is different. In your bedroom, maybe you have a lot of experience with a certain activity, that I know nothing about! How exciting would it be for me to learn from you?!!!

It seems if you have been married for 10 years and are in a mutually respectful marriage built on commitment and trust, then you should not have an issue with the lifestyle negitively effecting your marriage.

I would also add- take your time. This is a very, very new thing for you both. This should be an experience that strengthens your marriage and aids in the communication, passion, openess you two share. Make sure you have a good set of rules, take your time in learning about what makes you comfortable and what makes you excited and let yourself have a great time!

Have you and your husband discussed your rules? There are a lot of situations that arise, and having at least a starter set will help out. The current issue of Lifestyle Magazine has a nice article about them. I would recommend working out a signal system for when you are uncomfortable, etc.

As an example, some of our rules are:

-Same Room Play
-No playing on the first date
-We double squeeze eachother's if we are uncomfortable
-When we need to talk about something, we tell each other we need a ciggarette break (that one is really good, because it is discreet, and we actually do smoke

)

There is a book about women and sexuality called The Goddess Within- It is a good book, not about swinging- but it is good for women (25-35) to read. (again my opinion) It is a very good read if you are truly wanting to explore your own body and how it works. Great suggestions and meditations. You will be an ol' pro by the end- guaranteed!

Good luck and let us know what happens!

chris_&_nadine · 12-03-2004, 12:08 AM

Thanks for the quick and great responses! It's great to know that you all take this so seriously. Thanks for the tips and hints. We will try them out. Can anyone give us an idea as to what a club that claims it is "open to anyone" will be like for first timers?

LikeMinds321 · 12-03-2004, 12:22 AM

You might be surprised to see a wide range of ages there. Be prepared to see people in their sixties there too.

Keep smiling. Move around and talk to people. And don't pressure yourself to play your first night at the club. Just enjoy the environment and get a feel for the place.

Have fun!

LM

sexyphotocouple · 12-03-2004, 05:34 AM

I am going to recommend the best book to explain the lifestyle to you

"The Ethical Slut"......its the best....

Will help you more than you could ever image

**good times** · 12-03-2004, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexyphotocouple

I am going to recommend the best book to explain the lifestyle to you

"The Ethical Slut"......its the best....

Actually sexyphotocouple, that book is about the polyamorous lifestyle, not swinging.

SexhoundDog · 12-03-2004, 04:40 PM

C&N,
Great advice from Northindycple. Be sure you and hubby are on the same page, and be checking each other's eyes from time to time. By all means have him close by. If you're enjoying, I'm sure he'll be enjoying the view. If by chance you run into someone a bit more forceful who you wouldn't want to be with but with whom you might be afraid to say "No!", the right look at hubby will bring your valiant protector to your side! Hopefully, it won't be an issue and you'll have a great time touching another man while your husband smiles.
As far as your lack of experience, don't worry about it. I don't even think I'd be afraid to mention it . . . if you're with the right person. Have FUN!!!

cheryl/mike · 12-03-2004, 11:36 PM

c&n,where in denver .we get up there alot

StasKalo · 12-04-2004, 11:56 AM

C&N, first, welcome to the lifestyle, hope it suits you, and you find all the friendships and fun times you can handle, as we have over the years. We were all new at this at one time, some of us more than once. (in and out of lifestyle for over 30 yrs, each time back in was something kinda new) and know how you must be feeling. As said earlier, sit down together and set up the rules that you think you can play by,( they will get ammended along the way) and any code words or looks that will denote comfort or discomfort in any situation. Next, We suggest that you be open to any and all prospective play partners, about your needs, likes and dislikes- communication is important here too. If either of you are not sure about a situation, skip it. Don't force yourselves or let anyone else force you to do anything you aren't sure you want to try. After all this is about your fun, merged with others, not theirs at your expence. As far as clubs, know whether they are on or off premise, and what their rules and regulations allow or require. The most important thing is to do what you can look back on with fond memories rather than regrets. Good luck, have fun and be Good To Somebody's Body.

***JustAskJulie*** · 12-06-2004, 10:57 PM

You don't have much to worry about. I think many couples find their way to swinging simply because of a lack of experience on the part of one or both partners.

The main thing to make sure of is that you are both ready and that your communication is there, your relationship is strong, etc.

leftcoastcouple · 12-07-2004, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

You don't have much to worry about. I think many couples find their way to swinging simply because of a lack of experience on the part of one or both partners.

As per usual, Julie is right again--at least in our case.

Kind of ironic, when you think about it--the lack of experience drawing us to be more adventurous than we were before we got together, that is. Mrs. LC and I like to think of it as, "Found who we were looking for, THEN decided to have mindless fun."

Nothing wrong with that, we figure, considering we got our priorities straight.

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12-02-2004, 11:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
chris_&_nadine Registered Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Denver Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:chris_&_nadine	Inexperienced We have been together for 10 years and I (the female) have never been with another man nor woman. We are now considering getting into the swingers lifestyle. Will my lack of experience be a turn-off for other couples? Or will it set up our relationship for serious problems? Currently, I am only open the option of soft swinging. Part of the reason I am interested in swinging is the hope that I can meet more experienced people and learn from them. I want this to be a positive experience that will strengthen our relationship and keep it fresh. We are scheduled to have an orientation and our first social at a local club on December 11. Please reply before this time. We are also curious about the age and type of people we will be encountering (he is 5'11" 190lb 25years old with a small spare tire and I'm 5' 8" 145lb 24 years old with a D cup.) Surrender

12-02-2004, 11:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
essexpeter Registered Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 4 Location: essex	Re: Inexperienced hi ya luv to see you get it on dont worry .youll be ok

