What are your rules?

[LFM2]

We used to have a shitload of rules. We got rid of them when we became more comfortable in the lifestyle and basically there are only a couple I can think of. Like everyone else, there is a condom rule. No anal for anyone else but Mr. LFM and finally, everyone must have fun.

[prettylady]

We tried the rules thing and found it hard to explore. So we threw out the rule book, then opps we ran into a situation that left me feeling sick and Dog completely confused.
Thank god for good friends and the ability to communicate.
Rules are made to be bent and at times broken, but I will never suggest skipping on rules in the beginning. My hickup caught me completely off guard and I still cant explain why I was bothered so much by what happened or better still why the hell I reacted the way I did.
It is amazing what can bother you and what doesn't.
I am dangerously close to ranting so I am going to stop here and try and relax, because even now after not having thought about that situation in a long time I am suddenly upset by it again.
I hate how somethings just stick with you, stupid stuff too it seems
Your confused friend,
Prettylady

[xyzzy07]

Originally Posted by prettylady

We tried the rules thing and found it hard to explore. So we threw out the rule book, then opps we ran into a situation that left me feeling sick and Dog completely confused.

Are you able to say what that was? We're tossing out rules pretty quickly as we gain experience, and I'd love to know if there's a road hazard ahead. Scratch that -- I'd love to know what road hazards could lie ahead!

A

[todesireu]

1. condoms
2. agree as couple on whom we play with
3. no solo dates
4. no kiss & tell

[MRnMSbhaven]

They're more like guidelines really. We make them together (which coincidentaly is the top rule).

MS. B

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by xyzzy07

Are you able to say what that was? We're tossing out rules pretty quickly as we gain experience, and I'd love to know if there's a road hazard ahead. Scratch that -- I'd love to know what road hazards could lie ahead!

A

Basically we were at a club and I was dancing with a guy we knew really well. So Dog started to dance with a women we only just met and to be honest she never spoke so much as one word to me at this time. So when I looked over and saw Dog with his hands on her ass, I was completely taken back. I have no problem with him making out with women we know and who have talked to me, but a women who in the course of a few hours of being around me never so much as smiled my way, that was NOT ON in my books. So now if either one of us has not met and did the thumbs up, the other does not even fiddle around with this new person. Dog was set back by this because this woman was a good friend of our friends, so thought all was good. I don't know her from jack, so to me she is not a friend.

I am new to this whole lifestyle as well, and still nervous in some settings. I didn't really care for this girl from the get go. I know she is a friend of a friend, but I can't stand the playing dumb thing some people do and she was a master of the whole act. So put a person who rubbed me the wrong way with someone who wont make eye contact with me and you have a recipe for disaster.

But we chatted and made things right between Dog and I, so all is better.
But it is amazing as I said how so many things don't bother me at all, then something like that just set me back so badly.
Live and learn I guess.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by prettylady

But it is amazing as I said how so many things don't bother me at all, then something like that just set me back so badly.

I think this is a great example of how individual couples make their rules and how comfort zones are explored. Sometimes, you just have to step over the wrong boundary - one you didn't know was there - and suddenly a rule is created.

The fact that you guys were able to talk it out is awesome! I think that is the key. Mistakes will be made, rules will be changed and in the end - you both know that at the end of the day, this is all about the two of you.

Spoomonkey

[xyzzy07]

Originally Posted by prettylady

But we chatted and made things right between Dog and I, so all is better.
But it is amazing as I said how so many things don't bother me at all, then something like that just set me back so badly.
Live and learn I guess.

Glad to hear that everything turned out OK. Different rules for different couples, I guess. This doesn't seem to be something that bothers us. In fact, it was recently tested. At the Halloween party, a tall lady wearing a lace nothing walks up to tell me she liked the way I looked in a tuxedo. Before we knew it, we were making out on the dance floor. My wife thought it was hilarious but sadly did not think the husband was very hot (she's very picky). Sigh.

