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Me and gf thinking about swinging

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Hey guys,

 

first time posting (although I have just written a true story from the past and posted it here)

 

I am just wondering how do we do this? how do you go from wanting it, to doing it?

 

I think I would enjoy watching her have sex, but is this the way it really works out? or will I get very depressed?!

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No one way into the lifestyle. No single definition of what swinging is. Read a little from each of the different forum here at the Swingersboard then ask the question again. Glad, in any case, to have you here as a member. We are not the typical on-line community -- it's all very special here.

 

~Michael

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I think I would enjoy watching her have sex, but is this the way it really works out? or will I get very depressed?!

 

 

It's not a question if you would enjoy her having sex with someone else, but if you love her enough to let her. Once you get into the frame of mind that giving her the joy of uninhibited sex is for her, not you, and nothing is expected in return, then you too will find incredible happiness. And then she will give you the same. In it's best form, swinging is about unconditional giving. What you get back is pretty incredible too.

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  1. My first question is, does SHE want to do this? It was not clear in your OP. If she in on board keep reading, if not stop now
  2. See couplers post, it's dead on.
  3. Communicate, communicate, communicate with your gf and answer the question "Why do we want to do this?" Swinging won't fix problems, it will just magnify them. Make sure you both just want to enjoy sex and see the other enjoy sex, you have a solid relationship and this make you both happy.
  4. Read these forums inside out, they are choke full of good advice.
  5. Communicate, communicate, communicate some more - know as much as you can about what the other wants and is thinking, what you both can handle, what are the potential outcomes and problems. Once you start swinging you can stop, but you can't undo what is done.
  6. Find out where swingers are in your area, online, clubs, socials etc. Meet some, get to know them and get a feel for things.
  7. Did I say communicate, communicate, communicate? See what you two are BOTH comfortable with. If at any point either of you is uncomfortable, then stop until you have addressed and resolved it.
  8. If the light is still green at this point, move forward at a pace you are both comfortable with. You can stick your toe in and go slow, or dive in face first, pun intended. Voyeurism/exhibitionism, soft or full swap, 3some, 2 on 2 or group, it all really depends on what you both want out of the LS.
  9. You may have nothing but excitement seeing her with someone else or it make hit you harder than bricks, it may be somewhere in between or a little of both. Everyone is different. But that is why you need to communicate, communicate, communicate. The more you know going in the better your chances of not creating a disaster.

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It's not a question if you would enjoy her having sex with someone else, but if you love her enough to let her. Once you get into the frame of mind that giving her the joy of uninhibited sex is for her, not you, and nothing is expected in return, then you too will find incredible happiness. And then she will give you the same. In it's best form, swinging is about unconditional giving. What you get back is pretty incredible too.

 

Maybe I am strange, but I don't see a lot of difference between what he said and what you've said. All you did was introduce the word love. He wants to see her get pleasure and in turn get pleasure himself. You suggested he love her enough to let her get pleasure, and in turn she will give him the same.

 

If it was just loving her enough to let her experience the pleasure shouldn't he not expect anything in return? Shouldn't it just stop there? Maybe she will give him the same, but maybe she won't. If this is about him loving her and giving her this gift, then her pleasure should be the end goal, not whatever she may, or may not, give in return.

 

Semantics maybe, but if you're introducing the stoicness of loving her enough to let this happen I think it's important to separate that from any potential of anything else.

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thanks for replies guys

 

we are in love, and we have this other couple we have known for years that want to get involved as well.

 

Now I think seeing a friend fucking my girl might be a step too far, a stranger is ok, but not sure seeing a friend doing it would be.

 

The other couple have apparently got some swinger party invite, not sure about us. If it feels weird, we have a pact that if either one of us feels weird we are gone then and there. easy to follow through on?? who knows.

 

will keep ye updated anyway.

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  1. My first question is, does SHE want to do this? It was not clear in your OP. If she in on board keep reading, if not stop now
  2. See couplers post, it's dead on.
  3. Communicate, communicate, communicate with your gf and answer the question "Why do we want to do this?" Swinging won't fix problems, it will just magnify them. Make sure you both just want to enjoy sex and see the other enjoy sex, you have a solid relationship and this make you both happy.
  4. Read these forums inside out, they are choke full of good advice.
  5. Communicate, communicate, communicate some more - know as much as you can about what the other wants and is thinking, what you both can handle, what are the potential outcomes and problems. Once you start swinging you can stop, but you can't undo what is done.
  6. Find out where swingers are in your area, online, clubs, socials etc. Meet some, get to know them and get a feel for things.
  7. Did I say communicate, communicate, communicate? See what you two are BOTH comfortable with. If at any point either of you is uncomfortable, then stop until you have addressed and resolved it.
  8. If the light is still green at this point, move forward at a pace you are both comfortable with. You can stick your toe in and go slow, or dive in face first, pun intended. Voyeurism/exhibitionism, soft or full swap, 3some, 2 on 2 or group, it all really depends on what you both want out of the LS.
  9. You may have nothing but excitement seeing her with someone else or it make hit you harder than bricks, it may be somewhere in between or a little of both. Everyone is different. But that is why you need to communicate, communicate, communicate. The more you know going in the better your chances of not creating a disaster.

