What are your rules?

[SW_PA_Couple]

Originally Posted by belgiumcoast

We don't have many rules and actually (except for the safe sex rule), never discussed any other rules actually

We won't take one for the team, except at a party where we have ample choice of partners so one of us can have the partner with the click and the other can have someone else from another couple.

So otherwise I really don't know about any rules besides the 3 big NOs: kids, pets, and excrement, and a reverse rule: if the other couple is a no-kissing couple we won't be dating them, kissing is too much part of the play for us

We already did things I never would have imagined like separate rooms, even sleeping with the swing partner after the sex, having 'before breakfast sex' ending with seeing my own partner again and feel sooooooooooo happy, so lucky, so ... like walking on clouds

If swinging has done anything to our relation it is that our love and trust has grown even more, and while we've never been really jealeaous, that is something that is not even possible anymore.

Sounds to me like a perfect formula for fun.

[cupl4fun]

Basically our only two rules are condoms for penetration and same room sex. We didn't have the same room rule at first but we have just figured out that same room really works best for us. A lot of the fun for us is sharing the experience together and being together helps us relax and enjoy the experience more as well.

[RYANandANDREA]

We don't have a whole lot of experience yet, only a handful of encounters really. We finally decided on ONE rule:

She says what the girl(s) can do and He says what the boy(s) can do. To ourselves or our partners. This covers everything from condom use, touching, tasting and even penetration.

We feel this one rule covers all the necessary varibles and gives us both the comfort and control we would need. :-)

[couplesdeli]

- Female to Female is the only kind of kissing allowed.
- Always same room.
- If we full swap (has only happened once so far) condoms are a must!
- Everyone must like everyone.

[shy_couple]

Keep in mind these were whittled from a longer list.
-Same room only
-no penetration (we are soft swap couple)
-dont take one for the team
-at any point, either can put the brakes on. no questions asked

[carl01tx]

We are honest with each other; we share each other’s thoughts about our experience. We only play straight, no anal sex with her. Insure that everyone knows that no means no. Complete discretion is a must.

[slowride]

We are very new to this and are still setting our rules as we go along. But we have agreed on some so far:
1. Safe sex always
2. If either one of us says no it veto's the other who may want to stay & play. Not the time to argue as we need to be unified.
3. No mouth kissing...that we agree is for us.
4. No weird, disgusting or illegal chit. Just don't want it, not into it period.
5. Enjoy ourselves, our experiences and love each other more.

And we've agreed to amend or add to the rules as needed.

[lovenestduo]

Our only rule is not to play with people that have rules.

When we did have them, all they did was give us something to argue about. Sure, we may not like what the other is doing at all times, but we talk about it later. Creating a rule isn't necessary. If we can't let ourselves go then it isn't worth doing any of this.

Same with others, we don't need the drama when something happens in the heat of the moment that breaks one of their rules. We had a couple call it quits when they broke their own 'no kissing' rule. Nothing like setting aside a night for playing, getting a room and having it wasted by some people that aren't ready for it.

[indycouple71]

We have complete trust in one another with no jealousy, so we really don't have any rules aside from not doing what we aren't sexually into... like she's not into anal and rough nipple play.

I've never really understood the need for "rules" when it comes to swinging. Swinging, to me, is all about having the ability to separate sex from love. So a couple who trusts one another enough to swing, shouldn't have rules aside from things you're just not into.

If you don't want your husband/wife kissing other people (for example) should you really be in the lifestyle? I don't think so.

[Coupleerotic22]

Interesting take on rules.

First, I have no problem with people having rules, particularly newbies. It's their safe harbor. Swinging is not a social norm, so sometimes people need define their comfort zones. Rules are one way to do that. I would agree, that most of the rules I see I would think silly for my wife and I, but if the other couple wants them, who am I to judge. If I don't like their rules I can move on.