12-02-2004, 11:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
Spoomonkey Chimpin' Ain't Easy Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 6,739 Location: Ohio Status: Married Monkeys - will you be our vine? Swing Lifestyle Name:Spoomonkey	Re: Inexperienced Chris & Nadine I think you are going into it with the right frame of mind - you'll be fine. Your lack of experience isn't that much of a draw back at all - it will turn some off, but others will like you guys for you - and that is what you want anyway. Soft swing is a great way to start - take it slow and let yourselves become comfortable with how far you REALYY want (or don't want) to go. Enjoy it - because it is about the two of you - and it is obvious that you two already get that! Welcome to the family! Spoomonkey
	__________________ "Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities." - C. S. Lewis

12-02-2004, 11:46 PM	#4 (permalink)
northindycpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,425 Location: Indiana Status: Blissfull SITCOM Swing Lifestyle Name:northindycpl	Re: Inexperienced Welcome I can only speak for myself in saying that the amount of experience one has is subjective, and wouldn't bother me. Maybe there are other couples out there who have plenty of sexual experience with the same sex, but no experience with bi-sexualty- they are just starting out like you, too. And the other thing that I have figured out along the way- Everyone is different. In your bedroom, maybe you have a lot of experience with a certain activity, that I know nothing about! How exciting would it be for me to learn from you?!!! It seems if you have been married for 10 years and are in a mutually respectful marriage built on commitment and trust, then you should not have an issue with the lifestyle negitively effecting your marriage. I would also add- take your time. This is a very, very new thing for you both. This should be an experience that strengthens your marriage and aids in the communication, passion, openess you two share. Make sure you have a good set of rules, take your time in learning about what makes you comfortable and what makes you excited and let yourself have a great time! Have you and your husband discussed your rules? There are a lot of situations that arise, and having at least a starter set will help out. The current issue of Lifestyle Magazine has a nice article about them. I would recommend working out a signal system for when you are uncomfortable, etc. As an example, some of our rules are: -Same Room Play -No playing on the first date -We double squeeze eachother's if we are uncomfortable -When we need to talk about something, we tell each other we need a ciggarette break (that one is really good, because it is discreet, and we actually do smoke ) There is a book about women and sexuality called The Goddess Within- It is a good book, not about swinging- but it is good for women (25-35) to read. (again my opinion) It is a very good read if you are truly wanting to explore your own body and how it works. Great suggestions and meditations. You will be an ol' pro by the end- guaranteed! Good luck and let us know what happens!

12-03-2004, 12:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
chris_&_nadine Registered Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Denver Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:chris_&_nadine	Re: Inexperienced Thanks for the quick and great responses! It's great to know that you all take this so seriously. Thanks for the tips and hints. We will try them out. Can anyone give us an idea as to what a club that claims it is "open to anyone" will be like for first timers?

12-03-2004, 12:22 AM	#6 (permalink)
LikeMinds321 I'll think about it Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 10,099 Location: With Wild Things Status: Married Female	Re: Inexperienced You might be surprised to see a wide range of ages there. Be prepared to see people in their sixties there too. Keep smiling. Move around and talk to people. And don't pressure yourself to play your first night at the club. Just enjoy the environment and get a feel for the place. Have fun! LM

12-03-2004, 05:34 AM	#7 (permalink)
sexyphotocouple Registered Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 4 Location: Sacramento Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:rivercity	Re: Inexperienced I am going to recommend the best book to explain the lifestyle to you "The Ethical Slut"......its the best.... Will help you more than you could ever image

12-03-2004, 04:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
SexhoundDog Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 357 Location: Colorado Status: M.Male	Re: Inexperienced C&N, Great advice from Northindycple. Be sure you and hubby are on the same page, and be checking each other's eyes from time to time. By all means have him close by. If you're enjoying, I'm sure he'll be enjoying the view. If by chance you run into someone a bit more forceful who you wouldn't want to be with but with whom you might be afraid to say "No!", the right look at hubby will bring your valiant protector to your side! Hopefully, it won't be an issue and you'll have a great time touching another man while your husband smiles. As far as your lack of experience, don't worry about it. I don't even think I'd be afraid to mention it . . . if you're with the right person. Have FUN!!!

12-03-2004, 11:36 PM	#10 (permalink)
cheryl/mike Active Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 12 Location: dallas Status: mike 37 cheryl 32	Re: Inexperienced c&n,where in denver .we get up there alot

12-04-2004, 11:56 AM	#11 (permalink)
StasKalo Registered Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 6 Location: LowCountry SC Status: Couple	Re: Inexperienced C&N, first, welcome to the lifestyle, hope it suits you, and you find all the friendships and fun times you can handle, as we have over the years. We were all new at this at one time, some of us more than once. (in and out of lifestyle for over 30 yrs, each time back in was something kinda new) and know how you must be feeling. As said earlier, sit down together and set up the rules that you think you can play by,( they will get ammended along the way) and any code words or looks that will denote comfort or discomfort in any situation. Next, We suggest that you be open to any and all prospective play partners, about your needs, likes and dislikes- communication is important here too. If either of you are not sure about a situation, skip it. Don't force yourselves or let anyone else force you to do anything you aren't sure you want to try. After all this is about your fun, merged with others, not theirs at your expence. As far as clubs, know whether they are on or off premise, and what their rules and regulations allow or require. The most important thing is to do what you can look back on with fond memories rather than regrets. Good luck, have fun and be Good To Somebody's Body.
	__________________ He's Stas, She's Kalo

12-06-2004, 10:57 PM	#12 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,287 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Inexperienced You don't have much to worry about. I think many couples find their way to swinging simply because of a lack of experience on the part of one or both partners. The main thing to make sure of is that you are both ready and that your communication is there, your relationship is strong, etc.

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