 

great post, thanks dude.

 

it was her that brought it up actually, after our friends telling her about it. which is why i'm here, trying to make sure i want it.

 

I think the first time we might just have sex with each other, in front of others. see how that goes, break the ice kinda thing.

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another thing is, since my experience seeing my buddy have sex for a few seconds I have a serious fetish for watching big cocks fucking.

 

and I think I would like to see my girl take a bigger one than mine. is that wrong?

 

I'm above average, but i'm talking huge here.

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I don't see a lot of difference between what he said and what you've said.

 

I do, maybe I can rephrase it.

It is great he is excited to see her have sex with some one else.

But what if she really gets into it, is he going to be as excited? Or will he only enjoy it if she does it that way he wants. If so that is kind of controlling and she may not enjoy it as much, even if he does. In other words, her having sex with someone else needs to be about her enjoyment as much as his. The OP never mentioned her perspective, just his, so I can see couplers point.

 

Correct me if I am wrong couplers.

 

You could also flip that and ask if she is only doing it to satisfy him and not herself, if so that could end up a bad situation as well. But since she brought up swinging and he is trying to figure out if he is okay with it, then it becomes a question of why he is doing it.

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great post, thanks dude.

 

it was her that brought it up actually, after our friends telling her about it. which is why i'm here, trying to make sure i want it.

 

I think the first time we might just have sex with each other, in front of others. see how that goes, break the ice kinda thing.

 

Your welcome. :)

 

Smart move on your part to make sure, like I said, you can't undo what is done. It is best to be as sure as possible before jumping in.

 

That said, I had a little nagging doubt in the back of my head right up to the moment she was with someone else. But I was confident that if I was not good with it then she would stop and that I was as responsible for what happened as her. So, even if I had problems with it, I wouldn't blame her, I had helped make my bed so I would have to lie in it.

 

AS it turned out, we both had a great time and had no problems dealing with it, the rest is history (and a fun future as well :) )

 

another thing is, since my experience seeing my buddy have sex for a few seconds I have a serious fetish for watching big cocks fucking.

 

and I think I would like to see my girl take a bigger one than mine. is that wrong?

 

I'm above average, but i'm talking huge here.

 

There is nothing wrong with that at all as long as you both share the fantasy.

 

When I first brought up f/f play, my wife had less than zero interest in it for herself, but said she would do it for me. I never reacted to that one way or another. After that, I never mentioned f/f play or tried to arrange it. It lost some of its appeal to me because if she wasn't doing it for her satisfactions, it did not turn me on as much. As time has passed she has gotten more and more curious and is excited about the idea for her satisfaction as well. Now I am really turned on again by it.

 

Sort of the same thing here, if she is into it for her benefit, then great. But if it is only for you, not so much. I know we have a strong enough relationship that we would gladly do things to please the other without repercussions, but it is so much more fun knowing it is about her too.

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I do, maybe I can rephrase it.

It is great he is excited to see her have sex with some one else.

But what if she really gets into it, is he going to be as excited? Or will he only enjoy it if she does it that way he wants. If so that is kind of controlling and she may not enjoy it as much, even if he does. In other words, her having sex with someone else needs to be about her enjoyment as much as his. The OP never mentioned her perspective, just his, so I can see couplers point.

 

Correct me if I am wrong couplers.

 

You could also flip that and ask if she is only doing it to satisfy him and not herself, if so that could end up a bad situation as well.

 

thanks for the post.

 

I dunno. She mentioned it to me, I am happy for us to have sex in front of and with others. We are both young, horny exhibitionists.

 

But this is what i want to know, does it turn sour more often than not?

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But this is what i want to know, does it turn sour more often than not?

 

That is hard to say. Almost everyone here is into swinging and enjoys it. There are a few that post here and there that have bad outcomes and never want to swing again, but I think they are in the minority. But it is hard to say how often that happens with people who don't post here. This board seems to attract more people that are secure with swinging more than it attracts new people I think. (I didn't know this board existed until after we started swinging.)

 

For you specifically, the answer is maybe. I was also concerned about how I would feel, even though we talked endlessly before we moved forward. Literally, I could not answer that for myself (nor could she) until we had done it. We both felt like we would be fine, but analyzing and rationalizing it can only take you so far. But we were sure our relationship could handle the experiment.