[prettylady]

I am glad to hear that is a problem you don't have to face.
You know it may never bother me again. It was the first time I saw Dog with someone I didn't already know.
You know I can't quite put my finger on what it was exacly that bothered me so much.
But like I said, Live and learn
Best of luck and I hope you never find a hurtle.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[ShellyM]

Originally Posted by prettylady

I am glad to hear that is a problem you don't have to face.
You know it may never bother me again. It was the first time I saw Dog with someone I didn't already know.
You know I can't quite put my finger on what it was exacly that bothered me so much.
But like I said, Live and learn
Best of luck and I hope you never find a hurtle.
Your friend,
Prettylady

PL, I think you are absolutely normal in that. I am not at all jealous and have been with Jay for like 320 years...well 16 lol. If I walked in and he was sucking face with some chick I don't know I'd definately get prickly LOL. Same with him, he'd be like who the hell is that. I think it simply comes down to respect. You respect me I respect you and we all get on fine. Before I play with any man (or flirt for that matter) I make sure the wife is aware and cool. That is HER man and I am only borrowing him for awhile, and I make sure that she is okay with me.

[xyzzy07]

Originally Posted by ShellyM

That is HER man and I am only borrowing him for awhile, and I make sure that she is okay with me.

That's a very interesting perspective, ShellyM. It makes me think twice, especially about how the other husband might feel. OK, probably a new rule.

Let me ask a related question. When at a club, do you think that I (a man) should first ask a lady's husband whether it's OK to ask her to dance, or just go up to the lady and ask? What about when a guy is not there with the lady? Usually we've gone up to meet couples as a couple, and both pairs dance. However, that won't always be so.

Especially after reading the last few posts (and also as a courtesy) I think I'd be better off asking the guy, but would be interested in your opinions.

[ShellyM]

Thats a hard call in my opinion and depends on the situation. If you don't know a couple and you are at the club and you see a pretty lady who you'd like to dance with I'd personally say yes, it would be nice to go up to her hubby/partner and politely say "do you mind if I dance with your wife"...however, that is a very traditional courtesy and I dont know honestly if the majority of people do that. I know with me I would appreciate that because it is showing Jay respect as my husband. However, if this is a couple that you pre planned to meet at the club or know I would say no, its not necessary to ask my husband. I think that is more a courtesy though that is extended in regards to strangers vs. people you already know.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by xyzzy07

Especially after reading the last few posts (and also as a courtesy) I think I'd be better off asking the guy, but would be interested in your opinions.

I don't think there is any harm - but don't turn the husband into a patriarch. It's not like asking someone's dad if you can court their daughter. I know that isn't what you mean, but that is what I thought of.

If you were to approach my wife, and she got a good vibe from you, she'd probably lead you over to talk to me - more as a way of making sure that there was enough chemistry all the way around (men have chemistry - even us straight dudes. I have to like the guy my wife might wind up tangling sheets with.)

The other side of that coin is something I see particularly with single men at our club. They will approach my wife only after I have walked away. That is a major turn off from the get go. The best way to approach us is as a couple.

But here's the thing - we are going to do it differently than other couples. That would be our approach. There are couples out there who - if you approach the wife - she might just dance with you, make out with you, drag you to a room and have her way with you without ever consulting her husband...

My advice would honestly be to just be yourself. If you bump into a woman at the bar in the club and you're interested, say hello - if that is who you are and what you feel. It is the couple's responsibility to steer things into their comfort zones - you can't be expected to know everyone's rules. Just be yourself, be respectful, be friendly and things will work out the way they are meant to - you'll hook up with some good folks; the kind of folks who like you for who you are - whether that be a sophisticated bastard or a pushy and somewhat clumsy good ol' boy.

Who you are is really the most attractive thing about you.

Hmmm... That should be on a t-shirt...



Now that, I've muddied the waters... The bottom line is, stick to your rules. Trust others with theirs. Does it make sense?

Spoomonkey

[Trace Ekies]

We feel it is our job to help partners fulfill fantasies. If they want something we want at the time they want it and we want it we have a policy of letting them have it.

I'm glad I cleared that up for all of us.

No rules except to say no when you choose.

Trace

[Pierced-n-Proud]

Our rules are fairly simple, made and agreed to by both of us. We always discuss them with our playmates before play.

1. If it's not on, it's not on. (condoms of course)
2. We play together in the same room
3. We respect our playmates as we do our partners
4.No means no and no offence is taken
But above all have fun, enjoy and don't get too serious. It's all about sensual pleasure for everyone.

Cheers, P & P