Second, when we started out in the LS, we had a million rules. We read somewhere that you should have them, so we did. After our first experience we threw out the vast majority, because we realized that we did not need them. But what remained were a few core rules, more like guidelines actually, that are meant to protect ourselves. They are actually part of our open communication and are refined often. In fact rules like condom usage are really more for our partners so we are clear upfront with everyone. We trust each other completely, but we do not extend that level of trust to others, some rules/guides are to help prevent situations that could become less than desirable.

So rules do not need to be born out of distrust, they can be born out of love, respect and desire to protect each other. Just like I tell my kids all the time, the rules are not there because we don't love you, in fact, completely the opposite. If we did not love you we wouldn't care enough to have any rules to begin with.

We talked about a set of rules, and ended up with 9. Except for one (safe sex) they all revolved around the relationship.

Rules of Engagement

• Come home when called
  • When a choice has to be made, choose each other
  • Keep in touch, be traceable
  • Balance time, attention, expenses
• Careful what comes home
  • Practice safe sex
  • Leave the drama to others
  • Avoid attracting the morals police
• Keep what we have
  • Communicate emotions, commitment, and connection
  • Give information as needed or solicited
  • Go with the slowest; everyone has a veto

[divenaked]

When Ms Dive and I became a couple, she brought up setting rules before our first party. We came up with: if you are uncomfortable, say no; if you are scared, say no; if it doesn't interest you, say no; if it sounds too kinky for you, say no........does everyone catch the theme here?

[Miss Sunshine]

we have rules as well, but I have a question for those who list "protection" does that include oral sex?

[MN Tom]

Originally Posted by Miss Sunshine

we have rules as well, but I have a question for those who list "protection" does that include oral sex?

We only use condoms for penetration, haven't seen anyone yet who uses them for oral. As a guy that would really be annoying to me, condoms dull me a bit, and the female condom types of things are not inviting at all to me, I cant imagine being able to properly perform oral on a woman with some condom like material being in the way.

Honestly if I was that worried about transmitting something through oral, I wouldnt be down there in the first place, protection or not.



As for rules, we started out with way too many, and shedded almost all of them pretty quickly. Simple stuff, have fun, no means no, keep communication and your mind open, and if one spouse isn't having any fun and wants to leave, we leave. We have encountered some people with a ton of rules, and to us that just means they aren't at the same level as us, and probably arent ready if they are really restrictive.

[hardrockers70]

I learned many things as a single swinger prior to marrying current hubby: a lot of males who were in relationships tended to downplay how serious their relationships were or would outright lie about even being in a relationship. I played once with this one male who I got to know over several meetings and parties, he was always alone, swore he wasn't seeing anyone, so we played and had a great time. A girl calls me at my work one night afterwards and threatens to kill me. Apparently, he was engaged to this girl!!!! So, after that, I tended towards couples as one thing I'm not, is/was a homewrecker.

Now, with this hubby, we play only with couples, same room, anything up to full swap, no anal, and everyone must click and be able to talk about things openly and honestly. That said, with a small giggle, though, it is best for everyone I feel, if the word "better" is never used even if it is true! "She gives much better head than you" The first time I heard this as a single swinger, I was truly offended. I have counseled my hubby on different wording: "Her blow jobs are different" Much better choice. I am far from jealous and can tell when hubby is really into stuff, so if we play with same people again, I will let the other gal know whatever she did that he really enjoyed and vice versa.

A lot of people on here say condoms are a must and someone above said what about condoms for oral sex? I can see using condoms for birth control purposes and to prevent STD's, but oral play can still transmit STD's, like herpes. It is interesting to me, then, that some say condoms for intercourse, none for oral, and you could still contract a disease. Saliva and semen are both bodily fluids that are capable of infecting others. I'm a health care professional so I do know what I am talking about.

Also, on that note, condoms do not protect you from crabs/body lice. I can't tell you how many people I have come across who did not know this. But, I am digressing, may have to check out the "safe sex" forum.

I really like reading others' rules, gives me many ideas for our own!