 

I would not be as concerned about getting soured on swinging and not wanting to do it again. If it turns out you don't like it don't do it again. What I would worry about more is what it might do to your relationship. That is why we all harp on solid relationships and communication, they are critical.

 

I don't think anyone can be 100% sure how they will react to swinging until they have done it. SO you need to be as close to 100% sure how you will handle your relationship if it turns out to that you can't take the image if her with some one else OR how you will feel after being with someone (and the same goes for her). How you will react to swinging you can only predict, but if you have a solid relationship and communicate you can DECIDE how you will handle your relationship if swinging is not for you.

 

If you are having concerns knowing how you will handle your relationship if swinging turns out to be a bad idea, then swinging is already a bad idea. If either of you feel there is a possibility that swinging could wreck your relationship, then stop now. There is nothing to gain worth losing your relationship.

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That is hard to say. Almost everyone here is into swinging and enjoys it. There are a few that post here and there that have bad outcomes and never want to swing again, but I think they are in the minority. But it is hard to say how often that happens with people who don't post here. This board seems to attract more people that are secure with swinging more than it attracts new people I think. (I didn't know this board existed until after we started swinging.)

 

For you specifically, the answer is maybe. I was also concerned about how I would feel, even though we talked endlessly before we moved forward. Literally, I could not answer that for myself (nor could she) until we had done it. We both felt like we would be fine, but analyzing and rationalizing it can only take you so far. But we were sure our relationship could handle the experiment.

 

I would not be as concerned about getting soured on swinging and not wanting to do it again. If it turns out you don't like it don't do it again. What I would worry about more is what it might do to your relationship. That is why we all harp on solid relationships and communication, they are critical.

 

I don't think anyone can be 100% sure how they will react to swinging until they have done it. SO you need to be as close to 100% sure how you will handle your relationship if it turns out to that you can't take the image if her with some one else OR how you will feel after being with someone (and the same goes for her). How you will react to swinging you can only predict, but if you have a solid relationship and communicate you can DECIDE how you will handle your relationship if swinging is not for you.

 

If you are having concerns knowing how you will handle your relationship if swinging turns out to be a bad idea, then swinging is already a bad idea. If either of you feel there is a possibility that swinging could wreck your relationship, then stop now. There is nothing to gain worth losing your relationship.

 

See I have masturbated to the thought of her fucking someone else, which is why I said yes to here idea.

 

I really think it will be fine the first night, as we will no doubt take it slow.

 

The party is this friday, so I think we are going.

 

I presume it is fine if we just fuck each other at first? we won't be thrown out?? :lol:

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I presume it is fine if we just fuck each other at first? we won't be thrown out?? :lol:

 

Nope, I think you will find that most in the LS are pretty laid back and if you want to proceed at your own pace it is cool with them.

 

But be prepared on how to react to offers and advanced you will get. Know how you want to move forward and what you are comfortable with that night and stick to your plan. Is kissing and flirting ok? Is soft swap ok? Know before you go.

 

I think most problems occur when people make spur of the moment decisions during the heat of the moment. If you say we will only do X and the opportunity to do Y occurs, it is easy for some to say yes in the heat of the moment, only to have it haunt them latter.

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Nope, I think you will find that most in the LS are pretty laid back and if you want to proceed at your own pace it is cool with them.

 

But be prepared on how to react to offers and advanced you will get. Know how you want to move forward and what you are comfortable with that night and stick to your plan. Is kissing and flirting ok? Is soft swap ok? Know before you go.

 

I think most problems occur when people make spur of the moment decisions during the heat of the moment. If you say we will only do X and the opportunity to do Y occurs, it is easy for some to say yes in the heat of the moment, only to have it haunt them latter.

 

ok, great advice. We have a plan; us only at start, and if we still feel good, maybe swap.

 

Its our friends first time too, so I hope the 4 of us don't wreck the party. I think 4 couples total are going. Is that a big party or small?

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another thing is, since my experience seeing my buddy have sex for a few seconds I have a serious fetish for watching big cocks fucking.

 

and I think I would like to see my girl take a bigger one than mine. is that wrong?

 

I'm above average, but i'm talking huge here.

 

Wrong?!?!?

 

Ok, let's drop the implied idea that someone else gets to decide for you what is 'wrong' or 'right'. Talk with your girlfriend. If both of you are wanting this, are happy about it, etc..there's no crime here. Nobody gets to decide for you what is wrong or right, outside of the bounds of law.

 

My wife and I share the fantasy of her having sex with a man who is truly enormously endowed, to the point just shy of it being uncomfortable for her. I would love to see her having sex with someone like that, and she really wants to try it. We've been swinging for about two years now, and haven't happened across such a man yet. Ever hopeful though :)

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Wrong?!?!?

 

Ok, let's drop the implied idea that someone else gets to decide for you what is 'wrong' or 'right'. Talk with your girlfriend. If both of you are wanting this, are happy about it, etc..there's no crime here. Nobody gets to decide for you what is wrong or right, outside of the bounds of law.

 

My wife and I share the fantasy of her having sex with a man who is truly enormously endowed, to the point just shy of it being uncomfortable for her. I would love to see her having sex with someone like that, and she really wants to try it. We've been swinging for about two years now, and haven't happened across such a man yet. Ever hopeful though :)

 

I'm gonna be honest: that sounds awesome. I would like to see my girl take something that big too. I am big, but not 'its too big' big.

 

I know my girl likes big dicks, she says it too me alot, so I can't see why she would not have sex with one so long as I was ok with it.

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I do, maybe I can rephrase it.

It is great he is excited to see her have sex with some one else.

But what if she really gets into it, is he going to be as excited? Or will he only enjoy it if she does it that way he wants. If so that is kind of controlling and she may not enjoy it as much, even if he does. In other words, her having sex with someone else needs to be about her enjoyment as much as his. The OP never mentioned her perspective, just his, so I can see couplers point.

 

Correct me if I am wrong couplers.

 

You could also flip that and ask if she is only doing it to satisfy him and not herself, if so that could end up a bad situation as well. But since she brought up swinging and he is trying to figure out if he is okay with it, then it becomes a question of why he is doing it.

 

Oh I definitely see the issue if he is looking for something specific. The wording from couplers just didn't seem to imply that to me. Whether he is "loving her" enough to let her enjoy fucking another guy with the hope that she allows him the same enjoyment, or whether he's excited to see her fuck someone else just doesn't seem any different to me. Two sides of the same coin if the expectation is that he gets something from it in both cases.

 

Communicating, being open, honest and interested in each others feelings are important and will help ease any potential issues. I didn't get any impression that anyone is looking to be controlling here, but we haven't seen a lot of detail here so who knows...

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Oh I definitely see the issue if he is looking for something specific. The wording from couplers just didn't seem to imply that to me.

 

That is actually one of the things that I find so great about this forum. People can read the same post several different ways and each has their own perspective. That makes discussion so much more valuable, to everyone, not just the OP. :)

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That is actually one of the things that I find so great about this forum. People can read the same post several different ways and each has their own perspective. That makes discussion so much more valuable, to everyone, not just the OP. :)

 

Life would be boring if we all agreed on everything and saw life the same way :)

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Life would be boring if we all agreed on everything and saw life the same way :)

 

I agree. So does everybody else! :lol::lol::lol:

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we went anyway.

 

We only had sex with each other, but in front of everyone. There was 4 couples total. It was a surreal experience, as you will all know. It was very daunting, but we had a lot of fun.

 

next step is sharing, and we feel very ready, after easing us in the last nite.

 

Thanks guys for all the great advice. I will be asking for more soon no doubt.

 

I'm thinking of writing a short story about our first time, is that done?

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I'm thinking of writing a short story about our first time, is that done?

 

It's not only done, Zero, it's highly encouraged. Click on "Swingers Stories" in the tool bar and you'll be able to find instructions on how to do it. "First Time Adventures" makes a good premise, in my opinion.

 

Alura

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It's not only done, Zero, it's highly encouraged. Click on "Swingers Stories" in the tool bar and you'll be able to find instructions on how to do it. "First Time Adventures" makes a good premise, in my opinion.

 

Alura

 

brilliant, will start writing now, while I can still remember enough to make a half decent story.

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just a quick update on our situation

 

We went back with this group again 2 weeks later. We soft swapped (I think is the term??), I got a BJ from Sarah and my gf gave one to Bob. She also got fingered by John.

 

It was exceptional, but we may have hit our limit. A full on swap maybe too 'weird'.

 

We will see, as in another couple of weeks there is another meet apparently.

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just a quick update on our situation

 

We went back with this group again 2 weeks later. We soft swapped (I think is the term??), I got a BJ from Sarah and my gf gave one to Bob. She also got fingered by John.

 

It was exceptional, but we may have hit our limit. A full on swap maybe too 'weird'.

 

We will see, as in another couple of weeks there is another meet apparently.

 

(him)

 

You have to take things at the pace you are both comfortable with. Trust me both of you will know when the time is right (if ever) to move forward.

 

 

Oh and BTW, I'm glad I'm not the only one out there that fantasizes about seeing their 'better half' get pounded by a huge cock.

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